A Night to Forget
by LorelaiGilmore82
Summary: Young Kate Beckett had looked for a night to forget only to find it turned into one she would remember for the rest of her life. AU
1. There is always a beginning

_X~~~X_

_**January 9**__**th**__**, 2000**_

He had no idea why or how he had ended up in a bar at two in the morning, soaked from head to toe from the rain he'd been walking through for the past couple of hours and frankly he didn't care. Getting drunk was all that mattered right now, trying to forget and numb the pain with as much Scotch as necessary. His marriage was over, finally over for good, there was no going back. Sure they had been separated for almost a year and he had never planned nor hoped for them to get back together. Not after walking in on her getting it on with her director in _their_ bed, in _their_ home. He should have burned that bed, or better yet moved out of that apartment all together, made a new start somewhere else, just him and his little girl.

He had signed the final version of the divorce papers today. In the end he'd given her what she wanted, which had mainly been his money, while _he_ just wanted it to be over. The only thing that mattered to him in the whole mess of it was his daughter.

He sighed heavily. At least he had Alexis, since there was no way on earth he would have given up custody, not even if his cheating bitch-of-a-wife, _ex-wife_, had bothered to try. He doubted she ever would. She had never cared much about the everyday care of their child and she probably wouldn't start anytime soon. She'd signed the papers, taken what she thought to be rightfully hers, and flown back to Los Angeles. Part of him hoped she would stay there, though for his daughter's sake he also wished her mother would come to see her more often than she had over the past year.

But after she had left, when he'd realized it really was over, it had all come crashing down on him. Meredith's betrayal, the last year, the disaster his relationship or whatever it was he'd had with Sophia, had turned into before it ultimately had ended. At 30 he now found himself a divorced man and single dad who had never in his life felt this alone. He had no idea _why_ he couldn't make them stay. Why in the end he was never enough, never what they were looking for and he thought, maybe he should stop trying.

So he had decided he would allow himself this one night of self-loathing, while his mother stayed with his girl and then he would pull it together for his daughter. She needed him now even more than he needed her, because despite of how _he_ felt towards his ex-wife right now, his daughter had more or less lost her mom and that was hard to handle for a five year old. She didn't need her dad to drown in self-pity on top of it. So tomorrow he would leave it all behind and be the father she deserved and needed, maybe even start looking for a new place. It would be the two of them from now on, had been for a year and he could make it work. He knew it. He would be everything his little girl needed.

Lost in his thoughts Richard Castle didn't even notice the young woman sitting down next to him. He only looked up and over to her when the bartender asked for her ID.

"I don't have my ID with me," he heard her say and giving her a closer look he realized she really did look young. Yet there was something in her eyes giving him the impression she had a lifetime of experience to look back on.

"Sorry," the bar tender shrugged. "I can't serve you without seeing a valid ID."

Richard Castle saw the defeat in the young woman's eyes and knew that 21 or not she obviously needed a drink. And he knew that feeling all too well. "It's okay," he heard himself say. "She's with me."

The guy behind the bar looked at him sceptical, "And she is over 21?" He frowned at the girl, who kept her eyes down, avoiding eye contact with any of them.

Rick nodded, "She is," he confirmed while discretely shoving a 50 dollar bill over the counter. The matter was settled with that.

"Thank you," he heard her mumble, yet she still refused to look at him.

Shrugging, he kept staring straight ahead as well, "Sure, you look like you need it."

They sat in silence, both sipping at their drinks and he couldn't resist glancing at her from time to time. There was something fascinating and mysterious about her, something in those sad green or were they brown, eyes, he wasn't sure, that were calling to him. He wanted to know her story. He wanted to know how such a beautiful, young woman had ended up in this shady bar, alone and looking as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders. He had no idea why, but he wanted to know everything about her. Turning, he faced her before holding out his hand. "I'm Rick."

Her eyes met his, hesitantly searching for his motives and whatever it was she saw in them made her take his proffered hand. "Kate."

She turned her focus back to the glass in front of her, something about him looked familiar and she wondered if they had met before.

"So how old are you really?" Kate heard him ask.

She didn't look at him when she answered, didn't feel obligated to tell him the truth, yet she did, "20."

So she _was_ young. Nodding to himself, he took another sip of his Scotch, "Bad day?"

"Bad year." Her voice sounded gravely and defeated and it made him ache for her.

He let out a humourless laugh, "Boy, am I familiar with that."

She doubted he was. It had been one year since that horrible night that had changed everything. The night which had taken her mom from her. Exactly one year to the day and it still hurt like it happened yesterday, like she had just opened the front door to find the two detectives waiting for her and her dad. And if that wasn't bad enough she had not only lost her mom a year ago, but her dad as well, suddenly remembering their last encounter when he had turned up drunk on her birthday. He had accused her of things that weren't true before turning into a sobbing mess and begging her forgiveness. She had kicked him out, hadn't seen him since. But tonight she missed him, wished she could curl up in his arms, have him tell her everything would be okay, like he had on this night a year ago. She had known it wasn't true, known nothing would ever be okay again, but it had soothed her to know her dad was there and looking out for her. Things obviously had changed and she felt more alone than ever.

"I just want to forget," she spoke quietly after a while, not sure why she said it at all but when their eyes met, she found an understanding reflected back at her, she'd never seen before. God knew she needed that understanding today.

"Me too," he replied just as quietly.

They didn't need words, they just knew.

"I normally don't do this," Kate stated.

"Neither do I," he replied, getting up and taking her hand.

She knew it was true.

X~~~~~X

Glancing down at him, while she quietly put her clothes back on, Kate was careful not to wake him. He had gotten them this room in a nice little hotel in the Village, a silent understanding between them to keep it anonymous. The only thing remaining of their night together would be the knowledge of their first names. _Rick and Kate. Strangers in the night._ She almost snorted at her thoughts.

She studied him in the dark. He was good looking, _no _he was handsome. Yes, handsome fitted him much better, but there was more to him than just good looks, something honest. Gosh, she was getting mushy and silly and scolded herself for it and yet she couldn't help but review their past hours together.

Their first encounter had been wild and rough, exactly what she had craved for and she had been determined to leave it like that, just walk out into the night pretending it never happened. But he had held her afterwards and despite her resolute determination, the tears had started to fall.

He hadn't asked, hadn't pushed, but surprisingly hadn't left either. Instead he had made bitter sweet love to her, kissing away her tears and making her feel cherished. She really couldn't think of a better word to describe it, it didn't feel like just a passionate encounter between two strangers. And she hated herself for allowing her feelings to get the better of her. To let what was supposed to be a distraction get to her. But the gentleness he had showered her with was something she had never experienced before. He certainly was someone who knew how to give. She smiled to herself, before realising she was getting all sentimental about him. A man she had met in a bar and knew nothing about.

She had to get out of here. This wasn't what she'd been looking for, yet when she turned towards the door to leave, intent on forgetting all about the past hours, she couldn't help but wonder for a brief second what it would have been like to meet him under different circumstances.

X~~~~~X

**AN: My first AU. I hope you'll like it.**


	2. Suddenly

X~~~X

She stood nervously in front of her father's door, fumbling with her keys. He had called her a week ago, begging her to give him another chance, promising he was better. Promising her again he wouldn't let her down this time and as much as Kate wanted to believe it was true, the past year had taught her not to get her hopes up. Still she couldn't help the small voice in the back of her mind which kept telling her that maybe this time he was actually better. Maybe today was the day they could start anew. She really hoped so, because she had something important she needed to tell him.

"Katie," her dad opened the door for her, before she could let herself in. "I'm so glad you came."

"Hey Dad," she tried to smile, yet couldn't help to look for the typical signs, telling her he had been drinking again. She was relieved when she found none.

"Come on in," Jim Beckett ushered her inside and down the hall towards the living room. Everything was exactly like she remembered it. Her father hadn't changed a thing in her childhood home since her mother had died.

Sitting opposite each other, neither of them knew what to say, unsure how to deal with one another after so many disappointments and so much hurt. The past year had done a lot of damage to their relationship and neither of them knew how to fix it.

"You look good," Kate finally cut the awkward silence evolving around them, offering her dad a smile.

"I feel better," he nodded. "I'm going to the meetings."

"That's great Dad," he didn't miss the lack of enthusiasm in her words.

"This time I will pull through, Katie. I promise." His words were sincere as he tried to convince her.

"I'm glad." Kate managed to respond. She really wished she could trust him, believe that this time it would be different. But she had lost her trust and belief somewhere along the road. She even hated him sometimes for putting her through all of this. Couldn't stop cursing him for not being stronger, for leaving her alone, but he was her dad and he was all she had left. So she kept coming back, putting her heart on the line and hoped not to have it broken again.

"There is something I need to tell you." She changed the topic, getting to the reason why she came here in the first place.

"Sure, sure," he kneaded his hands together. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Dad, I …," She got cut off mid-sentence.

"You know I found a box full of books your mother loved," he told her eagerly. Getting up before she could stop him, he disappeared down the hallway, coming back a minute later with a big box which had _books/storage_ scrawled on it. "I thought you might want to have them."

"Yeah, uhm … thank you." Kate signalled him, to leave the box beside the door, before she watched her dad sit back down on the couch. Noticing his apparent restlessness, which was never a good sign, she realized she needed to get this over with. "Dad, I'm quitting college."

This stopped his fidgeting, "Katie?"

"I want to join the Police Academy." She quickly continued before she lost her courage.

"Is this about NYU? Do you want to go back to Stanford?" He asked. "If you want to, don't let me stop you. I'll be okay." He suddenly stood up, staring down at her.

"It's not about Stanford or NYU," she sighed, "I want to do this."

"A police officer?" Jim Beckett asked, sitting down again, his eyes now diverted to his hands. "You always wanted to become a lawyer. The first female Chief Justice. You loved Stanford. I don't understand. This has been your dream Katie. Your Mom …," Kate cut him off.

"Things change, Dad. I want to do more than just presenting someone in a court room. I want to make a difference. I want to join the NYPD and I want to be a detective one day."

"This is about your mom," He sighed and it wasn't a question.

"No!" She exclaimed, getting up to start pacing in front of the couch. "Maybe. I don't know. I only know I have to do this. I _want_ to do this and I know mom would be proud of me. She would want me to do something that makes me happy." She knew she wasn't being honest, with herself or her dad. This was all about her mom.

He looked at her, eyes wide, "It's dangerous."

"Life is dangerous," she answered bitterly.

"Kate," she stopped him, holding up her hand.

"I'm not asking for your permission or your blessing. I'm merely informing you I will apply for the Police Academy this spring and I won't go back to college."

X~~~~X

He hadn't been thrilled, but he hadn't put up a big fight either, she counted it as a success. Her dad would learn to live with her decision, but right now she had to focus on something else. Sitting in the living room of the tiny apartment she had rented after returning from Stanford, the box with her mom's books in front of her, she tried to gain the courage to open it. It's been over a year, it should get easier, right? Only it didn't.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the lid and looked down at her mom's collection of Jane Austen. She felt the tears running silently down her cheeks, but didn't bother to wipe them away, as she carefully placed book after book on her coffee table.

Almost reaching the bottom of the box her hands reached for a book she had often seen on her mom's night stand. She smiled at the memory.

_Richard Castle_

_In a Hail of Bullets_

Richard Castle, her mom's favorite author. Kate had never read any of his books, never understood what her mom found in them. Why she read each and every single one the day they were released. Crime novels just never appealed to her. Still she turned it around in her hand, freezing when she saw the author's picture. All too familiar blue eyes smiled back at her. It was him. Rick.

She'd had a one-night-stand with her mom's favorite author on the anniversary night of her murder. Looking up she sighed, something between a laugh and a sob escaping her lips, "You have got to be kidding me."

She had thought about him over the past two weeks, she wouldn't deny it, at least not to herself. His blue eyes had found their way into her dreams and she had been tempted to go back to that bar to see if she would find him there. But she didn't and she wouldn't. Especially after learning who he really was, there was no way she would see him again. This was all way too strange.

She did take the book to bed with her that night though, started reading and didn't put it aside until she had finished the last page early in the morning. A kind of peace settled over her, one she hadn't felt in a year and suddenly she understood what it was her mom found in his books. _Solace. _

Whenever her mom had felt like the law had failed, whenever she had seen injustice she couldn't change she had found refuge in his books. Because in his stories, she had told Kate, there was always justice and the good guys always won.

She opened the book again, letting her finger tips run over the first page, a dedication scribbled down under the title.

_To Johanna,_

_Don't let them bring you down._

_Every victory, as small as it may be, is still a victory._

_It's about trying and making a difference._

_You've got this._

_Rick Castle_

Her mom must have told him something when she went to the book signing, maybe she had a particular bad day in court or something else that had been bothering her, because the dedication was way too personal to be something he would have written onto every first page.

Clutching the book to her chest, she let out a shuddering sob, tears falling once again. Two weeks ago she had hoped for a night to forget. Now it seems it would be one to remember.

X~~~~X

It couldn't be. It mustn't be. The same words kept running through her head, over and over again. Like a mantra. It must be a dream, sure enough she would wake up any minute now to realize it hadn't been more than a nightmare. Only it wasn't. She never woke up. And she had to face the fact, she _was_ indeed pregnant. The doctor had confirmed it to her 20 minutes ago.

Leaving the doctors office in a hurry she found herself wandering aimlessly through Central Park. It was a warm mid-April day, but she felt cold, numb, most of all lost and alone. What was she supposed to do? She was too young to do this on her own. Who was she kidding? She was too young to do this, period. She had plans. She had just passed the qualifying examination for the Police Academy. She was supposed to start next month. Things had finally started to get better for her and now this.

She couldn't understand how it happened. She was on the pill and they had used protection, she wasn't stupid. But maybe the second time, maybe … . She couldn't remember, suddenly that whole night was a big blur, the only thing she _could _focus on were his blue eyes. Damn him and his blue, captivating eyes, she couldn't seem to forget, those eyes which had haunted her in her dreams for the past months.

Why? Why her and why now? Hadn't she been through enough shit already? Angry tears were streaming down her face, when she finally found a bench to sit down. She wiped them away furiously. She needed to think, she couldn't afford to have a meltdown right now. She needed to make a decision, only there weren't really any options for her. She couldn't do it. There was no way she could raise a child right now. There was just no way. So she took in a shuddering breath, pushing herself off the bench to make her way home.

She needed to make an appointment, the sooner she got this over with, the better.

X~~~~X

That night she was thinking about him. By now she had read all his books, some even twice and like the first one they had all given her a peace no one else had been able to give ever since her mother died. She couldn't help but wonder what he would think of this. What he would do if he knew. Would he try to convince her to keep it? Would he even care? It had been a one-night-stand. They both had been clear about that. There was no reason for him to care.

She had read about his divorce in the papers a few weeks after their shared night, had briefly wondered if she had been the reason for it, before learning he had been separated for a year. She was relieved, though she couldn't explain why it mattered to her so much that he wasn't a cheating husband but someone seeking comfort in a stranger as much as she had that night. But nevertheless he now was the single dad of a five year old and having to deal with a one-night-stand who was now pregnant with his child would probably be the last thing he wanted or needed to deal with right now.

There was still a brief second where she considered getting in touch with him, but in the end she was scared he would brush her off like she was a nobody or worse, that she would be accused of having shady motives. After all by Friday this week there wouldn't be anything to inform him about anyway, she had made her decision.

X~~~~X

Friday came and she didn't go. She couldn't. Life was too valuable, and Kate knew that better than most people and she just couldn't convince herself to get up and go to the hospital.

Instead she stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling all day long, _In a Hail of Bullets _clutched to her chest and she couldn't stop wondering if this was some kind of cosmic joke her mother had set up. She didn't believe in fate, not anymore, but somehow she wasn't able to shake off the feeling that this might not be bad luck after all.

Kate opened the book again, reading the dedication for the hundredth time. Three little words stuck out.

_You've got this._

She was going to be a mother and she needed a plan.

X~~~~X

**AN: I won't be able to update this frequently all the time, I'll do my best though.**


	3. Time goes by

X~~~~X

_**August 2002**_

Richard Castle was roaming the streets of New York in search of inspiration. There was the start of an idea floating around in the back of his head, a new adventure for Derrick Storm. Initially he had been surprised when his Derrick Storm novels had turned into such a big hit. They had made him one of the hottest mystery writers on the market right now and not only literally, though his looks certainly did work to his benefit.

The latest instalment _Storm Warning _had been released two weeks ago and he had spent the last few days at countless book signings and interview sessions. Today was his first free day in weeks and he just wanted to stroll through his city for a while in search of inspiration, before picking up Alexis at his mother's to spend some well over-due father-daughter time with her. Maybe they could have some cheesecake at Junior's or ice cream at that Italian place in the village. A movie? The MOMA? He kept rolling ideas, changing streets, turning left here and right there, without really knowing why, just going with the flow. His thoughts were skipping between ideas for new Derrick Storm adventures, possible activities for him and Alexis and his morning meeting at Black Pawn.

If he was honest with himself, he realized they circled, in particular around his new publisher. Gina Cowell, _a dangerous woman_, who had laid eyes on him like he was some kind of prey. Maybe he should set some boundaries right at the beginning, or … maybe not … . She was certainly a looker. But he shouldn't combine pleasure with business, it never worked. Though that ass … . He pursed his lips, then shaking his head, pushed the thought aside and instead tried to figure out how to get Storm out of a burning house, while being tied to a chair with a pair of nylon tights.

"The Zoo!" He suddenly exclaimed in the middle of the street, adding a remarkable impersonation of an Orang-Utan, simply for his own benefit, receiving a couple of disapproving headshakes he didn't care about. He was Richard Castle, New York Times bestselling author and he didn't care what others thought of him.

But then he heard someone giggle behind him and turning around to see who exactly he had amused with his strike of inspiration, he saw an elder woman looking back at him. Quickly crossing her out as the giggler he followed her view down to see a gorgeous little creature, standing between the woman's legs, smiling back at him.

He crouched down, giving the girl his best smile, "Hey there." He waved and the little girl gave him a wave back, while she kept grinning from ear to ear. "You think that was funny?"

The girl nodded, chuckling again, "Funny." She repeated, pulling a face and making an, "Uh-Uh," sound that mimicked his.

Rick laughed, "That's what I looked like?" He asked.

Again the girl nodded.

"Well that is funny," Rick grinned, then looking up at the woman accompanying her. Quickly assessing, he came to the conclusion she wasn't the mother.

"Richard Castle," he held out his hand. "I have a seven-year old daughter myself, though she keeps reminding me, she will turn eight in October and I should prepare to treat her like an eight-year old. Apparently turning eight is a milestone."

The woman laughed, shaking his offered hand, "When they are young, every birthday is a milestone. I am Cynthia. I'm looking after Jamie while her mother is working."

"Jamie?" Rick looked down again, catching the girl's attention. "That is a beautiful name. I'm Rick."

He received another gorgeous smile, winking at the girl he asked Cynthia. "How old is she?"

"She's turning two on the 1st of October," the woman smiled, emphasizing the month, since it was the same as his daughter's. She let her hand run through the girl's light brown curls. "Her mom is a police officer here at the 12th. We are picking her up for lunch."

Rick nodded, only now realizing they were standing in front of a police precinct. Looking back at Cynthia he caught her staring at him with a strange expression on her face. When he raised one eyebrow in question, she quickly shook her head.

"Sorry, it's just you two," she signalled down at Jamie, "you have the same blue eyes."

"Wow," he frowned, studying the girl a bit more carefully to see Cynthia was right. "Same as my daughter's too." He was about to ask another question, when Jamie suddenly parted from Cynthia's legs, running as fast as her small legs allowed towards a woman in uniform exiting the precinct, "Mommy!" She exclaimed while throwing herself into her arms.

"Hey there Baby Bird. Did you miss me?" Her mother asked, pressing a kiss to Jamie's curls.

The girl spread her arms as wide as she could, "This much?" Her mother laughed, twirling her around, before making her way over to Cynthia and the stranger standing next to her.

When she looked up from her daughter in her arms, Rick finally caught a glimpse of her face and froze.

It was her. It had been over two years, but he had no doubt it was her. He would never forget her face, the face with the sad eyes that seem to be green in one moment and brown the next, those eyes had haunted him in his dreams.

"Kate?" he stuttered surprised and saw her startle as well, when her eyes met his.

She didn't say a word, didn't acknowledge him in any other way either. She just stared back at him.

Finding his words first, he took a tentative step towards her, "I'm not sure if you remember, but we met a couple of years ago. I'm -."

"Rick," she finally found her voice, "I remember."

He let out a sigh of relief. Running his hand through his hair, he tried to figure out how to proceed. "This is a surprise?" He offered, chuckling nervously.

"Well, yeah," Kate returned, her eyes darting from her daughter to him and then Cynthia, realizing her nanny was watching their exchange with interest. She finally stirred into motion, "We need to go," turning to Cynthia she continued. "Thanks for bringing her over. I'll drop her of at your place in an hour."

The other woman smiled, "Sure Kate," ruffling the girl's hair she added, "I'll see you later, Jamie."

She then nodded towards Rick, shaking his hand once more, "It was nice meeting you."

"Likewise," he nodded back, a forced smile on his face. His attention was certainly elsewhere.

Cynthia walked away and Kate's eyes followed her as she suddenly felt very alone and trapped, standing here with the father of her daughter, a man she thought she would never see again.

"It was good to see you Rick." She finally offered with a polite smile, before setting her daughter down, taking her hand and turning around.

"Yeah," Rick mumbled, not sure where his ability to speak had gone.

He started watch her walk away before he was suddenly spurred into action and sprinting after the two, he called out. "Kate, wait!"

She did, with panic flashing in her eyes even though she tried to hide it, but she wasn't fast enough. He noticed, he was an excellent observer. He just hoped it wasn't because of him per se, hoped she was just as surprised to see him as he was to see her again.

"I know, now is not a good time, but maybe we can catch up some other day?" Rick suggested carefully, pulling out his card. "Just give me a call?

He let out a sigh when she took it, watched her staring down at the paper in her hand, the suspicion in her eyes, turning into surprise.

He wanted to catch up?

"Okay," she mumbled, shoving the card into one of the pockets of her uniform.

"Okay," a hesitant smile was playing on his lips. "It was nice to see you again, Kate."

With this he turned and walked away, not wanting to push her any further. He wasn't quite sure what just happened, but he knew he couldn't just let her walk away again like the last time. After all Richard Castle was a man who believed in fate. And walking into the woman who had found her way into his dreams again and again over the past two year, well it had to be fate.

X~~~~X


	4. Elephants and Lions

X~~~~X

His mother opened the door for him, Alexis nowhere in sight. He was strangely relieved, feeling he needed to get a grip on whatever foul feeling had settled with him ever since the unexpected reunion with Kate.

"Richard, come on in," leaning down to place a soft kiss on his mother's cheek, he walked straight through to the living room area of his mother's apartment. "I'm sorry, but Alexis isn't back yet. She's having ice cream with Daphne."

"From 8B, right? The one always babbling like a waterfall?" Rick asked sitting down on the couch.

"That would be the one," Martha confirmed, following him and recognizing the troubled look on his face. "Richard, are you alright? You look kind of disturbed."

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the couch, "I ran into _her_ today."

"Who?" Martha frowned, sitting down on the opposite side of the coffee table.

"Kate," he sighed.

"That woman you met at this bar and spent the night with …," she left the rest unsaid, instead turning her right hand in a gesture that said, you know what I mean, "the one with the sad eyes?"

He just nodded.

"Where did you see her?" Martha knew almost everything about her son's encounter with the mysterious Kate. How he had run into her in a bar, felt drawn to her and how he wasn't able to forget that woman. He had tried to find her, had been back to the bar numerous times, hoping he would see her, but she never showed. And her son never found out who she was or what happened to her.

"In front of the 12th precinct. She's a cop."

"Oh, well isn't that exciting?" Martha knew her son, knew that finding out his mystery woman, was a cop, would be thrilling. "So, will you see her again? Did you talk?"

"She has a daughter," he said matter-of-factly.

"And that is a problem why?" His mother asked surprised.

_Was it?_ No. That's not what was bothering him. Staring up at the ceiling, he tried to grasp it. Grasp hold of what had put this odd feeling in his stomach.

"Richard?" He turned his head to look at her.

"No, not a problem, I guess. It's all just so unexpected." He didn't know what else to say.

"That she's got a child and might be with someone or that you ran into her?"

Rick frowned, he hadn't even considered she might be with someone. She _could be married._

"Oh Richard, don't tell me you really believed her world stopped, the minute she met you," Martha couldn't help but tease her son a bit, sometimes he was just too cocky for his own good. "So will you see her again?" Martha tried again for an answer to her previous question.

"I gave her my card."

"And?" Martha rolled her eyes, normally she didn't need to pull every word out of him.

"She said she'd call." He mumbled.

"So, that is a good thing, right?" Martha stood, walking behind him she placed a hand on his shoulder.

But before he was able to answer, the front door opened and Alexis came bouncing in.

"Hey Dad," she beamed at him, before landing in his lap.

"Uff, Pumpkin. You're getting too heavy for jumping your old father like this," he teased as he proceeded to tickle her, his troubled thoughts forgotten for now.

"You're not old Dad," Alexis laughed, tickling him back.

"No?" Rick laughed, getting up and throwing Alexis over his shoulder.

"No! Dad," she screamed in excitement. "What are you doing?"

"Taking you to the Zoo."

"Really?" Alexis tried to wriggle her way around his back, grinning from ear to ear.

"Would I lie to my only daughter?" He said feigning shock.

"Nope, you'd never lie to me," Alexis grinned, yet sounding serious and his heart skipped a beat.

"Okay, let's go," Rick walked to the door, Alexis still over his shoulder. "Thanks for watching her", he grinned at his mother.

"Any time, you know that." Martha smiled at her son, he knew she loved her granddaughter to pieces, would do anything for her. "Are we still on for dinner tonight?"

Rick nodded, "I'll give you a call when we're done at the Zoo and we'll meet at the loft."

Martha watched as her son and granddaughter walked down the hallway disappeared into the elevator, laughing at each other. Smiling to herself, she closed the door.

* * *

"Tell me again, why do you like them so much?" Rick asked chewing on his Hot Dog, while he and Alexis stood in front of an information board about elephants at Central Park Zoo.

"Look at them," Alexis pointed at a picture of a bull elephant, "they are so majestic, the biggest mammal on our planet."

"I thought lions were majestic," Rick stated amused.

"But lions are also killers. I know it's in their nature and I'm not judging," Rick chuckled at that, but sobered quickly when he saw Alexis disapproving look.

"Sorry," he raised his hands in apology.

"Dad, you have mustard all over your hands," there was that disapproving look again. "Anyway, as I said, I'm not judging, but elephants are big and dangerous, yet gentle. I like that. They are somehow peaceful. And they have an elder female leading their herd, so they are smart as well."

Rick's heart swelled with pride. His daughter truly was extraordinary, though his favorites would always be the lions. Leaning down, he placed an affectionate kiss on top of her head, "I think those are all excellent reasons. But one piece of advice don't let your grandma know about the elder female leading the herd, she might take that the wrong way." Laughing at his own joke, he tried to grab his daughter, who quickly stepped out of his way.

"Eww, Dad, you're getting mustard on my shirt," she protested, scrunching up her nose in the most adorable way.

"Oops, sorry. I'll go clean up. Be right back."

When he returned, Alexis was still studying the board, reading about the last elephants at Central Park Zoo who had been relocated in 2000.

"Are you sad we can't see them here anymore?" He asked, letting his now clean hands run through her hair, smiling when she leant against him.

"No," she shook her head, "I wish they could all be free and safe."

His heart broke a little at the melancholy in his daughter's voice, so turning Alexis around and crouching down in front of her, Rick tried to lighten her mood, "What do you think? The two of us going to Africa one day and we'll see them in their natural habitat."

"Can grams come too?"

"Sure, if she wants to," Rick smiled.

"Okay," Alexis nodded, looking only slightly happier.

"Just okay?" Rick frowned, surely a trip to Africa deserved a little more enthusiasm.

"It's great, but I'm still sad, for those who can't be free."

"Alexis," Rick tried to come up with an explanation.

"I know there are reasons Dad, but it doesn't mean I have to like it." She sighed, taking his hand and pulling him forward, "Can we go home now?"

He followed her towards the exit and was yet again struck by how much he loved his little girl. Before she was born, he thought he knew what love felt like, but when he had held her in his arms for the very first time, the word love, developed a totally new meaning for him.

* * *

"So how was the Zoo?" Martha asked while enjoying the last bites of her desert, looking over to her granddaughter who was sprawled on the floor in front of the TV, watching _Arielle_.

Rick flinched, "Well, not a total success I have to say."

"Why is that?" His mother frowned.

"Well, Alexis would like for all elephants or probably for all animals to be free and safe."

"That is a noble thought," Martha smiled gently, "but hard to achieve."

Rick sighed, "She knows that too."

Martha patted his knee, "You can't shield her from everything, Kiddo. There is a cruel reality out there and she will have to deal with it sooner or later."

"I know, I just wish I could keep all the bad things from her." He looked over at his daughter, who obviously had fallen asleep in front of the TV.

"And that's what makes you such a great dad." Martha smiled, "Now grab your girl and get her to bed. I'll do the dishes."

"Thanks mother." He stood, returning her smile before walking over to his daughter.

Lying down next to her on his stomach, mimicking her position on the floor, he gently called her name, "Alexis. Hey Lexi, time to go to bed."

She yawned turning her head to him, "Not tired."

Rick chuckled, "I can see that, come on pumpkin, hop on," he whispered, letting Alexis crawl onto his back, to carry her piggyback style up the stairs.

When Alexis was safely tucked under the covers, Rick sat down on the bed, stroking the hair out of her face.

"Dad? Can I ask you something?" she asked hesitantly.

"Anything you want, Pumpkin. You know that."

"Will you get married again?"

Wow, he certainly hadn't been expecting this and frowning he moved closer, "Why are you asking?"

"Daphne's father is getting married again," Alexis fumbled with her hands, "and I was wondering if you … ." Her voice trailed off as she asked.

"Alexis, I don't know if I'll get married again, but I can promise you I won't do it without your permission. We're a team, remember?"

She nodded, but he could see something else was still bothering her.

"Alexis, I can see there is something else on your mind. You can tell me." Taking her small hands into his much larger ones, he gave them an encouraging squeeze.

"Daphne is also getting a new sister," she finally mumbled. "And that made me think."

"Pumpkin, I will always love you, you know that right? Even if I'll get married again or even if you'll get a brother or sister, I will always love you. Nothing is going to change that."

"I know," Alexis mumbled.

"But?" He prodded.

"What if _I want_ a baby sister, or a baby brother?"

He certainly hadn't expected _this._

"Alexis, I can't promise you these kinds of things."

"I know, I just wanted you to know," she smiled shyly, before putting her small arms around his neck, pulling him down for a hug. "No pressure."

He let out a strange laugh at that, sure no pressure, "Good night Lexi."

"Night Dad, I love you."

"Love you too. Now sleep."

Shutting the door behind him, he slowly walked down the stairs. Had his daughter really just requested a sibling? He was still shaking his head, stepping into the kitchen when it suddenly hit him.

"Shit."

X~~~~X


	5. The penny has dropped

X~~~~X

"Richard?" Martha called after her son, who bolted past her through the living room to disappear into his office, without stopping to answer.

Pulling out a calendar he started counting, again and again. Turning page after page, forward and backward, again and again.

"What are you …," his mother didn't get any further, before her son cut her off.

"40 weeks, right?"

"40 weeks what?" Martha looked confused and slightly worried at his hectic attempts to apparently figure something out in his calendar.

"Pregnany, 40 weeks of pregnancy," he mumbled to himself, finally letting his fingers rest on the 9th of January and the 1st of October.

"Richard? You are worrying me," his mother said, moving closer to his desk. "What's going on?"

"She is mine," he finally breathed, shocked.

"Who?"

"Jamie, I mean Kate's daughter," he paused before speaking the truth out loud, "I'm her father," he stated, staring at his mother, with wide eyes, everything suddenly fell into place.

"Ah, don't be silly. How can you know that anyway?" Martha shook her head, unable to believe what her son just said.

"Mother, 40 weeks. She was born October 1st. Her nanny told me. That is 40 weeks from the night we spent together to her birthday. 40 weeks." He ran his hand over his face, with no idea what to make of the revelation.

"She could have …-," Martha started, but he cut her off yet again.

"No she's not like that," he shook his head vehemently.

"Richard." Her tone was changing, more demanding when she continued. "You don't know the woman. You spent one night with her almost three years ago. You can't know what she is like. You have to at least face the possibility she's not what you've made her out to be in your fantasies."

"You haven't seen the girl, mother. You haven't seen her eyes. My eyes. She has _my _eyes. I know it's true. She has to be my daughter."

"Then why didn't she tell you? If the girl is your daughter why did she not come to you?" Martha stared him down.

He stared back, trying to stand his ground, but Martha could see his determination was faltering, "I don't know, but she only knew my first name back then and as you pointed out earlier today, I'm not the centre of the universe and not everyone has read my books," he gave her a pointed look, "so maybe she just couldn't find me." His hand ran over his face, "It doesn't matter anyway, it doesn't change the fact that Jamie is my daughter." His voice was certain as he said it again.

Martha sighed, leaning against his desk, to think everything through and after long minutes of silence she looked at him, "And you are absolutely sure?"

Rick nodded. He just knew it was true. It had been bothering him all day and he had finally figured it out, finally put the puzzle together.

"So what are you going to do now?" Martha stated, sitting down in one of the leather chairs, waiting for her son to join her.

He let out a deep breath, sitting down next to her, "I don't know. This is so unexpected."

He was lost in his thoughts for a moment before he continued, "I guess I will go see her at the precinct tomorrow. Talk to her." He shrugged.

Martha shook her head, "I wouldn't do that."

"Why not?"

"If you are right about this, then she definitely knows. At least give the girl a day or two to wrap her mind around it, before you turn her world upside down. You gave her your number, so she can call you when she's ready."

He knew it made sense, yet he wondered about his world, which had been turned upside down as well, "What if she doesn't call?"

"Then you can still go and see her." Martha grabbed his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Richard, I know you. This is not about giving the girl money for your kid, just so you can reassure your mind and walk away again. I can see it in your eyes, you already care for the girl. You want to be a part of her life and I know you want to have it all planned out right now, but believe me, if you pressure her mother too soon, you might end up pushing her away. You told me she's young and I can only imagine what the past two and a half years have been like for her, so you need to give her some time."

He nodded, taking it all in. His mother had a point.

"She doesn't know you, doesn't know what kind of man you are, nor your intentions. So you both need a couple of days to deal with this, figure it out on your own, before you think about how to take it from there."

"You're right," Rick finally sighed. "You're right."

They sat in silence for a while, both lost in their thoughts, both trying to process what this revelation would mean for their future.

"What am I going to tell Alexis?" His voice cut through the cocoon they had built around them. This was probably not what she had meant, when talking about having a sibling.

"When the time comes, you'll tell her the truth. Just like you always do."

X~~~~X

Kate couldn't sleep. She had been tossing and turning for the better half of an hour, even though she'd been exhausted when she had finally been able to leave the precinct to pick up Jamie and go home.

After spending some quality time with her daughter, she had put her to bed and taken a quick shower. It didn't do much to calm her nerves though. She longed for a bath, a long hot bath, but while her new place came with two bedrooms, it also came without a bathtub. She couldn't be picky though, it was located in a _nice enough_ neigborhood and affordable on her cop salary. They could always move once she made detective, but for now this would have to do.

Kate continued staring at the ceiling, her mind spinning. Did she really run into Richard Castle today? The man she couldn't forget, because every time she looked at her daughter, she saw him? Saw his blue eyes that followed her into her dreams.

It's not like she had never thought about it, imagined how it would feel to see him again, but she always came to the conclusion that he probably wouldn't recognize her after all this time. She had kept an eye on him, had read about the affairs and women in his life. They seemed to change more quickly than most people change their underwear. A movie premiere with a blonde, a charity event with a brunette, the list seemed endless.

Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined he would actually remember her, or be as affected by their surprising encounter as she apparently had been. Maybe she had haunted him in his dreams as much as he had her? She dismissed the thought, didn't even know why there was something like hope flickering up in her chest. Hope for what? A family? She wouldn't fall for that illusion. She and Jamie were doing just fine. They had each other and that had always been enough. She wouldn't let her daughter get hurt. She wouldn't let herself get hurt. Not again.

Yet, he had given her his card, wanted her to call him and as much as she tried she just couldn't bring herself to throw it away. All because of that tender flame of hope, she couldn't understand. She didn't even know the man, or did she? Sure she knew his work, had read all of his books, the newest lying next to her on the nightstand. But that was Richard Castle the author, who had given her comfort over the past few years. Rick Castle the man though, seemed to be a cocky playboy. And she didn't need that in her life, her or Jamie's.

Finally closing her eyes, she made her decision.

X~~~~X

She hadn't called. Four days later Rick sat in yet another boring meeting with his agent Paula and his new publisher Gina, having a hard time concentrating on anything that happened around him. Why hadn't she called?

"Ricky?" Paula's shrill voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Huh?" He looked from one woman to the other. "Sorry. What are we talking about?"

"The release date for the next Derrick Storm novel," Gina purred, with that look that always meant trouble when directed at him by a woman. She was trying to lure him in. _Dangerous woman_.

"We only released the last one three weeks ago, can't you at least give me a break after all the book signings, to catch my breath?" Seriously what was he, a machine?

"Ricky," Paula moved her chair closer to his, poking her prominent nose and her even more prominent cleavage into his vision. "You know how important it is, to keep the fans satisfied. You have to give them at least one Derrick Storm novel a year."

"I know that," he replied irritated, "but can't you at least give me a month? I haven't even started the new book yet."

"I already let you off the hook in regard to the planned book tour," she hissed back. "We are simply asking you to do your job."

"I told you, I don't want to be away when Alexis is in school," Defending himself he pushed his chair back a bit to get Paula out of his personal space. He hated to bring Alexis into these discussions. He shouldn't be forced to fight to be a dad.

"Well can't she stay with her mother?" Rage boiled up in him at the arrogance in his agent's voice.

"Her mother is in California, Alexis' school is here. You are very well aware of that," he pressed out between clenched teeth.

Paula raised her hands in surrender, "Just making a suggestion."

"Well I neither want nor need your suggestions," he spat back.

"So what do we do?" Gina interrupted, before things could get out of hand any further. "Why don't we put the release date around the same time as this year?"

Rick nodded, "Okay, fine with me."

Gina looked at his agent, "Paula? This way everyone should be satisfied."

Rick's agent nodded and looking over at him she added, "You can be a pain in the ass."

"Let me assure you Paula, the feeling is mutual. I believe we're done here." With that he stood, saying his goodbyes, knowing he and Paula would be fine, it was just the way they rolled.

He had almost made it to the elevators when he heard the clicking of stiletto heels, hurrying after him.

"Rick!"

He flinched when he heard Gina call his name, knowing what was about to come.

"Gina," he turned around, a fake smile on his face, "Did I forget something?"

"No," she laughed artificially, patting his arm. He didn't like it. He was not in the mood to flirt or to play the role everyone expected him to play.

Taking a step back, he raised one eyebrow in question, "What can I do for you then?" He still tried to be reasonably friendly.

"I was wondering if you would like to have lunch with me," she made it sound suggestive, alluring and under different circumstances he probably would have agreed, but today he had somewhere else to be.

"Sorry Gina. I already have plans," he smiled at her, before turning to leave.

"Maybe another time?" She called after him.

"Maybe."

X~~~~X

"I'm on my way to her precinct," Rick looked left before crossing the street, heading for the subway station. "Can you watch Alexis for a bit longer?"

"Richard, is that really smart?" His mother was silently closing the door to her living room, where Alexis was reading a book.

"What else do you suggest I do? I've waited four days. I think it's obvious she doesn't want to talk to me."

Martha changed the phone from left to right, leaning against the kitchen counter, "You have that tone in your voice."

"What tone?"

"The tone which tells me, you'll get yourself into trouble and might do things you're going to regret." She sighed. "Look, why don't you call her precinct first?"

"And tell them what? I want to talk to Kate, because I'm the father of her child, whom she didn't bother to inform about this?"

"There is that tone again." Martha pointed out, could picture the look on his face, the eagerness in his eyes.

"Mother, will you watch Alexis, yes or no?" Hovering at the stairs leading down to the red line, he tapped his foot impatiently.

"Of course, but Richard -," Martha started but he had already hung up.

The precinct was buzzing with people; prostitutes, drunks, normal guys, a crying child. Normally he would have soaked it up like a sponge, created a scene in his head for his next book, but he was too busy scanning the squad room, looking for her, to notice any of it.

"Can I help you?" A young officer, who couldn't be much older than 20, asked him politely.

"I'm looking for Kate?" Rick answered, trying to look as unsuspicious as he could.

"Beckett?"

He nodded, going with the flow, "U-huh."

"Royce! Is Beckett around?" The officer called over the riot, going on around them.

"The guys from Vice took her out, why?" Rick watched the guy, _Royce_, approaching them, could feel him assessing, judging. "Who's this?"

Rick stuck out his hand, "Rick Castle. I'm friends with Kate." He was going for even-less suspicious.

"Rick Castle?" Royce looked him over. "Never heard of you."

"Well it's kind of new," he needed a plan and fast, because this Royce guy was obviously not buying his story. "You see, we met at the playground. I have a daughter and we met Kate and Jamie at the playground." He was stuttering. This was going so wrong.

"You know Jamie?"

"Yes, cute girl, beautiful blue eyes. My daughter Alexis and Jamie really hit it of. You know, kids. I just wanted to check if we're still on for tomorrow." What was he doing? His mother was right, he was going to get himself into so much trouble.

"She should be back soon. You can wait over there." Royce pointed to a set of chairs, to the side of the busy bull pen. "Miller can get you coffee, if you want."

Rick nodded, "Thank you. That'd be nice." Sitting down in one of the chairs, he took a deep breath, maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all.

He only took one sip of the coffee Miller brought him as it tasted like acid monkey piss and he was thinking of an easy way to get rid of it, when he saw her entering the room through one of the side doors. His heart skipped a beat.

He saw her talking to Royce, who pointed in his direction, obviously giving her a rundown of what he had told him. Seeing her relaxed features tense, he prepared himself for what was to come.

Kate Beckett, standing on the other side of the room only wanted to do one thing, _run_. But she couldn't do that not with Royce watching her like a hawk, so she gathered up all her courage and stalked towards him, determined to kick him out and make sure he wouldn't come back.

X~~~~X


	6. Let's face the music and

X~~~~X

Rick stood nervously as she walked over to him, watched her cross the room in long confident strides. He put on his, _or_ _what he hoped was his_, most charming smile, the one that normally melted them all. All the ladies that is. But his smile faltered quickly when he saw the furious look on her face. Of course he had expected her to be surprised, maybe even irritated by his unannounced appearance, but she looked as if she was ready to kill him.

"What are you doing here?" She hissed, when she was close enough for him to hear, but not loud enough to draw attention.

"You didn't call," he stuttered, saying the first thing that came to his mind, knowing as he spoke that his answer wouldn't satisfy her. It was all he had at this point though, somehow it had never crossed his mind that she might not want to see him again.

"And that gives you the right to show up and harass me at work?" She questioned, eyes glaring at him.

"Whoa, how am I harassing you?" He retorted, some of his self-confidence returning with her ridiculous accusation. He just wanted to talk, not even necessarily right now. He could always pick her up later…

"Well I don't recall inviting you." She shot back, interrupting his silent train of thought, standing in front of him with her hands on her hips. If she wasn't, for some incomprehensible reason, so tremendously mad at him right now, he would say she looked cute.

"You didn't call," he repeated, trying to make her see his point, but the look on her face told him she wasn't even close.

"Again, why do you think that gives you the right to come here? Did it ever occur to you that I didn't want to call you?" She spat at him, louder than she had intended, causing several officers to turn into their direction. _Great_, she thought. This was the last thing she needed, being the number one topic at the precinct. It was hard enough standing her ground as a woman in a man's world, even harder being a single mom. She didn't need the gossip on top of it.

"Oh it did," Rick's humorless laugh brought her back to the matter at hand, "but obviously we need to talk and that's why I'm here." He didn't understand her rejection towards him. What did he do?

"There's nothing to talk about," she replied, trying to look stoic but he saw it, the nervous flicker of her eyes, her tongue wetting her lips, she was nervous. She knew why he was here.

"You know exactly what, or maybe I should say _who _this is about," he lowered his voice, stepping closer, invading her personal space. Maybe trying to intimidate her right now was a poor move on his side but he didn't know what else to do. It seemed to work though, so he stepped even closer, watching her take a hasty step backwards and stumbling into a chair behind her.

"Beckett, you're okay?" Miller called from the other side of the room, causing her to spin around, schooling her features and waving him off.

"Its fine, Miller!" She called back, biting her lip. She really didn't need this. Royce was going to grill her later.

Turning back, she found him still glaring at her, totally unfazed by the scene he was causing, "You need to go," she demanded, "now." And started to walk away determined to leave him standing there.

"I'm not going anywhere until we've talked about Jamie," he replied, his voice steady, though he had no idea how he managed it. He was furious. He had hoped for a civilized conversation about what had happened over two years ago, maybe even a pleasant trip down memory lane before coming to an arrangement that would work for all of them. But she was acting as if he was some kind of pervert who tried to what? Get another one night stand out of her? Did she really believe he was that kind of guy?

Realizing they were still the centre of attention, Kate grabbed his arm and pulled him towards a door to their right and pushing him through it, he stumbled into an alley behind the precinct.

"Jamie is none of your business," she almost barked at him, the minute they were both outside and alone, every fibre of her in fight mode. She would keep him away from her daughter.

"Oh I think she is. As a matter of fact, I believe she is _very much_ _my_ business," he mimicked her tone, not willing to surrender and determined not to back down. Jamie was his daughter and he had a right to …

"I have no idea what you are talking about," she said, turning around to leave him standing in the alley, but before she had a chance to walk back inside he grabbed her wrist, spinning her back around to face him.

"Why are you acting like this?" He asked, trying to take a different approach, "All I want is to talk and if this is a bad time I'll come back later or we'll meet for dinner or even meet another day. As long as we talk about this I'm good with whatever works for you."

"You don't get it, do you?" She asked, pulling her wrist from his grip. "There is nothing to talk about. I have nothing to say to you." God, she wished he would just go. She couldn't handle this, wasn't prepared for it. She thought if she didn't call that he would lose interest. She hadn't really considered he was serious about catching up and she certainly hadn't suspected he had figured out the truth. But maybe if she just kept denying it, she would be able to convince him he had come to the wrong conclusion.

"Kate," he stepped forward, but she immediately retreated further into the alley.

"No, Rick. We had one night, a long time ago and that's all it was and is. I don't want to catch up, or repeat it. I don't have time for an affair or whatever it is you're looking for. I'm a cop and a single mom and the last thing I need in my life right now is a man." She just hoped he would get it. Please, just let him say goodbye and go his way.

"I'm her father," he said instead, his tone changing while his eyes softened for a moment. He was close to pleading with her and he didn't care. All he wanted was to get the chance to _be_ a father to the girl as well. A chance was really all he was asking for.

She caught her breath, stumbling back, before she caught herself, trying to mask her shock. Until now there had been a tiny part of her hoping he was really here because he was looking for a repeat of that night or maybe he wanted an answer why she had just disappeared afterwards, but he definitely knew.

"Jamie doesn't have a father. It's just her and me." Her voice was not much more than a whisper. "She's not your daughter."

He heard his mother's voice in the back of his head, warning him he would do something stupid, but it was too late, she had pushed him too far. He was a father after all and those instincts just took over, so he snapped, anger and desperation taking over, "Don't play dumb, Kate. I saw her. She has my eyes, m_y blue_ eyes. I know when she was born, Cynthia told me. She's my daughter and you know it." He knew he was losing it and it most certainly wouldn't get him anywhere, but he couldn't bring himself to step back, take a deep breath and calm down. She was his daughter too.

"Jamie is my daughter," she growled. "_Mine._ You have nothing to do with her and we're doing just fine on our own. And if I ever see you near her again … ."

This was it, "Oh, so this is how you want to play it?" His voice was cold as ice, the fake smile on his lips even colder. "I will enforce a paternity test and prove she's my daughter. And who do you think will have the better cards when this goes to court? The single mom who works crazy hours, is constantly in danger of getting killed and barely has time for her kid, or the famous writer, with lots of free time on his hands and even more money?" He was shocked by his own words, saw the terror in her eyes. Those sad eyes he hadn't been able to forget, now shining with tears he knew he was responsible for, yet he couldn't bring himself to stop. "I will fight you Kate Beckett. I will fight for her."

When he finally stopped he saw tears falling down her face and he was disgusted with himself. How could he say such awful things to her? He was an ass, a mean ass and he was horrified by his own behavior, how could he have let his emotions get the better of him like this? Did he really think threatening her would get him anywhere? If only he'd listened to his mother and approached this differently. He could have given her a warning, call her at the precinct, _anything_. Give her a chance. Taking a deep breath, he ran one hand down over his face as he tried to get himself back under control.

"Go." He heard her shaking voice before he had a chance to apologize and his heart broke a bit when he realized what he had done to her.

"Kate, I …," she didn't let him finish.

"Go," she demanded again, a bit louder this time, but he didn't move.

"Kate, please." He was begging now.

"You heard her," a dominant voice startled both of them. "She wants you to go."

Turning, Rick found the officer, _Royce?_ he had talked to earlier glaring back at him. And he knew there was nothing he could do right now without making things worse. So with one last look at Kate, who looked as if she was close to breaking down, he raised his hands in surrender.

"Please call me," he said one last time, before turning around and walking away.

Royce stepped into the alley, watching the man who had obviously upset his partner so much that she was crying, turn around the corner and disappear.

"What was that about?" Royce asked, glancing at Beckett, who tried to pull it together.

"Nothing," she finally replied, putting on a brave face and walking back into the precinct, not willing to give any further explanation.

"Beckett?" He called after her, but she waved him off.

"Let it go Royce. I've got this."

X~~~X

Royce kept a close eye on her for the rest of the day. He could tell she was putting on a show, pretending to be fine when she actually was barely holding it together. Whatever happened between her and this guy had upset her enough to make her lose her focus, something which never happened unless she was worried about Jamie.

He made sure they didn't have to go out on patrol again for the rest of the day, calling in some favors and letting her do paperwork, while he went on a web search.

It only took him seconds to learn exactly who Richard Castle really was and Royce was quick to come up with a man's theory of what had happened between his partner and the world famous, bestselling author. Personally he had never heard of him, but he sure had charisma, he had believed the author's story about his daughter being friends with Jamie and if he was able to convince an old warhorse like himself, he had a pretty good idea what kind of promises a man like Richard Castle could make to a women. Promises he never intended to keep. Gladly Beckett, though young, was not just any woman and she obviously had figured out Richard Castle's scam but the bastard had still obviously hurt her.

"Hey Beckett," she looked up from the form she was currently filling out and saw her partner nervously fumbling with the pen he was holding.

"Mmmh?"

"I know it's none of my business what happened between you and this author but …," she cut off his stuttering.

"You know who he is?" She asked, eyes wide. This was getting worse by the minute.

He shrugged, "Did a web search."

She grunted, needing this day to be over, now. But Royce misinterpreted her silence as a sign to continue.

"Look kid, I just want you to know, if you want me to pay him a visit or send someone to give him a ticket… ." He let the thought unfinished, figuring she would get his meaning.

"Thanks Royce, but it's not what you think and I can handle it on my own," she tried to smile at him, but failed.

"Sure, just keep in mind, there are other fish in the sea," he replied before returning to his desk.

Kate buried her head in her hands. It was bad enough that Royce had witnessed her fallout with Rick Castle, but on top of it he now had a totally wrong picture of the two of them in his head, though maybe that picture was better than the truth.

She looked at the clock on the wall and sighed when she saw she still had over an hour until her shift was over. She wanted to go home. She wanted to cuddle up on the couch with her little girl and forget today ever happened.

X~~~X


	7. Misery loves company

X~~~~X

"You screwed up." His mother simply stated when he walked back into the loft later that day.

"What?" He almost shrieked. "Mother, what makes you think that?" He shook his head, acting as if _him _screwing up _anything_ was the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"I know you," came the dry reply from the kitchen, a knowing look on his mother's face.

Slumping down into the couch, he pressed his fingers into his eye sockets and grunted in frustration until he finally admitted, "I _did_ screw up, big time."

His mother sighed. Of course he had, like he always did when his heart was involved. He had a tendency to over do it, to go too far and cross a line, whenever he feared his hopes or his heart could be dashed.

Fetching them both a drink she joined him on the couch, patting his knee to get his attention. When he lifted his head from the back rest and opened his eyes to look at her she handed him a Scotch on the rocks and ordered him to down it, taking a sip herself.

"Thank you," he nodded, taking a big gulp. He let the liquor burn down his throat, hoping it would numb the feeling of guilt that had settled in his stomach, gnawed on him with tiny, sharp teeth. He had been such an idiot. He'd probably ruined all his chances with Kate and Jamie after his performance today. If she didn't call him, he couldn't even blame her. He wouldn't call himself after that performance either.

Martha waited him out, giving him time to regroup and organize his thoughts before she gently prodded him to share, the knowing look returning to her face, "So Kiddo, tell me. What did you do?"

He gave her a look back for her wording. Seriously, some support from your own mother from time to time would be nice, even if she had hit the nail on the head this time.

"Alexis?" He asked, looking nervously up the stairs, side stepping her question.

"Don't worry. Your daughter is in her room re-reading the last Harry Potter. She won't be down for hours – or possibly even days if we don't call her down for dinner." Martha rolled her eyes in amusement.

"Harry Potter?" Rick frowned. "Again? This is like the 12th time she's read it."

"Don't look at me," his mother waved him off. "That's certainly a character trait she inherited from you."

He grinned at that, proud his daughter had adopted his love for words and books along with his enthusiasm for laser guns, Sci-Fi and a lot of other childish things he liked to do, preferable _with_ his daughter. It hit him again that he might have blown his chance to ever learn what Jamie liked or would grow up to like. Placing his still half full glass on the coffee table, he turned to his mother and taking a deep breath he started to tell her what happened, "I threatened her." He said, looking miserable and guilty.

"Richard?" His mother was shocked. She knew her son, it was not like him to take such measures and from the look on his face she could tell it was bad. "What did you say to that girl?"

"I more or less threatened to take her daughter away from her," he bowed his head, not able to bear his mother's disappointed look.

"You said that to her?" Martha couldn't believe it.

"Not exactly, but my words kind of implied it," he nodded.

"I don't understand. What made you say something like this?" Her eyes were intent on him, knowing there must be more to the story. Yes, he was easily excited and that could be either a good or a bad thing, but he wouldn't lose control like this without any provocation.

"When I got to the precinct, she wasn't there, so I waited. And when she finally showed up she was so mad at me. I don't even know why. She just kept telling me to go and that Jamie was none of my business," his pleading eyes met his mother's, hoping to find some kind of understanding in them. "All I wanted was to talk, but she just kept pushing and I lost it. I told her I would enforce a paternity test and fight her in court if I had to," he took a deep breath before he repeated the most awful part, "and then I asked her who she thought held the better cards when it came down to it."

"Richard." Martha gaped in shock.

"I know, I know," he sighed, head in his hands. "I didn't mean it, but I was so angry."

Martha leant back into the couch, eyes trained ahead at nothing in particular as they were silent for awhile, both lost in thought. Martha knew her son only said those words because he felt helpless. She knew, better than anyone, what being a father meant to him. He felt it was a privilege and he did everything he could, everyday of the year to make sure he honored this privilege. So she did understand how being afraid he wouldn't be given this chance could make him snap and lose control. Still his behavior was not acceptable.

"What now?" Martha asked after a while, turning back to face her son.

"I asked her to call me," he shrugged. "But I doubt she will. Hell, I wouldn't call myself. Maybe you were right, maybe she never meant for me to find out." Lifting fearful eyes to his mother, he looked like the little boy who had lost his favorite teddy bear when he was five. "What do I do, mom?"

"Ah, kiddo," she pulled him into a hug, not able to give him anything else right now. She had no idea. She had restrained her own hopes and excitement so far, focussing on being a supportive mother instead of the chance to be a grandmother for the second time, because deep down she was thrilled. She loved Alexis more than anything in the world, there was nothing she wouldn't do for the girl and that wouldn't be any different with Jamie. But there was also a part of her that still doubted the child was actually her son's daughter. She needed official confirmation to be sure, lacking the unwavering belief her son had. Nevertheless there had been a tiny part of her that couldn't help but feel excited when Rick had left to talk to Kate. She would hide her own disappointment after hearing how things had progressed, knowing her son needed her to be the strong one right now, there to pick him up if things really were irreparable.

* * *

She opened the front door to her apartment and hearing her daughter giggle in the living room, her heart immediately felt lighter than it had all day.

Royce had actually sent her home early, with what she could only describe as a pitiful look on his face. She'd accepted it and gotten out of the precinct, not wanting to feel his understanding, compassionate eyes on her back any longer. It's not that she wasn't grateful for his support. There weren't many people she could rely on, many people whom she allowed herself to trust. Royce was one of the few and she was glad he was watching out for her and Jamie but that didn't mean she wanted him to know the truth about Rick. He had never asked her about Jamie's father, it was an unspoken agreement between them that it was a topic not to be touched and she wanted to keep it that way.

She placed her service weapon in the safe in her hallway closet, shedding her shoes before she walked into the living room.

Jamie was sitting on the couch watching a cartoon which apparently was very funny, judging by her continuous giggles.

Cynthia had already spotted her in the doorway, nodding at her and smiling when she saw Kate's eyes light up watching her daughter laugh.

"Hey Buttercup," Kate finally made herself known, crossing the room to sit down next to her daughter.

"Mommy!" Jamie exclaimed happily, jumping directly into her mother's arms. "Jamie watch cartoon."

"I see that," Kate smiled, tugging Jamie into her side. "And it's obviously very funny."

"Yes, very funny." Jamie confirmed returning her attention back to the TV. She was rarely allowed to watch cartoons or TV at all, so for now it was apparently more thrilling than her mom being home.

With a chuckle, Kate kissed her daughter's forehead, "I'll be right back, Sweetie." She told her, brushing some curls from her forehead, before getting up.

"'kay," the girl replied, not once taking her eyes from the story unfolding on screen.

"You're home early," Cynthia stated, when the two women made their way to the front door, grabbing her bag from the floor next to the door.

"Yeah, apparently miracles _do_ happen after all," Kate smiled tiredly.

"You okay, Kate?" Cynthia asked, her eyebrows furrowing when giving the younger woman a closer look. She knew Kate's job was stressful, but today she looked not only tired but defeated, "You look beat."

"I'm okay. It's been a tough day, that's all," Kate tried to assure the other woman, who was only partly convinced. But there was nothing Cynthia could do. Kate never talked about her feelings or what worried her. She was a closed book to everyone but her daughter and maybe sometimes her training officer and partner Royce. And Cynthia was glad that Kate at least allowed him to keep an eye on them. She knew Kate was a strong, confident, independent woman, but New York could be dangerous and it was good the two of them had Royce just in case.

But only when Kate was with Jamie did she truly open up and become a different person. Cynthia had witnessed the transformation countless times; that moment the haunted, lost look in Kate's eyes turned into one of pure love and adoration. Kate Beckett certainly was a beautiful woman, but when she smiled at her daughter, she was downright breathtaking. Cynthia often wondered why there was no man at her side. She had given up asking about Jamie's father a long time ago, accepted that Kate didn't want to talk about it, but that didn't stop her from suggesting nice man for Kate to date, who she always ended up to declining. There was just no time for her to date, she kept telling Cynthia.

She shook herself out of her thoughts "Okay, have a good night Kate," Cynthia smiled, before stepping back down the hallway, "Night Jamie. See you tomorrow, Sweetie."

"Night!" Jamie called back from the living room, too engrossed in the cartoon, to give her nanny a proper goodbye.

Cynthia laughed, "Must be a real good cartoon."

"Seems so," Kate smiled back, before opening the door for Cynthia. "Good night and thank you."

"Sure Kate. See you tomorrow," Cynthia waved and left.

Kate walked back into the living room to check that Jamie was still occupied with her cartoon before quickly making her way into the bedroom to change out of her uniform into something more comfortable.

She hung her uniform behind her bedroom door and pulled a pair of sweat pants and a simple shirt from her closet. Her view fell onto her reflection in the mirror and she understood why Cynthia had been worried. She looked like hell. And she felt the overwhelming need to crawl into bed and cry, but she couldn't do that, because out there in the living room was her little girl and she needed to have dinner and some much overdue _mommy time_. Besides, Kate needed Jamie as well, today more than ever. So she pulled herself together and her hair up in a messy bun before walking back into the living room.

"Mommy?" Jamie looked at her mother. "Hungry."

Kate smiled and leant over the backrest of the couch, "How does Spaghetti sound?"

"Yay, Spagti!" Jamie exclaimed, making her mom chuckle. Apparently Spaghetti was still a bit difficult to pronounce.

"Okay, mommy will make Spaghetti with meatballs and some carrot sticks," she grabbed the remote control and turned off the TV, "and you can look at one of the new books we brought from the library."

Jamie nodded in agreement, already climbing off the couch and heading for her play-box, pulling out one of her new picture books and holding it up for her mom to see, "This." She stated.

Kate nodded, "Do you want to look at it in the kitchen and keep me company?"

Jamie eagerly made her way over to the kitchen with her mom, letting herself be swept up in her arms and carried into the kitchen to sit in her high chair.

The next twenty minutes were spent with Spaghetti making and looking at the picture book Jamie had picked, which showed African Wildlife, elephants, giraffes, apes, hippos, zebras and Jamie's favorites - the lions.

"Elephants big," Jamie said in awe, tracing the outline of the elephant displayed in the book next to all the other animals of the African wilderness.

Kate nodded, smiling, "They are the biggest animals not living in the ocean," she explained, "and they are mommy's favorites."

"Jamie likes lions," her daughter told her, turning the pages until she was at the one with the lions. "Simba," she pointed at a lion cub.

Kate chuckled, ever since her daughter had caught a glimpse of her Lion King DVD, she was head over heels with lions. Kate hadn't let her see the whole movie so far, only scenes she thought were appropriate for her, like Simba singing _I just can't wait to be king _and some others, carefully avoiding certain parts of the movie, not only for her daughter's sake. Jamie would sit in front of the TV and sing along, not always on cue, not always the right lyrics but always adorable.

"And who is that?" Kate asked, pointing at the lion king in that picture.

"Mufasa," her daughter exclaimed like one of the hyenas, grinning from ear to ear.

Kate put on her Lion King CD for dinner and cut the spaghetti so Jamie could manage them herself. And then she listened to her daughter telling her about her day, what she had been up to with Cynthia and what plans they had made for tomorrow. Her daughter was definitely a talker and Kate had no idea where she got it from, well maybe she did after all. She pushed that thought aside, putting away the dishes, before getting Jamie ready for bed.

They cuddled on the couch afterwards, Kate reading to her daughter until the girl had trouble keeping her eyes open.

"Come on, Buttercup, let's get you to bed," Kate mumbled, picking her daughter up, who slung her tiny arms around her mom's neck, cuddling closer. Kate breathed her in, closing her eyes to fight the tears and the knot in her throat, before carrying Jamie to her room. She put her in bed, pulling the blanket over her and kissing her daughter good night, before whispering, "I love you, baby."

"Love you mommy," her daughter mumbled before sleep pulled her under.

Kate watched her for a while, finger tips dancing through the light brown curls until she found the courage to pull away, silently closing the door behind her, careful to leave it open just enough so that the light from the hallway kept the room from going completely dark.

She stepped into the bathroom, shedding her clothes and stepping under the steaming stream of the shower. The warm water cocooning her was enough to make her finally break, the tears fell and she sobbed, glad the water would cover any sound that could alert her daughter.

She sank down against the tile wall, coming to rest on the ground, hugging her knees tightly to her, while the water beat down over her. What would she do if he really decided to try and take her little girl away from her? He had money, he was successful and a single dad with lots of free time to take care of two girls. What had she to offer in return but her endless love for her daughter? He was right when he accused her of working crazy hours and barely having time for Jamie. She couldn't deny it, but she had to work, they had to live and it didn't mean she wasn't a good mother. Everything she did, she did for Jamie. There was no one more important in her life than her. He couldn't take her away, Jamie was all she had left, her only family. She wouldn't survive without her.

X~~~~X


	8. Change of course

X~~~~X

He knew he had been clingy for the past two days and he could tell Alexis was becoming annoyed by his constant presence and his nagging to continually spend time with her. But his daughter was the only person right now able to keep him from doing something stupid. He had strict orders from his mother to hold his horses for a couple of days, giving things the chance to settle down, before he made another attempt to talk to Kate. He'd listened this time and he had promised. His mother would give him her permission to move forward, which was kind of ridiculous, but he didn't trust himself right now so he had agreed.

Until then he had to keep himself occupied and there was no one better to distract him than Alexis.

"Alexis?" He called up-stairs impatient, "Are you coming?"

"Just a minute, dad," she replied and he could tell she was already annoyed again, probably rolling her eyes at him in her room. Wow, it had taken him only 5 minutes, that was a new record. He really had to reel it in. Otherwise, she had threatened, she would move in with his mother. And he had no doubt she would follow through with it. But he had his own plan set on motion. He would win her over by buying the big elephant print he had found at a gallery a couple of weeks ago. It should buy him another two days of clinging, maybe even three. He hoped by then his mother would allow him to call Kate. It still felt ridiculous, but they had worked on a plan and he trusted his mother with this.

"I'm ready," Alexis stated as she came running down the stairs, pulling him out of his thoughts.

He grabbed his wallet and keys, holding the door open for her and muttered, "Finally."

"Dad." She scolded him.

"Sorry, sorry," he raised his hands in apology, "I'll shut up."

"Just stop whining," she sighed, tugging at his jeans and heading into the hallway. "Let's go."

He followed, grinning. His daughter was definitely the mature one in their relationship, keeping him in line, making sure he wasn't making a fool out of himself, well at least not too much. Sometimes he couldn't believe she was only seven, well _almost_ eight. Sure she was a smart kid, but there was also a seriousness to her he wished she didn't have. He knew it was because her mother had left them, left her and even though he knew Meredith loved Alexis, it didn't make up for her absence and her radio silence most of the time. Sometimes he just wasn't enough. He knew sometimes a girl needed her mother. Just like he knew another one would need her father sooner or later.

"Where are we going Dad?" Alexis asked when they hit the street, getting into the waiting town car.

"It's a surprise," he grinned wickedly, handing the driver a piece of paper with their destination.

"Daaaad?" She whined, blinking her lashes at him, her lips slightly pursed. She knew how to get to him.

He huffed, trying to withhold, though he knew it was a lost cause. In the end he settled for part of the truth.

"I know I have been …," he was trying to find the right words.

"A pain in the ass?" Alexis ducked her head as her dad looked at her shocked.

"Alexis!"

"What? It's what grandma called you yesterday," she gave him her best smile, knowing it would let her get away with almost anything.

"Well, I was going for _challenging_, young lady, but _okaaay_," He tried to at least sound bothered by her choice of words, but seriously, who was he kidding? She was right. "Anyway, I know I haven't been _easy_ for the past couple of days, while you have been your wonderful self and tolerated me. So I thought you deserve a little something. But that's all I'm saying right now," he made a movement, pretending to lock his mouth, throwing away the key.

Squinting her eyes at him Alexis decided to leave it at that, knowing she would find out soon enough, "Alright," she let him know as much and gave him a smile, "but this better be good."

"You gonna love it. I promise," he grinned back, pulling her into his side, placing a kiss on top of her head. "Thank you, pumpkin."

"For what?" She asked looking up at him.

"For being the most awesome daughter a father could ask for." He sighed, swallowing down the lump in his throat, hoping Alexis didn't pick up on the emotional state he was in. She had asked more than once what was up with him, but so far he had been able to convince her it was because he suffered from writer's block. He knew she wouldn't buy it for much longer.

"I love you too, daddy." She smiled up at him, her small hand reaching up to pull his face down to give him a kiss on the cheek. "And it's okay. I don't mind you being _challenging_. I'm sort of used to it."

He laughed at that, the first real laugh in over two days and it felt good to know that after all what happened he could still laugh with his daughter, "Well thanks, I guess."

* * *

She had barely slept at all over past two nights, her mind firmly stuck on the one topic. What should she do? She just didn't know. She didn't want him involved in their lives, they didn't need him. But if she wasn't willing to offer him something, she might end up losing everything. Kate had no idea what his chances were to take Jamie away from her, but she didn't want to find out either, fearing those chances might actually be better than she would like to admit.

"Beckett?" Royce called out to her, louder the second time, when she didn't react. "Beckett!"

She spun around, surprised at his harsh tone, "Huh?"

"Focus." He chided her. "Get your head out of the clouds."

"I don't have my head in the clouds," she answered back without thinking, glaring at him.

"Well one thing is for sure you don't have it on the job." He stepped closer to her, his voice dead serious. "I need to rely on you, Beckett. We're a team. I have to know you have your mind on the things at hand and not on an affair that went wrong, or whatever it is that has had you distracted for the past days."

"I …," she didn't know what to say, he had a point, though she wouldn't admit it.

"I don't need your excuses I need you to do your job. Behavior like this is what gets you killed." He gave her a long, challenging look, making sure his message was received before turning around to walk away, "Now come on, we've got work to do."

She followed him in silence into the alley which they had been assigned to canvass for homicide, worrying her bottom lip. Royce was right.

* * *

"Dad, where are we?" Alexis asked, with big eyes when climbing out of the car.

"Just you wait. You'll see in a second," Rick bounced on his heels, leading Alexis into the gallery.

"What are we doing here?" She questioned, once they entered the gallery, looking at all the pictures surrounding them.

"Remember our elephant talk at the zoo?" Rick leant down to her.

Alexis nodded, still not understanding what elephants had to do with them being in a gallery.

"So, I thought you might want to have the picture over there," he smiled, pointing at the big photo print of a running elephant.

Alexis' eyes beamed up at him, running over to where the picture hung on the wall, waving her dad over, "Oh Dad, it's beautiful!" She exclaimed, studying the picture more carefully.

"I thought we could put it up in your room, if you like," he suggested, happy his daughter was smiling from ear to ear.

"Yes, Yes," she giggled. "Thanks, Dad."

She slung her small arms around his middle, waiting for him to pick her up and squeeze her tight, "You're welcome, pumpkin."

When she opened her eyes, her view fell on another picture print on the other side of the gallery, "Dad," she tapped his shoulder as he put her back on the ground, "Can we get that one for you?"

He turned around, looking directly at another print just like the elephant one but this one displaying a lion. How had he missed that the last time?

"An elephant for me and a lion for you?" Alexis asked, with that look on her face that made it hard for him to say no.

He smiled, taking her small hand into his, "I think that sounds perfect."

* * *

Kate was exhausted when she finally stepped through the front door of her apartment late that night. She and Royce had sifted through countless dumpsters in search of evidence and the only success of the day for her was finding the victims wallet, which gave the team from homicide a name to work with. The rest of the night had been spent guarding the crime scene until they had finally been sent home.

She walked into the living room, where the babysitter was already gathering her things.

"Hey Janice, sorry it took so long," Kate apologized, gabbing her purse to get some money.

"No problem, Kate. Jamie was already in bed when I took over from Cynthia, so it was an easy night," Janice smiled

"Great, thank you. Do you need a cab?" Kate asked, handing Janice the money.

"No, my boyfriend's picking me up. He should be here already. I called him when you said you were on your way."

"Alright, have a good night Janice," Kate led her to the door, waiting until the girl, who wasn't that much younger than herself, had disappeared down the hallway.

Closing the door behind her, she made sure to lock it properly, before making her way to Jamie's room. She opened the door quietly, careful not to wake her daughter as she stepped closer to her bed. A single sobbed escaped her mouth and she quickly covered her mouth with her hand. The tears fell silently, but something must have disturbed Jamie's sleep nevertheless, since she opened her eyes.

"Mommy, sad?" She asked into the darkness and Kate startled, surprised by her daughter's voice.

"No honey," she shook her head, quickly wiping the tears away, "Mommy is just tired."

"Jamie sleep in mommy's bed," the girl said, already struggling to get up.

It might have been selfish of her, but having her daughter close was exactly what Kate needed. So she picked her up, hugging her little baby girl tightly to her chest and carried her into her own bedroom. Quickly changing into a shirt and some shorts, she didn't bother with doing anything else for the night. She crawled under the cover and pulled Jamie close to her chest, feeling her daughter snuggle closer and closing her eyes she was finally able to sleep.

* * *

They had put the prints up together last night, the elephant in Alexis' bedroom the lion in his and then had celebrated with ice cream and a movie.

But today he was bathing alone in his misery. Alexis was at a friend's place, for a sleep over and he had been staring at an empty page for the past hours, trying to come up with an idea for his new Derrick Storm novel, but there was nothing. His head was empty. He finally gave up around dinner time, deciding to throw something together for himself and to maybe get lost in a Star Wars marathon.

He had just put his plate into the dishwasher, when the front door opened and his mother breezed in.

"Hello, darling," she greeted him, waltzing into the kitchen and giving him a peck on the cheek.

"Mother, what are you doing here?" He looked up, surprised.

"Well your daughter might or might not have called to inform me you'd be alone tonight. And I thought it was best if I had an eye on you, we both know you come up with the stupidest ideas when you're without supervision."

He rolled his eyes at her, not willing to admit how happy he secretly was to have her here to distract him.

"So what's the plan for tonight?" His mother asked, fetching herself a glass of wine and settling down on the couch.

"Popcorn and a Star Wars Marathon?" He raised hopeful eyes at her.

"That's a yes on the popcorn and a no on the Star Wars," she replied, without looking at him.

"Okay," he sighed. "What do you want to see?"

"Hit me with a classic," she grinned, slipping off her shoes and pulling her legs up on the couch.

* * *

Kate sat on her window sill, watching out into the warm summer night, a glass of wine in her hand while she did some thinking.

She had been off duty today, spending it with Jamie at the playground at Central Park.

It wasn't often that they had a day all to themselves and normally Kate would have made the most of it, but today she had been distracted, her mind preoccupied with Richard Castle and his demands, no, his threats. She still hadn't come to a solution for her dilemma and she knew she needed to, but Jamie had managed to keep her mind off the matter for the past two hours. Only now with her daughter fast asleep had Kate finally found the time to actually think things through.

All day she had observed other families in the playground, something she usually never did. Kate had focussed on the fathers in particular and wondered if Jamie might actually be missing out on something if she didn't have a father figure in her life, wondering if she even had the right to keep Jamie from her father. Sure she was her mother, but one day Jamie would realize that other kids had a dad while she didn't. She would have questions and what was Kate going to tell her daughter then? _'Your father made an effort to get to know you, but I didn't let him?_' Did she really want to be that person? And didn't she, better than anyone else know, that sometimes all a daughter needed was her dad and how much it hurt when there was no one to stand up for you and be just that, your dad. Kate knew this all too well.

But on the other hand, who gave her the guarantee Rick was being honest with her, with Jamie? That he actually was serious about getting to know Jamie. Would he really stick around and be a father if given the chance or would he get bored quickly and leave, breaking her little girl's heart along the way. Did she really want to risk her daughter getting hurt?

But what was the alternative? A lawsuit? Jamie would get hurt for sure if that happened.

She was slowly gaining perspective, knowing she didn't really have a choice. Either way she was taking a risk, but there was only one way of offering her daughter the chance for something Kate couldn't give her. Regardless how she felt about Richard Castle getting involved in Jamie's life and by association in hers as well, she didn't have the right to deny her daughter this chance. And she certainly didn't want to find out how serious Richard Castle had been about his willingness to take this to court.

He had been a jerk and she wouldn't trust him, but for Jamie sake she could be – _civilised_.

Right now he had her cornered and she realized the only way for her to go was forward. She would get as much control back over the situation as she could. Taking the bull by its horns was certainly better than to just waiting for him to act, leaving her only able to _react_. So, walking over to her couch she fished his card from her purse and dialled his number with shaking hands.

X~~~~X


	9. I just called to say

X~~~~X

"Castle residence." A cheery female voice answered the phone, catching Kate off guard. She hadn't considered someone else other than Castle could be answering the phone.

"Hello?" the voice asked slightly irritated by the silence she was met with.

Kate couldn't bring herself to say something, thoughts spinning wild in her head. He had asked her to call, right? It was okay to ask for him and why did she care if she got him into trouble with one of his girlfriends or whatever he called them? Still there weren't any words coming out of to her. She heard someone mumble in the background, a question she didn't quite catch and then the volume of a TV turned down.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end of the line asked again, more impatient this time and Kate knew she needed to open her mouth before whoever or _whatever_ was hanging up on her.

"Yes hi, uhm this is Kate Beckett. May I speak to Richard Castle?"

This time she was the one to be met with silence and again she wondered who the woman was. But then again what was it to her? She heard something that sounded like someone standing up before the woman asked her to hold for a moment. Her tone friendly, even a bit excited, maybe it wasn't one of his girlfriends after all.

Rick looked at his mother with questioning eyes as she got up and covered the mouth piece after telling whoever was on the phone to wait a moment.

"It's her," she whispered, causing Rick to shoot up from the couch as if struck by lightning.

"What do I do?" His voice was high pitched with panic.

His mother rolled her eyes, "Talk to the girl." She pushed the phone into his chest for him to take it with reluctant hands. He had hoped so much for her call over the past few days and all of a sudden he had no idea what to say.

Kate in the meantime wondered what was taking so long, contemplating whether she should hang up as she heard his unsteady voice over the line.

"Hello, Kate?" He asked nervously, while walking into his office, closing the door behind him after one more encouraging nod from his mother.

"Yes," she replied shortly and for what seemed like an eternity neither of them said another word.

"I'm so glad you called," he finally got out on a sigh, sinking down into the chair behind his desk.

"Well you didn't really leave me much of a choice," she replied curtly, picking at a speck on the cushion she was clutching to her stomach, pulling her legs up under her to curl into the corner of her couch.

She heard him take in a deep breath, "Listen Kate, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I said the other day. Please believe me, I didn't mean it."

She left that hanging in the air, waiting for him to pick up the conversation again.

"Okay, okay," he took another nervous gulp of air, while she heard him fumbling with something, before he continued with a shaky voice, "I get it. You don't trust me and I know you have no reason to," another pause and more heavy breathing over the line. "You don't know me but I promise you, the guy from three days ago, that's not me. I don't know what's gotten into me. All I want is a chance. I'll do whatever you ask. I just want a chance to get to know her. I just want to get to know my daughter."

He waited for her to say something and when she didn't he begged. "Kate, please. Give me a chance."

He heard her clear her throat before she finally spoke, "I don't want to do this over the phone. My shift ends at six tomorrow and there is a diner across from my precinct. Remy's. Can you meet me there?"

He nodded eagerly, then realizing she couldn't see his movements hastily said, "Sure, sure I'll be there. Remy's, tomorrow at six." He repeated her instructions, scribbling it all down on a piece of paper just in case.

"Okay, night," she said quickly and was already lowering the phone to end the call when she heard him say, "Until tomorrow."

* * *

"So?" Martha raised expectant eyes at her son as he walked back into the living room, looking wary.

"She'll meet me tomorrow after her shift." He stuttered unbelieving.

"Oh, darling that is wonderful, isn't it?" Martha smiled but could see the hesitation on her son's face. Frowning she asked, "What's wrong?"

"Well, she actually hasn't agreed to anything yet," he shrugged. He didn't want to get his hopes up, he had done that once before and it had ended in disaster.

"Richard, surely she didn't agree to meet you if she's not willing to hear you out and give you a chance." Martha set down beside him on the couch, patting his knee.

"She said I didn't leave her much of a choice."

"Well," Martha scrunched her face, slightly raising her shoulders, "she does sort of have point there."

He gave her a look, sinking further into the couch, "Great, thanks, that helps."

"Look," she reached for his hand, giving it an affectionate squeeze, "I'm not saying she's all right and you're all wrong. You do have every right to meet your daughter. But you don't know why she reacted the way she did or what happened to her back then. So what ever reasons she had, justified or not, it is what it is now. You will have to earn _each others_ trust. _But_," she raised one finger, "it's a start. You have a foot in the door and that's what you need to focus on. Take it from there. See what she has to say tomorrow, maybe she'll surprise you, who knows. The rest is going to be work, hard work. But we both know it'll be worth it."

"Right," he sighed, "Thank you," he offered her a weak smile, before standing up. "I'll," he pointed into the direction of his bedroom.

"Yeah," Martha nodded in understanding, smiling warmly at her son. "Night, Kiddo. I'll take the guestroom if you don't mind."

There was no answer needed, so taking the wine glasses and placing them into the sink, Martha walked up the stairs to get ready for bed herself.

* * *

Yet again perched on her window sill Kate stared into the night, the unfinished glass of wine clutched to her chest. She hardly ever drank wine or any other alcoholic beverage for that matter, but tonight she had needed it to calm her nerves before calling him. Now she left it unfinished.

She had to admit the call had gone better than she'd expected. She still was suspicious of course, but his apology at least _sounded_ heartfelt and it had stirred something in her. A memory of the night they had shared and of what she had seen in his eyes back then.

Kate knew somewhere deep down inside he was not the only one at fault here, though she wasn't ready to admit it just yet.

There had been a variety of reasons why she had never told him about Jamie. And his outburst and threats had brought her biggest fear from those days right back to her. Then and now she had been scared, scared that he might take Jamie from her.

When she had been lying in that sterile hospital room, scared and alone Jamie had been the only person she had left, her only family. A little bundle of joy beaming up at her as if her mom held all the answers, when actually Kate had never been so clueless in her whole life.

Jamie had been the only reason for her to keep going during that time, the thought of losing her was unthinkable, unbearable. Never in her life had she thought she could feel like this. That even though she had cut the last strings with her father just minutes ago, her heart was exploding from so much love for the little girl in her arms. Nothing compared to that. She knew right then that she would never give her up, never.

Taking a deep breath and getting down from the window sill, she walked into the kitchen pouring the remains of the red wine into the sink, before putting the glass aside and before walking to her bedroom.

It still didn't sit right with her for him to be involved in their lives, for all she knew from the tabloids he was a playboy, out on the town every other weekend entertaining women, being the centre on every party and countless affairs lining his path. Not really father material when you looked at it this way. But he had also been a single dad for the past couple of years and though she had never seen any pictures of him and his daughter, she liked to think it was because he kept her out of the media and not because he wasn't spending much time with her.

In the end it all came down to one fact, she didn't know him.

And no matter from which angle she looked at it, she had to accept that there was only one reasonable decision for her to make, she had to give him a chance, had to take the risk she had avoided for so long. She might not be ready to admit she even owed it to him, but she knew she owed it to her daughter. Jamie deserved this chance, had deserved it all along. She needed to accept that. She just had to make sure her baby girl wouldn't get hurt along the way.

So she better be prepared for their meeting tomorrow, have a plan for how she wanted this to go from now on. If she could trust his words, he would follow her lead, accept whatever she offered. She better made sure she knew what that was.

X~~~X


	10. Let's talk

X~~~~X

He was nervous and way too early when he stepped into Remy's, scanning the mostly empty room and spotting a free booth just across from him he quickly walked over to sit down. From here he had a good view of the door. He didn't want to miss her or be missed _by_ her.

Since he had some time to kill, he decided to order a burger only to barely touch it when it finally arrived. He went through his mother's instructions again. He'd been on the receiving end of a long prep talk this morning, his mother making sure he would keep his impulsive emotions in check, as justified as they might be. He should let Kate do the talking, keep the questions that were burning inside of him to himself for now. There was time for answers later, when things had settled. If he didn't like what he learned then he could still be upset. But right now his focus had to be on Jamie. She had to be his priority and everything else had to wait.

Martha had told him the fastest way for him to get to his daughter was a truce with Kate. She knew how Kate had haunted him over the past years, knew that he'd never been able to forget her, but she had made it very clear; he had to keep _their_ story out of this. "Not now," she had told him repeatedly.

It was hard for him though, the why was gnawing at him. He wanted the story and by that he meant the _whole _story whether he would like it or not. He just needed to know everything, just like the night they had met for the first time. He could hold himself in check though, for his daughter he would wait for the answers he so desperately needed.

Glancing at his watch again, he sighed when he realized she still had more than 20 minutes to get here, if she was on time. With her job he knew she could easily be late. There was a fleeting moment where he worried she may not show up at all, but he pushed it away quickly. She would be here, he just had to be patient a little longer. Tapping his fingers against the table top, he continued ignoring his burger, keeping his eyes trained on the front door. She'd said she would be here.

* * *

She stepped out in to the hot evening air, the August heat having a tight grip on her city. Nervously running a hand through her hair, she pulled it back into a pony tail, her eyes on Remy's on the other side of the street. She wondered if he was already waiting for her.

Kate had changed into street clothes, leaving her uniform and service piece at the precinct. She thought she would feel less exposed at Remy's without it. She knew Royce and some of the other guys on her shift had already headed out for their weekly poker night at another bar, so she needn't fear running into them, but she might still be easily noticed in her uniform by other precinct members and she wanted to minimize the risk of that happening. Choosing Remy's had been a spur of the moment thing, she had wanted something familiar to ground her and hopefully give her some confidence. At first it hadn't occurred to her that it might not be the best place to go if she wanted to keep things off grid. But she hadn't wanted to call him again either to change locations. She would just have to deal with it now, just as she had to deal with a new nervousness that had spread through her over night even as she had thoroughly tried to ignore it.

During this whole disaster the past few days had been, she had been able to mainly ignore the short moments in which her heart had lit up with something like hope. She didn't want to feel anything for him, this was not about them. Itwas about Jamie and she needed to get those feelings she couldn't even define under control. It had been one night and she didn't know him and the little she did know, well, there were parts she wasn't very fond of. She scolded herself for thinking about him in this way at all and yet whatever he'd stirred up in her back then came bubbling to the surface. She couldn't allow that. It had hurt her once before.

* * *

He was chewing on cold French Fries when the door opened for the first time in the past thirty minutes and looking up he saw her coming in and scanning the room. Automatically getting up he watched her catch sight of him and cross the room. She was dressed in a pair of jeans and a white shirt, her hair pulled back into a pony tail which made her look younger than a few days ago in her uniform. He couldn't stop his heart pounding wildly in his chest, when she finally stood in front of him, giving him a short nod, before slipping into the booth opposite of him.

"Hi," Rick said a cautious smile on his lips. "Thank you for coming. Can I get you anything?"

"Just coffee," Kate replied curtly, looking everywhere but at him.

Rick waved the waitress over, ordering both of them coffee before returning his attention back to Kate. She looked nervous and lost as she fumbled with the napkin holder and he decided it might be best if he carefully got them started.

"I can't tell you how grateful I am for this chance," he spoke softly, watching her eyes finally meet his. He half expected her to tell him that he hadn't give her much of a choice again but to his surprise she simply nodded, so he went on, "And I want to say again how sorry I am for what happened at your precinct the other day. I was out of line."

She studied him carefully only to find the same honesty reflected in his eyes that had caused her to spend the night with him and somehow it made her brave, "I should've at least heard you out, but you caught me by surprise." It wasn't easy for her to admit that.

"Yeah," he mumbled, staring at the untouched burger in front of him. He had already figured that out. Yet he was surprised she was admitting she had overreacted as well.

"So, how do you want to do this?" Kate finally asked him when the silence at the table lingered too long for her taste.

Rick looked at her, a tentative smile on his lips, "Maybe we could set up something like a play date, just a casual occasion for Jamie and I to get to know each other."

He watched her taking it in until she finally agreed, "Okay, yes we can do that."

"Good," his smile was growing. "As I said I'll follow your lead here."

"Good, because I want to take this slow," she gauged his reaction, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

"How slow?" He asked timidly, suddenly worried. Until now he had believed they were actually getting somewhere, but the look on her face told him there might be more obstacles in his way than he'd imagined so far.

"You'll only meet her when I'm there for now and it's just you. I don't want her to get used to people only to see them turn their back on her," she replied, her voice laced with emotion he didn't understand.

Rick swallowed, taking deep calming breaths, reminding himself this was not about him or Kate. It was about Jamie and he needed to focus on that and do what's best for her, no matter how the things Kate said made him feel. So he would accept Kate's demands and put his own feelings aside for now. Because no matter how much he tried to be rational about this, he was hurt by her distrust and it didn't sit right with him to be more or less at her mercy when it came to seeing his daughter.

"I'm not going anywhere Kate," he finally spoke, his voice as calm as he could manage, not wanting a repeat of the events in the alley, "I'm her father, that's a responsibility I don't take lightly and I will prove it to you. But I do understand you have to get to know me first, see that I'm trustworthy, so for now I will agree with this. For now." He repeated the last part to make it clear he wouldn't be fooled around with.

He waited for her reaction but she didn't give one, seeming to be lost in thoughts and contemplating his words, until she finally looked at him again, "Okay, sounds fair." She didn't like his tone, but there was a part of her that desperately wanted to believe him against all odds, against all her issues and insecurities and she wasn't able to get that part to shut up. Not when he was sitting in front of her, his blue eyes so intent and honest that she just couldn't say no.

"Okay, when?" He had somehow lost the ability to form complete sentences when she had not picked a fight with him over his wording.

"I'm out of work tomorrow at two," she said and his heart skipped a beat at the possibility, "and we could meet you at the playground in Central Park, the one near the Zoo."

He nodded eagerly. Tomorrow, he would see her tomorrow.

"One more thing though," she started with a firm tone in her voice and his heart fell, "You're not telling her you're her father."

Rick was about to protest but she quickly went on, "I mean not right away. I want her to get used to you before we explain things to her. I don't want her to get confused. Once she's comfortable with you we'll tell her, together."

He sighed in relief, he could live with that, it made sense, he didn't want Jamie to be confused either. Giving his daughter a chance to adjust to someone new in her life only seemed fair. "Yes, you're right," he agreed and recognized the surprise in her eyes. "She needs to trust me first." And he knew he wasn't only referring to Jamie, looking at the woman in front of him.

"So tomorrow?" He finally smiled brightly at her, unable to keep it in any longer.

"Tomorrow," she agreed and stood up. "I need to get home."

"Sure," he said, getting up as well and standing awkwardly in front of her as she rummaged through her bag in search of a pen and piece of paper.

She wanted to give him her number in case something came up and stumbled upon a picture of Jamie she had put in there a week ago to show to Royce. Reaching for a napkin to scribble down her number she contemplated her next move before she gathered her courage and pulled out the picture handing it over to him together with her number. "Here, my number in case you need to cancel."

"I won't cancel," he said absentminded and awestruck, when his eyes fell on the picture of his daughter. "She's gorgeous." He mumbled, before looking back up at Kate, his blue eyes filled with so much love she almost took a surprised step back. "Thank you." He stuttered finally, his voice shaking, while his lips turned up in another beautiful smile.

She gave him a nod, her own lips tugging upwards, even though she tried to hide it, "See you tomorrow, Rick."

X~~~~X


	11. Aftermath

X~~~~X

Kate walked into her apartment to find Cynthia soothing a crying Jamie in the living room. She hurriedly left her bag and shoes at the front door and rushed over to her daughter in her nanny's arms.

"What happened?" She asked worried, normally Jamie was already in bed, fast asleep when Kate came home late.

"Bad dream," Cynthia mouthed and handed the sobbing girl over to her mother, who immediately pulled her daughter close.

"Hey, Baby Bird," Kate mumbled, letting her hand run soothing circles on the girl's back. "It's okay, mommy's here."

"Mommy," Jamie cried, burying herself even closer to her mother's chest, her small hands fisting into Kate's shirt while holding on for dear life.

Kate waved quickly at Cynthia who left quietly so Kate could deal with her sobbing daughter. Sitting down on the couch, Kate pulling her baby girl close to her once more, knowing there was not much else she could do right now other than to hold her.

"Shhh, it was just a bad dream, Sweetie, just a bad dream," she rocked them both from side to side, placing soft kisses into Jamie's curls. "Do you want to tell mommy what happened?" Kate asked, hoping that talking would help Jamie to focus on something else, stop her from spiralling further down that rabbit whole and eventually calm her down.

"Bad man," she heard her daughter get out between sobs. "Hurting mommy."

"Oh no Honey, mommy is alright. See," she sat Jamie back on her lap so she could have a closer look at her mom. "Mommy's alright."

Jamie's small hands reached up, clumsily cupping her mom's face and leaning in close to give her mom a kiss, "Love you, mommy," she got out between stuttering breaths but finally calming down.

Kate's heart melted, giving her daughter another kiss, she smiled, "I love you too, Baby Bird. Now let's get you to bed, okay?"

Standing up, Kate placed Jamie on her hip, giving her another smile, relieved to see her daughter was smiling back. "Do you want to sleep in mommy's bed tonight, Sweetie?"

Jamie nodded eagerly and leant her head against her mother's while being carried to Kate's bedroom. Tucking her in, Kate made sure Jamie was comfortable before she left her alone to use the bathroom and get ready for bed herself.

It was not the first time Jamie had dreamed of bad men coming for her or her mother and Kate was worried. The dreams had started a couple of months ago, when Kate had come home slightly banged up after a suspect chase gone wrong. She had tried to reassure her daughter, tried to explain the black eye and bruises in a way Jamie would understand but not be terrified by. Obviously that hadn't worked out all too well. She needed to talk to Jamie again, try to take her fears away somehow. Only she had no idea how to do that.

Quietly settling down in bed next to her now fast asleep daughter Kate watched the steady rise and fall of Jamie's chest amazed yet again how much she loved her baby girl. She truly was the best thing that ever happened to her, had been her lifeline when she had almost drowned and Jamie's blue sparkling eyes had been all to keep her afloat, those blue eyes that were fully his. Kate's lips tugged up in a smile, remembering how his blue eyes had shimmered with love when she had handed him the picture of Jamie. That look in his eyes, the look of unwavering and unconditional love had opened up a place in heart. He would love Jamie. Love her with all his heart, there had suddenly been no doubt about that anymore.

* * *

Rick had walked home in no hurry, Alexis was spending another night at her friend's place and he was now sitting alone on his living room, a glass of wine on the coffee table in front of him, while he couldn't take his eyes from Jamie's picture. Her blue eyes seemed to sparkle back at him as she laughed at something off camera. She was precious, his daughter. Beautiful and gorgeous and his heart swelled with more and more love with every passing minute. He couldn't wait to see her.

He heard the front door open and turned to see a certain redhead walk in, "Mother, what are you doing here?"

She ignored his question, leaving her bag in the middle of the living room to hurry to his side, "How did it go?" She asked, her blue eyes seeking the ones of her son who beamed back at her, with sparkling, happy eyes.

"I'll see her tomorrow at the playground in Central Park." He breathed out relieved and happy.

"Richard!" Martha gaped, her right hand covering her mouth. "That's wonderful."

His smile even widened as he wordlessly handed her the picture Kate had given him earlier.

For a long minute Martha just stared at the little girl, her right hand now covering her heart as she lifted tear filled eyes to her son, "She's gorgeous."

And then her arms where around him, pulling him into a fierce hug as she whispered into his ear, "You're right, she has your eyes."

He pulled back, cupping his mother's face, "Are you getting soft in your old days?" He asked teasingly, seeing the tears shimmering in her eyes.

"Don't you dare call me old," she scolded, slapping him playfully on the shoulder. "And now tell me. I want to know everything?"

* * *

Rick told his mother everything in vivid details, making it more than obvious he couldn't wait for the next day to arrive and Martha couldn't help the adoring smile on her face while watching her son.

"So you're okay with taking it slow?" She asked when he had finally finished, knowing her son well enough, to know that this condition would be hard for him to meet. Her son never took anything slow.

He thought about the question for a moment before answering it, "Honestly, at first I didn't like it. You know me," he shrugged with a slight grin. "But I thought about it and Kate has a point, neither of us wants Jamie to get hurt in the process of figuring things out and I know it will take time. Kate and I need to find a rhythm, an agreement how we want to do this from now on. And adding more people into the equation right now would only complicate things. So yes, to answer your question for now I'm okay with taking it slow."

He took a deep breath, "And that's why I don't want to tell Alexis about Jamie right now."

Martha looked at him, "Why?"

Rick sighed, "The other night she told me about Daphne's dad who's getting married again and that Daphne is getting a new baby sister or brother."

His mother looked at him, "So?"

Rick sighed, "Alexis told me she wants siblings."

Martha choked on her red wine, coughing until she finally was able to speak again, "She did what?"

"She asked me if I would get married again and that if so she would be okay with getting a brother or a sister,"

"Your daughter sure is something," Martha chuckled. "What did you tell her?"

"That I can't promise her things like this and that I don't know if I'll ever get married again. But if I tell her about Jamie right now, she will want to meet her and I would have to tell her she needs to wait. I'd rather have things settle down first, so I can be sure Alexis won't get attached only to find it's getting complicated. It's not only Jamie's well being I need to consider."

Martha grinned, "You're growing up Kiddo. Who would have thought?"

"Yeah, I do have my moments," he grinned. "Kate and I just need to be clear about some things first and then I can tell her."

"It will be different than with Alexis though, you know?" His mother nodded. "You're used to be the only one responsible. Making all the calls, but with Jamie it will be different, you have to compromise with Kate and we both know that's not one of your strongest character trait either."

"It's not," he admitted. "But I get what you mean. We're both her parents, together."

"Yes and as much as you're used to decide everything on your own when it comes to Alexis, Kate is used to do the same for Jamie, so you'll both have to get used to this new situation." Martha concluded, once again the voice of wisdom.

He smiled warmly at her, grateful his mother was here to support him. No matter how flightly she sometimes seemed to be, he could always count on her when it mattered. "Thank you mother," he smiled warmly at her, "What would I do without you?"

"Dig yourself a deeper hole." She replied dryly.

X~~~~X


	12. Sand Castle

X~~~~X

Cynthia had dropped Jamie off at the precinct and the little girl had spent the past 15 minutes circling the bullpen and getting the attention of every officer around. Royce finally was the one to break, picking her up to carry her into the break room so she could reach into the cookie jar that was placed on the counter.

"Royce, I told you not to give her cookies," Kate sighed, walking in from the dressing rooms in a dark blue summer dress, her sun glasses holding the hair out of her face.

"Come on, Beckett. Just one, one cookie can't hurt," he looked at her with innocent eyes.

"Well it's one from you and one from Miller and then one from LT and …," she was cut off.

"And one from Montgomery," the deep voice of her Captain stated amused behind her, causing Kate to swirl around.

"Sir," she gasped in surprise as she watched her boss reach for another cookie to hand it over to her daughter who was still chewing on the one Royce had given her, leaving cookie crumbles all over his collar. Which suited him just right in Beckett's opinion. The little girl reached happily for the offered treat, beaming from ear to ear at the men in front of her. Men who were some of New York's toughest men, used to deal with the lowest of New York's society still they all had been turned into big softies by a little girl with chocolate smeared all over her face.

"You've got to be careful, Beckett," Montgomery winked at her. "She's a charmer. Before you know it you have boys lining up in front of your door step trying to sweep her away."

If Montgomery hadn't been her Captain she would have given him a major eye roll, knowing better than to do so she just huffed and reached for her daughter in Royce arms, "Come on Baby Bird, let's get out of here before they give you any other ideas or a sugar rush." She mumbled, placing Jamie on her hip before grabbing her backpack. She heard the men chuckle behind her as she made her way out of the break room and towards the exit.

"Have fun Beckett," Royce called after her and raised his hand to wave, "You too, Jamie." And the girl lifted her hand still holding the cookie Montgomery had given her, waving back happily.

* * *

Rick was giddy, excited, nervous and a million other things all at once as he sat on a bench at the Billy Johnson playground in Central Park, waiting. His foot tapping a rhythm against he wasn't aware of against the ground. He had arrived early, of course, in fact he had left the loft right after Martha had picked up Alexis for an all-girls shopping trip. He had the whole afternoon cleared before he would pick Alexis up to take her to the movies to see Stuart Little 2.

His eyes were constantly darting around the playground afraid he would miss Kate and Jamie's arrival while he held on tightly to the two cups of coffee he was holding in his hands. And then he saw them, Kate in a dark blue dress, sunglasses shielding her eyes and Jamie, walking next to her, holding her mom's hand, bouncing happily form one foot to another.

He stood up, approaching them hesitantly until they finally met in the middle of the playground.

"Hi," he smiled nervously at Kate, glancing down at Jamie, who had moved closer to her mom, holding on tightly to one of her legs, studying the man in front of her with big eyes.

"Hey Rick," Kate nodded and an awkward silence fell between them, neither of them sure what to say or do until Rick finally set into motion crouching down next to Jamie to watch Kate follow suit. She pulled Jamie into her side and Rick couldn't help but feel a stab of hurt at her protective gesture. What did she think he would do? But he managed to keep his face clear from his emotions, reminding himself it was all new for her as well.

"I'm Rick," he smiled broadly at the girl, who moved even closer to her mother, shying away from the stranger.

"Rick's a friend of mommy's. Do you remember him? You met him a couple of days ago." Kate tried to coax Jamie out of her shell, knowing her daughter was normally very shy around strangers and needed time to trust new people in her life. A character trait she had adapted from her mother, Kate assumed.

Jamie studied the man in front of her carefully till her face suddenly lit up, "Uh-uh," she mimicked Rick's imitation of an Orang-Utan from the day they'd first met.

Rick chuckled, "That's right. That was me."

Jamie's eyes lit up with a small smile on her lips before she looked at her mom.

"Rick wants to play with us today, is that alright?" Kate looked at Rick who had a hopeful expression on his face as he glanced quickly at Kate with questioning eyes. She nodded, giving him permission to say what was on his mind.

"I'm really good in the sandbox," he offered, pointing to the one behind them. "I've had years of practice."

"What do you say Baby Bird, do you want to go to the sand box with Rick?"

Jamie looked at her mother with big eyes, "Mommy coming?" She asked, glancing once more at the man in front of her, uncertainty shining in her eyes.

Kate stroked her hand through Jamie's curls, "Yes, mommy is coming too."

Both adults stood up and Rick suddenly remembered the coffee he had brought for Kate and which he was still holding in his hands, "I brought you coffee," he said a bit stupidly as he handed it over.

Kate looked from the coffee in front of her to Rick, a small smile around her lips when she took it, their fingers touching, "Thank you." She mumbled, her eyes locking with his, she really loved coffee.

"You're welcome," he replied, his smile suddenly turning shy as they stood there, staring at each other until Jamie pulled at Kate's hand, causing her to break eye contact with Rick and look down at her daughter.

"Sandbox mommy." Jamie whined, pulling her mother towards the object of desire.

"Sandbox, yeah," Kate shook her head to regain focus before she followed the tug of her daughter's hand.

* * *

It was awkward, there was no other way to describe the situation with Jamie sitting shyly in one corner of the sandbox, while Rick and Kate set on the wood edge watching her. Rick had tried to get Jamie to play with him, but so far Jamie had only shook her head and Kate didn't want to push her daughter to interact with Rick if she wasn't ready or didn't want to. Rick on the other hand was so afraid to do something wrong and screw things up he hardly dared to move by now. It was not going well and he knew it was stupid of him to hope Jamie would welcome him with open arms, he was a stranger to her.

And once more he realized Kate had been right, when she'd demanded to take things slow. Neither Kate nor him were setting the pace here, only Jamie.

But there had to be a way to get Jamie's attention, to spark her interest and so he finally left Kate at the brink of the sandbox and positioned himself right in the middle of it, feeling Kate's assessing eyes on his back. They hadn't exchanged much more than pleasantries in the past 15 minutes and even that had felt artificial. He was relieved to escape from the silence surrounding them, being able to concentrate on something else instead. He just didn't know how to start a conversation with Kate that didn't lead to things that were off topic for now, especially with Jamie present. So he reached for one of the shovels Kate had brought in her backpack and started digging.

He didn't have a plan at first but then he quickly started to pile up sand in front of him, digging little canyons around his formation and grabbing for some branches that had been lying next to the sandbox. Out of the corner of his eyes he noticed that Jamie had stopped playing with her sand molds and was now curiously observing what Rick was doing.

Rick smiled at himself, was working. Turning around to look at Jamie and let her see his smile.

"Would you like to help me?" He asked, holding the shovel out to her. "We could build another mountain and add a waterfall," he suggested and his heart skipped a beat as his daughter moved closer to him, obviously intrigued by his offer.

Kate saw her daughter's eyes lighting up with a spark when Rick asked her to help. She had watched with interest how Jamie had shot shy glances into his direction ever since he had sat up camp in the middle of his sand empire. And while she had obviously wanted to be part of the fun Rick apparently was having, she had been too shy to ask.

Now Jamie crawled over to Rick and dropped down at his side, pointing at one of the canyons, "Real water?" she asked and then pointed at one of the sprinklers behind them. This time it was Rick's face which lit up at the suggestion.

"That is a very good idea. Do you think your mommy will bring us some water?" He leant into Jamie as if sharing a secret with her, though he spoke loud enough for Kate to hear.

Jamie immediately turned around, looking expectantly at her mother, "Mommy, water?" She held up the small bucket that had been in Kate's backpack as well. "Please," she added with a blink of her eyes.

Kate huffed and got up, obviously all it took to compromise her daughter was to build the Grand Canyon into a sandbox, interesting. Rick tried to hide his chuckle, noticing that Kate wasn't too fond to have been degraded to be their domestique as he liked to call it. Jamie handed the bucket over and Kate turned to walk over to the sprinkler as Rick raised his hand for Jamie to high-five. "Good job," he grinned down at her and the girl eagerly nodded her head in reply.

"I heard that," Kate called over her shoulder, causing Rick to scrunch his face.

"Ooops," he got out and was delighted to hear Jamie giggle in return.

"Ooops," she imitated him, scrunching her face as well, looking like a mini-version of him.

And that was it, the ice had melted.

* * *

Kate watched them from one of the benches, cooling off in the shadows the trees provided, while Rick and Jamie giggled in the sandbox, totally lost in their construction project. She had left them to it after she had carried the third bucket of water over to them, deciding they could do without her for awhile. She had been unsure how to react to see Rick with Jamie, had feared she would feel jealous or that it would be hard for her to see the two of them together. And a small part of her had been strangely satisfied when Jamie hadn't warmed up to him right away.

But now, seeing how much fun they had together a new feeling settled in, relief maybe, she wasn't sure. Jamie had been glued to Rick's side from the minute he had been able to coax her out of her corner of the box and he had been nothing but wonderful, fun and attentive and Kate could tell Jamie already had a crush on Rick. Kate had watched her daughter giggle at the faces Rick pulled for her and how Jamie had watched in awe as he had built her one mountain after another, added tunnels and bridges with an expertise that had surprised Kate. Of course he had a daughter, _another daughter_, but somehow she had never pictured him to get down and dirty in a sandbox. She had to bite down on her lip to hide the smile that threatened to escape at the thought. But this looked right, Jamie and Rick looked right together.

She was pulled out of her thoughts, by an enthusiastic shriek of her daughter and her little hands waving at her to come over, "Mommy!"

Standing up she walked over to join them, curious what had elicited such an exclamation of joy from Jamie, "What is it, Sweetie?" Kate asked as she set down next to her, noticing that her daughter was covered in sand and mud, making a mental note to get her under the shower once they got home.

"Rick built castle," Jamie stated happily, clapping her hands together and Kate couldn't stop the bubble of laughter escaping her lips.

"A castle, - Castle? Really?" She looked at him, amusement dancing in her eyes and he just shrugged, smirking back.

"Well, how could I not?" He asked, mesmerized by the first true smile he saw on her face, the first one she didn't even try to hide from him. And what he saw took his breath away, she was stunning. Of course he had noticed her good looks before, how could he not. She truly was a beautiful woman, but that smile changed her in a way he hadn't thought possible.

"Come on," Kate finally said after they all had marvelled at the castle for a bit longer. She had to admit it looked amazing, with its towers and bridges, he had even added moat, filled with water, of course. And glancing at him Kate noticed that his jeans didn't look much better than Jamie's clothes, muddy knees and sand stains everywhere. He certainly hadn't promised too much when he had talked about his sandbox skills.

Getting up, Kate brushed the sand from her dress before she turned to the two muddy people still sitting in the sandbox, "Let's get some ice cream."

"Yay, ice cream!" Jamie shrieked and was already out of the sandbox, while Rick still sat in the middle of it, looking a bit like a giant baby.

Kate started to follow her daughter, the girl already hurriedly running towards the ice cream vendor.

When she realized that Rick wasn't following them, she stopped and turned around, raising a questioning brow at him she asked, "You coming, Castle?"

* * *

They sat side by side on the park bench, Jamie in the middle of them, all eating their ice cream and Rick couldn't help but think how domestic it was. At least if he disregarded the fact that mom and dad weren't really talking. But sitting here in the sun it almost felt normal and he could forget about the long way, still ahead of them.

All too early for his liking they needed to part, but he had plans with Alexis and even if he wanted to stay, he needed to go home. He had barely seen Alexis in the past two days and he missed her.

Again they stood awkwardly in front of each other and Rick decided to bid his goodbye first with the Beckett woman whose heart he had hopefully already won over today. Crouching down in front of Jamie again, he was happy to notice that this time, Kate didn't follow his movements.

"I had a lot of fun with you today, Jamie." He said and ruffled her hair. "I hope you had too."

Jamie nodded eagerly, spreading her arms wide, causing Rick to laugh, "This much?" He asked, remembering Jamie doing the same gesture in front of the precinct when Kate had picked her up and asked if her daughter had missed her.

Again Jamie nodded, "Yes, Rick is much fun."

He bowed his head, "Thank you, M'lady." He said and then got up again to look at _big_ Beckett. Not that kind of big, of course.

The hesitant look on her face had returned, yet he believed she seemed to be more open and relaxed than before, "Thanks Kate."

She nodded, "She had a lot of fun, Castle."

He let out a single laugh, before asking, "So it's Castle from now on?"

"I guess," she shrugged.

"So, we'll talk?" He asked, hoping she would understand he was actually asking for a new play date.

"Let me check my schedule and I'll give you a call," she nodded, understanding.

"Great," he smiled, leaning down once more. "Bye Jamie," he winked at her. "Hope to see you soon."

"Bye Rick," Jamie smiled broadly at him, waving as he took a step back.

"Bye Kate," he smiled and with a light bounce to his steps he walked away.

X~~~~X


	13. Stuart

X~~~~X

Arriving home Castle quickly dumped his muddy clothes into the laundry room and jumped under the shower to clean up. Alexis and his mother would be home any minute now and he didn't want to explain to Alexis why he looked like he had, well - like he had spent the day in a sandbox. It was hard enough for him to keep Alexis out of the loop for now even though he was still convinced it was the best thing to do. But he didn't want to make up lies either, at least not if he could avoid it.

Buttoning a fresh shirt and dressed in a clean pair of jeans Castle walked through his office back into the living room just in time to see the front door open to reveal Martha and Alexis, loaded with countless shopping bags.

"I assume the shopping went well," Castle smirked at the two ladies, holding out his hand and wriggling his fingers in a _give-it-to-me_ gesture, as he leant down to kiss Alexis on the top of her head, "Hey Pumpkin."

"Hey, Dad." Alexis grinned up at him.

Martha, in the meanwhile was dramatically rolling her eyes as she reached into her purse and handed over her son's credit card, "Here you go, as if I would keep it."

He gave her a pointed look, raising his eyebrows.

"That was once, Richard. Three years ago and I told you it was by accident." His mother sighed, sinking down onto the couch, dropping her shopping bags in front of her.

"You accidentally spent 4.000 dollars?" He tilted his head amused. "Interesting."

"God, you're resentful. I repaid every penny," she gave him a disapproving look.

"It's alright Mother. I forgave you a long time ago," he grinned, pulling Alexis into his side.

"So you just like to torture me? Well isn't that just delightful?" Martha stated sarcastically, before she changed topics. "Don't you two have to get going?"

Castle glanced at his watch, realizing his mother was right, they were running late. Turning Alexis by her shoulders he gave her a gentle shove into the direction of the stairs, "Bring your bags upstairs and freshen up, then we can leave together with your grandmother."

"Yup," Alexis exclaimed happily and hurried up the stairs, leaving her father and grandmother alone in the living room.

Martha making sure Alexis was out of earshot, pulled Castle into the kitchen, questioning eyes turned on him, "How did it go?"

Her son's face lit up, his eyes crinkling with happiness, as he took in a deep breath, "Good, really good I think, at least with Jamie. The start was a bit rocky, but then I think we really had a good time."

"I'm happy for you," Martha smiled warmly, her hand reaching up to pat him affectionately on the cheek. "And with Kate?"

"Well, she more or less let Jamie and me be, so I think that's a good sign but I don't know how to get through to her, she seems so closed off. And there are so many things we need to talk about, but I don't even know how to get her into a casual conversation, even less how to get serious," he sighed, his hand running trough his hair.

"Richard, we were both clear that it will take time. You can't just rush it forward like a video tape to a time where it won't be awkward anymore. But it will get better. She will get to know you and I'm sure she'll open up eventually. Right now you focus on the positive things. You and Jamie got along, that's great. Take it from there, every day a little bit further. And the rest will come in time. I'm sure."

He huffed, but nodded. Of course his mother was right, if only he wasn't so damn impatient.

There was no more time to dwell on it though as Alexis came rushing back down, "I'm ready, Dad!" She exclaimed at the bottom of the stairs.

"Great," he beamed, turning around to catch her as she came running into his arms, spinning her around. "So you're excited to see Stuart?"

"Yesss!" Alexis shrieked, struggling to be set down again and immediately pulling her dad towards the door the second her feet were hitting the ground.

"Are you leaving with us, or staying?" Castle asked his mother, trying to withstand his daughter's pulling forces.

Picking up her bags, Martha followed her family to the door, "I need a relaxing bath at home." She sighed dramatically. "Your daughter wore me out."

Alexis spun around with big eyes, "I did not!"

"Just kidding Kiddo," Martha winked at the girl her voice soft when she continued. "I loved every minute of our day together."

Alexis eyes crinkled with joy, so very much like her father's and reaching for her grandmother's arm she held on tightly as she pressed herself into her side, "Me too."

* * *

Kate and Jamie walked through the front door of their apartment and Kate had to stop her daughter from running straight into the living room in her dirty clothes.

"Whoa, wait a second," she hurled back the bundle of energy, pulling Jamie to her side. "We need to get you out of these clothes and under the shower before you do anything else." Kate informed her.

Jamie pouted. She'd clearly had other plans upon her return. A shower probably hadn't been one of them. She crossed her little arms in front of her chest, biting down on her bottom lip and fixing her mother's gaze with a stoic look.

"Hey young lady, you and Rick wanted to play with the water, not me." Kate tipped her index finger against Jamie's nose and the girl's mood immediately brightened up.

"Rick's funny," she stated and pulled one of the faces she had picked up from him, while Kate helped her out of her clothes. "He makes faces."

"Yeah?" Kate smiled at her daughter, trying not to let any of the discomfort show that suddenly and unexpectedly rose up in her, "You liked him?"

"Yes." Jamie nodded eagerly.

"Do you want to spent time with him again?" Kate asked further, taking the opportunity to get this done, get the questions out while it seemed unforced.

"Yes," Jamie nodded even more enthusiastic and Kate had to laugh, despite that foul feeling in her stomach. He had made her daughter happy today and that should be all that mattered. She had to admit, he had been great with Jamie, had won her over faster than anyone before, even Cynthia. She couldn't deny that even though it made her uneasy. But she just wasn't used for things to go smoothly and she didn't trust the truce that seemed to have settled between them, not yet anyway. Too many disappointments in her life had taught her this lesson the hard way, trusting someone would only get your heart broken.

For now she pushed those feelings away and instead focused on getting her daughter out of her clothes before ushering her down the hall and into the bathroom.

It would've been easier if they had a bathtub, she realized once again. She was reminded of that everyday when she bathed Jamie and everyday she longed for a relaxing hot bath after a tough day at the precinct. But there was just no room in the small bathroom and so she had bought a portable plastic tub that fitted into the shower cabin and for now it would have to do. But their next place would come with a bath tub, once she made detective she would make sure she would never have to worry about plastic tubs again.

Jamie sat in the water splashing around a bit, her favorite plastic duck swimming around her while she babbled happily about her day with Rick and the great things he had built. Kate just listened, trying not to give into the panic that threatened to boil to the surface again just like on that day in the alley. She had to get a hold of this panic as she knew it was ridiculous, she shouldn't feel jealous or threatened just because Jamie had warmed up to him so quickly. He was her father after all, this was good. She just needed to keep this in mind and use it against the panic. She needed to keep a cool head in this, it was essential.

"Mommy?" Kate was pulled back to the present by her daughter.

"Yes, Sweetie?" She turned her head towards Jamie, only to find herself hit by a splash of water, followed by the giggles of her daughter.

Kate gasped in surprise, eyes wide in shock as the water ran down her face, soaking her shirt. She stared at her daughter, raising one finger at her, "You," she smirked before inserting her hand into the water as well while Jamie was still giggling as her mother's face turned smug, "Just you wait. Just you wait." She warned her daughter and then she started to splash back.

* * *

"So did you like it?" Castle asked, as they walked out of the movie theatre into the sticky heat of the evening. Summer in New York could stink, Castle thought as he walked past the rubbish bags from the dinner next door rotting on the sidewalk. He pushed Alexis into the other direction, looking out for a cab.

"It was good," Alexis finally said after thinking about her father's question for awhile, "Though I didn't like that George lied to his parents. You shouldn't lie to your parents."

Castle looked down at his daughter, contemplating what she'd just said before he replied, "Sometimes people lie because they think it's the right thing in order to safe a bigger cause or because they think the truth might hurt someone. You know what I mean? Of course it's not okay to lie, but sometimes we do it with the best intentions."

"I would never lie to you, Dad." And Alexis looked so serious that Castle just had to lean down and place a kiss on the top of her head. He knew she would. Someday despite her best intentions she would lie to him and he would forgive her, because that's just the way it worked between fathers and daughters.

Looking back up he caught the glimpse of a camera directed at them. Silently cursing he quickly stepped in front of Alexis and lifted his hand to stop the cab approaching them, "Let's go Pumpkin." He ordered and hastily ushered her into the car with one last look behind to see the paparazzi had closed the distance between them.

"Go," he told the cabby and they wormed their way into traffic before the paparazzi could reach them.

"What is it Dad?" Alexis asked trying to see what her father's eyes were directed at.

"Nothing, it just smelled nasty out there," he played it down as Alexis chuckled. He sank into the seat as they passed the next intersection. He didn't want pictures of his daughter in any of the yellow press magazine. The paparazzi normally left him alone but the Derrick Storm novels had been so successful that whenever a new instalment was published the interest in him and his private life increased. He knew he had to deal with it, Paula insisted it was part of the deal, whatever deal that was, but he would do anything to keep his daughter out of it. His daughter was off limits.

And suddenly it hit him, he needed to talk to Kate. How could he have been so careless? What if someone had seen them together on the playground today? He could already see the headlines, knowing exactly what Kate would do if anything like that would happen, she would shut him out and all the progress he had made over the past days would be ruined. He had to talk to her as soon as he got home. This couldn't wait.

X~~~~X


	14. Harmonization

X~~~~X

Kate had gone to bed early, emotionally drained after too much thinking about the day's events and decided the only way to stop the train of thoughts was to go to bed and try to sleep. But of course sleep wouldn't come easily and she was barely drifting on the edge of it when her phone rang, pulling her back to full consciousness.

"Beckett," she answered groggily, pushing herself up against the headboard.

"Hey Kate, it's Rick. I hope it's not too late." He sounded nervous.

"Castle?" She glanced over at her alarm clock, it was quarter past ten. "I told you I would call as soon as I've checked my shift plan."

He could tell she was slightly annoyed so he was quick to stop her wrong footed assumption, "I know, that's not why I'm calling."

She sat up a bit straighter, pulling the thin blanket further up her body. She felt strangely exposed talking to him while lying in bed in her pj's and she chided herself for that thought, it's not like he hadn't seen it all.

"Why are you calling then?" She asked hesitantly. "Is it about today?"

"No, it's not about today either, not really," he sighed. He didn't know how to get into this, realizing he had no idea what Kate actually knew about him. He had to ask her, there was no other way, "Kate?" He cleared his throat. "What do you know about me?"

"I don't know what you mean." She stated puzzled.

"I mean do you know who I am? What I do for a living?"

She was silent and he didn't know what to make out of it, but before he could ask again she spoke.

"I know you're a novelist. You write mystery novels." She knew it was no use to deny that she indeed knew who Richard Castle really was, but she wouldn't give him anything more than that, instead waited for him to reveal where he was going with this.

"Okay, good." She heard him take a deep breath. "I was out tonight with Alexis," and again he had no idea if Kate knew he had another daughter, "she's my -."

"Your daughter, I know." She filled in before he could finish his sentence and suddenly sensing what this was about. He wanted Alexis to meet Jamie.

She thought she had been clear about the fact it would only be him for a while. So why would he bring it up and why now? This surely could wait until tomorrow. He must know what her answer would be to a proposition like this.

Castle was surprised. She'd obviously done some research on him. But this was actually a good thing, it would make it easier for him to explain.

"Yeah, my daughter," he confirmed nevertheless before he continued, "So Alexis and I were out tonight at the movies. We saw Stuart Little 2, really cute and funny."

"Castle." She cut off his rambling. "Get to the point."

"Ah right, sorry." Gathering his thoughts he started once more, "After the movie we were followed by paparazzi, well paparazzo. It was only one."

Kate frowned, still not understanding why he was telling her this. What did he want from her?

"I keep Alexis out of the media," he continued, "And normally the yellow press is not very interested in me, even less in my daughter, but with the new book out and me making the list -," she interrupted him.

"What list?"

"New York's Most Eligible Bachelors," he said sounding embarrassed.

"Oh, that list," she hadn't seen it and just very briefly wondered which number he made.

"I'm number 5," he answered her unspoken question.

She didn't react to that so he just went on, "Well anyway, things have heated up a bit at the moment and I didn't think about it when we met today and I should have considered the possibility that someone might see us."

She grabbed the phone tighter. What was he saying? "Are you telling me someone took pictures of us today?" She asked sounding frantic.

"No, no." He quickly jumped in. "Not that I know of and I'm sure we would have noticed. I just think you need to know that this is sometimes a part of my life, whether I like it or not." He took a deep breath, considering his next words, "But let me assure you usually it isn't a big deal and they leave me alone unless I'm at a gala or a benefit. It's just that right now everything is coming together and we should be careful." He paused. "I mean I will be more careful from now on. I just wanted you to know, so you can decide how you want to handle this." He finished with a deep sigh, expecting her to be angry. This definitely wouldn't make things easier for him with her. He knew as much, but she had a right to know and he had no other choice but to tell her.

She was silent for a moment, taking in what he had just revealed. And then was surprised by her own reaction, she wasn't angry with him. She respected him for telling her. It would've certainly been easier to keep this to himself and just hoping to be lucky to not run into any paparazzi while they were together. That he actually called her right away built something in her, though she couldn't put her finger on it, but whatever it was it made her chose her next words carefully.

"Okay, let me think about it and then we'll see how we'll deal with it the next time." She said, running a hand through her hair, while she relaxed a bit more into her pillows.

_Next time_, he was relieved to hear her speak those words. He'd feared she would call everything off, "So you'll still call me to set a new date?" He had to make sure, his voice hopeful.

"I will," she confirmed. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Great." He breathed down the line and she could tell he had feared she would shut him out again, when he'd barely had the chance to get in.

"Thanks for giving me the heads up. I don't like the possibilities that come with it but I do appreciate you telling me."

"Sure," Castle sighed, "Okay, I'll let you be then," he spoke softly. "Good night Kate."

"Night, Castle."

* * *

Castle was checking his mobile phone every other minute. He had given Kate both his mobile and his home number, but he had no idea which one she would call and more importantly when. Logic told him, she wouldn't call until later tonight, probably after she had put Jamie to bed but hope was a traitorous little thing nagging at the back of his mind.

He had wanted to talk to her about some other things as well last night, logistics really, but he had been too surprised by her reaction to his revelations about the paparazzi and he hadn't wanted to push his luck. Back out while you're on top, his mother always said. By now he was sure it was better to do it in person anyway. Even if the thought of doing this face to face intimidated him - just a little.

"Richard?" Paula's shrill voice brought him back to the present and he couldn't hide the annoyed look directed at her.

"What?" He muttered. He didn't want to be here in the first place. Normally Paula did these kinds of meetings without him and he still had no clue why she had insisted he should come along this time other than to nag him in person.

He had actually wanted to get some writing done today, but apparently they were still not through with discussing the matter of his next book tour. He had agreed to do a couple of cities, if he could fly home in between, he didn't want to leave Alexis alone for an extended period of time, even though he knew his mother would be more than fine to take care of her while he was out of town. But it wasn't just Alexis anymore he had to take in consideration and the thought of being away for weeks while still getting to know Jamie wasn't something he was willing to do. Of course he couldn't tell them that so he had whined, complained and said 'no' until they had agreed to postpone the book tour until the fall.

"You know that this can cost you a lot of money," Paula sent him a pointed look.

"You mean it could cost Black Pawn a lot of money," he answered sarcastically, glancing over at Gina who followed their dispute with interest, sensing an opportunity to get on Rick's good side.

"That's okay Paula, Black Pawn does understand that Richard's daughter always comes first," she intervened sweetly, sending Rick a broad smile.

It looked faked to him, but he was polite enough to give her grateful nod. "I think we're done here then. After all you want a new Derrick Storm next year and it's not going to write itself," he said, pushing his chair back and getting up.

He didn't make it to the door, Gina's voice calling him back, "Richard could I have a minute in private?"

Castle looked at Paula, who was already gathering her things, a bit too eager to leave the room for his liking. They had set him up, normally he could smell a trap like this a mile away, but he had been preoccupied and now he was stuck, stuck with that dangerous woman and her tempting hips.

He took in a deep breath as Paula hurried past him, leaving him alone with his publisher. Turning around he put on a fake smile, trying to hide his real feelings, "What can I do for you, Gina?" He asked, rising one eyebrow as she crossed the room to stop in front of him.

"You kind of brushed me off last time, when I asked you out for lunch," she pouted in this way woman of her calibre used to do when they tried to get what they wanted. He wouldn't deny it had worked on him before and even now he wasn't totally immune to it. "I thought maybe we could make good for it now, if you're free."

He cleared his throat, taking a step back to get some distance between her and himself trying to think of a way to let her down gently, he had to work with her after all. But he obviously waited too long, because Gina took his silence as agreement.

"There is this lovely restaurant just around the corner," she was already grabbing her purse. "I won't take no for an answer this time."

Castle sighed. She didn't leave him much of a choice, did she?

* * *

It hadn't been as awful as he had expected. He had to admit it had actually been kind of nice, his lunch with Gina Cowel. She was an intelligent woman, there was no doubt about that and it was something he liked in a woman and he had to admit he hadn't given her enough credit. But the last thing he needed right now was another distraction. So he had tried to reel in the womanizing, charming beast that he knew lived within him and had left it out of the equation. Gina hadn't seemed to care too much, but he was glad they had parted without making any new plans.

"Dad?" Alexis called from the kitchen, but he was too lazy to get up.

"What?" he called back.

"I'm hungry," she stated now walking towards his office. "What are we having for dinner?"

Rick looked up at her then down at his watch. Alexis was right it was already past their usual dinner time and he hadn't gotten a single paragraph done. Getting up he walked over to her, "What do you feel like?" He asked. "Pasta, Pizza?"

"Dad we can't always eat junk food," she sighed, rolling her eyes.

"What? You're calling pasta a la Castle, junk food?" He placed his right hand over his heart, "That hurts."

"Dad," Alexis giggled, "Seriously."

"Okay, okay, party-pooper I'll think of something," he looked down at her extra thoughtful, while walking side by side back into the kitchen.

Opening the fridge, he stuck his head in to see what it had to offer, rummaging through it until he found the ingredients he had been looking for. "Well we have chicken and broccoli," he emerged from the fridge looking at his daughter "and maybe potatoes?"

"Sounds good," Alexis nodded, climbing onto one of the barstools next to the kitchen counter. "How did your meeting go?" She asked, sounding way too grown up for Castle's taste.

"Boring," he sighed dramatically while preparing pans and pots to get their dinner ready.

"I bet Paula was mad at you again," Alexis grinned from ear to ear.

"The question, my dear daughter is, when is Paula not mad at me." He pointed the spatula at her, to emphazise his point. "Sometimes she reminds me of Ursula."

"The sea witch?" his daughter frowned.

"Exactly her," her dad nodded enthusiastically.

"But Paula doesn't look like her at all," she crinkled her nose.

Castle pondered that for a moment, "No, you're right. She's way too skinny to look like Ursula, but," he raised the spatula again, "nevertheless I'm one of her _poor unfortunate souls_."

"Dad," Alexis laughed and couldn't stop when he actually started to sing and act out the song from The Little Mermaid.

"_I admit that in the past I've been a nasty  
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch"_

He gave Alexis a look, throwing the spatula behind himself, singing the next words as he put the chicken into the pan.

_"But you'll find that nowadays  
I've mended all my ways  
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch  
To this  
And I fortunately know a little magic  
It's a talent that I always have possessed"_

He turned the gas on the oven up shortly, causing the flame to shoot up around the pan and into the air. Symbolically presenting his own magical powers.

_And dear lady, please don't laugh  
I use it on behalf  
Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed, pathetic_"

He was getting ready for the grand finale, but the water boiled and he had to turn it down quickly to prevent it from spilling over. Alexis shot him a disapproving look for his clumsiness, but couldn't hide the smile that spread over her face. She had told him a thousand times he should pay more attention.

"If she finds out you think about her that way, she'll be mad at you again." Alexis stated when Castle was done with his performance.

"But who's gonna tell her?" He stepped onto the other side of the counter, levelling his eyes with those of his daughter. "My own flesh and blood? I don't think so."

"Well," she smirked at him, climbing down from the barstool to set the table, "Maybe one day I'll use it against you."

"You wouldn't. You little minx," Castle stared at her, amusement dancing in his eyes.

His daughter just shrugged, leaving him without an answer.

* * *

Kate had been home later than she had expected, but Vice had requested her again and it was a good opportunity for her to shine besides her normal duties and so she had willingly agreed to the assignment.

Fortunately Cynthia had been able to stay longer than usual and so Kate hadn't had to worry about a babysitter.

When she walked into the front door Cynthia was on the couch reading, looking up shortly before she put the book away, joining Kate in the hallway.

"She's been fast asleep for the past two hours," Cynthia informed her, smiling gently at Kate.

"Good," Kate smiled back, kicking off her shoes, "How did it go today?"

"Great we've been to the playground," Cynthia gave her a calculating look. "And she went on and on about someone called Rick." She raised her eyebrows in question. "Rick apparently built her a very impressive castle."

"Yeah," Kate's hands ran nervously through her hair.

"Who's Rick?"

She should have known that Cynthia would ask about him once she found out. Chewing on her bottom lip, Kate looked anywhere but Cynthia, "He's just a friend." She finally said, hoping Cynthia would leave it like this but of course she didn't.

"A friend? You never mentioned him."

"An old friend, I haven't seen him in quite some time and -," she didn't get any further.

"Wait a minute," Cynthia eyes widened in shock. "Rick like in Richard Castle?"

Kate just huffed but it was enough of an answer to Cynthia.

"Oh my God, Kate."

"It's nothing, really."

"Nothing? Isn't he like your favorite author?"

This was getting embarrassing.

"I like his books, yes." Kate's voice was firm. She didn't want to be interrogated, especially not about Richard Castle and how much she loved his books and why she was having play dates with him and her daughter.

Cynthia picked up on her mood, showing some mercy she let Kate of the hook, "Okay, you don't want to talk about it. I get it. It's none of my business anyway. But Kate he's really cute and seems to be a fun guy and you could use some fun."

"Cynthia." Kate glared at her.

"Okay, okay. I'm gone," the elder woman grinned at her before quickly walking over to the front door, "See you tomorrow, Kate."

The door closed behind her and Kate just stared at it. He was cute, she knew that herself. She let out a frustrated growl, silently cursing Cynthia for putting that thought into her head when she still had to call him.

* * *

Castle's phone rang at 10:40pm while he dozed on the couch and he needed a few seconds to realize what had pulled him from the comfortable state he had been in. He practically leaped at the receiver lying on the coffee table when he realized it was the phone and it had to be Kate.

"Castle," he sounded breathless and she wondered what he had been doing. Maybe he was with someone?

"Am I interrupting?" She asked a bit too snappy and without a greeting as if she expected him to know it was her.

"No, why?" He sounded confused, his hand running through his hair to rearrange his messy bangs.

"You sound breathless," she stated without thinking.

"Oh, yeah. I fell asleep on the couch and I have to admit the phone startled me a little, that's all." He explained and Kate could hear his breathing was already calming down again.

"Oh, okay," she muttered and yet she couldn't stop the next words that escaped her lips, "So you're alone tonight?" Why was she asking him this? She bit down on her bottom lip. Damn Cynthia and her wicked mind, putting these pictures in her head, pleasant pictures, because, yes he was cute, but now she was angry with herself to think about him in that way at all. And she obviously had nothing better to do than to take it out on him.

"Opposed to when?" He still hadn't caught up with her train of thoughts but Kate was silent on the other end of the line, relieved he couldn't see her and the nice shade of red, spreading all over her face. But then it dawned on him. "You mean my mother?" He asked.

His mother?

"Your mother?" She coaxed out.

"You talked to her on the phone the last time you called," he explained easily, if he was irritated by her behavior he didn't let it show.

His mother? It had been his mother who had picked up the phone when she had called two nights ago? This whole thing got more embarrassing by the minute, what was wrong with her tonight?

"Did you check your schedule?" Castle asked and she was immensely grateful he didn't question her strange interrogation about things that really weren't any of her business. It was a good thing Kate couldn't see the big grin plastered all over Castle's face.

"I did, yes," she hesitated, knowing he wouldn't like what she would tell him next, "Saturday is the earliest possible day for us to make it."

"Saturday?" Kate could hear the disappointment in his voice. "That's four days from now."

"I know. I'm sorry," she meant it. "I have this special assignment with Vice and it means longer hours than usual." She didn't know why she felt the need to explain it to him.

"It's okay," he sighed. "I'd just hoped that -," he left the sentence unfinished.

They were silent while Castle tried to get a hold of his disappointment, "Will you tell her I said 'hi'?

"Of course," Kate's voice came soft over the line, "and I'll call you to clear the details."

She sounded as if she wanted to end the call, but there was something else on his mind, "Kate, we need to talk about," he paused, "things. I mean like child support and –." She cut him off.

"Castle," her tone was warning. "Not now. You agreed we would take it slow."

"I know, but I want you to know that- ." Again she didn't let him finish.

"I know and I appreciate it, but now is not the time to talk about it, okay?" He could tell she didn't like that he brought it up and he feared she still hadn't fully decided to let him into his daughter's life.

"Kate," he sounded almost heart broken and for a second she didn't know why, but then she quickly put it together.

"Castle, this is not about you being a part of her life, okay? I meant it when I said I'm willing to give this, _you_ a chance and I'm not changing my mind." Kate sighed, trying to gather her thoughts. "You were great with her. She likes you and I don't want to get in the way of that."

He was stunned into silence and so was Kate she hadn't meant to reveal any of this, hadn't even realized it was the way she obviously felt, but there was no way back. The words were out there.

"So let's concentrate on one thing at the time and right now that is you and Jamie getting to know each other." She waited for him to say something and when he finally did, she could hear he'd been touched by her words.

"Okay, I get it. You're right, so Saturday?"

"Saturday it is and I'll tell her you said "hi"." He could hear she was smiling.

"Night, Kate."

They hung up and Castle dropped the phone on the couch next to him. _Four days. _He sighed as he got up from the couch, making his way over to his bedroom. He had hoped to be able to see Jamie sooner, but on the other hand Kate's words had reassured him and for the first time he went to bed and didn't fear it would all be taken away from him again.

X~~~~X


	15. Windy Corners

~XOXOX~

Kate was soaked through to the bone and even though it was a warm night she was freezing. The street corner Vice had assigned her to was a windy one and combined with her wet clothes and a tiredness that crept through her whole being she wished she could just go home. But not yet, she still hadn't been able to get a positive ID on Raul Gonzalez, who supposedly was still in the building across the street. _Supposedly_, though Kate was starting to doubt that.

She had barely seen Jamie all week, her special assignment with Vice taking up most of her time and she craved nothing more than to spend a quiet night at her home with her daughter, just the two of them and a book.

Sure, her involvement in a major operation like this was something that would look good on her track record, but right now freezing, tired, alone and missing her daughter she questioned if the prize she had to pay to be part of it was worth it.

Kate wrapped her arms a bit tighter around her middle, stepping from one foot to the other, trying to get some feeling back into her numbed extremities. She saw the car approaching out of the corner of her eye and for a second she braced herself to get rid of yet another john who would try to make her an offer she couldn't refuse but then she realized it was an unmarked car of one of their own. Taking a step forward she waited until the car stopped next to her and she could lean into the window on the passenger's side.

"Royce?" She looked at her partner with a puzzled expression, "What are you doing here?"

"Stake out is over, Raul Ramirez has been spotted at another location uptown." Royce filled her in, signalling her to get into the car. "I offered to pick you up and get you home."

Kate settled into the passenger's seat and gratefully accepted the towel Royce held out to her.

"Why didn't someone from Vice come by?" She asked, still not sure why Royce was getting into all this trouble to pick her up, his shift had ended hours ago.

"They all moved uptown," he shrugged. "I didn't want you to have to take a cab."

She appreciated his thoughtfulness, "Thanks Royce, but you really didn't have to do this. I would have been fine taking a cab."

He gave her a once over, her wet clothes clinging to her body, her hair dishevelled, "I'm not sure any cabby would have taken you in." He smirked at her, putting the car into gear and turning around to bring them to her apartment.

They were silent for awhile, Kate trying to dry her hair as best as possible, while Royce turned the heating up, noticing the goose bumps on her forearms.

"How long have you been standing at that corner?" Her partner finally asked, taking a left turn.

She sighed, "Five hours."

"Five hours in this weather?" Royce shot her look, it wasn't exactly a cold night, but with the rain and the wind it was kind of chilly. "And they don't even have the dignity to have someone come down here and pick you up?"

"Royce, it's okay. I can handle myself and you know how important it is to get Gonzalez," she played it down, though she had to admit she had been thinking the same. And if she was being honest, it wasn't the first time it happened.

"It's not okay, Beckett. They can't request your help and then leave you hanging. That's not acceptable," she could tell he was furious. "I will have a talk with that Gregson guy who asked for you in the first place." He muttered.

Kate's head shot around, "You will do no such thing Royce. Do you hear me? I don't need you to protect me. I will sort this out on my own."

"Beckett -," but she didn't let him finish.

"No, I need these assignments and if you talk to Gregson they will never ask for me again," she dared him to challenge her on this.

"Why is this so important to you?" He asked, stopping at a red light and turning his head to look at her.

"You know why," she stated, absentmindedly reaching for the chain with her mother's ring, which she had foolishly kept around her neck, breaking eye contact with Royce and staring out the window.

"Becoming Detective is worth more than your dignity?" He questioned, because that's what this was to him, they had treated her poorly. The moment they didn't need her anymore they gave a shit. He's been there, he knew how it worked with the guys from Vice and he didn't want her to put herself on the line for them because she thought it would open her doors. There were other ways. "Vice is not the only way to get what you want, Beckett."

"I know, but it's the fastest, you know that as well as I do." She looked at him again. "You're not talking to Gregson."

"Suit yourself," Royce muttered and with that the matter was settled. He knew she was stubborn and if she had her mind set on something there was no way to get her to change course.

"Did this Castle guy bother you again?" Royce suddenly asked into the silence that had settled between them and Kate was taken by surprise by his sudden change of topic.

"What?" She looked at him puzzled.

"That author you had this fallout with," he went on, thinking her hesitation meant she either didn't realize whom he was talking about or she didn't want to.

"Oh," she nodded. "No, all good on that front."

"Good, because you know if he's giving you any kind of trouble, I can -," she stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"That won't be necessary," Kate wasn't willing to tell him anything else, glad when he left it at that.

* * *

The week went by slowly, so slowly in fact that Castle thought the weekend might just never arrive. Gina had been pestering him all week for a new lunch date and he was running out of excuses. Yes, she was intelligent, nice and good looking and he knew why Paula had taken an interest in playing match maker, but there was also a sense of factitiousness and superficiality surrounding her he didn't like. He had met many women like her, successful women, who were used to get what they wanted and he had to admit they had gotten him more often than he would like to admit. The past two years after the break-up with Meredith he certainly hadn't been a saint, though not as bad as the tabloids made him out to be. But he just couldn't find it in himself to trust someone again, he had been close with Sophia, well and that had come to bite him in the ass. He knew he couldn't trust a woman like Gina and he wouldn't make the same mistakes again. He was looking for something - for _someone_ else.

So he had told Gina, he needed to write, a strike of inspiration had come to him and he felt like he was going to write a whole chapter in the next few days. She had believed him and he was confident he'd managed to get off her hook for now.

The truth was he hadn't been able to write a single paragraph. He had stared at a blank white page for the past days and nothing would come. Nothing solid anyway, the only thing he had managed was to scribble down some ideas and fragments of scenes.

He finally decided to let it go for now and instead went in search of his daughter to see if she was up for some father daughter time. Maybe a round of laser tag would spur his imagination.

* * *

Kate woke with a start, disoriented and panting she glanced at the alarm clock on her bedside table. 3:44am.

She groaned, feeling hot and bothered and for a moment she didn't know why. Did she catch a cold? Did she have a nightmare? And then she remembered all too clearly. Not a nightmare, she had dreamed of _him_. Another groan escaped her, this time one of embarrassment. Please God, no. The last thing she needed right now was to have dreams about him, any kind of dreams even less sexy dreams. This was all Cynthia's fault she tried to tell herself, only she knew it wasn't. She should have known it was only a matter of time when he would affect her, get to her and obviously under her skin. After all he had affected her once before in a way no other man ever had. There was a reason she hadn't been able to forget him over the past few years and the reason was not only Jamie.

She needed to get this under control, keep a cool head. She couldn't allow herself any mistakes and to think there was even a chance … no. She knew all too well how that would end.

* * *

Bored, Castle was bored. Just bored, so bored actually he was seriously considering throwing pencils against the ceiling to see if they would stick. Now where had he seen that before? Oh yes, The X-Files, the episode where Scully took a vacation in New England, the one with the creepy doll and where Mulder stayed back home, bored.

Alexis was at Daphnie's place, his mother out of town with a man, just a friend, _sure_, he knew exactly what kind of friend that was. Ewww, now he had pictures in his head. He frantically shook his head while strolling into the kitchen to open the fridge, he didn't even know why. He wasn't hungry, just immensely - bored.

He had even considered calling Gina, ask her out for lunch. Dangerous thought, he needed to distract himself and fast.

He could call Kate, but she would be still at work. Just a quick call, just to hear how Jamie was doing, she wouldn't like it. Hell, she would probably be furious. But he would just be checking in, they hadn't talked about where to meet on Saturday yet. He could use that as an excuse though she had said _she_ would call him about the details.

But then again he was so bored and he really wanted to know how Jamie was and he just didn't have any self control left, he had dialled her number before he even knew it.

* * *

"Beckett," she answered without looking.

"Hey, it's me," the male voice told her, causing her to look up from her paperwork and furrow her brows in confusion. "Castle?"

"Yeah," he breathed obviously relieved she had recognized him, "Hi."

"Hi," she said back, still confused and it showed in her voice. What did he want?

"I just wanted," he stuttered, started again. "Just wanted to check on you and," he paused, "on Jamie, I just wanted to check on Jamie?"

"Is that a question?" She asked.

"Uhm, no?" Bad idea, bad idea to call her, he chided himself.

"Jamie is good," she said finally. "But I'm at work and -," he cut her off quickly.

"Yes, sorry. I know, just wanted to say hi real quick and hear how things are going." He was rambling. "I'll let you get back to it. To work, I'll let you get back to work. Bye Kate."

"Castle," she stopped him before he could hang up.

"Yes?" His voice was pitched high and she had to bit down on her bottom lip not to laugh.

"About Saturday," she continued and his heart stopped. She was going to cancel.

"Uh, yes," his tone was hesitant, almost fearful.

"I'll call you tonight." She let him know and could hear him let out a long breath of relief he must have been holding.

"Oh, okay. Yes, thanks." There was still hope after all.

"Bye Castle." She needed to go back to work before Royce noticed who exactly she was talking to and she saw him coming towards her right this second.

"Bye, Kate." He finally hung up and sighed. This hadn't been as bad as it could have been.

"Who was that?" Royce asked, pointing at her phone.

"No one," she said, catching Royce look. "No one you know, an old friend from college."

"Aha," he just nodded before sitting back down at his desk. Beckett never talked to old friends from college.

* * *

Kate did call him that night, it was late and she apologized, but Castle really didn't care. She could call him anytime she wanted, he wouldn't complain.

"How was your day?" He asked and really had no idea why. They certainly weren't anywhere near a place where it would've been okay to ask her that kind of question.

She thought the same, judged by the silence he was met with.

"I'm sorry that's really none of my business," he apologized quickly.

"No, no it's okay. It was the usual. Thanks." She had no idea when it was the last time someone other than Cynthia had asked her how her day had been and meant it. He meant it, she could tell by the sound of his voice and she couldn't deny it felt good to be asked.

"Okay, that's good I guess," he said, his voice warm and rich while she could hear his even breaths coming over the line. Silence settled between them once more though for the first time it wasn't the awkward kind.

But Kate couldn't allow it to last, couldn't give into the needs she was so used to push away. Just to have someone who cared, it was an illusion. She knew that all too well.

"So about Saturday," she brought them back on more solid grounds. "I thought about what you told me, about the paparazzi."

He sighed, so she did have second thoughts after all, "Kate, I -," he didn't know what to tell her.

"There is a private playground just around the corner from my place I thought we -," Castle cut her off.

"You're not cancelling?" He asked hopeful.

Kate was puzzled, "No, why would I?"

"I thought, because of the media thing and what it might imply," he left that hanging.

"Castle, I'm not saying I like it, but I guess as long as we're careful," she could hear he tried to suppress a chuckle. "What?"

"Uhu, sure safety first, but let me assure you Kate; you would like it," he couldn't hold it in, he just couldn't it just sounded so, inappropriate and maybe her change of tone tonight made him brave or reckless and it was out before he could stop himself.

"Seriously? What are you, nine?" He could tell she wasn't amused, not at all.

"Sorry, that was inappropriate," he quickly pack paddled. "I apologize."

Her only reply was a low grumble, "So Saturday. We could meet you there at two."

"Okay, yeah that sounds good," he nodded eagerly.

She gave him the address and he quickly scribbled it down.

"We'll see you on Saturday then," Kate summed it up.

"You will. Night Kate."

~XOXOX~


	16. A little fall of rain

~XOXOX~

Castle stepped into the courtyard and suddenly found himself in a green, peaceful oasis right in the middle of the hectic life of Manhattan and for a moment he just stilled to take it all in. The trees offered enough shielding from the sun to make the heat bearable, the sandbox was small but well-kept as were the seesaw and the swing set in the furthest corner of the small park where he finally spotted Kate and Jamie. The two of them had yet to notice his arrival and so he took the opportunity to just observe for a while, risking that the coffee he was holding for Kate would get cold.

Kate was sitting on one of the swings, Jamie in her lap with an arm securely wrapped around the girl's middle, the other one holding on to one of the strings and he had never seen Kate so radiant, so free. Even from afar he could see the sparkle in her eyes, so much joy as if for once, she didn't have a care in the world. It suited her and he was mesmerized, couldn't take his eyes off of her, realizing once more just how beautiful she was.

"Mommy, look Rick!" Jamie exclaimed, unceremoniously ending his secret spying session and he quickly set into motion to cover up his staring.

"Hey you two," he greeted them, handing over Kate's coffee for which she reached with a surprised look on her face, was this his thing now? Bringing her coffee? And how did he even know she was a coffee junkie, craved for the brown liquor as others for sunlight.

"It's a Vanilla Latte," he explained, "I hope you like it."

"Like it? It's my favorite," she smiled shyly up at him and Castle bounced on his feet with joy, he did it. He'd made her smile and it wasn't vanishing either, was actually still on her face when she took her first sip, closing her eyes as she clearly enjoyed the hot beverage despite the temperatures.

"Thanks Castle," she finally said, letting Jamie down and getting up from the swings.

He just smiled at her like an idiot, until his attention was pulled downwards as Jamie was pulling on his jeans.

"And me?" She asked, pointing at the coffee cups that the adults were holding.

Castle kneeled down in front of her, reaching for the bag he had carried over his shoulder and was actually a carry-on cooler, "Let me see what I can do for you," he told his daughter and made a big show of rummaging through the box until he pulled out a Popsicle, "Ice cream okay with you?"

Jamie shrieked in delight, reaching for the Popsicle with clumsy fingers and Castle feared the treat might land in the sand after all.

"Uhm Jamie, didn't you forget something?" Kate asked, giving her daughter an expectant look.

"Thanks," Jamie hastily added, before returning her attention to the unwrapping of the cool surprise with which Castle helped her quickly.

Seeing that his daughter was momentarily occupied he returned his attention to her mother, sitting down on one of the swings and watching her do the same, "How did your special assignment go? Or is that classified?" He asked sheepishly, the casual talk had worked quite successfully the other night on the phone and her smile made him brave enough to try it again.

"I'm with the NYPD not the CIA," she laughed, keeping an eye on Jamie who had already managed to get ice cream all over her face.

"So you can talk about it?" He questioned, pushing himself off the ground and setting the swing into motion.

"No, it's an ongoing investigation, sorry." He could tell she wasn't sorry at all.

"Oh come on," he whined, "just a little something. Like was it a stake-out or an undercover mission? Were you dressed as a," he glanced quickly into Jamie's direction, before mouthing the word 'hooker'.

Kate's eyes widened, "What?"

"Oh my God!" He exclaimed a bit too loud, "You totally were."

"Castle." She hissed, "Would you keep it down? Geez."

"But I'm right, am I?" He whispered, causing her to roll her eyes, he thought it was adorable. "You were dressed like a -," she stopped him.

"Don't say it." She warned.

"Okay, okay," he raised his hands in surrender. "But I'm right?"

She rolled her eyes again, but he could see the smile in them as well and though she didn't give him a verbal answer, the look on her face was confirmation enough.

"Awesome." He beamed. "And did you -," she cut him off again.

"Castle, I'm not discussing this with you, especially not with our daughter sitting right over there," and this actually did shut him up.

When she looked at him again, he had a dumbstruck expression on his face and for a second she wondered what she had said that would make him look like – oh, _our _daughter – she had said our daughter. She took a deep breath. She had carefully avoided to create a 'we' between them so far, even though, of course _they_ _were_ Jamie's parents. What was this man doing to her that she let down her guard so easily? That she seemed to throw all cautions to the wind, strayed from the path she had been so eager to follow. What happened to being careful and taking it slow? But it really shouldn't surprise her; after all he had done it before.

"Rick?" Jamie saved her mother from further questions as she watched Rick jump down from the swings and walking over to the girl.

"Hey there," Rick greeted, sitting down next to his daughter. "What do you want to do? Sandbox?"

Jamie's answer was swallowed by a loud thunder, causing all three of them to look up to see dark clouds gathering above them were just minutes ago the sky had been bright and blue.

"They said it would only rain in the evening," Kate said, scrunching her nose. "I guess they were wrong."

"Home mommy?" Jamie asked, looking heartbreakingly disappointed.

"I'm sorry Baby Bird, but yes, we have to go home." Kate kneeled down in front her daughter, tapping her nose with her finger, but the gesture didn't elicit the usual smile. Kate looked at Rick to her left who looked likewise disappointed.

"And Rick?" Jamie lifted her tear filled eyes to meet her mom's. Kate knew how much her daughter had been looking forward to see him again and it broke her heart a little to see her so sad.

"We will set up a new date Jamie," Rick tried to come to Kate's rescue, not wanting her to feel pressured to offer something she wasn't ready to just because her daughter was almost crying.

"When?" Jamie asked, taking in a shaky breath.

Now Kate found herself pinned by two sets of the same blue eyes, while the wind picked up and she felt the first drops falling down on them. Taking a deep breath she made a decision, it was inevitable anyway, wasn't it? "How about Rick comes home with us and you two can play there for a while?"

"Yay!" Jamie shrieked, jumping up, while Castle's face almost made Kate laugh. She had definitely taken him by surprise.

"Are you sure, Kate?" He asked quietly, not believing she had just invited him to her home after all her reservations and her demand to take things slow.

"Come on Castle, before we're all soaking wet," she simply shrugged and turned, letting him sit on the ground with amazement and wonder shining in his eyes. He couldn't believe the change he witnessed in her today. He just hoped it would last. That she wouldn't regret all the progress they were obviously achieving today, hoped it wouldn't be one step forward and two steps back.

* * *

They ran, the rain beating down on them, Kate carrying their bags while Jamie sat on Castle's hip, giggling all the way and cheering Castle on to go faster. Apparently for the little girl there was nothing greater than being carried through the downpour.

They stopped in front of an apartment building, nothing fancy but well-kept and Kate fumbled through her bag to pull out her keys to finally let them escape the rain. They stumbled into the foyer of Kate's building, Castle and Jamie crashing into Kate's back, when she suddenly stopped to shake off the rain.

They all scattered forward and Kate would have fallen if Castle hadn't caught her with his free arm, successfully pinning her back to his chest.

"Whoa, easy," he gasped as she found her footing again and slowly turned around not to slip on the already wet floor, finding herself suddenly incredibly close to him.

A fact that didn't go unnoticed by Rick as his eyes moved on their own account down to her lips, before he quickly turned them up again. _Don't even think about it, _he told himself.

"Well don't bump into me," she replied, but he could tell she wasn't really angry.

He just shrugged, turning to start for the stairs, thinking it was best not to comment on that, "Which floor?"

"Castle," she called him back as he was already halfway up the first flight of stairs, "It's on the sixth and there is an elevator."

He made a funny expression and then came back down to step into the waiting elevator with her.

"Didn't see that," he huffed, repositioning Jamie on his left hip to lean against the wall with his right one.

"Mmh," was her only reply accompanied by a slight nod of her head but he could see the corners of her mouth twitching as she turned away from him.

* * *

They stepped into her apartment, Castle stopping in the hallway letting Kate take Jamie from him and watching her disappear behind a door while he stayed put. He was nervous and unsure what he was or what he was not allowed to do, deciding that it was probably best to wait for further instructions.

"Castle?" he heard her call from behind the door. "Get in here before you flood my whole apartment."

He left his shoes next to the front door and stumbled forward, almost tripping over the bags Kate had left on the floor. Cautiously he stuck his head around the doorframe, only to be hit straight in the face by a towel.

"Dry yourself off," Kate told him, while she was already done putting fresh clothes on Jamie.

"What about you?" He asked, while running the towel through his hair, noticing how her wet clothes clang to her body, her wet curls messily sticking to her head.

"In a minute," she replied. "I gotta find some clothes first."

Giving her daughter a quick kiss on the nose, she shoved her into the direction of the door, "You're good to go, Baby Bird. Go wait in the living room. Maybe you can already find something for you and Rick to play with."

Jamie nodded and trotted off, while Castle stood in the middle of the small bathroom, clutching the towel to his chest as if he was trying to cover himself. "Do you have a blow-dryer?" He asked gesturing down at his soaked jeans and shirt.

She gave him a once over and shook her head, "That would take forever. Let me see if I can find something for you to wear while we put your stuff into the dryer." She suggested before leaving him alone in the bathroom. He frowned, something for him to wear? Did this mean she had men's clothes at her place? Not that is was any of his business, but the thought made him uneasy. Hadn't she said it was just her and Jamie? He huffed, running the towel through his hair once more, starting to look around to distract him. He noted how small her bathroom was, not only compared to his, but in general and yet she had managed to create a cosy atmosphere, made the best of the small space she had and he liked it. He liked it a lot. He took a step towards the shower cabin, but quickly took a double step back. Were those? He took a step forward again, this time prepared for the sight and yes, those were extremely sexy silk thongs hanging in her shower to dry. He took a deep breath. Wow. Another breath. Was she wearing those under her uniform? Now that brought images to his mind. He took another tentative step towards her lingerie when the door suddenly swung open, making him jump before revealing Kate in a dry pair of jeans and a loose shirt, her wet curls still framing her face and he could just stare.

"Something wrong?" She asked when he didn't say anything.

"Ah, no. No." He shook his head. "Everything is fine. Just fine."

She furrowed her brows, but didn't ask any further, instead throwing a bundle of clothes at him. "Here try these on. Might not be your style but I guess it will do for a while."

"Thanks," he stuttered, before watching the door close behind her again.

* * *

He looked ridiculous. The shirt, which was probably way too big on her, was a tight fit on his torso and the pants, he had no idea what they even were. Definitely not men's clothes that was for sure. He looked stupid and he didn't want to face her looking stupid.

"Castle?" He flinched at the sound of her voice. "Are you coming out of there anytime soon?"

"Uhm yeah, but don't laugh," he slowly opened the bathroom door, stepping out into her hallway and of course she did laugh when she saw him, didn't even have the dignity to try and hide it.

"Well my maternity pants certainly look good on you," she snorted, "Or should I say paternity pants?"

"Maternity Pants? Seriously Beckett?" He looked down at himself his voice a high pitch, _maternity pants_, but he couldn't help it, he had to laugh as well. They stood next to each other in her hallway, laughing and it felt good.

"Come on, Castle. Jamie is getting impatient," she took the lead and he followed her into the living room, trying to take in as much as he could on his way. Who knew when he would get another chance to get this close to them, to be in their home? He knew Kate hadn't planned to take him home with them and just because she'd made an exception didn't mean an invitation like this would happen again anytime soon.

He liked her apartment, as the bathroom it was small, but she had made it a home for herself and Jamie. The kitchen was right next to the living room and he could see her rummaging through cupboards, pulling out glasses and crackers while he made his way over to Jamie who sat on the floor in front of a mountain of toy blocks.

She looked up at him and chuckled, "You look funny."

"Yeah?" He grinned back, letting his large frame sink down next to her. "Always happy to entertain you, Milady."

"Build castle?" His daughter asked next, pushing some of the blocks over to him and he could hear Kate chuckle in the kitchen, causing him to smile as well.

"Sure, we are building another castle," he nodded, placing the first two blocks next to each other.

* * *

It was almost two hours later that Kate emerged from wherever she had disappeared to after she had set them up with drinks and snacks, leaving father and daughter alone with their construction project. But now she was leaning over the back rest of the couch, watching the two of them putting the final touches to their castle.

"It looks great," Kate complimented, before walking around the couch to get a better look at everything.

"It does, right?" Castle replied and yet again she found herself pierced by the same sets of blue eyes.

And she couldn't deny it; the two of them looked great together and for the first time it made her happy, filled her with hope that for once, at least for her daughter things were working out.

"I put your clothes into the bathroom if you want to change out of those," she pointed at the current ensemble he was wearing.

"Yeah," he chuckled, "That sounds good. Thank you."

She nodded leaving the two alone again as she made her way into the kitchen to prepare dinner for herself and Jamie.

She was cutting vegetables and startled a bit when he suddenly showed up behind her.

"Hey," she chuckled nervously, looking at him and noticing just how tight her shirt was clinging to his chest, his very muscular chest.

"I will go change and then I'll get going. Leave you two to it," he spoke softly, not wanting to overstay his welcome. He was just so happy how things had worked out today between them he didn't want to ruin it by giving her the feeling she needed to offer more than she was ready to.

"Okay," she nodded unsure what the protocol requested from her right now, so she thought it was best to keep her mouth shut and instead watched him shuffle out of the kitchen and disappear into the bathroom.

Should she ask him to stay for dinner? She wasn't sure, she had already agreed to so much more today than she had planned to, with him being here and Kate wasn't sure if she was ready for more. She was positively surprised she had been so cool about it so far and maybe she shouldn't push herself, only to disappoint him when she realized it was too much.

She watched him as he returned, dressed in his own clothes and sitting down next to Jamie again, listened to his low spoken words.

"I had a lot of fun today Jamie, thank you," he said, "but I have to go home now."

She saw her daughter turn towards him and for a second she wondered what Jamie would do, as she got her short legs under herself and pushed off from the ground.

"Bye Rick," she mumbled and Kate could tell her girl was not happy to see him go already.

"Bye Jamie," Rick replied and then all the air left his lungs as his little girl threw her arms around his neck and pulled herself close. His arms wrapped around her automatically and when his eyes met Kate's over the kitchen counter, she was smiling softly at the two of them.

And then Jamie's soft lips touched his cheek and his heart stopped as she whispered into his ear, "I like you."

Rick had to bit down hard on his tongue not to be overwhelmed by his emotions, yet his voice was shaking when he replied, "I like you too, Jamie. I like you a lot."

Jamie untangled herself from him and Rick got back on his feet walking over to Kate who was still watching them from the kitchen counter. He had to clear his throat before he was able to speak again and it helped that the soft smile was still on her lips.

"So," he sighed.

"Yeah?" She raised one eyebrow at him.

"I better get going," he started a new attempt. "Dinner seems to be almost ready."

"Okay," she nodded and watched him turn towards the door to get his shoes, while Jamie came running towards them and before Kate knew it the words had left her mouth without her permission, "Do you want to stay for dinner?"

They both stared at each other surprised.

~XOXOX~


	17. Guess who's coming to dinner

~XOXOX~

Jamie was the first to find her voice as she came running towards Rick to pull on one of his legs, "Yes, please."

He was still in shock as he kept staring at Kate and from the look he found on her face he could tell she hadn't really meant to ask him. He wanted to stay, he really did but not if it meant it would turn all awkward between them again.

He looked down at his daughter, still tugging on his jeans and back up to Kate's panicked face, "I don't know, Sweetie." He crouched down, levelling his eyes with hers, "It's getting kind of late." He could tell she was disappointed, to be honest he was too, he really would love to stay. But he lifted his eyes back up to Kate, telling her silently it was her decision.

She took a shallow breath, what had she been thinking? It was too much, she couldn't – but then she saw Jamie, how she clang to his arm while Rick was still kneeling on the floor next to her. Her daughter wanted him to stay and this was about Jamie after all, so she plucked up all of her courage and just got the next words out, "It's nothing fancy, but you're welcome to stay."

She could read the unspoken question in his eyes, was she sure? No, she wasn't, not at all, yet she nodded. "Come on you two," she forced a smile on her lips, "you can set the table together."

Father and daughter worked hand in hand, Castle making sure he only handed Jamie items to carry to the table she could manage on her own, napkins and well, that was about it. But with every plate and every glass that was set on the table Kate's heart slowed down a bit, her nerves calming as well. It would be alright, she could do this.

But then she stopped dead in her tracks as she carried the vegetables over into the living room, the table set for three and she suddenly realized it was the very first time she saw it like this.

Castle noticed her hesitation and after making sure Jamie was safe in her highchair he walked over, taking the bowl of vegetables out of her hands, "Kate?"

She looked at him, not knowing what to say and the concern in his eyes was almost too much, how did he do it? How did he seem to be able to see right through her?

"If this is too much," he spoke softly so Jamie wouldn't hear him, "you just say the word and I'm out of here. It's really okay." And just when he thought she would take him up on the offer, he felt her hand warm and sure on his arm, confidence returning to her features as she spoke her next words.

"No, please stay."

He simply nodded, taking the vegetables to the table and waiting for Kate to join them.

Kate watched them during dinner, saw how Castle helped Jamie with her meat, cutting everything for her into pieces, making sure she had everything she needed. Her daughter all the while babbling about everything and nothing and the sparkle in Castle's eyes whenever he looked over at her was enough to keep her mantra going. She could do this.

"This is really good," Castle smiled at her after his second bite. Nothing fancy as she had said, but to him it was better than the most expensive meal he had ever been served in New York's best restaurants.

* * *

At the end of dinner Kate had been able to relax, though there hasn't been much conversation going on between them. Yet Kate had smiled at Castle's stories he purely told for Jamie's entertainment and slowly she'd started to realize this whole thing wasn't as frightening as she thought it would be. It was actually nice to have someone over for dinner, it was nice to have _him_ here. He didn't fill up everything with his presence, sucked in the air to breathe like she had feared, instead he just fit in.

Kate thought he would try to stay after dinner, but after Castle had helped to clear the table he had hugged Jamie goodbye once more and walked to the front door, having Kate follow him.

"I promised Alexis to be home tonight to watch a movie with her," he explained as he put on his shoes, which were still wet and squeaked with every step he made.

She smiled at that, "Well I hope you two will have fun."

"Yeah thanks," he stood in front of her, suddenly nervous again, "and thanks for today, Kate."

She just shrugged, her smile lingering as Jamie ran into her side holding onto her leg. And then it quickly vanished as he leant towards her, placing the softest kiss on her cheek, "Give me a call?" He asked not waiting for her answer. He knew she would. He winked at Jamie once more and then closed the front door behind him, leaving Kate stunned and speechless in her hallway.

* * *

He came bouncing through his front door, his mother raising a sceptical eyebrow upon his cheery arrival.

"Someone is in a good mood," she observed, putting the magazine aside she had been reading, waiting for her son to sit down next to her. "You're home later than I expected," she stated, giving him an expectant look.

"Well we spent the afternoon at Kate's place because of the rain and then she invited me to stay for dinner," he looked like a five year old on Christmas Eve, happiness seeping out of every pore of his body.

"Richard, that is wonderful." Martha gaped in surprise. "I'm so happy everything went well."

"Yeah," he nodded. "It was a great day and it's only to get better. Where's Alexis?"

"I'm here Dad!" Alexis exclaimed from the top of the stairs and for a second Castle feared she had overheard their conversation, but she came running towards him, jumping into his lap without asking any questions of where he had been.

"Can we order pizza?" she asked instead and Castle nodded though he was not hungry at all.

"Sure Pumpkin. What do you want?"

"Mushrooms and pineapple," she started.

"Ewww, pineapple," Castle scrunched up his nose.

"I love pineapple," Alexis pouted, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"You sure you're my daughter?" He smirked, starting to tickle her.

"Dad!" she shrieked, trying to get away from him by wriggling herself out of his arms.

He finally let go of her, "Get the phone, pineapple monster," he laughed before turning to his mother, "Are you staying?"

"If you want me to," she smiled looking at Alexis who came running back with the phone.

"Yes, please grams."

"Alright, alright, but no pineapple for me either," Martha laughed, pulling her granddaughter close while her son reached for the phone and called the pizza delivery.

And so they sat in front of the TV half an hour later, Mary Poppins playing while they chewed on their food. Even Castle managed to eat all of his pizza despite the dinner he had already eaten at Kate's.

After they were all finished, Alexis cuddled into her dad's side, his hand coming to run over her head, her small arms sneaking around his waist, "Dad, you smell strange," she suddenly said, pushing herself up and sniffing at his shirt.

"What? I stink?" Castle sat up a bit straighter, trying to get a sniff of his clothes as well.

"No, but your clothes smell different," his daughter stated giving him an inquiring look.

"Ahhh," he was at a loss of words. Kate must have put one of those little refreshers into the dryer with his clothes. He usually did not use those. "I was at Macy's and you know one of those feisty girls of the perfume department attacked me with her fragrance."

Fortunately for him Alexis seemed to be satisfied with his answer, cuddling back into his side. His mother though shot him a knowing look, she knew quite well that it was not the smell of perfume that was clinging to him.

'Later' he mouthed over Alexis head, focussing back on the movie. His mother would love the story about him wearing maternity pants.

By the end of the movie Alexis was half asleep in Castle's lap. He carefully tried to pick her up but she rose and yawned, "Movie over?" She asked drowsily.

"Yes Pumpkin," he chuckled. "Mary Poppins is on her way again and you're off to bed."

"Okay," she mumbled, burying her face into his neck.

"Say goodnight to your grams," he held her over to his mother so Alexis could give her grandmother a kiss and then stood up from the couch.

"I love family nights," Alexis said before closing her eyes, "all of us together."

Castle lifted his eyes to find his mother's, knowing there was someone missing in this family, but his mother just shook her head, a small smile on her lips. Soon, she told him without having to say the words. Soon.

* * *

Kate tucked Jamie in that night, after reading her a story and her daughter telling her how much fun she'd had with Rick.

"Mommy?" Jamie snuggled into her pillow, not quite asleep yet, opening her eyes once more to look at her mother with her big blue eyes.

"Yes, Baby Bird?" Kate leant closer, her fingers running through her daughter's hair.

"I like Rick," she mumbled as if she wasn't sure she was allowed to say it out loud. And how could she, the only man she knew around her mother was Royce. And even Royce never came home to their apartment to play with her. No wonder she was confused about how this new man fitted into her life. For the first time Kate started to doubt she had made the right decision by not telling Jamie who Castle really was. How was her daughter supposed to understand why he was suddenly in their lives?

"That's okay, Sweetie." Kate said, deciding that right now was definitely not the right time to tell Jamie that Rick was her father. Not without him, she had promised and she was intend on keeping her promise. And maybe, if she was completely honest with herself, she was scared to do it alone.

The little girl nodded, lifting hopeful eyes to her mother.

"It's more than okay Jamie. And it's okay if you want to play with him," Kate added.

"Mommy like Rick?"

_Oh. _How was she supposed to answer that? Was there even an answer to that?

"Yes, mommy likes him too," she heard herself say before she knew it and then she surprised herself a little bit more, realizing it was true. She did like him.

"Okay," Jamie mumbled before she closed her eyes, falling asleep quickly, a happy smile on her face.

Kate sat at her side a while longer. She liked him. Now when did that happen?

~XOXOX~


	18. Mayday, mayday

~XOXOX~

Over the next three weeks they developed some kind of rhythm, still a bit unsteady but getting stronger with every day spent together. Castle could tell Kate was more comfortable around him, more open and more welcoming with every time she greeted him. He had to smile when he thought about how right his mother had been. All it needed was a little patience and some time, the rest would come on its own.

Castle and Jamie were already a tight fit, the bond between them so evident and already so strong that Kate, even if she wanted to, couldn't look the other way. Jamie was head over heels for Castle and she knew he felt the same about her, Kate could see it in his eyes every time he looked at his daughter.

Alexis had gone back to school about a little over a week ago which made it more difficult for Castle to meet with Jamie and Kate, since the redhead was used to him being home in the afternoons and evenings, while on the other hand this was mainly the time Kate could arrange for them to meet. And she couldn't ask to change shifts a lot. Montgomery was already bending the rules for her, keeping her off nightshifts as much as possible to make it easier for her and Jamie. She had no idea how she had gotten so lucky with her Captain.

Kate knew Castle's mother helped him out a lot to cover up his whereabouts and she also knew he feared it was only a matter of time for Alexis to get suspicious and start asking questions. She did understand, he didn't want for Alexis to get hurt in all of this either, he had to consider her as well and so she had told him, they would tell Jamie soon, leaving how soon exactly still out in the open, once more avoiding the inevitable. She had realized she'd hurt him with her non-decision from the way he had silently accepted it just like he had accepted every single one of her decisions so far even when he had a different opinion on the matter.

The other day at the playground they had almost been compromised when another mother had told Castle his daughter was adorable and he had only smiled at her in reply, but Jamie hadn't seemed to notice and Kate was relieved, this was certainly not the way she wanted for Jamie to find out who Castle really was.

But Kate also knew she couldn't put it off for much longer, even Cynthia was getting more and more suspicious with every new story she heard about Rick. And she couldn't exactly stop her daughter from sharing them. The truth had to come out, sooner rather than later. Kate was starting to come to terms with that.

As a matter of fact she was musing about the how and when right now, sitting at her coffee table with some files she had taken home to work on. Cynthia hadn't been able to watch Jamie in the afternoon because of an emergency and so Montgomery had agreed to let her go home early on short notice but only if she took some work with her.

The problem was, Jamie didn't let her get to do the paperwork, demanding her attention and Kate was slowly losing her patience. She knew it wasn't Jamie's fault. Of course she wanted to play with her mother if for once she was home early but she really needed to finish those papers today.

"Baby Bird, I'm sorry but mommy really has work to do," she told her daughter for the 5th time and Jamie's disappointment rose with every turndown she received from her mother.

"Mommy," she whined and Kate could see the angry tears were about to spill and that was really the last thing she needed right now. "Call Rick." It was not a question, it was a sullen demand.

"Jamie, I can't just call Rick and expect him to come over. He might be busy," Kate tried to reason with her daughter.

"Call Rick," Jamie demanded, already shuffling over to get the phone.

"Jamie," Kate tried it again, but the girl only shoved the phone at her mother.

"Call Rick."

Kate sighed, taking the phone from her. She could just pretend to call him, she thought but then again, maybe he really would be able to come over. Otherwise Jamie would not see him before Sunday. Taking another deep breath, she gave in. Why not? She could at least try.

* * *

Rick was stuck behind his desk, writing. He had actually managed to put together half a chapter before he ran out of inspiration. His mother had taken Alexis for the afternoon and evening, knowing he had to get started with his next Derrick Storm novel if he wanted to finish it by next year and Alexis was just too much of a distraction for him to even get started.

But when his phone rang he took it as a sign of the universe that he was done for the day, maybe he could still join his mother and Alexis.

"You've reached the cool and ruggedly-handsome Richard Castle, how may I help you?" He spoke into the phone, all cocky and full of himself.

"Seriously?" Came the dry reply from the other end of the line.

"Kate?" He sat up straighter in his chair, almost falling off it as he tried to put on a serious face again. Why did he answer the phone like that?

"Not so cool anymore, huh?" He could hear the grin in her voice. Good, so nothing was wrong with Jamie.

"But still ruggedly-handsome," he came up with a quick and smart reply which she left uncommented.

"I know it's on short notice," she went straight to the reason for her call, "but is there any chance you could come over?"

"Now?" He asked puzzled.

"It's totally okay if you can't, but I'm stuck at home with work and Jamie is bored and asking for you." She explained before starting to chew on her bottom lip.

"Yeah, no. I'll be right over," he hastily replied, already heading for the front door.

"You sure?" She asked, "What about Alexis?"

"She's with my mother today, so really, it's not a problem. I'll be right there and get the little daredevil out of your way." His smile was so bright it might have lit the northern hemisphere. She had called him for help. He was the luckiest guy in the world right now.

"Thanks Castle. I really appreciate it." She sighed gratefully over the phone.

"Anytime, Kate. Anytime."

* * *

He was at her place in record time and the second the door opened, Jamie was in his arms, shrieking happily.

"Rick!" She exclaimed, her small arms flying around his neck and he had to manoeuver Kate's coffee out of harm's way.

"Whoa, hey there Buttercup," he laughed, the nickname falling effortless from his lips. "So happy to see me?"

"Mommy's boring," Jamie huffed, still not letting go of him and so she was still attached to him when he stood up and held her close.

"Hey, Kate." He smiled warmly at her, happy when he saw her smiling just as warmly back at him.

"Hey, thanks for coming over."

"Sure," he nodded. "Oh, brought your coffee. I thought you might need it."

Her coffee? Although after bringing her coffee every time they had met over the past three weeks she was slowly starting to accept that it was his thing. And she did need it, he had no idea how much she needed caffeine right now.

She reached for the offered cup, taking the first sip right away, "Thanks Castle."

He nodded again, "So what do you want us to do? Leave you alone so you can get to work? I can take Jamie out." He suggested.

Kate looked at him, big-eyed, he had never spent time with Jamie alone before, she had always been nearby. It was a big step for her and judged by the hopeful expression on his face it was just as big for him, it was time though. He had more than proved himself over the past weeks and she realized it had been over a month already, over a month since they had run into each other in front of the precinct. A lot had changed since then. And it was time to give something back of the trust he had earned, so after taking a deep breath she nodded, "That would be great, yes."

"Your wish is our command," Rick bowed, pretending to drop Jamie to catch her just in time, causing the girl to break out in a fit of giggles. "Shoes?" He looked down at his daughter and seeing she was all set to go he reached for the door.

"Be back at six?" Kate asked. "I'll have dinner ready."

Castle nodded, "I'll drop her off."

"No," she took in a nervous gulp of air, shaking her head, "I mean, you can stay for dinner if you want."

"Okay, I'd like that," he nodded slowly.

"See you at six then. Have fun you two."

When the door closed behind the two of them, Kate leant back against the wall. What was she doing? Playing family with him? She sighed, shaking her head. No, she was just being nice because he helped her out today. It was the right thing to do, nothing more.

* * *

He'd tried to get out of her place as fast as possible, fearing she would change her mind every second he stayed, but now he was rushing back. Jamie was happily sitting on his shoulders, clutching her short arms around his head as he sprinted down the last block to Kate's apartment. The last thing he wanted was to be late. She had trusted him with Jamie and he wanted her to see that she had been right to do so. So he wouldn't steal another fifteen minutes, as tempting as it might be.

Kate let them in five minutes before six, smiling at the side of the two happy faces greeting her.

"Just in time, dinner's almost done," she smiled, taking Jamie from Rick's shoulders. "Did you guys have fun?"

"Yes," Jamie nodded eagerly. "Look." She pointed at the book Rick was holding in one of his hands.

"A new book?" Kate asked, surprised eyes meeting Castle's.

"I took her to a bookstore," he shrugged. "It looked as if it might start to rain again, so I thought it was best to do something indoors."

"Great," Kate smiled, ruffling Jamie's hair. "Can you help her wash her hands?"

"Sure," he nodded eagerly and started for the bathroom, placing Jamie once more on his shoulders as he carefully dove under the doorframe, so she wouldn't hit her head.

Kate watched them with amusement before returning to the kitchen to get the last things ready for dinner.

* * *

"So which bookstore did you two go to?" Kate asked, filling Castle's plate with potatoes.

"There's this really great store on 23rd, small but a great children's section." He told her.

"Oh yes, I know that one. Jamie and I have been there before and you're right, it is a great place."

Castle took the plate from her, going on, "We read a bit through a couple of different books and I let her pick one to take home. I hope that's okay?" For a second he looked unsure what her reaction would be, it was just a book but with Kate, he never knew.

"Of course it's okay," she reassured him quickly before turning to Jamie. "Did you thank Rick for the book, Sweetie?"

Her daughter nodded eagerly, chewing on her vegetables while looking at Rick to back her up.

"She did," he confirmed easily, winking at Jamie.

A comfortable silence fell over them, while everyone enjoyed their dinner until Kate surprised him by actually asking him a more personal question. So far she had either stuck to small talk or asked about Alexis but never about him.

"So Rick, being an author," she looked at him, "what kind of books do you read?"

"Well, I'm reading everything I have to admit, from the classics to junk and of course other mystery writers. I have to see what the competition is up to, you know?"

She looked amused, her eyes crinkling with joy, "And who's your biggest competition?"

He pretended to muse about that question for a while before answering, "Patterson, Connelly, Cannell and Lehane."

"Good picks," Kate nodded.

"You're a fan?"

Kate looked up, a bit startled, "My mom, my mom loved mystery novels." She finally said a bit too quietly for his taste.

"Loved?" His voice was soft, his eyes intend when he looked at her.

"She passed away." It was all she was willing to share at this moment, already more than she usually shared, not even Cynthia knew.

She wasn't looking at him, didn't see his hand reaching out before his fingers curled around hers, squeezing gently.

"I'm sorry."

She was surprised to realize it actually helped, "Yeah, thanks." She mumbled before pulling her hand back, curling it with her other in her lap. It was too much, she needed to get back on safer grounds.

"So Patterson?" It was lame and she knew it, but she just hoped he would understand she didn't want to talk about it.

He looked at her with those blue eyes and right then she thought he could see right through her and maybe he actually could, because he gave her the slightest nod as if telling her he understood, "Yeah Patterson, he actually invited me to join his poker round with the rest of them."

She managed to put an excited look on her face, found it easier to breathe, "Wow that's quite an honor I would assume."

"I guess so, but maybe they just want to steal my ideas," he wriggled his eyebrows at her and she laughed, the anxiousness disappearing.

"Mommy?" Jamie asked, immediately getting her mother's attention. "Bedtime story?"

Kate looked a bit surprised, "Of course, you know I always read you a bedtime story."

But Jamie shook her head, "No Rick."

"Oh," Kate's eyes darted to Castle who looked just as surprised. "I don't know, Sweetie. You'll have to ask Rick if he still has time after dinner."

"Rick?" Jamie lifted hopeful eyes to him.

He glanced quickly at Kate, who gave him a silent nod as her sign of permission before he beamed at his daughter, "I'd loved to."

~XOXOX~

_**AN: I've been away on the weekend, so the next chapter might take a couple of days. Sorry.**_


	19. Papa Bear and Baby Bear

~XXXXX~

Kate had disappeared with Jamie into the bathroom while Castle had offered to do the dishes. Of course Kate had argued it wasn't necessary, she would do it later, but Castle had insisted. It was the least he could do after she'd had all the work preparing dinner for them. In the end she had sighed and nodded. If he really wanted to do the dishes then she wouldn't stop him. She actually smiled when she finally handed over the dish towel and surrendered.

"Rick?!" Jamie came running back into the kitchen, dressed in her PJ's and the book Rick had bought for her clutched tightly to her chest. Kate was following right on her daughter's heels, chuckling at Jamie's more than obvious excitement. She'd had some trouble keeping her in the bathroom long enough to get her ready for bed, her daughter constantly bouncing on her feet.

"All set and ready for the bed bus?" Castle raised questioning and amused eyebrows at the two ladies as he leant against the kitchen counter, putting away the dish towel.

"Yes," Jamie shrieked, holding her arms out to him.

He easily picked her up, placing her on his hip and directed his expectant eyes at Kate.

"Down the hall to the right," she answered his unspoken question, pointing into the direction of the bathroom behind which two doors let to what he supposed to be Kate's and Jamie's bedrooms, "I'll need to finish some papers, if that's okay."

"Sure," he nodded. "Join us when you're done?"

"Yeah, shouldn't take me too long." She replied as their eyes met, warm and content and it took her some will power to finally tear hers away from him. "I'll -," she pointed in the direction of the living room.

"And we'll -," he signalled into the opposite direction.

"Yeah," she sighed. This was getting ridiculous and then she almost knocked the living daylights out of him as she stepped forward leaning into his personal space and for a second he really thought she was going to kiss him. But instead she went for her daughter, placing a loving kiss on her lips, "Be good, Baby Bird. I'll come and tuck you in later."

"Okay mommy," Jamie nodded, snuggling into Castle's chest, in which his heart was still racing. Seriously, what was wrong with him? Why would she suddenly kiss him?

It was definitely best to get himself onto safer grounds and out of the danger zone, so he finally set into motion for Jamie's bedroom.

Once there, he sat Jamie down and she started shuffling through the room showing him around. She introduced him to all of her stuffed animals and Castle immediately realized that Mr. Squibbles, a monkey, was the most important one.

On one wall of Jamie's bedroom was a painted picture of playing bears and he wondered if Kate had made it herself, storing the question to the back of his mind to ask her sometime. Over Jamie's bed on the ceiling was a starry sky and Jamie told Castle to turn off the lights, while she used a switch as her bedside table and suddenly they found themselves under the dancing stars. Jamie shuffled back to his side, taking Castle's hand as he watched in awe how the lights flickered around the room. It was beautiful.

"That's awesome," he exclaimed, feeling Jamie tug on his hand, wanting to be picked up again.

"Mommy made," she explained once she was back on his arm, leaning her head against his and for a moment and he had to close his eyes to get a hold of the emotions, swirling inside of him.

"Story?" His daughter finally asked and Castle was glad for the distraction and being able to focus on something else but his daughter in his arms so trusting. He switched the lights back on and took the book from the bed where Jamie had left it, picking up Mr. Squibbles as well and handing him over to Jamie. Castle sat down in the big armchair he found in one corner of the room. Jamie was getting comfortable in his lap, snuggling into him, her head resting against his chest, while his arm securely wrapped around her as he tried to calm his racing heart before he finally began to read.

That's how Kate found them half an hour later, when she quietly made her way to Jamie's room. She stopped in the doorway, half hidden in the shadow of the hallway and watched them while Castle was reading to their daughter.

His voice was rich and low, bringing the characters to life in a way she'd never heard before. There was a part of her that wondered what it would feel like to have him read his books to her, but right now she was too focused on the sight in front of her. Her daughter cradled in her father's embrace, clinging to every word that fell from his lips, mesmerized.

"When Papa Bear and Baby Bear walked back to their den after Baby Bear's long and adventurous day, Baby Bear had a question to ask," Castle read, before pitching his voice up a few notches. "Papa Bear, why did you come and find me?" Castle's voice was a low rumble, when he read Papa Bear's answer, "Because fathers always come for their children. No matter what they might have done, no matter how off-handed they might have acted. Papa Bear will always come for Baby Bear."

Jamie sighed when Castle read Baby Bears reply, snuggling even closer into his chest, "I love you Papa Bear."

Castle looked down at his daughter, his voice full of emotions when he read the last words Papa Bear spoke to Baby Bear, "And Papa Bear will always love Baby Bear."

It was a sweet story about a father's love for his child and Castle took in a deep breath when he closed the book, placing it on the floor next to him as his eyes found Kate's in the doorway, "The end." He whispered, wondering how long Kate had been standing there.

It was quite as everyone seemed to be lost in their thoughts until Jamie's small hand reached for the lapel of Rick's shirt, tugging until he looked at her and there was something swimming in her eyes that made his heart clench, his pulse race, "Rick daddy?"

He swallowed as breathing had suddenly become almost impossible. She couldn't be asking what he thought she was, what he hoped she was. But maybe the story had stirred something in her, maybe she felt the bond as strongly as he did? The past weeks had been … he didn't even have words for it.

"I am _a _dad, yes." He answered as wary as he could manage, his eyes locking with Kate's that were widening in shock as she realized what was going on, what was going to happen and she pushed off the doorframe, darting towards her daughter.

"My daddy?" Jamie's voice was so small, so quiet, yet so hopeful, her eyes swimming with tears.

His head shot up, seeing Kate had already let herself fall on her knees in front of them. He searched her face for any sign of what she wanted him to do or say and when she nodded ever so lightly, his heart stopped. It was time, this was it.

Taking a deep breath, he clutched Jamie a bit tighter before he finally spoke the words he had yearned to say for so long now, "Yes Jamie. I'm your daddy."

Silence filled the room again, as Kate's reached for her daughter's hand, waiting for her reaction but Jamie kept silent. Kate moved even closer, her knees brushing Castle's in the progress as she tried to gauge her daughter's reaction to the news.

"Baby Bird, do you understand what that means?" Kate finally asked softly, but Jamie kept quiet, avoiding her mother's gaze and Kate looked at Castle helpless. She didn't know what to do and from the look on his face, Castle didn't know either.

But then he said the first thing that came to his mind, as he usually did, and he knew it had gotten him into trouble more than once, but what else was he supposed to do?

"Is that okay for you, Jamie? Me being your dad?" He asked gently, tipping his index finger against her nose as he had observed Kate doing it so many times before.

Jamie looked up, studying him, "Like Papa Bear?" She asked hesitantly, her eyes shy but Castle knew exactly what she meant.

"Yes, from now I'll be there for you, just like Papa Bear and just like your mommy."

"Okay," Jamie simply accepted, not questioning where he had been until now. But he knew that day would come. She would get older and one day she would asked where he had been for the first two years of her life, but right now it didn't matter. She knew, she finally knew and he didn't have to pretend anymore. He lifted his chin, placing a soft kiss on top of Jamie's head.

"Always Jamie. I promise."

He felt Kate's fingers curl around his left hand, squeezing tightly, almost painfully causing him to look at her. There were tears in her eyes and he couldn't tell if it was a good or a bad sign and before he could muse about it any longer, she pushed herself up from her kneeling position, putting on a neutral face.

"Come on Baby Bird, time to sleep." She said walking over to Jamie's bed and pulling pack the covers, knowing their girl was way too tired to really process this major change in her life. Castle slowly stood up, Jamie sleepily in his arms and carried her over to the bed, gently placing her down.

"Good night Butter Cup," he whispered and Jamie's small arms caught him around his neck, pulling him down and placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"Night Daddy," she mumbled into his neck and then let go, waiting for her mother to kiss her good night as well.

"Sleep tight, Baby Bird," Kate spoke softly before slipping past Castle, one hand brushing his shoulder as she left the room, giving the two of them another minute to their own.

* * *

He walked back into the living room, finding Kate staring out the window and his spirit sank a little, seeing her so deeply lost in her thoughts couldn't be a good sign.

"Kate?" His voice was soft as he announced his presence.

And then she surprised him as she turned, a soft smile playing around her lips, "Hey."

He took in a deep breath, taking a relieved step towards her before trying to formulate a coherent thought, "That was … ." There were no words.

"Unexpected?" She helped him out, chuckling. "Yeah it was."

"You okay with it?" He asked tentatively. "I mean -."

She pushed herself off the window, making her way over to the couch and only now he noticed the two glasses filled with wine sitting on the coffee table.

"It's certainly not the way I pictured it to happen," she offered, sitting down and signalling him to join her. "But maybe it was best she figured it out herself."

"Yeah," he sighed, still shell-shocked as he dropped down next to Kate.

"Hey," she reached out for him but shying away when she realized there had been way too much touching going on already between them today, especially for two people who usually didn't touch. "You okay?"

He looked at her, surprised. She had never been too worried about his feelings in all of this. He knew it sounded harsh and bitter, but it was true nevertheless, so far it had always been him who had been considerate of her feelings. Tiptoeing around the topics that mattered most to him, but maybe from tonight a lot of things would be different. Should he hope for it?

"A bit overwhelmed," he admitted finally, realizing she was still waiting for an answer and trying to smile.

"I can relate to that," Kate agreed softly.

"What do you think caused her to figure it out?" He asked, finally allowing himself to reach for the glass of wine to take a sip, he surely needed it.

"I don't know, maybe the story of Papa Bear." She guessed and his eyes widened.

"Kate, I didn't -," God he hoped she didn't think he tried to sort of trick Jamie into finding out the truth by buying that book. "I swear Jamie picked the book."

She didn't answer just got up, placing her glass back on the coffee table and leaving him on the couch alone. Castle could only watch her as she crossed the room, seemingly avoiding him or preparing for an attack of wrath. It had been going so well until now. Why did it always have to end in some sort of drama? Why tonight?

"Kate?" He tried again, noticing she had picked something up as she made her way back to him.

"I know Castle, I know," she smiled, trying to reassure him. "Actually I have to admit our daughter kind of pulled a stunt on you."

Castle looked at her clueless, "What?"

Kate laughed, holding out the book she had retrieved from one of the boxes that contained some of Jamie's toys. He reached for it unsure what Kate was getting at until he read the title.

"That's the book," he stated the obvious, staring back up at her in surprise.

"It's her favorite," Kate shrugged amused. "She made you buy a book she already has."

"No," he stared at her in disbelief. "No," he repeated and then heard her laugh, trying to hide it behind her bangs, but it was no use as her whole body was shaking with it. Gosh and he'd be damned if he didn't love the sound of it.

"It's not that funny," he pouted nevertheless and she lifted her head, meeting his eyes and her face said it all, it was funny. "Maybe a bit," he shrugged before he broke and grinned at her like an idiot. Who cared anyway. Jamie knew, she finally knew. Nothing could take that away from him, he could worry about everything else tomorrow.

"So," she sighed. "What now?"

~XXXXX~


	20. Back to reality

~XXXXX~

Castle looked at her wide-eyed as she crushed his illusions of just dwelling in the lightness of the moment, in the happiness he felt creeping through his every being right now. The whole day had just been too good to be true and he didn't want to think about tomorrow. But of course she was right, they needed to discuss the next steps, there was a lot to think about.

"I have to tell Alexis," he stated serious, placing his now empty glass on the table, this was not negotiable anymore. He wouldn't keep Alexis out of the loop any longer.

Kate nodded slowly, but something seemed to bother her.

"You don't agree?" He asked and couldn't completely keep the edge out of his voice. Did she really expect him to wait even longer to tell his daughter and for the girls to meet?

She was quick to correct him, "No, I mean - I agree you need to tell Alexis, it's time and Jamie needs to know as well. Though I think it would be best _you'd_ tell her." She hadn't missed the accusation that had clinked to his words, but she refrained from pointing out it had been his decision not to tell his daughter about Jamie, she had never asked him to keep it from Alexis, but she knew there was no use in starting an argument about it.

"I hear a 'but'," he still looked sceptical, the past weeks had made him cautious. He wasn't used to Kate and him being on the same page.

"No but, just a suggestion," she tried to reassure him.

"Kate," his voice was stern, he really had enough of taking it slow and now that Jamie knew he certainly didn't see any reason to keep it that way.

"Please hear me out," she stopped his protest, her eyes never leaving his, sure and open and he wondered where the withdrawn woman he had gotten to know over the past weeks had disappeared to. "I just think it would be best for Jamie to have you to herself for a week or two, before she gets to meet Alexis."

"I'm not sure I understand," he admitted, but her open nature made him more willing to listen to what she had to say.

"Look, having you, having a dad, that's all new to Jamie. She's never had a father figure or anything close to it in her life before - ."

He cut her off, not believing what she'd just implied. "You mean you never were close enough with someone to have him meet Jamie? There was never -." He knew he had no right to ask but it surprised him. He had been sure a woman like Kate, well, there would've been men lining up to be with her, take her out, sweep her of her feet. "What about your dad?" He asked, suddenly realizing she had never mentioned him.

"It's always been just her and me," she simply confirmed, sidestepping his question about her father in one swift move.

_Just her and Jamie._ For some ridiculous reason it made his heart jump with joy that she had never let anyone close enough for Jamie to meet. It made missing the first two years of his daughter's life easier, to know no one else had taken his place, not even for a while.

"Anyway," she continued, "this is all new to her and I'm a bit concerned she might get jealous if we add Alexis into the mix too soon. You know? Don't get me wrong, we will and I'm sure Jamie will be thrilled to meet her sister but I think it's best she has a week, maybe two alone with you to understand and to come to term with everything." She looked at him with expectant eyes, "What do you think?"

Castle just stared at Kate. She had never asked for his opinion before. So far she had called all the shots and he had obeyed. Now, when for the first time getting a say in things he realized he had to agree with her. Jamie had seemed to be okay with the developments tonight, but there was no guarantee it would be the same in the morning. It was a lot for a two year old to take in and maybe Alexis would need a couple of days as well to wrap her mind around the new addition to the family. This was probably not what she had in mind when telling him she would be okay having a sibling.

"I think you're right," he finally nodded. "I will tell them about each other, try to see how they deal with the news and when _we_ think they're ready we bring them together." He made sure to emphasize the 'we'. Just like his mother had said they both needed to learn to do this together and he knew Kate had taken giant steps tonight to do so, it was only fair to show he wanted the same.

"Sounds like a plan," Kate smiled, before her face got serious again. There was something else she wanted to tell him. She knew she had been more than difficult in the beginning of all of this, but she wanted him to know she had come to terms with things, with him. She wanted him to know she wasn't just accepting his presence in Jamie's life anymore, she wanted him here. There was more, so much more she owed him but she wasn't ready for that quite yet. So for now she would give him this, hoping it would be enough.

"Castle," and suddenly the hesitancy he was so used to was back in her voice and in her posture. "I want you to know –;" she didn't get any further when both their heads shot around, hearing Jamie's frightened cries.

Castle was right behind Kate when she rushed into Jamie's room, gathering the sobbing girl into her arms.

"Hey baby, it's alright. Mommy's here," she tried to sooth her daughter, "Did you have a bad dream?"

She felt Jamie nod in her embrace, lifting her eyes to Castle who scooted closer, his hand running through Jamie's curls.

"Do you want to tell us about the dream?" He asked and only then Jamie seemed to notice his presence. Her small arms reaching out immediately and when Castle's eyes met Kate's he could see the hurt in them, still she gently handed their daughter over, watched her cling to her dad like she usually clung to her.

She would lie if she pretended it didn't hurt, but it was okay. She would get used to it. It was just new.

"Bad men, coming for me and mommy," Jamie mumbled into his neck and Castle heard Kate sigh. So it hadn't been the first time his daughter had had this dream, he concluded and one look at Kate confirmed his suspicion.

"Hey Jamie," he placed a soft kiss against his daughter's forehead, waiting for her to look at him. "Do you remember what we learned from Papa Bear?"

She gave a slight nod.

"He protected Baby Bear, didn't he?" Castle waited for Jamie to give another nod. "And I will do the same. I promise, I will never allow for anyone to hurt you," he looked at Kate, "or your mom." He knew very well Kate didn't need him to protect her, but he felt like he had to include her for Jamie's sake. He just hoped Kate wouldn't have his head for it later.

Kate's eyes flickered, her heart clenching at his words.

"Not if I can prevent it," he went on, "and I will do everything it takes to keep this promise. Whatever it takes."

Again Jamie nodded and Castle gently put her back to bed, pulling the covers up and tucking her in. Looking up he saw Kate watching him with soft eyes, something new shining in them he had never seen before, affection?

"Thank you," she whispered. It had been a long time since someone had made her feel safe in this way. She hadn't noticed she'd missed it. Not that she physically needed Castle to protect her. She was a cop, she could take care of herself but she had been on her own for so long, she'd almost forgotten how it could feel not to have to do everything alone. Sure she knew Royce had her back, but that was different, so different from the promise Castle had just given them. And she might not be ready to accept this gift for herself, couldn't even be sure Castle wanted or could keep this promise towards her, but she was more than ready to accept it for Jamie.

They waited until they were sure Jamie had fallen asleep again before quietly leaving her alone. Out in the hallway Castle turned to Kate, "I better get going. It's getting late and my mother will wonder where I am."

"Okay," she nodded, following him to the front door.

"Oh," he turned, "what did you want to tell me earlier?" He asked putting on his shoes.

"It can wait," she told him, feeling the moment for another big revelation had passed. Enough had happened for one day. "Hey, what are you doing tomorrow after lunch?" She asked instead as if the question had just entered her mind.

"Nothing in particular, maybe write a little. Why do you ask?" He stepped towards her.

"I thought maybe we could meet after my lunch break and you and Jamie could spend some time together. I can tell Cynthia to take the afternoon off and you just bring Jamie back here around five."

His eyes lit up, "I'd loved to."

"Good," she smiled.

"Good."

"I'll call you about where to meet us?" She suggested and he gave her another nod in reply.

"That sounds great," he took another step towards her. "Thank you - ," he looked down at his feet, suddenly nervous. "I mean for today, it has been -," she cut him off, laughing nervously.

"Quite something," she offered but he shook his head.

"It was perfect." He stared at her with those blue eyes which were doing things to her she didn't understand and suddenly the day's events came crushing down on Kate, threatening to overwhelm her.

"Castle," she stuttered, watching him close the remaining distance between them and before she knew it she found herself wrapped in his embrace.

He wasn't thinking, he just acted on the lost look in her eyes and his impulses that told him she needed a hug, looking as if no one had hugged her in a very long time, but now feeling her stiffen in his arms he wasn't so sure anymore. About to pull back and apologize, he suddenly felt her arms slowly sneak around his waist, tentatively squeezing back. And for minutes they just stood there, until he moved his mouth to her ear and whispered, "We'll work it all out, Kate."

"I know," she mumbled back into his chest, finally pulling away. "Thanks, Castle."

The smile he gave her was one of the most gorgeous things she had ever seen and then he opened the door, mumbling his goodbye and was gone.

* * *

Castle practically flew through the door and into the loft, after tipping the cabby way too much money, but he didn't care, "Mother!" He called out, jumping when she shot out of the kitchen.

"Richard," she hissed. "Alexis is already in bed. Would you please keep it down?"

He had the decency to look at least a bit ashamed, "Sorry." He whispered.

"What has you in this splendid mood anyway?" His mother asked, guiding him towards the couch.

"She knows," he just blurred it out.

His mother frowned at him, "Who knows what? Richard are you alright?" She touched his forehead checking if he had a fever.

"Mother," he swatted her hand away. "Jamie knows. She knows I'm her father."

"Oh Richard," her hand flew up to cover her mouth, before reaching out for her son, "That's wonderful."

Castle hugged her enthusiastically, "I'm so happy."

"I know you are, kiddo." Martha pulled back, her hands framing his face, "I know you are. Now tell me what happened. I found your note. Kate called you and asked you to come over?"

"Yes," he confirmed, sinking down onto the couch, pulling his mother down next to him. "She had work to do and Jamie was bored, so she asked if I could take her for a while."

"And?" As usual his mother had no patience for the built-up for a good story.

He told her, about the bookstore, about Papa and Baby Bear and how Jamie had figured out the truth about him, about them.

"She's a smart kid," Martha smiled, seeing the pride in her son's eyes.

"Well she's my daughter," he beamed at her.

"Yeah well, maybe she got that from her mother?" Martha teased, loving to get a rise out of her son.

"What?" He protested. "Look at Alexis, I make clever kids."

"Touché, Alexis certainly did not get her smart brain from her mother," she replied sarcastically.

"Mother." He was at least trying to put on a stern face.

"What? It's true." She shrugged. "So what's next?"

"I'll pick Jamie up tomorrow after lunch, spend some time with her alone," he told her.

"And Alexis?" Martha questioned.

"I will tell her tomorrow, but Kate and I agreed to give both of them a week or two to get used to the new situation before we bring them together."

"You and Kate, huh?" She raised one eyebrow at him, noticing the change in his tone.

"What?" He looked at her.

"Ah nothing, kiddo." She smiled and patted his arm. "I'm glad it's all working out."

"Yeah, me too," he sighed, taking his mother's hand and squeezing it tightly. "She changed, you know."

"Kate?"

"Yeah, tonight - I don't know, it was different, she was different." Martha had to smile at the confused look on her son's face.

"Good different or bad different?" She asked.

"Good I think – I hope," he mumbled.

Martha didn't comment on it, just waited him out, knowing there was more that bothered him.

"How am I going to tell Alexis?" He finally breathed out, his happy eyes turning dark with worry. He had wanted so badly to finally involve his daughter, but now that the time was here he was terrified.

"Carefully," Martha simply replied.

"What if she hates me?" He knew he was overreacting.

"Richard, now who's the drama queen in this family? She's your daughter, she loves you. She could never hate you. Maybe she'll be irritated, upset but just be honest and give her some time if she needs it. You've done such a great job with Alexis especially since _she _left_,_" Martha gave him a pointed look, avoiding her son's ex-wife's name. "Just follow your instincts and make sure she knows that Jamie won't change what you two have. I'm sure you'll figure it out." She told him, standing up. Placing a kiss on top of his head she gathered her things. "Call me after you've talked to Alexis?"

He nodded, before getting up and hugging his mother goodbye. "I call you tomorrow evening," and then kissing her cheek he added. "Thank you - for everything."

"Anytime kiddo."

~XXXXX~

_**AN: Thanks so much to everyone who commented on the last chapter, the feedback has been amazing. I was so nervous about that one. **_

_** And thanks to the guys over at the 12th Precinct Blog for the Shout Out.**_

_** I'll leave you with this for the weekend. **_


	21. The Zoo - Part 2

~XXXXX~

Kate hadn't gotten much sleep the last night, half expecting for Jamie to have another nightmare and half waiting for herself to freak out over the day's events and the big revelation, but neither happened. Jamie had slept like a stone after they had put her back to bed. Even though Kate had checked on her multiple times during the night, in the end fearing she would be the reason if her daughter woke up again.

But laying in bed and thinking about it all she realized, that while she was still daunted by the whole situation and maybe even a bit scared, the panic she had felt so often over the past weeks didn't resurface. She had come to know Castle better over the past few weeks and while she still wasn't sure who Castle _the man_ really was she was absolutely sure that Castle _the father _was the best dad she could have imagined for her daughter.

He had told her about Alexis, had wanted her to know who his daughter was and she couldn't help but feel as if she already knew the girl. She had laughed when he had told her that Alexis actually was the grown-up in their household, had loved when he'd told her he had never hired a nanny for her, that he always made sure it was him or his mother who tucked her in at night and only on rare occasions he hired a babysitter, the teenaged daughter of a friend. He didn't like to go on long book tours without her, so he tried to arrange that she could come along or he was able to make short trips home to see her. It was more than obvious that he lived to be a father and that he loved every minute of being one.

He wasn't as forthcoming about his mother, had told her he didn't want to scare her away and somehow she had the feeling he was only half joking.

But she could actually see it now, how this could work out between them, how they could make it work for Jamie. She'd believed him when he said they would work it all out.

Reality had struck her fast though, dropping Jamie off at Cynthia's in the morning Jamie's first enthusiastic words had been, "Rick Jamie daddy."

All Cynthia had to do was stare into Kate's wide shocked eyes to know it was true, but she mercifully didn't start to question her. Knowing Kate well enough to know she wouldn't tell her anything right now. But Kate knew it was only a delay for things to come, realizing the day would come on which she had to let other people in on the news as well. Being the mother of Richard Castle's child wasn't something she could sweep under the rug forever.

But right now she pushed these thoughts back into a far corner of her mind, '_one step after another_' she told herself and the next step was Alexis.

* * *

Castle crossed the street, almost colliding with a cab he had overlooked. He was running late and he knew Kate needed to get back to the precinct in time, but Paula had once again bugged him about the book tour and Gina had shoved her cleavage into his vision, trying to convince him to go out for lunch when all _he _had wanted was to get out to see Jamie and Kate. There had to be an easier way than constantly having to deal with the two of them. He certainly had other things on his mind.

"Kate!" He called when he caught sight of her, sitting next to Jamie on a park bench, who was looking through what looked like a picture book to him.

"Castle," she waved, getting up to meet him halfway, a smile around her lips as she saw him sprinting towards her.

"Hey," he breathed heavily, stopping in front of her, hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. "Sorry I'm late, I got - caught up in a meeting and traffic was horrible. I ran the last seven blocks." He got out before gulping down some more air.

Kate bit her lip, trying not to laugh, "Actually you're half an hour early, Castle."

"What?" He huffed, still breathing heavily. "Seriously?"

"Yes," she laughed. "I told you to meet us half past."

Castle looked at his watch and back at her, it was only five minutes past one, "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Huh," he looked a bit confused, his hair standing up in a funny way and Kate felt the sudden and strange need to smooth it down, to run her fingers through his bangs to see if they were as soft as they appeared to be. She bit down hard on her bottom lip to stop her forbidden train of thoughts. She knew how his hair felt. It might be a slightly distant memory, but she remembered how it had felt between her fingers. She had to literally take a step back from him, covering it up as a move to get them going.

"Come on, Castle," she said, tilting her head into Jamie's direction, who was still sitting on the bench, engrossed in her book.

"How is she?" Castle asked, as he walked beside her.

"Excited," Kate smiled and he tried to recall a day when he had seen her smile as much and as willingly as she had been in the past ten minutes "Cynthia said she didn't stop talking about her _daddy_ all morning."

"Yes?" He heart swelled with what he heard.

"Yes," Kate chuckled. "She said Jamie made it sound as if you're Superman."

"Superman?" Castle grinned from ear to ear, "I like the sound of that."

"Get over it, Castle." Kate rolled her eyes at him. "Gloating will give you wrinkles."

He just kept grinning, "So Cynthia knows?"

"Yes, Jamie blabbed it out five seconds after she opened the door this morning," Kate shot him a careful glance, not sure how he would take this news. She hadn't planned for anyone else to know before he had a chance to talk to his daughter, but she could hardly tell Jamie to keep it to herself.

But his eyes were still sparkling, "I guess there was no use in denying it then."

"Not really, no." Kate grinned back with relief in her eyes as they reached the bench. "Jamie, look who's here."

Looking up, Jamie's shy eyes met Rick's.

"Hey Jamie," he greeted his daughter enthusiastically, leaning down towards her, tipping her nose with his index finger.

"Hi Rick," she replied quietly, before sticking her head back into the book.

Castle's head turned to look at Kate, confusion written all over his face. Didn't she just tell him Jamie was excited, that he was her Superman? But Kate just shook her head, her eyes telling him silently not to worry.

"It's just because it's all new to her," she spoke quietly pulling him a few steps away from their daughter, "just give her a couple of minutes. I'm sure it will be fine."

New? How could it be knew when they had been seeing each other for weeks now?

Kate yet again seemed to read his thoughts. "Until yesterday you were just Rick, the funny guy she loves to spend time with, but now you're her dad. That's a huge change but believe me, she couldn't wait to see you. So don't worry." Her hand squeezed his arm and his eyes travelled down to watch it slowly retreat before lifting up to push a strand of hair out her face. He knew he was staring.

Kate sat down on the bench, patting the spot in between her and Jamie for Castle to take and he did, glad Kate was apparently smoothing the way for him. Still it had caught him off guard that Jamie seemed to avoid him and he was at a loss as to what to do.

So they sat in silence until Kate bumped his shoulder, encouraging him to make the first step. Taking a deep breath he leant over and looked at the book Jamie was so interested in and seeing which one it was he suddenly had an idea.

"Hey Jamie, what do you think of going to the zoo?" He asked tentatively, watching his daughter's eyes slowly turn to him. "Would you like that? Just you and me?"

Instead of answering him, she looked straight at her mom. "Mommy?"

"Mommy has to work, Sweetie. But your daddy brings you back home after you're done and then you can tell me all about it, okay?"

Jamie nodded before sticking her nose back into her book that showed pictures of a variety of wild life animals. Kate knew it was one of her favorites. Jamie loved all kinds of animals and she could look through this book over and over again. She never got tired of it. She would love to go to the zoo.

"Why don't you two get going," Kate suggested. She had tons of paperwork and maybe if she went back in early on her lunch break she could leave on time in the evening.

"You sure?" Castle asked. "I don't want to cut short on your time with Jamie."

Kate gave him a smile, "It's alright. You two have fun at the zoo."

"Okay," Castle nodded, getting up and holding out his hand to Jamie.

The little girl scooted over to her mother, giving her a hug and a kiss and for a second Castle heart clenched painfully as he feared she didn't want to go with him, but then she took his hand and shuffled off the bench to follow him.

"Bye mommy," she smiled and waved back at her mother.

"Have fun Baby Bird." Kate waved back. "See you later Castle."

He nodded and then picked Jamie up to place her on his shoulders, before crossing the street and heading for the subway station.

* * *

Jamie clung to him throughout the whole subway ride, but whenever he asked her something she just nodded or shook her head. Castle sighed. This was not at all how he had imagined their day together. It had been stupid of him to believe Jamie would just accept the fact that he was her dad and they would go on as if nothing had changed. He should have been prepared for this, but he wasn't. The truth was he felt helpless.

But then Jamie saw the sea lions and everything changed, "Look Daddy!" she exclaimed excitedly, tugging at his hand to get him to move faster. She didn't stop babbling from there on. Her excitement even grew when they reached the barn and she could actually pet the animals.

Castle had bought them ice cream and hot dogs, which they were enjoying in a small, secluded resting area while Jamie sat on Castle's lap as he tried not to get them both covered in mustard.

"You're daughter is adorable," Castle looked up to see a good-looking-blonde standing next to them.

"Thank you," he said, smiling brightly.

"I'm Carol," the woman offered, obviously interested in getting to know him better.

"Rick," he replied, his smile losing some of its brightness. He wasn't here to flirt.

"So Rick," she practically purred and Castle had to refrain from rolling his eyes. "You two are all alone?"

Putting on his best poker face, he pretended not to notice the get on hidden in her words as he replied. "Yes her mom had to work today."

Carol took the hint, "I see. Well it was nice meeting you – Rick." And with one last look at him and not even so much as a glance at Jamie she was on her way.

Castle shook his head, returning his attention to his daughter who was tilting her head back to look at him with big eyes.

"Daddy's friend?" She asked.

He had to laugh, "No, she's more like a hyena." He knew Jamie didn't understand what he meant by that, but the way he said it made her chuckle.

"So Jamie what's your favorite animal?" He asked.

His little girl didn't need to consider his question for a second as she beamed up at him and in her most threatening growl said, "Mufasa."

Castle's heart skipped a beat. She liked lions. Too bad there weren't any at Central Park Zoo. He grinned, realizing Alexis wouldn't agree with him on this.

"You daddy?" She lifted expectant eyes to him, eyes that were so much like his it still took his breath away from time to time.

"Mine too," he said softly. "Daddy loves lions too."

* * *

Kate was met with laughter when she opened the door to them later in the afternoon.

"Hey," she greeted them, bracing herself against the whirlwind knocking into her legs and pulling her up into her arms. "You two had fun?"

"Yes," Jamie nodded happily. "Daddy likes lions."

"Does he?" Kate lifted her eyebrows, looking at him. Castle just shrugged, beaming like a Christmas tree. "I'm sure that makes you very happy, now doesn't it Baby Bird?"

Jamie nodded ,"Mommy likes elephants," she stated as if that was the most dreadful thing in the world and Kate didn't understand why he suddenly looked at her with something like wonder in his eyes.

"Are you staying for dinner?" Kate asked, feeling uneasy under his intense stare.

"Ah, no," he let his hand run through his hair. "Sorry, but I have to go."

Kate mentally slapped herself, of course he had to go. He wanted to talk to Alexis tonight.

"Another time then," she helped him out quickly, seeing he didn't want to disappoint Jamie, but couldn't stay either. She lifted Jamie over to him once more, "Say goodnight to your dad, Baby Bird."

"Night Daddy," Jamie slung her small arms around his neck, giving him a kiss. "Love you."

He hugged her back, squeezing his eyes shut tightly against the tears, "Goodnight Baby Bird," he mumbled, "I love you too."

~XXXXX~


	22. Daughters

~XXXX~

Castle was beyond nervous, pacing through the kitchen like a caged animal, Alexis upstairs in her room unsuspecting of his turmoil, while he was still trying to gather up the courage to call her down. He had no idea how to tell her, where to start, how to tell a seven – _almost_ eight-year-old that almost three years ago he'd spent the night with a woman he hadn't known. And that now, just a couple of weeks ago, he had learned that Alexis' wish for a sibling had been granted already back then. Well, he probably shouldn't start with that enlightenment. Humor would not get him anywhere right now.

Taking a deep breath, followed by another he finally stepped onto the bottom steps of the stairs to call up for his daughter.

It took only seconds for the redhead to stick her head around the corner of the upper hallway to see what the matter was.

"Yes Dad?"

"Hey," he tried to smile, knowing he failed miserably, his nervousness showing all over his face, "Could you come down for a second, there's something I need to tell you."

Alexis came running down the stairs, smiling brightly but her good mood quickly faded when she saw the serious, almost tortured look on her dad's face.

"Did I do something wrong, Dad?" She asked, lifting her eyes up to meet his as she stopped in front of him.

Great, he was already screwing it up, doing a horrible job of filling his daughter in on the news and he hadn't even really started. "No!" He exclaimed louder than necessary, "You did nothing wrong, nothing at all." His hand reached out to caress her face, trying to calm her with his gesture when his words obviously couldn't.

"Then why do you look so serious?" She asked, looking unsure and wary.

Castle sighed, reaching for his daughter's hand and pulling her over the couch, "Because I have something serious to tell you and I'm not sure how you will react to it." He informed her on the way, but his words only made matters worse.

"You scare me Dad," Alexis almost whispered and he could see it in her eyes, just how much he was confusing and frightening her. It was the last thing he wanted.

He cursed silently at himself as he tugged Alexis down next to him. Could this get any worse? He needed to do better and fast.

"It's nothing bad, I promise you." At least he hoped she wouldn't see it as a bad thing. "But I need you to know it's okay if you get upset or if you need some time to think about it, okay?"

He waited for her to nod, "And whatever happens, it doesn't change a thing between us. Nothing can ever change what we have. I need you to keep that in mind."

"Are you getting married again?" Alexis suddenly exclaimed with something he could only describe as horror showing on her face.

"What?" He shrieked shocked. "No. No." His head was shaking violently, too violently than strictly necessary to get his point across. "No, I'm not getting married again, Alexis. I wouldn't just – no."

She seemed to visibly relax at his words, "Okay, because that's not what I meant when I said it might be okay to get a sibling."

"Uhm -," he felt sweat pooling at his hairline. "Alexis – I – you -," he huffed hot air out of his lungs.

"Dad?"

"You have a sister." Smooth_, really smooth_ Rick.

"I what?" Alexis voice caught in her throat as she lifted his eyes to his, silently begging him to tell her he was kidding. This was so not what she had meant a couple of weeks ago.

"You have a sister," the repeating of his words the only thing he could come up with, before he added, "Half sister," on a second, unnecessary thought.

"I don't understand," her voice was quiet, much too quiet for his liking. "You mean before mom?"

"Ah -," his right hand ran through his hair, collecting some of the sweat that was still forming on his forehead. "No, not before your mom." He shook his head and sighed, time to put his cards on the table. "It happened about three years ago, _after _your mom and I got divorced - I met a woman." He glanced at Alexis trying to gauge her reaction to his revelation. She seemed to be at least willing to listen and maybe knowing would help her to understand. But he would stop as soon as he thought it was too much. He didn't want her to feel uncomfortable.

"Kate, her name is Kate, she's a police officer," he continued, wanting to paint a picture where Kate wasn't just another woman in a long line that wouldn't have any impact on Alexis' life. Because she would, one way or another, not only Jamie but also Kate Beckett would be a part of their lives from now on. "We haven't seen each other since then, not until we ran into one another a couple of weeks ago."

Castle chanced another glance at his daughter, but she wasn't looking at him, her bottom lip caught between her teeth in a way that reminded him of Kate. "That's when I found out about Jamie," he said, fumbling with his wallet, and pulling out the picture of Jamie, Kate had given him at their meeting at Remy's, holding it out for Alexis to take. "She will turn two in about two weeks."

Alexis hesitated until curiosity won and she reached for the picture without saying a word and without looking at him.

"Alexis?" His voice was soft, yet fearful, "Pumpkin, please say something."

"You knew for weeks and didn't tell me?" The accusation was heavy in her voice. "You told me to always say the truth and now _you_ lied to me."

She was on her feet and storming up the stairs before he knew it and already at the top of them before he found his voice, "Alexis!" He called after her, shooting up to follow his daughter.

"Leave me alone," she stopped his attempts to climb the stairs and he did as she asked him to, stopping dead in his tracks. After all _he_ had told her it was okay if she needed time. So instead of giving into the urge to see if she was okay only for his own, selfish benefit, he sank down on the stairs, burying his head in his hands. This had gone even worse than he had feared.

* * *

He had no idea how long he had been sitting on the bottom of the stairs, trying to come up with something that would help to improve the situation. Of course he hadn't expected for Alexis to be as excited as he was about the addition to their family right away, yet it had taken him by surprise how unhappy she had seemed to be when she had stormed out on him earlier.

Sighing heavily, he finally pushed himself up, hearing his joints pop as he shuffled into the study to call his mother.

"Oh Richard, I'm sorry," his mother soothed him after learning what had happened, "but knowing Alexis she will come around sooner than later. Just give her some space and you'll see she will come to you in no time."

"What if she doesn't? What if she wants nothing to do with Jamie," he sounded desperate and Martha knew how hard it must be for him, but she also knew her granddaughter and it was very unlikely that any of the foreboding he was evoking actually would come true.

"You'll see, she will be excited about this once she's had the time to process it. You just have to stay positive," she encouraged him, "and don't pressure her. Give her the space she needs." She added.

"I'll try," he mumbled, "but I won't promise."

"Alright Kiddo," his mother chuckled. "Try to get some sleep."

He hung up, but didn't move from behind his desk, he felt lonely and helpless. He should have done better, Alexis deserved better only he had no idea how to do that. He had messed it up and now he had to find a way to get out of that mess again, but he wasn't sure he could do it alone.

He was dialling before he knew it.

"Beckett."

It was ridiculous how much easier he could breathe just hearing her voice.

"Hey Kate, it's me. I hope I'm not interrupting," he sounded shy and Kate immediately knew his talk with Alexis hadn't gone well.

"Hey Castle, you're not interrupting I was just getting ready for bed," she told him, getting comfortable on the couch once more.

"Oh, sorry I should let you go then," he spoke quietly, but she quickly stopped him.

"No, it's really okay. How did it go with Alexis?" She believed it was always best to get straight to the point.

"Not good," he sighed heavily, "she stormed out. Told me I lied to her." Kate heard him taking in another shaky breath. "She wants me to leave her alone."

"Castle," her voice was so soft, so warm and he wished he could just bathe in it for a while. "She needs some time. I imagine it can be pretty scary if you suddenly have to share the most important person in your life with people you don't even know." She hadn't meant to make it sound as if she included herself in the group of people Alexis had to share her dad with from now on so she quickly went on, "I know I'm not proud of how I handled things in the beginning."

He had to admit she had a point. They both had acted very much on impulse that day in the alley.

"It's different for Alexis than it is for Jamie, Castle." She tried to make him see a possible reason for Alexis' reaction. "Jamie got something she hadn't had before, but Alexis might feel as if she's losing you. She used to have you to herself."

"She's not selfish," he got out sounding defensive.

"And I'm not saying she is Castle. Alexis has every right to be upset. She's older than Jamie, she's aware there will be changes and consequences that will come from having Jamie in your lives. And I think it's only fair she gets some time to sort that out."

He didn't say anything for a long time and she remembered the words he had spoken to her only a day ago, thinking she should give them back to him now, "We'll work it all out, Castle."

His eyes shot up, but before he could say anything Kate was speaking again.

"And from what you told me about Alexis she will be the greatest big sister Jamie could ever ask for."

"Thank you, Kate." He had trouble getting the words out, his heart clenching at her words and her support. "Thank you."

"Anytime Castle. You think you'll be able to get some sleep?" He got so caught up in the warmth and richness of her voice that he had trouble concentrating on her question.

"I will try," he finally promised.

"Good," she seemed satisfied. "We'll talk tomorrow."

They ended the call wishing each other a good night and Castle felt better. It was still a mess, but they would work it out. It would all be okay in the end.

"Dad?"

His head shot up to see Alexis standing in the doorway of his office. Even in the dim light he could see she had been crying and it broke his heart. He got to his feet and tentatively took a step towards her.

"Alexis," he breathed, she didn't move, instead fixed her eyes on a spot on the hardwood floor. "Pumpkin, come here."

The relief he felt when she did was overwhelming. He caught her when she flew into his arms and pulled her close.

"Alexis, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," he mumbled into her hair, while she clung to him. Walking them both over to one of the armchairs, he slowly sat down with Alexis in his arms.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She finally asked, playing with one of the buttons of his shirt, avoiding his eyes.

"Oh Pumpkin, it was complicated." He started, "Jamie didn't know who I was and her mom - Kate, she wanted to take things slow." He continued as he slowly told her what had happened over the past weeks, leaving out the parts she didn't have to know.

"I didn't tell you, because I thought it would be easier until Kate and I had sorted everything out," he lifted her chin to meet her eyes. "Can you understand that?"

"I think," Alexis answered quietly, taking a deep breath. "But why did you only meet Jamie now?"

He wasn't sure how to answer. "You know Kate didn't know who I was and when we lost sight of each other she couldn't find me." He realized he had no idea if this was actually true. It was the story he had made up in his head, since he had never gathered up the courage to ask her about that time directly.

"Why didn't she know who you were?" Alexis frowned and Castle flinched. His daughter was too smart for her own good. He certainly didn't want to explain to her what having a one night stand meant.

"See," he tried to buy time. "That's complicated."

"Adult stuff?" Alexis frowned.

"Yeah, sort of."

"Okay." She nodded.

They were silent for a while, Alexis nuzzling into her father's chest as she pulled out Jamie's picture, which she had kept under her shirt the whole time.

"She's cute," she finally said and Castle believed he saw a small smile around her lips.

"She is," he confirmed.

"Do you think she will like me?" Alexis asked quietly, sounding insecure.

He pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head, so proud of his girl, "She will love and adore you, because she's getting the most amazing big sister in the world."

The smile on Alexis face grew, "Yeah?"

"Absolutely, Pumpkin."

"And her mom?" She hesitated, "Will she like me too?"

"Alexis," he made her look at him again and sighed. Sometimes he hated his ex-wife for what her leaving had done to their daughter, "You are an amazing little girl, of course she will like you."

"Is it okay if I think about it a bit longer?" She asked, sounding way beyond her age and he nodded.

"Of course, you take as much time as you need and if there's anything else you want to know, just ask me." He pushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Anytime."

"Can I stay with you tonight?" She was still clinging to him.

"Come on, Pumpkin. Let's go to bed." He mumbled softly into her hair, as he stood up.

After a quick run to the bathroom he tucked her into his large bed and felt her drift towards him the minute he climbed in next to her.

"I love you, Daddy." She whispered, nuzzling into his side.

"I love you too, Pumpkin." He whispered back as he held her close. "More than anything."

~XXXX~


	23. Late night talks and pancakes

~XXXX~

The next morning Castle was flipping pancakes in the kitchen when the phone rang, startling him a little, and interrupting his humming. Alexis had run upstairs to _'freshen up'_ as she had called it and he'd had to bite his tongue not to laugh. It certainly was something she'd picked up from her grandmother, he'd thought. He reached for the phone, sure it would be his mother on the other end of the line as he picked up.

"Good morning, mother," he almost sang into the phone, not able to contain his good mood, and was met with silence.

"Uhm – this is Kate." Her surprised voice came over the line after a moment, slightly hesitant. "Am I interrupting?"

"Oh," he dropped the spatula, equally surprised, he hadn't expected her to call him today and he immediately worried that something was wrong with Jamie. "Hey - Kate. Everything okay?"

"Hey," she laughed softly. "That's what I was going to ask you. I just wanted to hear how things are going with Alexis, but judging by your good mood I assume there has been improvement?"

"Yes, definitely - improvement," he got out and Kate could hear the smile in his voice, feeling her lips lifting up into one of her own. "Just after we hung up she came back down and we talked."

"That's great, Castle." She was happy for them and it touched him that she seemed to care so much about how Alexis was feeling in all of this. Beside his mother he wasn't used to anyone else making an honest effort when it came to Alexis. Not even her own mother.

"Yeah, I think she was more upset about not being involving from the beginning than about the news itself. I apologized and explain why I didn't tell her right away and she seemed to understand."

"And how is she feeling about having a baby sister?" Maybe it was not her place, Alexis was Castle's daughter, but she wanted to know, needed to know Alexis was _in_ this.

"She'll need a couple of days to get used to the idea, come to terms with everything but I'm pretty sure, once that happens she'll be more than excited to be a big sister. She's already worried Jamie won't like her," he confessed, not sure if he was overstepping a line sharing this with Kate without his daughter's knowledge, but it felt so good to have someone to talk to, someone who understood.

"I'm sure Jamie will adore Alexis," Kate spoke softly, somehow she could very much relate to Alexis's insecurities, having tons of her own. "From what you told me, she's the best sister Jamie could ask for."

"Thank you Kate," he breathed out, his voice shaken with emotions when he said, "It means a lot."

When she didn't answer Castle wasn't sure if he'd said too much. But she had touched a sore point with her support. He had always done it alone, even when Meredith had still lived with them it had mainly been him who'd taken care of Alexis and he had always managed. He'd sought his mother's council when he needed to but mainly he'd gone by instinct so far. It had worked for them. Still he couldn't help but wish that Alexis knew what it was like to have a mother that was more like Kate.

He was quick to distract her though, stopping her from reading too much into it, not wanting to damage what they had managed to establish between them over the past weeks. He had no idea what exactly they were, other than Jamie's parents, but he hoped they were starting to become friends and he didn't want to ruin that because he made her feel uncomfortable. "We'll have a father-daughter day, maybe I'll take her out of the city for a couple of hours."

"That sounds lovely," Kate said quietly. "Are we still on for tomorrow? If you'd rather spend time with Alexis I'd understand. I don't want her to feel left out or abandoned now that she knows."

"No, no. We're still on. Alexis is at a friend's birthday party anyway, she's been talking about it for weeks." He reassured her, but hoped it wouldn't take too long until he wouldn't have to divide his time between his two daughters anymore.

* * *

He was back to flipping pancakes when Alexis came running down the stairs to join him for breakfast.

"All freshened up?" He asked as he pushed a plate with pancakes towards her and handed her a glass of orange juice.

"Yep," Alexis grinned, "but can you braid my hair before we go?"

"Sure," he nodded, sitting down next to her and digging into his own plate. They both chewed in comfortable silence for a while, both enjoying their pancakes before Castle asked, "So, what do you want to do today Pumpkin?"

Alexis munched on her bite of pancake, considering his question, "We could go to the museum?"

"The museum?" He sighed, "I thought we could do something outside?"

"It's raining," Alexis stated matter-of-factly and Castle's head swung around to look out the window to see that indeed it had started to rain. Maybe he should have checked the weather forecast before making plans to go to the country side.

"Okay, I see your point. So museum it is, anything particular?" He asked, reaching for his coffee cup.

"National History Museum?" Alexis suggested.

"Again?" He almost whined.

"It's one of my favorites," she shrugged. "And yours too."

She had him there. Grinning, he nodded, "Okay. I'll give you the National History Museum if you give me a movie marathon in the evening."

Alexis put down her fork, giving him a serious look, furrowing her eyebrows and she reminded him of Brando in the _Godfather_. Finally she held out her hand for him to shook, "Deal."

"I knew I made you an offer you can't refuse," he replied in his best Brando imitation, before he shook her hand to seal the deal.

* * *

The next week just flew by, Castle divided his time between Alexis and Jamie, spending time with his youngest before or after Kate's lunch break and with Alexis after school. He had told Jamie about Alexis and about his mother, but he wasn't sure she really understood. Maybe it was too much for a two-year-old whose only family had been her mother until now, to realize what it all meant for her future live. She would understand when they would finally all come together, he was sure of it.

"Dad?" Alexis was standing in the doorway to his bedroom and he looked up surprise, glancing at his alarm clock. It was way past midnight.

"Hey Alexis, why are you still up? It's late."

"I can't sleep," she mumbled, not moving from her spot at the door.

He put the book he was reading aside, patting the spot next to him, "Come here."

Alexis shuffled over, climbing onto the bed next to him and his arm reached around her small shoulders to pull her close. He waited her out, knowing she would talk when she was ready.

"I want to meet her," she finally said so quietly he wasn't sure he understood.

"Jamie?" He asked to make sure, bowing his head to be closer to her.

"Yes, I want to meet her. Is that okay?" Her blue eyes looked up into his, insecure and hesitant.

"Oh course, it's okay Pumpkin." He kissed the top of her head. "It's more than okay."

"When?" She asked snuggling closer to him, sleep already pulling her under.

"Soon," he promised before she was asleep.

Switching off the lights, he lay in the dark, pulling the covers over them, thinking. It probably was best to talk to Kate in the morning, see what she thought was the best way to bring them together. But then another thought struck him, he knew the perfect opportunity. As a matter of fact he knew just _the_ occasion.

~XXXX~


	24. Surprise

~XXXX~

It was stupid, _he_ was stupid and she would be _so_ pissed, Castle thought, his eyes flickering from Alexis to his mother and back as they were all sitting next to each other in the town car. It had seemed like such a good idea two nights ago, the perfect opportunity to finally bring his girls together. But then he hadn't been able to bring up the courage to ask Kate and that's when he should have stopped, it's not that he didn't know that, only he couldn't. He wanted this so badly and Alexis was beyond excited, there was just no way back now. He couldn't break Alexis' heart by calling it off, besides Kate and Jamie would leave the city the next day to spend the rest of the week at a B&B upstate. And he didn't want to wait any longer, for Alexis' sake and his own.

"Richard?" His mother shot him a pointed look. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes," he nodded not very convincingly, knowing his mother was onto him. "I'm just a bit nervous."

"Sure," Martha nodded, but her tone told him she was suspicious.

She had every right to be. Kate was only expecting him today. She'd had planned the trip with Jamie months ago, had taken the whole week off from work and actually pushed the trip back two days so they could celebrate Jamie's second birthday together. And now he was bringing his family without telling her and he knew she would kill him. He just hoped she would wait until the kids were out of sight.

Martha kept throwing him looks that seemed to tell him she knew exactly what he was doing. But he had to take the risk and hope for the best, hope Kate would forgive him and that the bond between them was strong enough for her to see he did it for all of them. It was time to bring them together.

Standing in front of her door, his right hand raised to knock, his other wrapped around Alexis', he thought he was going to faint though, his heart beating so wildly in his chest he thought it might explode.

"What's the matter, Richard?" His mother mocked him from behind. "Go on, knock."

He shot one last glance down to Alexis, his little girl had been uncharacteristically quiet the whole time, "You ready?"

Taking a deep breath she met his gaze and finally gave him a firm nod, determination written all over her face as she turned her eyes to the door, bracing herself for what was to come.

_Showtime, _he thought as his knuckles rapped against the wood of Kate's front door.

* * *

Kate had been sitting on the couch, watching Jamie play with her new toys as she heard the knock on the door. Getting up, she smiled at Jamie, holding out her hand to the girl who was already struggling to get up from the floor, "Come on Baby Bird, let's see who it is."

Jamie lifted her big eyes up to her mom, "Daddy?" She asked hopeful, eyes never leaving her mom's.

"Maybe?" Kate grinned, wriggling her eyebrows in a way she had adopted from Castle.

Jamie's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and Kate picked her up to carry her to the door. Stopping in front of it, Jamie sitting on her hip, she gave her daughter one last look, "Ready?"

Jamie grinned from ear to ear and nodded.

Kate swung open the door, meeting Castle's sparkling yet somehow nervous eyes.

"Hey Cas- ," the rest of the greeting died on her lips as she spotted the read-headed elder woman standing behind him. Kate knew immediately who she was; Martha Rodgers the Broadway actress and Castle's mother. What was she doing here?

Castle cleared his throat and with much more conviction than he actually felt he went straight to the point, "Hey Birthday Girl, here's someone I would like you to meet."

Only now Kate's gaze fell onto the little red-headed girl standing next to Castle as her eyes followed Jamie's downwards. Oh he didn't. He did. She felt a headache coming. How could he?

"Jamie, this is my daughter Alexis," Castle introduced the girls to each other, totally ignoring Kate for now, "Alexis - this is your sister Jamie."

No one spoke a word, the two girls looking at each other with fearful, expectant eyes, and Castle knew he had to do something before things got awkward, well more awkward than they already were. Still ignoring Kate's furious glares and completely forgetting his manners, he ushered Alexis past Kate into the apartment. He knew he was playing with fire as he opened his arms to Jamie, still on her mother's arm, and asked, "Wanna see your presents?"

"Yay," Jamie shrieked, struggling out of her mother's arms and into her dad's.

Kate let her go, knowing there was no use in punishing Jamie for her father's misbehaving.

Once in her dad's arms Jamie started to babble excitedly, all reservations forgotten, as Castle carried her into the living room, Alexis still shyly on his left side.

"One down, one to go," he mumbled to himself. He would worry later about the two women standing behind him in Kate's doorway, knowing their eyes were burning holes into his back.

With Castle and the girls shuffling off, Kate was left alone with his mother in the hallway. The two of them eyed each other carefully, neither sure of what to say and both angry with Castle for getting them into this situation in the first place.

It was Martha who found her voice first, skipping pleasantries, thinking along the lines of her son, namely _distraction_, "How about some coffee?"

Hooking her arm around Kate's, in a gesture way too familiar for two people who had just met, but typical for Martha, she waited for the younger woman to take the lead.

Kate finally set into motion, guiding Castle's mother into the kitchen and filling a steaming cup of coffee for her, before doing the same for herself and joining Martha at the small table in the kitchen, from which they could watch Castle and the girls.

"He didn't tell you," Martha said, stating the obvious.

"No," Kate simply replied, not knowing what else there was to say. Castle had practically ambushed her with his family and that on top of feeling a bit out of it today did nothing to improve her mood.

"Listen Kate, I know it's not my place and believe me I know you have every right to be angry with him. Hell, _I'm_ angry with him for bringing us both into this situation. And if this is too much I will leave," she gestured towards the door, "but please let Alexis stay. She was so nervous and excited to finally meet Jamie, it would break her heart if she had to go now."

Kate didn't say anything for a long moment, just watched Castle with the kids, three sets of sparkling blue eyes, laughing in her living room while Castle made a big fuss of handing over the presents. Even if she wanted to she couldn't break them apart now. Turning her head and looking at the fourth set of blue eyes in her apartment, she shook her head.

"It's okay, you don't have to leave Mrs. Rodgers," Kate managed a smile, getting up to get the cake and pull out some more plates. But she was stopped by Martha's hand on hers.

"It's Martha," she smiled at the young woman, "and thank you."

Kate nodded, but Martha still didn't let her go.

"He means well, you know. He has an unfortunate way of showing it, but he does." Martha didn't think her son deserved her defending him but still, she didn't want to see things go south.

"I know," Kate sighed and Martha let her go.

"Still you should give him a piece of your mind," the older woman added on a second thought, following Kate to help her with the plates. "Scare him a bit. He deserves it."

Kate looked at the other woman and surprised at the serious look on Martha's face she couldn't help but laugh, some of the tension easing away, "Oh, believe me I will."

They grinned at each other for a moment, creating some kind of silent agreement between them, before taking the cake and plates out into the living room side by side.

Castle, Alexis and Jamie were sitting on the floor in the middle of the room, Jamie clapping her hands in excitement while Alexis slowly grew more comfortable as Castle pulled out an oddly shaped package from his backpack, followed by another.

"Okay, this one is from me," he pointed at the bigger one, "and this is from Alexis."

Jamie looked at both packages, considering which one to open first and then her small hands reached for Alexis' first, making Castle ridiculously proud as he saw the pleased and happy looks on both of his girls' faces.

The unwrapping progress wasn't elegant, Jamie was more like a little thunderstorm, the paper flying in every direction but it made Alexis laugh which caused Jamie to giggle back and just like that the connection was formed. Scooting closer to her sister, Alexis watched as Jamie revealed her present to her. Finally the fluffy thing came into view and Jamie shrieked in delight.

"Simba!" She exclaimed as she pulled out the stuffed lion.

"Do you like it?" Alexis asked, a smile blossoming on her face.

Jamie nodded and cuddled Simba to her chest.

"Open mine too," Castle eagerly pushed his present over as well and Kate had to bite down on her bottom lip not to laugh at the scene in front of her. After all she was angry with him, but he looked more excited than both kids surrounding him and honestly it was adorable.

Placing Simba carefully at her side and giving Alexis one last beaming look, she reached for the other package as well and soon, pieces of paper were flying again.

"Mufasa!" She shrieked, holding both lions up in the air. "Mommy look!"

Kate, who after placing the cake on the table, had watched the unwrapping with Martha from a distance stepped closer, "That's great Baby Bird. Did you say 'Thank you'?"

Jamie looked slightly guilty, lifting her eyes to Alexis before she whispered a quiet, "Thank you."

Alexis smiled back, "You're welcome, Jamie."

And then Jamie pushed up from the ground, throwing her arms around Castle's neck, "Thank you, daddy."

He caught her, pulling her close before risking a quick glance at Alexis, but she seemed to be fine, smiling at both of them and he reached out to pull her into his side as well.

Kate's anger melted away at the happy picture that played out in front of her. This was good and it had been about time. She still would have to talk to Castle about going behind her back, but not now. It could wait. There was no way she was ruining Jamie's birthday when it was turning out to be one of the best days in her young life.

"Who wants some cake?" Kate asked instead and before Castle knew it, Jamie was running over to her mother, lions in her arms, bright cake-carving smile on her face. Kate picked her up, watching as Castle struggled to get off the floor, holding out his hand to Alexis who crowded closer to him, as the pair made their way over to the table.

Only then did it really strike Castle that he had never made proper introductions when they had arrived earlier and he had at least the dignity to feel ashamed. Stopping in front of mother and daughter, he shot Kate an apologetic look, before leaning down. "Alexis, this is Jamie's mom. Kate Beckett."

With Jamie still attached to her hip, Kate crouched down to get closer to Alexis, "It's nice to meet you Alexis."

The girl's shy eyes met Kate's as she held out her hand, "It's nice to meet you too, Miss Beckett."

Kate smiled warmly at Castle's daughter, "You can call me Kate."

Alexis just nodded, really taking in the older woman for the first time, her green-brown eyes, the soft, brown curls framing her face. She looked so different compared to her own mother.

"What do you say Alexis, would you like some cake?" Her voice was soft and warm, patience shining in her eyes as she held out her hand to the girl.

Castle watched in awe how Kate won his daughter's heart in just seconds as the redhead placed her hand in Kate's and followed her over to the table.

Castle moved after them, catching the approving look his mother sent him over the table and he realized he hadn't introduced her either. He sighed. He was in so. much. trouble.

"Castle?" Kate pulled him out of his thoughts, "Can you take Jamie and get her into her high chair and maybe Alexis can help me with the cake?" She looked down at the girl still standing next to her, "If you want to."

Alexis nodded eagerly and Kate handed Jamie over to Castle, who walked over to his mother to make the last introduction of the day, "Jamie, this is Martha, my mother – your grandmother."

Jamie eyed the older woman with the flaming red hair curiously, before looking back to her dad. Her forehead furrowed from organizing all the new facts she'd learned today. "Lexis?" She eventually asked.

Castle chuckled, "Yes, she's also Alexis' grandma."

"Hey there, young lady," Martha smiled at her granddaughter who looked shyly at yet another new family member. Martha tapped the girl's nose, who ducked her head closer to her dad's in return.

"Did you like your presents?" Martha asked, not hurt at all by Jamie's reservations, knowing all it took was time.

Jamie nodded, "Jamie like lions."

"So I've heard," Martha laughed and reached into her purse. "That's why I've thought you would like this as well."

Castle looked at his mother surprised, he'd had no idea she had gotten Jamie a present as well. "Mother?"

But she just shook her head, pulling out yet another little stuffed lion, holding it out to Jamie. The girl took it, only slightly hesitantly, offering her grandma a small smile, "Thank you."

Martha smiled and then watched Castle putting one of his daughters into the highchair, while the other dispersed the cake filled plates on the table at Kate's instruction. It was ridiculous how much like a real family they already looked, she thought as she took her seat opposite her son.

After everyone had gotten a piece of Jamie's birthday cake Kate had disappeared into the kitchen to get more coffee, only to stick her head back out, "Apple juice okay for you Alexis?"

"Yes, thank you." Alexis nodded and then moved over to her father to take the seat next to him.

"Kate's nice." She said, careful that only her dad could hear her. Sighing Castle placed a soft kiss on top of her head in return, glad they were all getting along.

"Yes, she is." He agreed watching Kate in the kitchen, about to ask her if she needed help her, but leaning his head down instead, when Alexis tugged on his shirt once more.

"And beautiful," his daughter whispered in awe, slightly blushing.

_Yeah, that too,_ he thought as the woman they were talking about came back, placing a pot of fresh coffee on the table and handing Alexis her glass of apple juice.

"All set?" She asked into the round of people, placed at her dinner table that had never seen so many guests and trying to see if she forgot something.

"It looks wonderful, thank you Kate," Martha reassured her and Kate finally sat down, watching pleased how Castle was already helping Jamie with her cake, while Martha filled their cups of coffee, her eyes finally landing on Alexis sitting between herself and her dad, looking slightly left out.

The words left her mouth before she knew it, "So how was school today?"

Alexis looked up surprised, her own mother never asked her about school, "Good," she finally got out, looking up at her dad, who gave her an encouraging smile, before catching a piece of cake secretly trying to descend from Jamie's plate.

"And what is your favorite subject?" Kate asked, holding the girl's gaze with true interest.

"I like all of them," Alexis beamed at the older woman.

"All of them?" Kate laughed. "Wow, that's a lot."

"Dad's helping me with a project for my science class," Alexis now shared willingly and for the next minutes Castle and Martha watched Kate and Alexis engage in a lively discussion about volcanos while they listened to Jamie's excited babbling.

At some point Castle caught his mother's gaze and if he hadn't known any better he would have thought he'd seen tears shining in her eyes. She gave him a nod, telling him it was okay as a small smile played around her lips, before she returned her attention back to Jamie.

He knew exactly how she was feeling, he felt the same.

~XXXX~


	25. Boom

X~~~X

After Castle had volunteered to do the dishes, receiving a knowing look from Kate in return, which told him she knew exactly what he was trying to do and it wouldn't work, they were all gathered in the living room once more. Or more precisely, in the middle of the Amazon, surrounded by wild animals, including a pride of lions, as they tried to paddle their way through the wild waters to safety, using the couch that obviously had been transformed into a raft.

Jamie and Alexis were having a blast, sitting in front of the raft watching out for anacondas as instructed by their father, screaming, "_Watch out!"_ every other minute so Castle could make a big fuss about changing course.

Kate and Martha were securing the rear, laughing at the big man-child in front of them and Kate honestly couldn't remember when she and Jamie ever had so much fun before.

"Mother this is probably the closest you'll ever get to playing Katharine Hepburn's character in _The African Queen_," Castle joked and was hit by a pillow in the back of his head.

"Now don't get funny," Martha growled. "I was way too young to play that role. And anyway I'll leave the re-enacting of that fantastic movie to you and Kate. You two make a much nicer couple."

Castle's head shot around glaring at his mother. What was she trying to establish with her not so subtle comment? The only thing she would achieve was making Kate uncomfortable and looking at Kate he feared his worries were well-founded as he saw the look on her face.

"Kate?" He asked softly and at least his mother had the dignity to look away.

"You know my parents named me after Katharine Hepburn," She said to his surprise and his mother's attitude immediately changed, from guilty to intrigued.

"Really?" she asked and moved closer.

"Yes," Kate laughed, trying to cover up the tears pooling in her eyes. "My full name is Katherine Houghton Beckett."

"She was a strong, beautiful and intelligent woman," Martha nodded. "I think your parents made the perfect choice." The older woman smiled and patted Kate's hand. Looking up at her son and seeing the soft expression on his face, she knew she was forgiven for pushing it a bit earlier.

"Okay girls," Castle exclaimed, sensing that matters had turned more personal than Kate liked and being the king of distraction, he figured it was time for a safari. "Ready to land?"

"Yes," his daughters shrieked.

"Good but beware of the wild animals, we don't want anyone to get eaten," he warned, turning back to Kate with a wink before climbing off the couch and into the sea of Jamie's stuffed animals. "What about you ladies, you coming?" He looked at Kate and his mother who both shook their heads.

"We'll guard the raft," Martha waved him off.

"And I'll go to the village down the beach to get supplies," Kate played along and Martha nodded, impressed.

"She's good," she stated, chuckling when she saw Castle and the girls crouch closer to the pride of lions on their stomachs.

Kate was rummaging through the kitchen cabinets, looking for her wine opener when she heard someone coming into the kitchen. Turning around she expected Castle but instead was met by Alexis' shy smile.

"Hey Alexis, do you need anything?" Kate asked, giving her full intention to Castle's daughter.

Alexis stepped from one foot to the other, "I need to -," she didn't get any further, but Kate understood.

"Oh I see, come on Sweetie I'll show you where." Once more she offered her hand to the girl and Alexis took it without hesitation, following Kate to the bathroom.

Kate waited outside until Alexis was done and side by side they walked back into the living room.

"What are you guys up to?" Kate asked on the way.

"Still watching the lions," Alexis told her, but didn't seem too excited.

"You don't like lions?" Kate frowned.

"No, I like them, just not as much as Jamie and my dad," she explained.

"And what are your favorite animals?" Kate questioned further, hoping Alexis didn't feel left out by all the fuss that was made about lions today.

"I like elephants," Alexis admitted shyly, as if she had to be ashamed about it.

"Really?" Kate smiled and waited for Alexis to nod, "You know what? Mine too."

"Really?" Alexis' eyes lit up and Kate nodded with a big smile on her face.

"They are big and dangerous yet gentle," Kate explained and stopped when Alexis did the same.

"Yes and the oldest female is leading the herd," Alexis said excitedly.

"That's because they are clever," Kate said and Alexis chuckled. "Come on, I'll show you something."

Leading her back down the hall, Kate opened the door to her bedroom and walked inside, Alexis stopping in the doorway. "It's okay," Kate smiled, "Come on in."

Hesitantly, Alexis followed Kate into her bedroom, shyly looking around. "It's beautiful," she said after a moment, mesmerized by every small detail, the foreign looking furniture and all the books.

"Thank you," Kate lips tugged up. "Here, I wanted to show you this."

Alexis walked over to the sideboard next to Kate's bed where Kate revealed the view to four porcelain elephants, one bigger than the previous one.

Alexis eyes grew big, "Wow they look so cool." She almost whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Kate had an idea, "What do you say Alexis? Do you want to take this one home with you?" Kate picked up the second smallest and handed it over to the redhead, who held it so very delicately and carefully in her hands that you would think it was the most important thing in the world.

"I think I'd rather not," Alexis mumbled quietly, suddenly looking sad.

"Oh, okay," Kate was surprised, she had been sure Alexis would love the elephant.

"I think it's better when they all stay together, like a family." Alexis went on and carefully handed the elephant back to Kate.

"Okay, we'll do that," Kate said as it dawned on her what the problem was. She placed the elephant back where it belonged. "All together again, alright?"

Alexis nodded, but before Kate could say anything else, a knock on the door pulled them both out of their little bubble.

Kate looked up to find Castle standing in the doorway.

"Sorry, but it's getting late," he apologized. "Pumpkin, your grandmother will take you home."

"What? Can't we stay a bit longer?" Alexis whined, slowly making her way over to her dad.

"Sorry but it's a school night and it's already late, besides Jamie and Kate have to get up early tomorrow as well," he tried to reason with her.

"But I won't see Jamie again until they are back," her lip quivered, telling Castle she was tired.

"It's only a couple of days," Castle tried to reassure her, not wanting the day to end with Alexis throwing a tantrum.

Kate crouched down next to her, taking Alexis' small hand into her own, "The minute we get back from our trip I will call your dad and we'll make a new date, okay? Maybe the two of you can even come over and we'll order pizza. How does that sound?"

"Okay," Alexis nodded, not thrilled but the quivering of her lip had stopped.

"Come on Pumpkin, let's say goodbye." Castle turned to leave the room and he caught sight of one of Kate's bookshelves and he almost bolted back into the room, because if he wasn't mistaken he saw his own books all lined up on one of the shelves.

The three of them walked back into the living room where Jamie was sitting on her grandmother's lap looking in awe as the actress sang an old Broadway song to her.

"No encore, mother," Castle smirked. "Time to go."

"Ah too bad." Martha looked at the granddaughter, "I'll sing you a new song the next time."

Jamie nodded and then asked, "Lexis?"

"Yes, Alexis and I are going home now. But we'll see each other soon I'm sure, Jamie."

They all walked to the door, Jamie and Alexis hand in hand and Kate and Castle shared a knowing look, their two girls surely would be inseparable from now on.

Alexis hugged her baby sister goodbye, while Martha tapped Jamie's nose and said, "See you soon Bumble Bee," causing Jamie to chuckle.

And then Kate found herself wrapped in Martha's tight embrace, the older woman surprising the hell out of her, "It was so nice to finally meet you Kate," the actress spoke softly, before letting the still stunned Kate go. "Let's do it again soon."

Kate just nodded, watching Alexis take her grandmother's hand before she gave Kate a small wave, an unspoken question shining in her eyes.

"Don't forget about our pizza date," Kate told her and just like that the uncertainty in Alexis' eyes was gone, replaced by a small smile.

After the door had closed behind Castle's two ladies, Jamie and her parents were left alone in the now silent apartment and suddenly unsure how to proceed.

"How about you get Jamie ready for bed and I'll try to tidy up the chaos in the living room," Kate suggested.

Castle nodded, picking up his daughter and making his way over to the bathroom, while Kate disappeared into the living room.

* * *

She regarded the space that used to be her living room with a smile, regardless of the headache that was starting to bother her again, making her eyes hurt. Her throat felt sore as well, she realized, and she wondered if it might have felt that way all afternoon. Maybe she'd just been too distracted to notice, but as silence had returned, the buzz of having a whole clan of Castles at her place subsiding, she noticed how tired she actually was. She really needed a couple of days out at the beach to recharge her batteries.

The past week had been exhausting, besides her usual shifts she'd also been working for Vice. Another corner and another two nights in the cold rain had probably taken its toll on her. It didn't help that she and Jamie had been drenched to the bone two days ago, catching a rain shower on their way back from the playground. She was probably getting a cold. _Great_, just what she needed.

But she could rest soon, so she would suck it up for now and get to work, starting to pick up Jamie's scattered stuffed animals from the living room floor.

In the meantime Castle was helping Jamie into her pj's, while the girl was still talking excitedly about her day.

"So you had fun?" Castle asked and Jamie nodded eagerly.

"Lexis fun," she told him, bright blue eyes sparkling back at him and Castle could cry out of pure happiness. But he could see despite the excitement Jamie's energy was running low.

"Are you tired Jamie?" He asked as he lifted her off the floor.

She shook her head, but the big yawn that followed told him otherwise.

Chuckling he placed a kiss on her cheek, "Let's get you to bed, Birthday Girl."

* * *

They met in Jamie's bedroom. Kate was already placing the stuffed animals back into the shelves where they belonged, leaving the lions on Jamie's bed for her to cuddle with. She looked up as Castle walked into the room, Jamie already half asleep in his arms.

"She's really tired," he whispered, placing the girl down in her bed, tucking the blanket up around her, making sure she could get to all the lions if she wanted to.

Kate leant down and Castle took a step back to give her some room as she brushed the curls out of Jamie's face.

"Hey Baby Bird, did you enjoy your birthday?" She asked.

"Yes," Jamie mumbled and Kate could tell it cost her daughter to keep her eyes open long enough to answer.

"Good, sleep tight. I love you," Kate kissed her good night.

"Love you Mommy," Jamie replied, her eyes almost shut and Kate moved aside so Castle could say good night as well.

"I'll meet you in the living room," she whispered as she passed him.

"I'll be right there," he replied just as quietly, already bracing himself for the storm.

* * *

He had lingered at Jamie's side longer than necessary, his daughter falling asleep only seconds after they had said good night. He knew he was stalling and that he couldn't put it off any longer, he had to face Kate. After all he had brought this upon himself. Taking one last deep breath to brace himself he stepped into the living room to face whatever was to come.

He found her staring out the window, her back turned towards him. And he wasn't sure she'd heard him enter the room when she didn't move.

He cleared his throat but still she didn't turn or acknowledge him in any other way and his heart fell. He'd hope that after how great things had turned out today she might be more forgiving, obviously he had been wrong.

"Kate," he called her and when she kept staring out the window he just went on, "Look I'm sorry. I should have told you, _talk _to you, I know and believe me I wanted to."

He took another deep breath, "But then I somehow chickened out, I feared you would say no and Alexis was already so excited and I just couldn't - I know that doesn't make it right. It's just – sometimes I just – I mean," he stuttered, stopped and tried again. "Sometimes I do stupid things with good intentions and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

Silence fell between them.

"Are you done?" Kate finally asked, still refusing to look at him, her tone neutral and he had no idea what was to come next, how angry she really was with him. It was always so hard to read her and he wasn't used to that. Women used to be very clear when it came to what they wanted from him, but with Kate he just never knew. She'd had surprised him a couple of times over the past weeks. But right now she scared him to death. There was so much at stake.

"I -," he paused. "Yes, I'm done."

She finally turned to look at him and at least her face didn't look as angry as he'd expected.

"Castle, it's not okay to go behind my back," she started and was immediately interrupted by him.

"I know. I didn't -," he bowed his head as she raised her hand to stop him.

"My turn," she told him, "and I'm actually not sure you do know. _I_ think you're used to flash your pretty smile whenever you do something stupid and everything is fine again. But it's not okay to decide things that concern our daughter without consulting me and then expect that a heartfelt apology just makes it right again. We agreed to do this together and that doesn't include you flying solo whenever you think I might disagree with you." She waited for her words to sink in before she continued. "Don't do it again."

"I won't," he promised, still staring at the floor.

"That being said," she went on, not longer able to hide the smile that had threatened to break free ever since he had entered the room, "I want to thank you for giving Jamie the best birthday ever. Not that she's experienced all that many so far," she smirked. "I've never seen her so happy." She met his eyes, making sure he could see she meant it. "Thank you."

He visibly relaxed, shoulders falling down as a cautious smile formed on his lips, "Yeah?"

"Yes, it was perfect." She nodded, suddenly all gentle and tender.

Her anger had long subsided throughout the day, still she didn't want to pretend that it didn't matter that he'd made this decision without her. But he seemed to have gotten the message and there was no reason for her to punish him any more than necessary.

He was still cautious, couldn't believe she'd let him off the hook so easily. "So we're good?"

She stepped closer, "We're good."

"Okay," he sighed in relief and than glanced at the door. "I should go then, it's late and you probably need to get up early tomorrow to get on the road."

Kate seemed somehow reluctant to let him go just yet and he raised a questioning eyebrow at her.

"Actually," she started, "Could you sit down for a minute? There is something I'd like to show you."

"Sure," he agreed, doing as she'd asked him to and settling down on the couch while Kate disappeared down the hallway and into her bedroom.

He wondered what she was up to, remembering his books on her shelf and a part of him hoped that his books were what she wanted to show him, tell him the story behind it.

But she seemed to return empty-handed as she sat down next to him until she opened her palm and revealed a pink patient identification band, he knew immediately what it was.

"It's Jamie's, from the hospital," she explained nevertheless as he watched in awe, shooting her a hesitant look, which she answered with an encouraging one of her own.

Carefully picking up the band, he studied it as if it was the most treasured piece of plastic in the world.

"Jamie Rowan?" He looked up at her at this new information.

Kate looked almost shy as she said, "Yeah like Katharine Hepburn in -."

"_Without Love_," he finished for her, somehow in awe. "I love that movie."

"Me too," and he could swear he saw her blush, her eyes shying away, hiding behind a curtain of hair while she bit down on her bottom lip.

She was adorable and he couldn't take his eyes off of her, even though she stubbornly refused to look at him.

Eventually he held out his hand with the band to her to so that she could take it back, but to his surprise she closed her fingers around his, trapping the band between their palms.

"No, keep it." She said, finally looking at him again.

"You sure?" He glanced at their joined hands before lifting wide eyes to meet hers.

"Yes," she nodded. "I have the other one. It's only fair her dad gets to have hers."

His heart beat wildly in his chest and he felt her fingers squeeze around his before she let go, "It's late." She broke the moment and got up, expecting him to follow.

He did, still mesmerized by the small piece of pink plastic now curled in his hand, "I'll just use the," he pointed into the direction of her bathroom, "real quick."

Kate nodded before disappearing into the kitchen.

Castle was kind of giddy with the day's events when he stepped back out into the hallway. This day had turned out to be amazing, even Kate hadn't been able to deny it or stay angry with him. He was one lucky, stupid, brave man, he thought to himself as his view fell through Kate's open bedroom door. And because he was a stupid, brave man he entered it in search of his books.

He did find them, all of them, just as he remembered in the bookshelf right next to her bed and he couldn't help the smirk appearing on his face as he imagined about how she just recently had purchased all of his books and had not been able to put them aside.

Reaching for _In a Hail of Bullets_ he immediately realized that it was an old edition, since the cover art had changed for the new edition, this actually seemed to be a copy of the first edition. He opened it with a frown and stared in disbelief at what he found on the first page.

_Johanna Beckett_

_1994_

It was her mom's book. Kate had never told him her mother's first name, but he just knew and as he turned the page, he slowly started to realize he'd had it all wrong.

_To Johanna,_

_Don't let them bring you down._

_Every victory, as small as it may be, is still a victory._

_It's about trying and making a difference._

_You've got this._

_Rick Castle_

Her mother had been a fan and it hit him how unlikely it was that Kate actually didn't know who he was when they'd met for the first time. He had this carefully constructed story in his head of why she had never tried to find him, why she had never told him about Jamie before they ran into each other and he found it was crumbling to pieces in front of his eyes.

She'd always known, she'd known from the start and had made the deliberate decision to keep his daughter from him. All the hopeful feelings that had been rising up inside of him throughout the day came crashing down on him, being replaced by hurt and anger. How could she?

Clutching the book to his chest he spun around, storming back into the living room and into the kitchen.

"What is this?" He hissed, causing her to jump with surprise.

"Castle, what's going on?" She looked at his agitated face, before her eyes landed on the book in his hand and all the color drained from her face.

"You were in my bedroom?" She finally got out, trying to distract him, hoping for – for what she didn't know.

"Don't you dare change the topic right now," he growled, stepping closer. "How long have you known who I was, Kate? How long?"

She felt like a trapped animal and there was no way out, nowhere to hide from his burning questions she had no idea how to answer. Her panicked eyes met his, burning with rage and she tried to calm him down, her voice low.

"Cas -," he didn't let her finish.

"How long Kate? Did you know when we slept together? Did you know who I was back then and decided I had no right to meet my own daughter?"

"That's not how it was," she got out, tears filling her eyes. If only she had told him, if only she hadn't kept putting it off.

He took her words as confirmation to his suspicions and all the fight left him, only hurt remaining.

"I see," he stated, his voice cold as ice. Putting the book on her kitchen counter, he turned towards the door without looking at her.

"Castle, wait," she called out after him, but he didn't stop, didn't turn around.

"I need to get out of here," he said, sounding defeated and lost and it broke her heart that she did this to him, "Tell Jamie I'll see her next week."

And with that the door shut with a bang and there was nothing she could do.

"Shit," she breathed before, sinking down against the kitchen counter, head in her hands. What had she done?

X~~~X


	26. House Guests

X~~~X

Castle stormed through his front door letting it shut with a loud bang. His mother was nowhere in sight when he stepped into the living room so he just continued right through into his study. He grabbed a bottle of scotch on his way, pouring himself a glass before slumping down behind his desk, staring into the darkness. He rolled the liquid around in the glass, watched how the light of the desk lamp shined through it before downing it in one gulp.

"Richard?" His mother appeared in the doorway, "I thought I heard you coming in."

"How's Alexis?" He asked without looking at her, eyes trained on the now empty glass in front of him.

"Oh Richard, she's over the moon, didn't stop talking about Jamie all the way home and," she moved closer leaning against his desk and throwing her son a knowing look, "I think your Kate made quite an impression on her."

"She's not _my_ Kate," he almost spat and Martha raised her eyebrows in surprise, giving him a closer look. She saw the agony on his face, the way he tried to hide from her and she immediately knew that something must have gone awfully wrong after she'd left.

"What happened?" She asked slowly, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

He let out a dry laugh and Martha suddenly realized that whatever happened had to be about more than Kate calling him out on his egoistic behavior, which he honestly had deserved.

"This is not about you going behind Kate's back, is it?" She voiced her suspicion but Castle kept his mouth shut. "Richard?" She said, more insistent now, not taking her piercing eyes off of him until she heard her son sigh with surrender.

"She knew," he simply said as if that was the answer to everything.

"Who knew what?" Martha frowned.

"Kate – She knew who I was. Right from the beginning, all this time she knew exactly who I was and still she kept Jamie from me, she never wanted me to meet her." Tears were forming in his eyes. "If I hadn't run into her by chance I would have never known. I would have never known my daughter." He blinked, trying to keep the tears at bay, because it hurt. After spending weeks with Jamie he couldn't even imagine a life without her and to even think he would have never gotten the chance to be a father to her if they hadn't met by accident, it broke his heart.

His mother though had a hard time believing what she heard. Sure she knew in the beginning things had been complicated with Kate, but the woman she'd met today had been so open, so welcoming, she couldn't imagine she actually kept father and daughter away on purpose.

"Are you sure? Did she say that?" She asked unbelieving.

He looked furious at her questions, "On which side are you here, mother?"

"On yours," she told him, "It's just -," she trailed off.

"I know," he laughed bitterly. "I thought things were going so well and then I found my books in her bedroom, all of my books," he emphasized. "Turns out her mother had been a fan."

"Oh Kiddo, I'm sorry," Martha gasped, understanding dawning as the story began to make sense.

"She didn't need to say much more after that, it's pretty obvious what's been going on." He pushed the glass away, slowly getting up.

"What are you going to do?" His mother asked, pushing off the desk as well.

"I going to go to bed," he muttered.

"Richard?" It was obvious she was worried.

"I don't want to talk about it, not tonight," he looked at her with pleading eyes and Martha nodded.

"Alright Kiddo, I'm heading home then. Call me when you're ready," she walked over to him, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. "It's going to be alright though, you know."

"How do you know that?" He asked, stoic.

"Because whatever reasons Kate might have had back then, she wants you in her daughter's life now."

He had nothing left to offer than a slight shrug, too much hurt clouding his heart for him to see a silver lining and so he shuffled into his bedroom, not wanting to think about it anymore.

* * *

Kate woke in the middle of the night, her head throbbing, her nightshirt soaked in sweat, clinging to her body and it took her a moment to realize what had woken her from her restless sleep.

She was out of bed the second she heard Jamie's cries, having to catch herself against her doorframe as a sudden wave of dizziness hit her. Slowly she finally made it into Jamie's room, seeing the girl's tear-stained face, she quickly gathered her in her arms.

"Baby Bird, you're burning up," she mumbled, pressing her hand against her daughter's forehead.

"Mommy," Jamie whimpered, curling closer into her mother's chest.

"It's okay, Baby Bird, it's okay," Kate tried to soothe her. "Mommy's here."

Kate stood up with Jamie in her arms, making her way into the kitchen, knowing she had to do something against her daughter's fever before it got worse and ignoring her own aching body and her thoughts about the fallout with Castle.

By the time morning came Kate was beyond exhausted, Jamie had cried all night and only in the early morning hours had she fallen asleep. Kate had never left her side and even now her head was resting next to her daughter's, watching over Jamie's sleep, while Kate sat next to the bed, her hands running soothingly through her little girl's hair.

All night Kate had tried to get the fever down and finally, after hours Jamie's temperature had slightly dropped, allowing the girl to get some much needed sleep. All the while she ignored the warning signals of her own body, she could get some rest once Jamie felt better. And there where things she had to take care of.

She had to call the B&B to cancel their reservation, there was no way they would go up the coast this week even though she knew Jamie would be disappointed. Her daughter had been excited about the trip, their first vacation away from home.

Placing a soft kiss on Jamie's forehead Kate finally pushed herself off the floor to change into a fresh set of clothes not even daring to take a shower while Jamie was asleep. She dragged herself into the kitchen, filling a glass with water before looking for the telephone number of the B&B.

The owner was a friendly old lady, who told her not to worry and to get better soon. She would be able to give the room to someone else and was looking forward to accommodate them some other time.

After that, Kate rummaged through her cabinets in search of food, Jamie needed to eat something when she woke up, even though Kate knew she wouldn't want to. The result of her search was deflating, there wasn't much in the house she could turn into something Jamie would even consider to eat. The plan had been to be out of town for the next few days and there hadn't been any need to stock up on groceries.

She sighed, she also needed medication for Jamie, since she had used what was left during the night, but this put her into a dilemma. She would need to go out, but she couldn't take Jamie with her, not in the state she was in and she couldn't leave her alone either. Cynthia was out of town, so calling her wasn't an option either and Royce was leading a training session all week, which only left her with one person to turn to, a person who probably didn't even want to talk to her right now. _Castle_.

* * *

Castle was putting away the dishes when his phone rang. He had walked Alexis to school, trying to hide the grumpy mood he was in while his daughter hadn't stopped talking about Jamie and Kate and how much fun she'd had. He was happy that Alexis had taken on to them so quickly, he really was, but he couldn't shrug off the feeling of betrayal, the hurt and the anger he was feeling when he thought about the fact that Kate apparently never wanted them in her or even Jamie's life.

Hastily putting the last plate away, he reached for the phone to answer it, "Castle."

For a long moment he heard nothing until he heard her nervous stutter. "Hey Castle - it's me, Kate."

She heard him take in a sharp breath and for a second she thought he would just hang up on her.

Castle had definitely not expected to hear from her so soon, had thought she wouldn't contact him at all until she had to by the end of the weekend, after all she was supposed to be out of town.

"Beckett, what do you want?" He finally asked, his voice cold and closed off.

"It's about Jamie," she quickly told him, fearing he would change is mind any second and still end the call. She couldn't blame him if he did.

But her words were all it took to change his tone, his anger subsided with worry for his kid, "What's wrong with Jamie? Aren't you on your way to Connecticut?"

"No," Kate said, glad he seemed to be able to put their differences aside at least for now, "Jamie got a pretty bad fever overnight. We didn't go."

"How is she?" Castle asked, having to hold himself back from storming out of the door to hurry over to Kate's place right now to see his girl.

"She's sleeping now, the fever went down a bit but she was up all night crying," she filled him in, leaving out how bad she felt herself.

"What do you need me to do?" He asked, cutting straight to the chase, since he was not in the mood for small talk, as a matter of fact he was not in the mood to talk to her at all.

"I wouldn't ask if I -," she stopped, hearing him take in a heavy breath. This was obviously not what he wanted to hear. "I can't leave her alone and she needs something for the fever."

"Okay," he nodded even though she couldn't see it, "Anything else?"

"Food," she stuttered, "I don't have much here, but she needs to eat something when she wakes up. Soup or -." He cut her off.

"Got it, I'll be over as soon as possible," he told her, already moving to hang up, but she stopped him.

"Castle - thank you." She spoke softly

"Yeah," he dismissed her and the line went dead.

* * *

It felt like someone was hitting her head with a hammer and she groaned as she opened her eyes, realizing she had fallen asleep on the couch. The banging didn't stop, her head feeling as if it might explode and then she heard him.

"Kate?"

He was banging against her door.

"Kate!" He yelled, rapping against the wood again. "Kate, open up."

Dizziness hit her when she pushed off the cushions to shuffle towards her front door and let Castle in.

"What the hell-," He almost barked at her, but seeing her pale face and the way she held onto the door to keep herself up he stopped himself, "You look like crap," he stated not very charmingly.

"Thanks Castle," she muttered as he stepped inside and past her.

"What took you so long?" He asked, putting the supplies he brought on her kitchen counter.

"Sorry, I fell asleep on the couch," she explained, slowly following him.

He gave her a closer look and realized she looked exhausted and forgetting his anger for the moment he stepped closer and pressed his hand against her forehead.

"Kate, you're burning up," he stated surprised.

"I'm okay," she replied stubbornly, turning her head away from his touch, but he had to catch her as she stumbled when she tried to get away from him.

"You're not okay," he growled. Why did she have to be so stubborn? "You are having a fever and you can barely stand on your own two feet."

She shrugged, letting herself drop down on one of the kitchen chairs, "Jamie's still asleep," she tried to get his focus off herself.

He ignored her and instead asked, "How is this going to work?"

"What?" Kate frowned, not able to think straight, her head was hurting too badly.

"With you and Jamie? You can barely hold yourself up, how do you expect to take care of her?"

Her big eyes met his and he sighed. He didn't want to. He didn't want to be near her right now, but there was no other way and he was only doing it for Jamie, not for Kate, he tried to tell himself.

"You will both come home with me," he stated firmly.

"What?" Kate shot up from her seat, but regretted it immediately as everything went black.

"Easy," he said almost softly, steadying her until she found her footing.

"Castle, I can -," but he didn't let her finish.

"This is not negotiable." He stared her down, daring her to challenge him on this.

She finally sighed, she was too tired to fight, "Okay, but only a day or two."

He didn't comment on that, just followed her in silence and helping her pack a couple of things before the three of them headed out the door, Jamie cradled to his chest, while his driver helped with the bags.

* * *

He opened the front door to the loft and despite her exhaustion Kate was awestruck with what lay in front of her, his living room alone seemed to be bigger than her whole apartment. It hit her for the first time just how rich he really had to be. This was easily a multimillion-dollar apartment.

She heard him thank the driver and shutting the door, before he took the lead, "I'll put you both in my bedroom that way Jamie won't wake alone," he spoke quietly not to wake Jamie who was yet again fast asleep in his arms. He was glad he'd managed to give her the medication in the car, so he didn't have to wake her again.

"I don't want to cast you out of your own room," Kate replied, following him hesitantly .

"I'll take one of the guestrooms upstairs, it's just more convenient this way, not to carry everything up the stairs" he shrugged, pushing through the door that led from the living room area directly into his bedroom.

"The sheets have just been changed, so you can just crawl in," he suggested

"Castle," she started not knowing what to say, it was too much. She knew he was angry and upset and yet …

"You're exhausted Kate, just crawl under the covers and get some sleep," he put her out of her misery, already placing Jamie down on one side of the bed.

He wouldn't let her off the hook, he was mad and hurt and she would have to explain everything to him, he wouldn't back down, but for now he was offering her a truce and she was obviously willing to accept it.

"Daddy?" Jamie mumbled and Castle leant down, placing a kiss on her hot forehead and brushing sweaty curls out of her face.

"Go back to sleep, Baby Bird. Mommy and daddy are here," he soothed her, watching her fall back asleep before turning around to look at Kate.

She was still standing half way into the room, apparently unsure what to do.

"I'll get your bags and then I'll prepare some chicken soup for whenever you feel up to it," he started to move past her, but was stopped by her hand on his forearm.

Meeting her eyes, he could see she was struggling with her emotions, her eyes shining when she said, "Thank you Castle."

He simply nodded, not understanding the turmoil he saw in her eyes, there was gratitude but also something else, something deeper as if she was overwhelmed by his care.

He headed out into the living room, leaving Kate alone in his bedroom and once he was out of sight she slowly moved to what would be her side of the bed. A small smile appeared on her face as she saw the big lion print on one of his walls, but she was beyond tired and so she finally gave in and did as he had told her, crawling under the covers next to her daughter and only seconds later she was already asleep.

That's how Castle found them, both Beckett's fast asleep in his bed, Jamie curled into her mother's chest and leaving the bags next to the door he quietly left them alone with a small smile on his face.

X~~~X


	27. Before the Storm

X~~~X

For the next two days Kate mostly did one thing, sleep. She woke only to take the medication that was always lying ready on the bedside table, along with water and food which she never touched and she was only leaving the bed to use the bathroom. The second time she'd woken after arriving at Castle's loft Jamie was gone and for a moment she panicked until she saw the piece of paper lying on the pillow next to her.

_Don't worry_

_Took Jamie upstairs_

_She was crying_

_Didn't want to wake you_

_Rick_

She almost sobbed, a strange noise escaping her throat that didn't sound like her as she clutched the paper to her chest. She'd slept through her daughter's cries. She didn't even want to think about what would've happened if Castle hadn't been here. He'd been right, she would have been in no state to take care of Jamie right now.

He'd checked on her regularly, reassured her that Jamie had only started crying when he had checked on them and he'd taken her with him, so Kate could sleep. He was sure she would have woken otherwise and it helped. He brought Jamie with him from time to time, but Kate never managed to stay awake for long. Whatever she'd caught, it held a tight grip on her. She hadn't been this sick in years.

All those time they barely exchanged more than a couple of words, he was polite, respectful and although she could clearly tell that he was still mad at her he tried not to show it. But she knew it was only a matter of time until he would un-call the truce between them - It was just the calm before the storm.

* * *

Friday afternoon Kate woke to the laughter of Alexis and Jamie in the living room and dragged herself out of bed to see what got the two girls so excited, since she was finally starting to feel better.

She found them on the floor, both tackling Castle who desperately tried to free himself from the two girls, climbing on top of him. He caught sight of her first, "I see someone's up," he stated and turned Jamie's head towards her mother who was leaning in the doorway to his bedroom.

"Mommy," the little girl shrieked, struggling off Castle, kicking him in his most sensitive parts.

"Ouch," she heard Castle whine, his face scrunched up in pain and Kate had to stifle a laugh, before all air left her lungs as well when Jamie ran into her. Obviously her daughter's recovery had progressed much faster than her own.

"Hey Baby Bird," she laughed breathlessly, before picking her daughter up with shaky arms. "Are you feeling better?"

Jamie nodded, snuggling into her mother's arms as Kate watched Castle getting off the floor and walking towards her.

"How are you doing?" He asked, noticing that she still looked pale and a bit shaky, but at least she was up, her eyes clearer than they had been for the past three days.

"Slightly better, thank you," she answered honestly and offered him a smile, which he didn't return.

"I have soup," he offered instead, taking Jamie from her arms as he could see she still had trouble supporting her own weight and placing the girl down on the floor where she immediately sought out Alexis, before Castle made his way to the kitchen.

Kate followed, hauling herself up on one of the barstools and trying to use her fingers to brush down her hair that certainly looked like hell after over two days in bed without a shower. She suddenly felt insecure about her appearance, the whole scenery was way too domestic, but Castle didn't seem to mind. He placed the soup in front of her, handing her some bread as well along with a glass of water and she had to admit it smelled delicious, her appetite returning for the first time in days.

"Thanks," she nodded and slowly started to eat, making sure her stomach could take it.

* * *

She had retreated back into Castle's bedroom shortly after she'd finished the soup and had falling asleep, knowing Jamie was well and safe. But now she was wide awake and felt well rested for the first time in days. One look at the alarm clock told her it was half past twelve at night and Castle's loft was totally silent.

For a moment she considered what to do, before swinging her legs out of the bed, making her way into Castle's bathroom, in desperate need a shower. Or better yet, a bath because his big bath tub was way too tempting not to use.

Fifteen minutes later she sank into the hot water and sighed deeply, this was heaven. It had been so long since she'd had taken a bath, it almost felt like another lifetime. And as she thought about it she realized that it actually had to be years ago, before she moved to Stanford, when she still lived with her parents.

The wide selection of Castle's bath salts quickly turned the bathroom into an oasis of jasmine and lavender. And reaching for the Ipod she'd found on one of the sideboards, she was surprised to hear Coltrane's _Spiritual_ playing when she put in the earplugs and pressed play. She _loved_ Coltrane. _ Heaven_, _it's simply heaven_, were her last thoughts before she rested her head against the brink and closed her eyes.

* * *

Castle woke in the middle of the night, hungry. He needed a moment to orientate himself, still not used to sleep in the guestroom though it had been the third night in a row.

Stumbling out of bed and down the stairs he was surprised to see light shining out through his bedroom door into the living room. He stopped on the bottom of the stairs, considering his next move before taking a detour, neglecting the fridge for a couple of minutes longer to check on Kate.

He rapped against the door frame, the door only partly closed but he didn't get an answer and so he slowly stepped into the room.

"Kate?" He whispered, but still there was no answer.

He looked around, finding the bed empty and a new source of light coming from under his bathroom door.

"Oh," he muttered into the silence of his bedroom, feeling a bit stupid and out of place waiting for her while she was in there. But now that he was already here he would just wait and see how she was doing. Maybe she needed something.

He waited and waited, starting to worry slightly when she didn't emerge after ten minutes. Not very _gentlemen-like_, he pressed his ear against the bathroom door to see if he could hear something, but there was nothing. Not a single sound.

His writer's imagination already provided him with a worst case scenario, Kate on his bathroom floor, blood everywhere after she had fainted and hit her head on the sink or something like that.

He knocked, trying to get a hold of his panic, but didn't succeed when he still didn't get an answer.

"Kate?" He raised his voice, knocking again louder this time. Still nothing.

_Enough_, he thought as he decided to push open the door and stumbled into the bathroom just to find her very much alive and unharmed in his bath tub. Her eyes closed, her breathing even and her breasts, just above the water line. He gasped and that was the moment she must have noticed something, since she opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him.

"Castle!" She shrieked, her arms flying up, covering her chest, the sudden movement causing water to splash over the brink, the earplugs dropping into the water. He quickly looked away, raising his hands.

"I'm sorry, I knocked - you didn't answer - I," he stuttered. "I - was worried," he got out, still not moving.

"Castle!" She shrieked again and he looked at her, saw her flushed cheeks, gorgeous, she was gorgeous. "Castle!"

"Huh?"

"Get out," she demanded, waving one arm to get him moving.

"Right, sorry." He stuttered, finally turning and leaving her alone.

The door closed behind him and after catching her breath and coming back to her senses, she had to laugh.

* * *

She stepped out into the living room, dressed in a fresh pair of yoga pants and a NYPD hoodie that was way too big for her. She found him standing in the kitchen, preparing what looked to her like a sandwich.

"Hey," she announced her presence and his head shot up, eyes wide and embarrassed.

"Kate, look I'm sorry. I didn't mean to," he sighed. "But you weren't answering and -,"Kate held up her hand to stop his rambling.

"It's okay," she chuckled. "I just didn't hear you."

"Okay," he seemed to relax.

"Thanks for checking on me," she added. They had enough on their plate as it was, she didn't want to add another awkward and embarrassing moment.

He offered her the first real smile in days and nodded. "Do you want something as well?" He asked suddenly and pointed at the sandwich in front of him.

"That'd be nice, thanks." She replied, realizing that she was starving.

He nodded and prepared a second one, while Kate sat down on his large couch, pulling her legs up and under her, her wet hair in a messy bun. He slowly made his way over to her, handing her the plate with her sandwich, contemplating to retreat upstairs and leave her alone.

He was angry with himself for what had happened earlier in the bathroom, not that he'd walked in on her - that was mainly embarrassing -, but that his body had reacted so obviously to her naked form in his bath tub. He didn't want to feel attracted to her, not now when he was mad at her. She'd hurt him. He didn't want to go soft on her just because he was a man and she was one of the most beautiful women he'd ever met. Even now without make-up and after three days in bed with a fever she still looked gorgeous and he couldn't think like this right now.

He turned, determined to leave, but her words stopped him.

"Castle, we need to talk." She spoke softly, her voice unsteady and nervous.

His whole posture changed, his face suddenly cold as stone. He didn't want to, didn't want to deal with it, fearing what he might learn, but his mother had been right about one thing when he had talked to her on the phone, there was always a story and he needed the story.

"Okay," he finally agreed, sitting down in one of the armchairs as far away from her as possible, "Talk."

X~~~X


	28. The Story

X~~~~X

Kate stared at her hands, not sure where to start, how to get out of this mess that she had brought upon herself by not coming clean with him earlier. But old habits die hard and so her first instinct was to accuse him of going through her things without her permission, but she caught herself, it was not the point right now. It was not as important as setting things straight with Castle, because it had never been her intention to hurt him.

"Why Kate?" He asked when she seemed to stall, "I don't understand why you did it. Did you really think that little of me?"

"It's not like that," she defended herself, immediately moving further away from him.

"Then what is it, Kate? Help me out here, because I really can't see a reason good enough to justify what you did." He tried to keep his voice down, but his anger came through with every word he spat at her.

"I don't know where to start," she admitted, curling even further into the corner of the couch. He had never seen her like this. Insecure and lost and his voice slightly softened.

"How about at the beginning?" He suggested and for the first time her eyes met his and what he saw in them scared him. She looked heartbroken, hurt and lost.

"The beginning," she repeated quietly. That was easier said than done. She had never talked about it before. Royce had found out on his own and she'd merely confirmed what he already knew back then. But never had she told anyone the whole story and maybe it was time.

Castle was just giving up on her to actually explain any of her actions, ready to get up and leave when he heard her quiet voice.

"My mom," she took a deep breath. "My mom was murdered."

_That_ was the beginning.

* * *

Castle had expected many versions of her story, had expected excuses and justifications but he hadn't expected this, the cruel reality of what apparently was the beginning of their story. He was totally unprepared for it, especially for the raw pain in her eyes.

"She was stabbed to death in an alley, nothing stolen and the police eventually wrote if off to gang violence. They never caught who did it," Kate continued, her eyes stoically fixed on her twisted hands resting in her lap.

He took in a sharp breath, feeling helpless as the tears fell silently from her eyes.

"My dad took it bad, he turned to the bottle and I moved back from Stanford to take care of him," she was fighting for control, trying to keep her voice even, but didn't succeed. "He didn't want any help though, didn't want me either," she pressed out.

Castle's throat was suddenly dry, his palms sweating. It was pure agony to see her struggling and he could tell how much it cost her to tell him.

"The night we met," she took in a shaky breath, "was the first anniversary of her death."

He gulped down some air, now sitting on the edge of his chair, remembering her sad eyes that had captured him at first sight and he yearned to get closer to her, "Kate," he whispered, compassion swinging heavy in his tone, but she ignored him.

"I hadn't spoken to my dad for weeks and I just wanted to forget, didn't want to think about it anymore," for the first time since she started she looked at him, "and then there was you."

Castle's heart stuttered, because what he saw in her eyes was so much more than he'd ever expected or hoped for. There was a tenderness in them, a gratitude that made him think he had been her savior that night.

"I didn't know who you were," she stated and waited for him to accept that fact and only when he nodded she continued. "My mom was the fan, I never understood her love for mystery novels, not back then," she explained, a small, yet sad smile appearing on her face.

She seemed to be lost in her emotions and he gave her a moment to get a hold of them until he gently prodded her to go on, "What happened then?"

"I'm still not sure," she let out a strangled laugh. "The night, our night it was so much more than I'd been looking for, _you_ were so much more than I'd been looking for." It cost her to admit this to him, especially on the shaky ground they were currently dancing on, but she also knew if she wanted him to understand and forgive her, she needed to be completely honest.

"I had the feeling you understood me, knew what I needed, without actually knowing anything or me having to say a word and I was overwhelmed and scared to death at the same time."

"That's why you left in the middle of the night," he concluded, nodding in understanding.

"I had no idea what it meant to you, for all I knew we were two strangers who'd agreed on a one night stand." She huffed. "The night had been so wonderful - I think I couldn't deal with the chance to have it all thrown back in my face."

He sighed, "Kate I -," but she stopped him with a shake of her head.

"Please don't, I'll never get through this if you …," she trailed off.

"Okay," he agreed, shutting his mouth.

"I realized who you were about two weeks later," she admitted, knowing it would still hurt him to learn she'd known for such a long time. "My dad gave me a box with my mother's books."

"And mine where in it," he realized.

"Yeah," she tried to wipe away the still falling tears, "Suddenly you were staring back at me from the back cover of _In a Hail of Bullets."_

"I see," he sounded bitter and she wished she could say anything that would make that pained look in his eyes go away, bring back the sparkle she had been missing for the past days.

"There was a dedication in it, my mother must have gone to one of your book signings and that dedication was so personal - I - I took the book to bed with me that night, couldn't put it away until I'd finished it."

"That good, huh?" There was the slightest hint of a smile on his face and Kate was immensely grateful for it, there was still hope.

"That good, yes." She agreed, biting down on her bottom lip. "I felt closer to my mom that night than I had ever since -," she trailed off again starting anew. "I suddenly understood why she loved your books so much, there was always closure, the good always won and it gave her hope."

Castle wondered if his books did the same for Kate, but he didn't dare to ask.

"And then I found out that I was pregnant."

He found it hard to breathe all of a sudden, this was it, this was what he's been waiting for but now he wasn't so sure it was the right time and place to get through with it, maybe it was enough for one night. He looked over at Kate, saw that she was exhausted and emotionally drained, and on top of that, had still not totally recovered from her fever.

"Kate," he spoke softly not to startle her and she lifted big red-rimmed eyes to him, suddenly looking so very, very young, "maybe you should go back to bed."

She didn't understand, wasn't this what he wanted? What he had demanded, the truth?

"Castle?"

"Kate, it's the middle of the night. You're cold and tired," he tried to explain, seeing that she was slightly shivering but Kate vehemently shook her head.

"No, I need to do this," she sounded almost desperate. It was hard enough to get through it right now, she didn't know if she could start all over again tomorrow. But Castle still looked unsure, he didn't want her to overdo it.

"Castle please," she begged and didn't even care.

He finally sighed in surrender, "Okay, but let me get you a glass of water and a blanket."

When he returned, she took a sip of the water he offered her and grabbed the blanket after placing the glass on the coffee table.

"Thank you," she mumbled, surprised that he didn't re-take his seat in the armchair but settled down on the opposite end of her couch.

"So you found out about Jamie," he prodded gently, his voice calm and steady, "Why didn't you come to me?"

"I -," she took a deep breath, "it was a shock. At first I didn't understand how it could have happened and honestly it was the last thing I needed back then."

The next part was one of the hardest to admit, but he had to know nevertheless, "I had an appointment for an abortion," she whispered and new tears fell, because she couldn't imagine her world without Jamie.

Castle's heart broke as well at the vision of a world without his little girl, but he got a hold of himself, she was here, Kate didn't get through with it, "What made you change your mind?"

"I just couldn't, life is so precious, I just couldn't get through with it," her voice softened, a smile returning to her troubled face. "The best decision of my life."

"And then?"

"I considered telling you, but I didn't know how you would react to the news, after all it was just a one-night stand." She quickly went on before he could interrupt her, "I was certain you had other things on your mind. A divorce, being a single dad, I assumed me being pregnant with your child was the last thing you needed, or worse you would accuse me of having shady motives, that I was only after your money."

"Kate, I would have never …," he was surprised when her hand reached for his on the back of the couch, holding on to it for dear life.

"I know that now," she breathed out before going on, "I changed my mind a month before Jamie was born."

Castle's head shot up in surprise, "What?"

"I had already been accepted to the Academy and though I was going to start later than planned I knew someone who was able to get me your address. I went to see you and saw you with your ex-wife," she looked away, because it shouldn't hurt like it did.

"Meredith?" Castle's mind was racing and then he remembered, the one time he had been weak enough to let his ex-wife back into his life and into his bed, just when Kate had made up her mind. Their timing couldn't have been worse.

"I thought you two were getting back together and knowing you had a daughter I didn't want to come between that." She spoke quietly.

"Kate," he sighed. "We weren't getting back together. It was just one …," he didn't need to say it, "God, if only I'd known."

"It's not your fault, I should have told you nevertheless, I see that now," she squeezed his hand again, amazed how he could still blame himself when she was the one who had messed everything up.

"What happened then?" He asked, sensing there was more.

"The day Jamie was born, my dad showed up at the hospital, drunk. He said he wanted to see my _bastard." _She wiped the tears away, sniffing, "I threw him out, told him I never wanted to see him again and I haven't ever since. It was just me and Jamie from there on."

"I'm sorry," Castle whispered, unconsciously scooting closer to her.

"Don't be sorry!" she exclaimed desperately. "Jamie was the only thing holding me above water back then and I was selfish, selfish to keep her to myself because I was scared you would take her from me and I knew that would break me. I was a wreck back then, I probably still am." The last words were barely a whisper.

He was shocked at her words.

"And I'm the one who's sorry, because you deserve to be in her life, you're such a wonderful father Castle, and to think I almost managed to keep you two apart. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I wish I could turn back time and do it differently."

She was sobbing now and Castle scooted even closer, "Kate calm down."

"I can't," she cried. "I'm not used to people caring. Ever since my mother died I've been pretty much on my own and it scares me that you're here and that you keep coming back, fighting for what is your every right and it scares me even more that you might stop one day because I'll do something stupid. It would break Jamie's heart. I'm so scared to screw this up, because I was so damn good at it the first two years of her life."

He stopped her rambling, couldn't take it anymore and pulled her into his arms, "Shhh Kate, you're a wonderful mom and I promise you can't push me away. I'll keep coming back, that's what fathers do."

And then he realized, she had no idea, she had lost her faith because her own dad had left her when she needed him the most.

"I'm so sorry Castle," she sobbed into his shirt, her arms around his waist, holding on for dear life.

"I won't say I'm not upset anymore," he mumbled into her damp curls, "but knowing helps. Knowing the story helps. We all make mistakes, we just have to do our best not to make them twice."

He felt her calming down until she pulled away from him.

"Thank you Castle, for everything," she sniffed, wiping the tears away from her face.

"Thank you for telling me," he replied, "and for what it's worth, I'm sorry for going into your bedroom."

She actually let out something like a laugh, "I should have told you sooner. I wanted to but somehow I never found the courage."

He nodded, that was a feeling he was familiar with.

They were silent for a while, sitting close to each other, Kate still holding his hand in hers.

"So what now?" She finally asked.

"I think we both need some sleep and we can talk some more tomorrow, but there's one more thing," he said, sounding wary.

"Okay." She looked expectantly at him.

"I want to spend more time with Jamie, I know you have Cynthia, but -," he stopped, letting his free hand run over his face, "I can pick her up in the morning and bring her back when your shift is done, or you could pick her up here and we could have dinner from time to time and I want her to stay over at some point." He rushed the words out, fearing her reaction.

To his surprise she squeezed his hand and smiled, "Okay, that sounds good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

They smiled at each other until Kate finally got up, "I'm tired."

He nodded, "Me too."

"Thanks for hearing me out," she said quietly, looking up at him through her dark lashes.

"Always," he smiled and watched her getting up, retreating to his bedroom.

"Kate?" He called after her and she turned once more, "It was never just a one-night stand to me. I came back to the bar for weeks, hoping you would be there. I never managed to get you out of my head."

Maybe it was too much, but he had to get it off his chest and Kate had been so honest with him tonight, he wanted her to know.

The slight flush on her cheeks, the way her eyes shied away and the small smile on her face told him he did the right thing.

Her heart skipped at his words and she couldn't hide it from him, could see it in his eyes, he knew.

"Until tomorrow, Kate."

"Good night, Castle."

And with that they both went their way, knowing tomorrow would mark a new beginning for them.

X~~~~X


	29. The morning after

X~~~~X

Despite the late night Kate woke early the next morning. She hadn't slept well, too many thoughts had kept running through her head after her talk with Castle. The same thoughts had her wide awake at seven in the morning, keeping her from getting further rest.

She hoped what she'd offered him last night had been enough, because there wasn't anything else left for her to give. She didn't think she'd had ever been as honest with anyone as she had been with him last night. It had scared the hell out of her but at the same time it had been liberating, all of it. And there were still butterflies when she thought about his words. _It had been more than just a one-night stand._ She hadn't realized how much she had needed to hear it, that he'd felt it too.

But she needed to focus on other things right now. She was aware that she would never be able to make up for the lost time, the two years she had kept father and daughter apart. Yet she hoped he believed her when she said she didn't do it because she didn't want him in their lives.

The rest would need time, she knew as much. She didn't expect him to just forgive her. There was work to do on her side. She needed to prove to him that things would be different from now on, that she was willing to hand over some of the control she had so fiercely grabbed hold of ever since Castle had entered their lives. But she was positive she had made a start by agreeing without hesitation to Castle's request to spend more time with Jamie.

But there was only one way to find out for sure and that was to face him. So she swung her legs out of his bed, already missing his soft sheets and sinful comfortable mattress and pulled the NYPD hoodie back over her head before walking out into the living room.

She found him in the kitchen preparing what looked like a breakfast feast and slowly on shaky legs approached him. Her heart was beating so wildly she found it hard to breathe.

"Hey," she finally got out so quietly she thought he might not even have heard her, but Castle immediately swirled around.

"Hey," he returned, a hesitant smile appearing on his face. "How are you?"

"Tired," she shrugged, stifling a yawn.

"Yeah, you were pretty much out for the past three days. I guess it will take a couple of days until you're totally back on your feet," he stated and they both fell silent, both unsure what to do or what to say. When the silence became too uncomfortable he came back to the one thing which had always worked for them, "Coffee?" He asked and saw her lips turn up into a gorgeous smile.

"I would _love_ some coffee," she sighed contently and crossed over from the middle of the living room where she had still been standing to sit down on one of the barstools, watching Castle as he expertly prepared two steaming cups of coffee.

He placed the coffee in front of her, before leaning against the kitchen counter and taking a sip from his own cup.

She did the same and the groan that escaped her mouth made her blush, "This is excellent."

Castle just grinned, obviously satisfied with her reaction, before his face got serious again.

"Listen Kate," he pushed himself of the counter and stepped closer to her. She hoped it was a good sign. "I can't just pretend the last two years did not happen," he started nervously, watching her reaction. But to his surprise she held his gaze and nodded.

"I will need some time to come to terms with it," he continued.

"I know," she sighed. "I know." Her eyes dropped from his face to the cup of coffee in her hands.

"Hey," he leant his elbows down on the kitchen counter to level his face with hers and waited until she looked at him. "It doesn't mean it needs to be awkward between us. It will be alright, I just need some time."

"Okay," she finally nodded and froze when his hand covered hers, giving it a light squeeze and then giving her a soft smile.

Kate hadn't felt like this in a very long time, his touch did things to her it shouldn't and she realized with an almost overwhelming clarity, she could count on him. No matter how rocky things might have been between them or would be between them, she could count on him. She'd hurt him and still he had taken them in and had taken care of Jamie and of her. It meant more to her than she could possibly put into words.

* * *

The rest of the morning went by in a blaze, Alexis and Jamie keeping their parents occupied until Kate decided it was time to return to her own apartment.

She had just retrieved her bag from Castle's bedroom while he collected Jamie's stuff from upstairs when Alexis appeared at her side.

"Kate?" She asked, shy eyes lifted at the woman in front of her.

"Hey Alexis," Kate smiled warmly down at Castle's daughter, sensing that the girl wasn't sure how to get out whatever she wanted to ask.

Kate crouched down in front of her, knowing it always made things easier when one could see eye to eye, "What's up, Sweetie?"

With a big sigh Alexis started, her eyes fixed on the floor, "Can you and Jamie come to my birthday on Tuesday?"

_Oh._ Kate hadn't known Alexis' birthday was coming up.

"I'm sorry Sweetie, I'll have to work on Tuesday, but your dad can pick up Jamie and you can spend the afternoon together." She tried to end on a positive note.

Alexis nodded, but Kate could tell she was disappointed and didn't want to show it.

Reaching out, Kate tucked a strand of red hair behind Alexis's ear, she didn't want to see the girl sad, "Hey, we still have our pizza date tomorrow, right? And I don't have to work next weekend so if you want and it's okay with your dad we could all do something together. What do you say?"

Alexis eyes lit up, "We're still having pizza tomorrow?"

Kate laughed at the excitement Alexis showed over such a simple thing as having pizza together, "Of course," she nodded, "it's the least I can do after you took such great care of Jamie for the last couple of days."

Alexis beamed at her and then catching Kate totally by surprise threw her little arms around her, "Thank you Kate," the redhead mumbled into her ear.

"You're welcome," Kate mumbled back, pulling the girl close.

That's how Castle found them, when he appeared on top of the stairs, Jamie on one arm, her bag in the other, "What's up?" he asked surprised, lifting his eyebrows as he locked eyes with Kate.

Stepping out of his daughter's arms and standing up, Kate met his eyes, looking a bit shy, "I just told Alexis that we're still on for pizza tomorrow and since I have to work on her birthday I suggested we could do something on the weekend," she told him and added quickly, "if that's okay with you, of course."

Castle stared at her and for a second Kate thought she had screwed up, but than the biggest smile spread out over his face and she let out a deep relieved breath.

"That sounds great," he said, but then looked a bit concerned, "are you sure you're up for that already?"

_That sweet man, _she thought as she nodded. "As long as it's okay that we're ordering in."

"That's more than okay," he replied smiling, finally meeting them in front of the door, "Actually what do you say if Alexis and I bring the pizza with us?"

"Okay," she agreed, smiling back at him.

"Okay, let's get you guys downstairs then," he suggested, "the car should be already here and I also asked Charlie to get you some groceries so you don't have to worry about it until Monday."

"Castle," she sighed, "you shouldn't have -," but he waved her off.

"It's nothing," he shrugged and she decided to just accept his offered help without questioning it any further.

"Thank you," she sighed and then followed him out the door.

They said goodbye on the street, Castle handing Jamie over to her mother and then leaning in to give both Beckett girls a kiss on the cheek. Jamie giggled, while her mother blushed and quickly turned her attention to Alexis.

"See you tomorrow," she smiled, watching Alexis face lit up once more.

"Yes," Alexis grinned from ear to ear, while reaching for her dad's hand as the two Castles watched Kate and Jamie get into the car. They waved until the town car disappeared around the next corner, before making their way back in.

* * *

On Monday Kate was back at work, she still didn't feel 100 percent but felt good enough not to call in sick for another day. She had another special assignment with the guys from Vice on Tuesday which she didn't want to miss out on and which was also the reason she couldn't join Alexis for her birthday.

She and Castle had agreed that he would pick Jamie up after Kate's lunch break and then he and the girls would spend the afternoon together, celebrating Alexis' birthday and having dinner at the loft with Martha. Castle would drop Jamie off at Kate's apartment after that where Cynthia would be taking over until Kate returned from her Vice assignment. They had it all planned out and yet Kate felt oddly unsatisfied about the arrangement as she started to realize that she'd actually rather spend the day with Castle and the girls than working for Vice.

But she had agreed a while ago and she couldn't just call it off on short notice.

"Beckett?" Captain Montgomery called her name, suddenly standing in the squad room.

"Sir?" She looked at him questioning.

"A word," he ordered more than asked and she hurriedly followed him to the break room.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, studying her closely.

"I'm good," she replied, but her Captain could see right through her.

"You're not looking good," he stated matter-of-factly, not taking his eyes from her. She looked pale.

"I looked much worse last week," she tried to humor her way out of the interrogation, because that's what this was.

"Anyway, I pulled you off the Vice investigation."

"Sir?" She got out, shocked.

"Beckett, you've been sick in bed for a week. You still look out of it and there's no way I'm letting one of my best officers catch pneumonia on a windy street corner. I already informed Detective Gregson that you won't be available."

"Captain -," she tried again, but he stopped her with one hand in the air.

"This is an order, there will be other assignments for you," his tone left no room for arguments.

"What will they do?" She asked, sensing there was nothing to do about it.

"They already requested someone from the 54th," Montgomery shrugged. "Officer Esposito I think."

The name didn't ring a bell and Kate decided it was best to leave things as they were."

"Go home early, get some more rest and spend some time with Jamie," he suggested, "And I'll make sure you are back on the list for the next assignment."

"Thank you Sir." Kate nodded, before slowly making her way back into the squad room where without her permission a small smile started to form on her lips.

"What has _you_ smiling?" Royce asked surprised, since he already knew that Montgomery had pulled her off the investigation.

"Montgomery took me off the Vice assignment," she filled him in.

Royce frowned, "Since when does that make you smile?"

"Since it means I can make it to a little girl's birthday party," she now fully grinned, while Royce looked more confused by the minute.

"But Jamie's birthday was last week," he stated puzzled.

Kate sighed. Then looking around she got serious and signalled Royce to follow her, "Come on, I need to tell you something."

X~~~~X


	30. A Giant Leap

_X~~~~X_

_Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea after all_, Kate thought as she stood in front of Castle's front door. She hadn't told Castle she would be able to join them for dinner after all. She wanted it to be a surprise and she didn't want to make a promise to Alexis that she wouldn't be able to keep because she needed to work longer. Being pulled off the Vice assignment didn't mean she could leave the precinct on time, but Montgomery had actually sent her home early, which even gave her enough time to get Alexis' present and still be at the loft before dinner.

But now, standing unannounced in front of his door, she thought she should have called and asked Castle if it was okay for her to join them. Maybe he had made other plans, maybe he …

It was too late now though. She was here and there was no turning back now, so with one last, deep breath she raised her hand and knocked.

* * *

Castle looked surprised towards the door, "Do you expect someone?" He asked, frowning at his mother.

Martha shook her head, shooting him a pointed look, "Whom would I expect?"

"I don't know," he shrugged with a smirk, "A secret admirer?"

"If only," the actress sighed dramatically, taking the spatula from her son's hand as he was walking out of the kitchen to see who was at the door. "Don't mess up my dinner," he called over his shoulder and received an eye roll from his mother in return.

Crossing the room he glanced at his two girls, sitting next to each other on the couch, both engrossed in a new book Alexis had gotten from her grandmother and which she was currently reading to Jamie.

He opened the door with a smile on his lips, which quickly fell from his face when he saw who was on the other side.

"Kate," he sputtered, surprised. "What are you doing here? I thought you said you had to work."

For a moment she feared he might be angry, "I – I got pulled off the assignment," she stuttered, feeling uneasy. She should have called.

"And you came here?" He asked, kind of dumbfounded.

"It's Alexis' birthday," Kate offered a bit stupidly herself, a nervous smile on her lips, suddenly feeling totally out of place.

"Richard, Darling? Who is it?" His mother called from the kitchen, pulling his attention away from Kate.

His head shooting around, he looked back into the kitchen before turning back to Kate this time with a big smile on his face as he said, "It's Kate."

At the mentioning of Kate's name, Alexis head flew around looking towards the door, "Kate is here?" She exclaimed, something like wonder in her voice and Castle finally stepped aside to allow Kate to step inside.

Alexis was already getting off the couch, while Jamie had to struggle her way down more carefully to follow her.

"You're here," the redhead shrieked happily as she rushed to the front door.

"Hey Alexis," Kate smiled broadly, crouching down in front of the girl and only hesitating for a moment before she pulled her in for a hug, "Happy Birthday."

"Thank you," Alexis smiled, her small arms flying around Kate's neck.

Martha watched the scene from the kitchen counter and what she saw touched her heart, Alexis whose own mother still had to call to wish her daughter a happy birthday, was beaming up at Kate for the simple reason that she was here, that she cared enough to make an effort, even though strictly she didn't have to. Martha's eyes travelled to her son, still standing next to the open front door and when he lifted his head to look at her, she knew from the look on his face he was thinking the same.

"Mommy," Jamie giggled as she ran into her mother's side, obviously excited to see her mother as well.

"Hey Baby Bird," Kate laughed, catching her daughter and pulling her into her right side, while Alexis was still attached to her left. She gave her daughter a kiss, before returning her attention to Alexis.

"I have a little something for you," Kate stated and saw Alexis's eyes widen with surprise, apparently she hadn't expected a present from Kate. "Do you want to have it now or after dinner?" She asked, already knowing the answer to her question.

Alexis looked over to her father, blinking big, blue eyes at him, "Dad, can I open it now?"

He laughed, she really knew how to play it, though today she really didn't need to, "Of course you can open it now, you're the birthday girl after all."

They all moved over to the couch, Alexis carrying Kate's bag, while Jamie let go of her mother's hand and stumbled after her, Kate watching the two girls with a sparkle in her eyes. They really were thick like thieves after only a week.

She felt Castle stepping up behind her, his hand coming to rest on the small of her back as he leant closer to mumble into her ear, "Thank you."

She slightly turned her head to look at him, "For what?"

"For being here," he stated softly. "It means a lot."

Somehow she had the feeling he didn't only mean it meant a lot to Alexis, but maybe that was only wishful thinking on her side and so she just nodded, before letting him guide her over to the couch.

Martha joined them, handing Kate a glass of red wine, which Kate gladly accepted

"Thank you," she smiled at Castle's mother.

"You're welcome," Martha smiled back, her now free hand lingering on the younger woman's shoulder for a moment, giving it a squeeze, before she settled down in the armchair opposite the young folks.

Jamie and Alexis were climbing up on the couch to sit between their parents and both watched with big eyes as Kate pulled a nicely wrapped package from her bag, "It's nothing big," she said as she handed it over to Alexis, "but I thought you might like it."

Glancing over at Kate, Castle realized she looked nervous, which surprised him. Until then he had assumed she had just gotten Alexis something she had quickly picked up on her way over, but now he was curious to know what actually was in that package.

But of course his daughter took forever to peel back the paper, "Alexis no one's gonna use that paper again." He tried to make her go faster, but his daughter just shot him a pointed look.

He raised his hands in surrender, "Alright, it's your present," he pouted, looking over at Kate who was clearly amused by his behavior, though she tried to hide it.

When Alexis finally pulled away the wrapping paper, a little box appeared and she lifted big, questioning eyes to Kate, who gave her an encouraging smile, "Open it."

With a shy nod Alexis did just that, pulling open the lid of the little wooden box and staring in awe at its content.

"They are similar to mine," Kate explained, taking one of the elephants out of the box and holding it out for Alexis to see, "but yours are a little lighter in color, you see?"

"Yes," Alexis nodded, stunned.

"You like it?" Kate asked tentatively and Castle could have kissed her for the worry in her voice.

Alexis looked at Kate and with happy, shining eyes she nodded, "I love them. Thank you so much Kate."

Relieved Kate let out the breath she was holding and when Alexis threw her arms around her this time she wasn't surprised at all, just hugged her back fiercely, thinking that this was definitely so much better than standing at a windy street corner for Vice all night long and she felt a bit sorry for that Esposito guy.

"Happy Birthday Alexis," Kate mumbled into the girl's hair and when her eyes met Castle's over the top of Alexis' head, she thought she caught him blinking away a tear.

While his older daughter was carefully looking at the three other elephants in the box with Kate, he pulled Jamie into his lap and placed a tender kiss on top of her head, trying to hide the emotions that threatened to spill over.

Ever since Meredith left, Alexis' birthdays had been somewhat challenging. She was usually a cheery person but when the day went on without Meredith showing up as promised or not even calling her daughter on her special day the end was usually quite sad. Today obviously was such a day again on which Meredith couldn't be bothered to spare five minutes for her only child. So Castle had prepared himself to be the one to cheer his little girl up, telling her Meredith was just very busy and that he was sure she would call as soon as possible, knowing it was probably a lie. There was no way of knowing with his ex-wife.

But he had the strong feeling that Alexis wouldn't need any cheering up today. Jamie had kept her occupied and entertained all afternoon and with Kate showing up with what seemed to be the ultimate birthday present, things might just turn out fine for once. And he was beyond grateful for that, because his little girl just deserved it.

Clearing his head, he finally got up, throwing Jamie playfully over his shoulder, "What do you say Baby Bird, do you want to help daddy set the table?"

Jamie giggled and shrieked which Castle believed meant she was in, so he carried her over to the kitchen, leaving Kate and Alexis to marvel at the elephants. He made a mental note to ask Kate about the significance of her present later, while Martha followed him into the kitchen.

His mother had had the foresight to put the food into the oven to keep it warm when Kate had arrived, so now all they had to do was setting the table and fill the plates.

Jamie carefully took the cotton napkins from her dad and with a concentration only a two-year old could muster she carried them over to her grandmother who spread them out over the table.

Alexis and Kate followed shortly after, with the redhead clinging to Kate's hand and Castle was once more reminded how much his daughter obviously lacked a female role model in her life. Sure she had her grandmother, but she was ... well she was Martha and Kate was, he sighed, she was Kate. And he would be beyond happy if his daughter had found a friend in her.

They finally all sat down, Castle helping Jamie with the meat and whispering all kind of nonsense into her ear that made the girl giggle and spill some of her food on the table, but Castle didn't care. Not on a day like this.

Kate in the meanwhile was questioning Alexis about her last school project, wanting to know everything and Alexis was eager to share, since her own mom was always bored when she told her about school.

Martha was watching all of it with a fondness that surprised her, but as the dinner went on it became very clear to her what a good team her son and Kate would make and the small voice in her head grew louder as it came up with a plan.

"Can we still do something together on the weekend?" Alexis asked suddenly over dessert, chewing on a big chocolate chip she had found in her ice cream, looking first at her dad and then at Kate.

Kate looked up at Castle. It was not her decision to make, "Jamie and I are free," she offered.

Castle nodded, "Sure, what do you want to do?" He questioned, putting his napkin away and pulling Jamie out of the highchair to place her in his lap.

"Actually I think I have a splendid idea," Martha interrupted, knowing she had just been presented with the perfect opportunity. "Why don't you take a weekend trip to the Hamptons?" She suggested nonchalantly.

"The Hamptons?" Castle and Beckett gasped at the same time, turning wide eyes to Martha.

But the actress pretended not to pick up on the shocked tone in their voices and just went on.

"Richard, you have this wonderful house up there and wouldn't that be the perfect opportunity to make up for Kate's and Jamie's cancelled trip to Connecticut?"

Castle shot her a look, which told her he knew exactly what she was doing. Yet again his mother simply ignored him, knowing there was nothing he could do against it right now.

"You could pick up Alexis on Friday after school and go straight up there. I'm sure the girls would love it, wouldn't you kiddos?"

She made a show of getting Alexis and Jamie involved in the conversation and they both shrieked in excitement, though only Alexis had a clue what was going on and what the Hamptons actually were. Jamie was just happy to shriek, she didn't need a particular reason for it.

"I mean that's if Kate can leave the precinct early," Martha blinked her eyes innocently and Castle had to admit she was a much better actress than he usually liked to give her credit for.

Kate was totally caught off guard and so the only thing she could come up with was a mumbled, "I think."

"See," the actress stated in triumph, returning her attention to her still unfinished dessert and leaving Kate and Castle with the aftermath of her intrigue.

Looking over to Kate, Castle sensed that Kate was far from okay with what had just happened and he totally knew how she felt, he had a hard time grasping what had just happened himself so he was quick to offer her an out, "Actually I think I need to get some writing done on Sunday."

He gave his daughter an apologetic smile, "Maybe another time, Pumpkin."

Kate visibly relaxed and Castle would make sure to have a word with his mother later.

* * *

Kate and Castle stood side by side doing the dishes. Of course he had a dish washer, but the expensive wine glasses had to be hand-washed and so Kate had suggested they'd just do it all together

Martha and the girls had retreated into Castle's office to watch _The Lady and the Tramp _and Castle knew his mother had only volunteered so she didn't have to dry dishes, but he actually didn't mind. There was something he wanted to tell Kate and he didn't need his nosy mother around for it.

"Thank you," Castle suddenly spoke into the quiet kitchen and Kate glanced over, studying him. It hadn't gone unnoticed that he had been uncharacteristically quiet since they finished dinner.

"For doing the dishes?" She laughed lightly, "You cooked, it's the least I can do."

"That's not what I meant," he said, still not looking at her, concentrating on the wine glass in his hands.

Putting the dish towel away, Kate turned to give him a closer look, "Hey, you okay?"

Her hand came to rest on his forearm and he realized they did that a lot lately, the touching.

He sighed, turning as well and leaning against the sink, "It's just -," he stopped, started anew, "Meredith, Alexis' mother, she didn't even call."

"What?" Kate gasped in shock. "She didn't call for her daughter's birthday?"

He shrugged, "No call, no present, no nothing. Though I shouldn't be surprised, it's not the first time it happened."

"I'm sorry Castle," Kate mumbled, her hand squeezing his arm, because she knew it was not about him, his heart was breaking for his little girl.

"Since she moved to California she's been more like a ghost than a mother. Appearing unannounced and out of nowhere and gone as quickly." He let his hands run through his hair, making it stick up. It made him look younger and Kate couldn't help but think that he looked adorable.

"I'm not saying she doesn't love Alexis, I know she does she just has a crappy way of showing it and Alexis is the one who gets hurt. A child needs both parents -," he trailed off, letting his head hang down and feeling Kate's hand move away from his arm.

When he looked up, he realized Kate had become awfully stiff at his side.

"Kate?" Castle asked softly, but she refused to look at him and as his last words replayed in his head as he realized how it must sounded to her, and _shit_, that's so not what he'd meant.

"Kate," he stuttered. "You don't believe that I think you're a bad mom, do you?"

Her silence was answer enough.

He sighed, his hand running down his face, that was so far from the truth, if there had been one thing he had known from the start, it's that Kate Beckett was the greatest mom a child could ask for.

Castle reached for her hand and tugged her along with him towards the dinner table, making sure their daughters and his mother were still fully engaged in their movie before he pulled her down next to him.

The lost insecure look on her face made him reach out and tuck her smaller hand into his. Sometimes he just forgot how young she was, not even 23 and maybe besides telling her he needed some time to come to terms with things a couple of days ago, he should have told her how much he admired her for what she had achieved as well.

But he'd feared it would've sounded strange coming from him and it had been awkward enough the next morning, so when they had seemed to find their footing he hadn't dared to do something to disturb that.

"I didn't mean_ you_, Kate," he started. "As a matter of fact, I think you are an amazing mom. Just look at Jamie. She's a gorgeous, smart and most importantly happy little girl and all because of you." He told her and with a smirk added, "Well maybe I had something to do with the smart part as well."

She let out a tearful chuckle at that, but still refused to look at him.

"Maybe I did a poor job the other day when I said I needed time, which is still true though. I can't pretend that the past two years didn't happen. Because I love Jamie with all my heart and there's nothing I wouldn't do for her or wouldn't have done to be there for her right from the start. I would have been there for her and for you." He waited for his words to sink in before he continued.

"But what I obviously didn't make very clear is that I understand what you've been going through. And I know the decisions you made were not light-hearted."

Something like a sob escaped Kate's mouth and he squeezed her hand tighter.

"Believe me if I'd had to live through what you did, I wouldn't have come out with my head held high. But you did, you fought for our daughter and gave her everything she needed and made her happy. And in the end that's what matters most." He ended softly and saw a lone tear escape down her face and without thinking he reached out and brushed it away. Because under the tough façade that was Kate Beckett appeared a vulnerable and insecure young woman that maybe from time to time needed someone to tell her how great, how extraordinary she was.

"We can't turn back time and re-do the past two years even though we both want to, but we can take it from here." He smiled, "Just be prepared for a lot of questions like: What was her first word? When did she make her first step? Her first boo-boo. Her -."

He heard her chuckle and then saw her finally lifting her eyes to him, "Sounds only fair."

"Hey," he said softly, "All I wanted to say earlier was that I wish Meredith was more like you."

_Oh, _Kate's eyes shut at his words, new tears forming.

"It means the world to Alexis that you're here today." He sighed, "I just wish she had someone she could talk to if she doesn't want to come to me or my mother," he knew he was assuming a lot, maybe even asking a lot without really asking, because technically Kate was not bound to Alexis in any way at all, he just wished ...

"She has someone," Kate interrupted his thoughts, confirming his assumption with not a single sign of doubt in her voice. There was something she'd learned over the past couple of days, this strange family vibe they had going on ever since Jamie's birthday, it was good, not only for Jamie, but for herself as well. Maybe it was unorthodox, but then again what about her life wasn't? But it worked, it worked for them.

She adored Alexis and she had no idea how a mother could not want to spent every single minute with the cute redhead and Martha ... well, she was certainly _something_ and Kate liked the slightly overly dramatic approach to things the actress obviously had, contrary to her own more levelheaded way of thinking. But most importantly she didn't remind her of her own mom and that was a huge relief, she could look at Castle and Martha without grieving for what she'd lost.

"You know what?" She suddenly breathed, taking Castle a bit by surprise. "Unless you really have to write, we should go to the Hamptons."

"What?" His voice came out more girlier than he'd intended.

"I think it could be nice, a new start - we have to start somewhere, right?" She shrugged.

Castle nodded, he understood. He had said it himself, there was nothing they could do about the past two years and even though they had talked,- until tonight it had still been dangling above their heads. But Kate was right, they had to move forward, let the past be what it was, the past.

"You mean like the beginning of us as," he hesitated but decided it didn't matter after all that had been said tonight, this couldn't hurt them, "as a family?" Because that's what her showing up today meant to him, to him Jamie and Kate were both family now, if she wanted it or not.

"As messed up as it might be," Kate sighed, but didn't seem to be bothered by his choice of word.

He shook his head, "We're not messed up, we're just different."

Kate accepted that with a nod, realizing her hand was still safe in his and she turned it so their palms touched, before she slowly pulled back.

"So?" He asked hopefully.

"So I'll ask the Captain if I can have Friday off," she concluded, looking at him.

"Good," he smiled broadly and she couldn't help but do the same.

They sat in silence for a while, but it wasn't awkward, it was content, both of them aware of what they had achieved today and then she looked at him, biting down on her bottom lip, trying to hide a smirk.

"I told Royce the truth," she said and Castle's eyes went wide.

"You what?!"

X~~~X


	31. Business before pleasure

X~~~~X

"He's going to kill me," Castle whined into the phone, causing Beckett to roll her eyes on the other end of the line.

"He's _not_ going to kill you Castle," she muttered with clenched teeth, slowly but steadily starting to get annoyed with Castle's childish refusal to come _into_ the precinct.

"Well, he surely wanted to last time," he exclaimed, not understanding how she could not see that he was absolutely not overreacting, but simply judging the situation on evidence and facts. After all she'd been in that alley with him over two month ago.

"First of all," Kate sighed as she tried to keep her voice neutral, "He didn't want to kill you back then either, he was just looking out for me and Jamie and second, a lot has changed since then if I remember correctly." She heard him huff over the phone.

"I don't know," he pouted and she could so see his face right now. The man could be such a child and while sometimes she thought it was adorable and sweet - though she would never tell him that - _this_ was getting ridiculous.

"Listen Castle," Kate was starting one last attempt to convince him, "I'll need at least another 20 minutes to finish up the paperwork before I can go. You're standing outside, in the rain with our daughter who I can already hear asking for cookies, so would you please, _please_ just get off the phone and get your ass in here so I can get started?"

"Fine," he huffed, "but if we don't make it to the Hamptons because he kills me, it's not my fault."

"Fair enough," Kate muttered and ended the call.

Two minutes later Castle was standing in front of her desk in the squad room, Jamie sitting on his hip as he nervously glanced around, looking for what he believed to be the enemy.

"Where is he?" He whispered.

Kate let her head sink down into her hands, shaking it slowly from side to side, "Would you please stop it? He's not going to hurt you."

"Sure," Castle answered sarcastically, giving her a fake smile.

"I give up," Kate sighed as she got up to greet her daughter and decided to ignore Castle on that matter from now on.

"Hey Baby Bird, did you and Daddy have fun this morning?" She asked instead.

She'd dropped the girl off at the loft in the morning along with their luggage so that Castle and Jamie could come and pick her up at the precinct to drive straight to Alexis' school and from there on to the Hamptons.

Since Alexis' birthday the week had flown by, everything suddenly so much easier and more comfortable between them ever since they had talked things through. They were settling into a new rhythm and Kate wouldn't deny that she liked it, the new them.

Jamie nodded eagerly, "Jamie packing." She told her mother proudly and Kate laughed.

"You helped Daddy packing? That's great, at least someone knew what she was doing." Kate smirked at Castle while she took Jamie from his arms and started for the break room, confident that Castle would follow.

"Do you want to have a cookie while you wait until mommy is finished?" She asked on the way, already knowing the answer to the question as she rounded the corner and stepped into the empty break room.

"I want a cookie too," she heard Castle mumble behind her and had to bite down on her bottom lip not to laugh at the pout that was clearly evident in his voice.

She handed Jamie back to Castle and got out the cookie jar, placing it on the counter, "Don't overdo it," she warned and mainly talking to Castle who was giving her a sheepish grin.

"There's coffee if you want," she told him, ignoring his eager hands that were already reaching into the jar to get the cookies.

"Thanks, but no thanks," he shook his head, "The coffee here tastes like a monkey peed in battery acid."

"Very mature Castle," she rolled her eyes and turned to leave, "I'll come and get you when I'm done."

* * *

When Kate returned to the break room fifteen minutes later, already changed out of her uniform and into a comfortable pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, she found Castle cornered, sitting in one of the chairs with Jamie fiercely clutched to his chest, his terrified eyes fixed on the man standing in front of him.

Narrowing her eyes Kate made herself known, "What's going on here?" She demanded to know, her eyes moving from Castle to her training officer and back.

Royce was the first to find his voice, trying to play it cool, "Nothing," he shrugged. "Castle and I just had a friendly talk, didn't we?"

Castle looked at her with wide, panicked eyes and it almost made her laugh, a friendly talk was so not what had happened between the two men.

"Leave him alone Royce," she said as she poured herself a cup of coffee and her tone making it clear she was serious. It was not Royce's place to have _the talk_ or any talk for that matter with Castle and it was totally unnecessary and uncalled for as well, though she also knew he only meant well. He cared for Jamie and for her.

Royce lifted his arms in a gesture that said, _I didn't do anything_ and with a slap on Castle's shoulder that must have hurt he walked out calling, "Nice seeing you again, Castle," over his shoulder.

Kate looked down trying to hide the smirk on her face, but Castle looked right through her, "Very funny," he muttered, pulling Jamie even closer as if the girl could protect him, while she snuggled happily into his chest. "I told you he wants to kill me."

"Castle, I'm sorry," Kate sobered as she crossed the room to take the seat next to him, "I apologize for whatever he might have said, it's not his place and none of his business, but he's _not_ going to kill you." She looked at him and added with a smile, "I won't let him."

She squeezed the hand that was not holding onto Jamie for dear life until he looked back at her, a small hesitant smile blossoming on his face, "You know, I could have done without the intimidation, but I'm glad he's looking out for you, even though I'm certainly not a threat."

She smiled back, "No you're not," and somehow that sounded as if she was making fun of him.

Kate looked away, not giving away what she had actually meant as she took a sip of her coffee, immediately scrunching up her nose. Castle was right it did taste like acid monkey piss.

"You're ready to go?" he asked then, watching Kate while she poured the coffee down the drain and placing the cup next to the sink.

"Yes, all set," she nodded.

Castle got up from the chair starting to follow Kate out of the break room when their path was suddenly blocked by someone standing in the doorway.

"Captain Montgomery," Kate gasped surprised, immediately recognizing how her captain's eyes zoomed in on the stranger who was carrying her daughter.

"Beckett," he nodded. "You're leaving for your weekend trip I assume?" Montgomery asked his eyes never leaving Castle.

"Uhm - yes Sir," she stuttered, "We were about to leave." She had told him about her plans when she had asked to have half the day off, but she hadn't told her boss that she and Jamie weren't going alone.

"I'm Richard Castle," she heard the man behind her say, sensing that Castle was stepping up next to her and holding out his hand with a nervous smile.

Her captain took it, "Roy Montgomery," he introduced himself before looking at Beckett with a sparkle of curiosity shining in his eyes.

"Captain," she took a deep breath, buying herself some time, she had filled in Royce about who Castle really was, what difference would it make if her boss new as well, "Castle - I mean Mr. Castle is - He's Jamie's father."

"I see," Montgomery raised his eyebrows, but didn't really look surprised and Kate wondered if Royce had told him something, but her Captain was quick to set her straight when he said, "The blue eyes kind of give it away," he winked.

Castle grinned and nodded, "Well, she definitely got those from me," he agreed.

Montgomery smiled friendly at all of them, before he bid his goodbye, anything else was none of his business, "Enjoy your weekend," he said before looking once more at Castle, "It was nice meeting you."

"You too, Sir," Castle returned the pleasantries, glad that at least her Captain didn't seem to feel the urge to hurt him.

"I like him," he mumbled when Montgomery was out of hear shot.

"Me too," Kate returned quietly, before tugging on Castle's arm, "Come on, let's get Alexis."

* * *

They had left the city behind them an hour ago and Kate was struggling to keep her eyes open while Castle's Mercedes was silently eating up the miles with the girls already fast asleep in the back.

They had chatted for the first half an hour of the trip until Kate grew more and more tired and as a result more quiet.

"Go to sleep," Castle's soft voice reached her, while she was still fighting against her heavy lids.

"Don't want you to get bored," she mumbled, though she knew it was a lost cause already.

"Sleep Kate," he simply said again and only seconds later she was gone as well.

Glancing over at her sleeping form from time to time, Castle was glad to see that the lines of exhaustion had left her face, making her look relaxed and happy. The girls had woken up somewhere along the way but they kept each other entertained so that he didn't have to worry about them getting bored.

They stopped once on the way in a small town so Alexis could use the restroom of the local gas station, while Castle checked Jamie's diaper.

Kate slept through all of it and only rose when the wheels of the Mercedes crunched over the pebbles on Castle's Hampton estate driveway.

When she saw what laid in front of her though, she was suddenly wide awake, "Castle." She gasped, looking at what was easily a multi-million dollar house. She had suspected that he had money but seeing his property made it very clear that he was not simply rich but loaded.

"You like it?" He asked and sounded surprisingly nervous. Did it really matter to him what she thought it?

"Castle, it looks magnificent," she replied honestly, while she got out of the car to get a better look.

"Wait till I give you the tour," he smiled excitedly, while helping Jamie out of the car and Kate opened the door for Alexis to jump out as well.

She shook her head at his boyish excitement as she helped him with the bags, while Alexis took her little sister by the hand and waited with her at the front door. She would never admit it, but his childish attitude towards certain things was something she found very appealing and she couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed as much as she had since Castle had stormed into her life. He was fun, making her loosen up a bit and yet she knew he was serious about the important things.

"Here's the plan," he started as he fished for his keys to open the door. "We'll get you all settled in your rooms, then I'll give you the grand tour which includes the pool behind the house and the beach and then -," Kate frowned at him.

"The pool is outside? It's in the middle of October," she stated but only received a self-satisfied grin in return.

"It's heated," Castle brushed her concerns away with a smirk, holding the door open for them,

"Anyway where was I?" He mumbled before his eyes widened in shock, "Wait, don't tell me you didn't bring you swimsuit?" He looked at her as if forgetting to bring her swim gear was the end of the world.

"I told you," he whined.

"Calm down," she rolled her eyes at him, "I packed one just as you requested."

"Thank God," he sighed relieved before he finally continued his original train of thoughts, "Okay, so after we've been to the beach Alexis and I will introduce you to a Castle family tradition."

"And that would be?" Kate questioned still amused by the panic attack he just had over her swimsuit.

"The Castle Cookie Baking Contest," both Castles exclaimed at the same time.

Kate laughed, while Jamie shrieked along, "Didn't you already have enough cookies today Castle?" she asked, "Don't think I didn't notice the empty jar in the break room."

He looked sheepishly, pointing at Jamie, "She ate them."

"U-huh, sure," Kate nodded, not believing a single word he said.

* * *

By the end of the tour Kate was slightly intimidated, the house was even bigger than it looked from the outside and she had never put foot into anything close to it. But she instantly liked it as well, because besides being immensely huge it was also surprisingly cosy, feeling like a real home, rather than an expensive summer house.

"So what do you think?" Castle asked as he pulled out the baking supplies, while Jamie and Alexis were already impatiently sitting at the kitchen counter.

"It's gorgeous Castle, honestly," she reassured him, since he really seemed to be worried about her reaction.

"You like your room?"

She smiled, "It's perfect, would you please stop worrying?"

"I just want you and Jamie to feel comfortable," he shrugged.

"We do," she patted his shoulder gently. "And Jamie loves staying with Alexis." She confirmed before asking a question that had been on her mind ever since Castle had showed them their rooms, "Where did you get the bed by the way?"

"I still had it in the basement. It's Alexis' old one and I asked Charlie to put it up before we got here."

"Who's Charlie," Kate frowned, taking the flour from him and starting to mix eggs and sugar in a large bowl.

"Charlie takes care of things when we're in New York. He's also the one who filled the fridge," Castle grinned.

"He's really nice," Alexis threw in, tapping her small fingers against the counter.

"Charlie has a granddaughter about Alexis' age, they usually play together in the summer," Castle explained, adding chocolate chips into the batter, before handing the rest of them to the girls to keep them occupied until the batter was done.

Finally they were rolling out the cookie dough onto the floured counter and Castle sat down next to Jamie to help her with the forms until they decided to just use their hands and soon father and daughter had produced a little chocolate chip cookie castle.

"Mommy castle," Jamie exclaimed happily and then her batter-and-chocolate-smeared fingers reached for her father's face, "Daddy."

When Kate turned from where she stood on the kitchen counter, cleaning up the bowls to look at them, she burst out laughing. Father and daughter had both smeared the cookie dough all over their faces while Alexis looked as if she hadn't even been involved in the baking at all.

"I think you two need to clean up," she finally got out, while she held her stomach and exchanging knowing looks with Alexis.

"What? You don't like us all sweet?" Castle mocked her.

"Not when it means you're sticky too," Kate shook her head and then saw something like mischief flashing over his face.

"Well, I know some things that can be sweet and sticky _and_ hot," his eyes bore into hers and she had to swallow when she realized this time it hadn't been a slip of tongue, he knew exactly what he was saying.

"Castle," she warned, but he kept looking at her, his suddenly dark eyes boring into hers until Alexis innocently asked.

"And what is that Dad?"

Kate watched with amusement how his whole face turned red as he desperately tried to come up with a PG version of his thoughts.

"Hot chocolate, Sweetie," Kate helped him out with a wink and turned to hide her smirk.

* * *

She really had no idea how he'd talked her into having a barbeque at his outdoor pool in the middle of October, but once they had settled in front of the pool house and Castle had gotten the fire started in the big fireplace it actually was quite cosy.

The sun had faded and except for the fire, the lights from the main house, the stars in the sky and the lighted pool the rest of their surroundings lay in the dark, giving the impression they were the only people in the world. Kate might have almost thought it was romantic.

All four of them where wrapped in fluffy bathrobes and while Castle was still roaming through the basket which contained their dinner, Alexis already shimmered out of her robe and started for the pool.

"Dad, can I go in?" She asked, already dipping her toe into the warm water.

"Sure," Castle nodded. "Go ahead."

With a big splash Alexis jumped into the pool, causing Jamie to struggle down from her mother's lap, trying to follow her.

"Wait, wait, wait," Kate sneaked her back. "We need to get you equipped first." She said ignoring Jamie's whining.

Castle was already fishing for her swimmies, handing one over to Kate, while he attached the other one to Jamie's left arm.

"Alexis can you stay with her for a second?" Kate asked, walking over to the edge of the pool, with Jamie, where Alexis could easily stand in the water and wouldn't have trouble to have an eye on her sister until Castle and Kate would join them.

The redhead nodded eagerly, proud that Kate trusted her with Jamie and carefully helped her sister into the water. Jamie giggled in excitement and immediately started splashing around.

"We'll be right in," Kate laughed but had no worries that Alexis couldn't handle the ball of energy.

She walked back to Castle who had set out the table for later and was now raising a questioning brow at her, "Ready to go in?" He asked and watched as Kate nodded and started to pull open her bathrobe.

And then all the air left his lungs as she stood in front of him in a sinful, red bikini.

X~~~~X

_**AN: Thank you for over 1.000 reviews. Wow ... that's just wow. **_


	32. Pool Games

_X~~~~X_

_Beautiful, she was so beautiful, _Castle thought and he couldn't take his eyes off of her. From the dark curls framing her face, to the swell of her breasts, over her flat stomach and down her seemingly endless, toned legs she was pure perfection. Her pale skin flawless, _and yes_, he wanted to touch her, wanted to … he just wanted her.

It's not like he hadn't noticed it before, of course he had, he wasn't blind and even if he was he could not have denied Kate Beckett's hotness. Hell, he had fantasized, dreamed about her ever since their shared night, couldn't get her out of his head and not only for pure innocent reasons. But for the past two months he had strictly forbidden himself to see, to even think about her in that way and he had mainly succeeded because there had been so much more at stake. He had been too scared to ruin things with her and Jamie to give into his attraction towards her or to even allow himself to acknowledge it.

So he had just seen her as Jamie's mom, but they say the exception proves the rule_,_ and of course there had been moments, mainly at night, when he hadn't been able to keep away the images and those more than friendly kinds of feelings towards her.

And it seemed as if now, as all those boundaries they had both set up were fading away, he could allow himself to acknowledge that she was _not_ _just_ Jamie's mom, just like she had never been just a one-night-stand.

He must have not been too subtle about his leering, because when he looked back up to meet her eyes, he noticed her flushed cheeks. He thought she looked uncomfortable under his peering eyes but maybe just a little bit pleased as well, he couldn't be sure. But before he could do anything about it, she dropped her bathrobe to the chair next to her and quickly moved over to the edge of the pool, goose bumps all over her body, as the chilly autumn air hit her skin. She turned around once more and now there was definitely something like a tease shining in her eyes when she said, "You coming, Castle?", and then she dove head first into the pool leaving him speechless, because he would be damned if Kate Beckett hadn't just flirted with him.

He stood, rooted to the spot like an idiot for what felt like an eternity, watching her resurface, her now wet hair even darker than usual as she crossed the pool in long, strong, elegant strokes to join Alexis and Jamie at the other end.

_God she was sexy, _he gulped down some air, there was definitely not enough of it in his lungs as his fingers ran feverishly over his face to gain some sort of composure, because judged by the intensifying twitching in certain parts of his body as his blood was steadily and rapidly moving south, this could get embarrassing real quick.

Thankfully Jamie's loud shrieks, followed by Alexis' laughter helped him to sober a bit and so he hurriedly got out of his bathrobe, deciding that a jump into the pool was the best way to cool him down or at least hide what was going on down _there_.

Kate was still grinning from ear to ear as she pulled Jamie and Alexis through the water around her, each girl hanging on one of her hands. The look on Castle's face right before she dove into the pool had been priceless. It was obvious that her ambiguous question had totally caught him by surprise, but he had started the innuendos, earlier in the kitchen, talking about sticky, sweet, hot things and it suited him just right to be the one on the receiving end for once.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him finally set into motion as he struggled out of his robe to join them in the heavenly warm water and she would give it to him, swimming in a heated pool, the chilly mid October air surrounding them, was pretty amazing.

The grin on her face vanished quickly though when he walked towards the edge, her eyes coming to linger on his broad chest, the small amount of hair that she couldn't see from where she stood, but remembered was there nevertheless, his taut stomach and strong arms and a wave of memories of his strong, yet soft body moving over and under her hit her hard and fast. She knew she was blushing, acting like a horny teenager.

Swallowing hard, she watched mesmerized as Castle entered the pool the same way she did, head first and only seconds later he was standing right in front of her and Kate just hoped it wasn't written all over her face just how turned on she was.

It seemed that ever since Alexis' birthday they had kicked down some kind of invisible frontier which suddenly allowed them to see each other as more than just Jamie's parents. Because she couldn't deny that she was attracted to him, at least not to herself, and to be honest she'd always been. Nights filled with hot dreams about him, _them_ – had been proof enough of it. It was more than pure physical attraction though. She had gotten to know him over the past weeks and besides his undeniable good looks she had discovered the sweet, loyal man behind the playboy persona. Even more so, she was slowly understanding that this playboy persona that had had her worried for so long was nothing more than an act.

But while this new openness between them made her feel all kinds of things she hadn't felt in a very long time, it also scared the hell out of her. She wasn't foolish and she knew that whatever was going on between them could be very dangerous.

He grinned at her, his eyes sparkling, oblivious to her train of thoughts and then he reached for Alexis, lifting her up into the air and throwing back into the water.

"Dad!" She screamed, before going under.

"Castle," Kate looked shocked, staring from him to where Alexis had disappeared, but he just shook his head.

"She loves it," he smirked, "already planning her counter attack."

And then Alexis was jumping up behind him, her arms coming around his neck, her legs sneaking around his waist as she pulled him back. Kate knew he was playing along because there was no way that a featherweight like Alexis could bring a man like Castle down.

With a shriek both Castles went down and Jamie was giggling so hard that Kate had trouble holding on to her.

Castle and Alexis came back up for air, laughing and Jamie held out her arms for her dad, obviously wanting to be part of the fun.

Whispering something into Alexis' ear he moved over to take Jamie from Kate who narrowed her eyes at him, he clearly was up to something.

And then she felt it, the arms and legs flying around her neck and hips to pull her down and with a very un-Beckett-like shriek she went under.

Alexis was the first to come back up, looking around for Kate who was still under water, but before she could locate her, Alexis felt something tugging on her leg and shooting her dad one last anxious look she was gone.

And that's how it went on for the next couple of minutes, Kate and Castle alternatively entertaining Jamie while the other tried to outwit Alexis, which was not easy. Alexis was a good swimmer and she was quick, so she got the drop on the adults more than once.

But despite the heated pool, it was getting cold and late and so Castle was the first one to get out of the water to get their robes to help first Alexis and then Jamie. Wrapping them in their robes, towelling their hair and getting them snuggled in before the fireplace before he went back to hold out the robe for Kate.

She climbed up the ladder and Castle felt like he was witnessing a commercial for - he didn't really care for what, but the water drops running down her body, her wet curls and that damn red bikini framing her body … he held his breath.

She slipped into the robe, turning to face him and he had no idea what hit him, but he reached out, pulling her hair out from under the bathrobe, his fingers brushing the soft skin at her neck and she shivered.

She had no idea why she let him help her, but she didn't move as he pulled her wet curls out from under the fluffy collar and the shiver running down her spine had nothing to do with the chilly air surrounding them.

Their eyes met, neither of them able to look away, none of them able to ignore the sparks flying between them.

"Dad, we're hungry," Alexis called for him from the fireplace and Castle sighed, the moment gone.

"Thank God for children," he grumbled to himself making his way over with Kate following him.

She was worrying her bottom lip, sitting down next to the girls while Castle placed the meat and fish alongside the vegetables on the grill that was integrated in the fireplace, knowing they were playing with fire as well.

X~~~~X


	33. Bellyache

X~~~~X

Castle was in the kitchen pulling out glasses, rummaging through the fridge and cabinets for cheese and crackers and choosing a bottle of red wine from his wide selection. He placed everything on the coffee table in the living room before moving over to the fireplace to get the fire started. His copy of _Without Love_ was lying on the couch along some other movies he thought Kate might like.

The kids were already in bed, had actually been fast asleep the second their heads hit the pillows, the long day and the pool session obviously taking their toll. After that Kate had wanted to take a bath but had promised to join him afterwards and so he was waiting rather impatiently and was just slightly bored when he remembered there was still cookie dough left in the fridge.

Getting the bowl and grabbing a spoon, all the while grinning like a boy on Christmas Eve, he sat down at the kitchen counter while he started to dig In. The smile on his face widened when he reviewed the day and how different it had been from all the ones they'd had out here before.

Meredith had never wanted to come up here during fall or winter time, claiming there was just nothing to do if she couldn't tan all day long. His ex-wife would have never joined them in the pool for some fun, would've stayed away from their baking contest. But Kate - Kate was so different, not only from Meredith but every other woman he'd ever been with.

No woman other than her grandmother had ever given Alexis the kind of attention Kate had given her all day or actually ever since the two of them had met. And he could see how Alexis was blossoming around Kate, was growing more confident with every nice word and with every action that showed her Kate cared, that she wasn't in the way or an inconvenience to be dealt with. A feeling her own mother was constantly giving her as he recalled the latest incident which had been the aftermath of Alexis' birthday.

* * *

**October 10th, 2002**

_Meredith finally called two days later, two days **too** late and only after he had tried to get in touch with her and had left more than a dozen messages. When she finally did call she acted as if everything was fine, telling him he was totally overreacting before he handed the phone over to Alexis._

_The talk with her daughter was rather short, because as soon as Alexis mentioned Jamie and Kate her mother demanded to be handed back to him._

_"Who are those people?" Meredith was hissing into the phone and Castle was really not in the mood to play along with her diva-like behavior._

_"What people?" He asked seemingly unbothered by her tone when nothing was further from the truth as he guided Alexis into the living room with the whispered promise to get ice cream for her later, before he turned to walk back into his office, closing the door behind him._

_"Kate and Jamie," she spat, "apparently Alexis' new best friends?" His ex-wife continued to snap into the receiver and Castle knew this one was partly on him. He should have told her. It was not Alexis' job to fill her mother in about the new addition to their family. But Meredith was never interested in anything that didn't concern herself and frankly he just hadn't wanted to tell her. He knew she would have an opinion that she certainly would feel the need to share with him. One he had no interest in._

_He sighed, accepting that there was no way around it, "Jamie is my daughter," he finally stated and was met with heavy breathing on the other end of the line._

_"She's what?" Meredith tone was cold, on the edge of fury and there had been times where it had scared the crap out of him, but not anymore._

_"Jamie is my daughter and Kate is her mother," he repeated calmly and then simply waited._

_"You cheated on me?" She was yelling and Castle had to hold the receiver away from his ear until she was done._

_"Now that is rich coming from you," he replied sarcastically, "and no, unlike you I kept my vows."_

_"Richard, don't you dare bring that up again," she growled and he could only laugh at her behavior._

_"You started it," he shrugged though she couldn't see it and then added, "I met Kate after we got divorced. Jamie just turned two."_

_"And how come I only learn about this now?" Meredith was still fuming. She wasn't stupid, the way Alexis had talked about this woman had clearly implied that her daughter was very fond of her. And that was surely not a state that had developed over just a couple of days in Meredith's belief. After all Alexis was a very shy and introverted child, easily overlooked and even she as her mother had to constantly lure her out of her shell._

_"Because I only learned about this recently myself," he defeated himself, not willing to give his ex any further details than that._

_And suddenly the atmosphere changed, he heard her taking a pitiful sigh and braced himself for what was to come, before Meredith purred, "Oh Kitten, I hope you don't believe all of this without a paternity test."_

_He could only gasp._

_"I knew something like this was bound to happen sooner or later," she continued, her voice sweet and soft and for someone who didn't know her she sounded very convincing._

_"Something like what?"_

_"A young woman saying you're the father of her child." She went on, "Richard you are a rich, handsome man who has a history of sleeping around, of course someone would try to get to your money with a shady scheme like this."_

_"She's my daughter and Kate is not like this," he growled into the phone and for a long time neither of them spoke a word._

_"Are you sleeping with her?"_

_He simply hung up._

* * *

He was staring across the room into the fireplace, the bowl of cookie dough now empty in front of him.

He hadn't talked to Meredith since their argument nor had she tried to call Alexis again and while there was a part of him that felt for his daughter, who once again had gotten disappointed by her mother, the bigger part of him was glad she hadn't, knowing she would have only managed to make things worse.

His stomach grumbled and he winced in pain, thinking that maybe all that cookie dough hadn't been such a great idea after all. He sighed deeply, his smile returning when he thought about how happy Alexis had been today, how happy she was whenever she could spend time with Jamie or Kate. There had been a part of him that had worried she might feel jealous and neglected with a baby sister in the house. She had been used to his and her grandmother's undivided attention in the past and with all the insecurities she was struggling with he had feared she might recoil from them. But instead she had gained confidence in the short period of time, having Jamie look up to her was certainly something she enjoyed and took very seriously, they were already so close that it was hard to believe they hadn't spent the first two years of Jamie's life together.

But the real jackpot in all of this had been Kate, she had been so attentive to Alexis right from the start it had almost been too good to be true and it was easy to see that Alexis adored her. Kate was genuinely interested in everything Alexis had to say, she always made sure to spend some extra time with his daughter when the four of them were together and he was beyond grateful that she cared as much about Alexis' wellbeing in all of this as for Jamie's.

He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard movement from the stairs and pushing off the counter he walked into the living room to see Kate coming towards him.

"Hey," she smiled, wearing a pair of yoga pants, thick wool socks and a wide, lose fitting shirt, her curls pinned up on her head, no make-up, and once again she took his breath away. How could someone look so stunning in this less than casual dress-up?

"Hey," he smiled back, but his features soon turned agitated as his hands moved down to his stomach.

"Are you okay?" Kate asked, concern lacing her words as she stepped closer to him, her hand reaching up to feel his head.

Her touch was like heaven, he thought, slightly leaning into it and he held his breath when she moved to brush a strand of hair away from his forehead as she frowned, "You're not hot."

He managed a lopsided grin, "Really? The way you looked at me in the pool I would think -."

"Shut up," she blushed. "You don't seem to have a fever," she corrected herself, still studying his face.

"No, I ate the cookie dough leftovers," he admitted guiltily, pointing towards the kitchen counter.

"All of it?" She questioned in disbelief, remembering exactly how much dough had been left. She walked over into the kitchen, inspecting the now empty bowl herself. "No wonder you have stomach cramps."

He just shrugged sheepishly and then groaned in pain, "Ouch."

"Do you have a warm-water bag?" She asked, already placing the kettle on the stove and rummaging through the cupboards in search of tea.

Castle slowly shuffled into the kitchen behind her, one hand pressed to his abdomen, the other pulling out a furry thing that looked like a sheep.

"What's that?" She gasped amused, pointing at whatever Castle was holding in his hand.

"Warm-water bag," he shrugged and was delighted to see her laugh.

"Okay," she grinned, taking the thing from him and giving him a gentle push, "why don't you lay down on the couch? I'll be right over."

He did as he was told, slightly overwhelmed by her care. No woman beside his mother or daughter had ever done something like this, not even such a simple thing as filling a warm-water bag for him.

He settled down, listening at her working in the kitchen, letting it soothe him until the burning question in his head became too much to hold in, "Did you have fun today?" He asked, hopeful.

For a moment she didn't reply but then he heard her sigh, "Yes, yes I had." He could hear the smile in her voice and it made his heart skip. "Thanks for taking us here Castle. It really is wonderful."

"We can come back anytime," he told her, surprised to hear her voice so close when she answered.

"We'll see," she was smiling down at him, signalling him to sit up a bit, before handing him a hot cup of tea and placing the sheep on his stomach.

He sighed in contentment, already feeling better.

She looked around, finding a blanket and pulling it over him as well, "You'll see. Half an hour and your stomach will have settled down again."

"Thank you, Kate," he got out and she patted his shoulder, maybe letting her fingers linger a bit longer than absolutely necessary.

"You're welcome Castle, but no more cookie dough for you." She instructed before sitting down on the opposite couch, suddenly looking tense.

It didn't go unnoticed by him, the way her body language changed, there was definitely something on her mind.

"Kate?" He asked gently and she lifted her eyes to meet his and his heart dropped, this day had been too good to be true anyway.

"Castle we need to talk," she mumbled and he was sure nothing good could follow these words.

"Okay," he nodded slowly, sitting up further and placing the tea cup on the coffee table, "what do you want to talk about?"

Kate sighed, fiddling nervously with her hands, _this shouldn't be so hard_.

"Kate what is it?" He asked anxious, seeing all his hopes for their weekend suddenly crushed.

"I think you should do a paternity test," she finally got out, lifting shy eyes to look at him.

"What?" He stared at her in shock. Everything went still and he could swear he heard his ex-wife laughing at him. This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't. Surely he had fallen into a cookie dough induced coma and would wake up any second. But he didn't.

"Castle," she spoke softly, trying to get his attention. Maybe she hadn't chosen the best approach to start this conversation.

"No Kate," he shook his head, getting up from the couch and starting to pace in front of the coffee table. "No, Jamie is my daughter. I'm not ...," he stuttered. "I'm not giving her up." He loved her too much. How could she come up with this after months? "Don't even think about it," he growled.

Now it was Kate's turn to look confused, "Of course she is your daughter," she said and then she realized what he must have thought and damn it, she really should have started this differently. "Jamie is your daughter, there's no doubt about that, Castle. There has been nobody else."

She waited for him to look at her, seeing him relax as he sat back down on the couch.

"Then why, Kate?"

She looked nervous again but this time she didn't wait, "Because I want it to be official. I want you to be her father, legally, and to get that progress started we need to do a paternity test to get your name on the birth certificate."

He was stunned, he certainly hadn't expected this, "Are you sure?" He stammered stupidly, because really why was he questioning her decision right now?

"Yes, absolutely." She smiled shyly at him, "You're her dad and you and Jamie deserve it to be official."

"Kate," he breathed and then without thinking about it rounded the coffee table, pulling her in for a tight hug. "Thank you."

He could feel her shake her head into his neck as she held onto him.

"You don't have to thank me," she whispered. "I learned a lot over the past months and you gave me something back I thought I had lost a while ago."

"What's that?" he asked breathless.

"The ability to trust someone," she choked out and he pulled her even tighter, swearing he would never make her doubt him.

X~~~~X

_**AN: I'll try to get another chapter out before I'll leave you with a mini hiatus as I enjoy a long weekend. ;-)**_


	34. My Favorite Things

X~~~~X

With a sigh Kate finally pulled away, letting her hands linger on his forearms before placing them in her lap. She refused to look at him, but she didn't pull away either when Castle gently brushed away the remains of her tears, and leant into his touch when his palm lingered at her cheek.

"You okay?" He asked softly, an encouraging smile on his lips and she nodded in reply, taking in a deep breath.

"So when we get back …," he trailed off, not sure what was next for him to do.

"I already filled out the paperwork. We just need to add your sample and Jamie's," she stated and leant back into the couch cushions as Castle reluctantly let go of her.

"Okay," he nodded, "okay, we'll do that."

They stole glances at each other, everything suddenly a bit awkward, until Castle found his wits.

"Wine?" he asked, reaching for the bottle he had placed earlier on the table.

Kate sighed, letting go of the anxiousness, "I'd love some wine." She said and then smiled, before shooting him a questioning look. "How's you stomach?"

"Better," he grinned filling their glasses and handing one over to her, "Thanks for taking care of me."

She shrugged dismissing it, "All I did was boil some water."

"Still," he insisted and somehow she thought there was more behind that grateful look in his eyes than he let on.

* * *

They stayed up way into the night, watching movies and talking, enjoying the excellent wine and each other's company in the dim light of the fireplace and only found their way into bed way after midnight. They said goodnight at the top of the stairs, Castle watching Kate cross the hallway until she disappeared behind her door with one last shy wave and he was left alone in the dark hallway.

Kate sank against the door with a heavy sigh, shaking her head in disbelief. She was beyond tired but at the same time sizzling with energy, having no idea when it had been the last time she had shared such a relaxing night at home with an adult.

Being a cop and a single mom didn't leave her much time for friends in general and with Maddie away travelling all across Europe for the better half of this year, even her rare nights of girl talk had been taken off the list, but tonight … She smiled, trying to hide it with her hand covering her mouth, though there was no one to see her anyway.

It had been fun, _real_ fun and so easy. Castle had been eager to know everything about her job, while she was genuinely interested in his writing progress. They had talked about their kids, their favorite movies and musicians, places and countries they wanted to travel and it had felt as if they had done this for years. He had made her laugh like she hadn't laughed in a very long time and yes, maybe she had been a bit tipsy, and _maybe_ she had even been just a bit silly too, the innuendos flying between them all night and she knew she wouldn't hear the end of it today, but she didn't care, she couldn't bring herself to care.

Even now, lying awake in one of Castle's luxurious Hampton's guestrooms, the morning sun tickling her face, she still didn't care. It had been just too good.

She stretched her long limbs, turning once more, burying her head into the soft pillow and sighed. Nowhere to be, nowhere to go, she could just relish in this feeling of contentment until … She frowned, pushing herself up. Where was Jamie? She had been sure her daughter would wake up in the wee hours of the morning and force Alexis to bring her over, but there was no sign of either Jamie or Alexis.

She was about to get out of bed and start looking for the girls when she heard giggling on the other side of her bedroom door, followed by the hushed voices of Alexis and Jamie who weren't as quiet as they thought they were.

"Knock on the door Jamie," she heard Castle's baritone instruct and sure enough the soft rap of her daughter's fist sounded through the room.

"Come in," Kate called out, sitting up in bed and waiting for what was to come. Surely Castle was up to something.

The door opened, Jamie and Alexis immediately rushing towards her and Alexis helping her sister up on the bed, before crawling on it behind her.

"Morning Mommy," Jamie giggled and snuggled into her side, receiving a kiss on the head in return.

"Morning Baby Bird," Kate replied, looking at Alexis who shyly sat on the edge of the bed, watching them.

Without thinking Kate reached out, tugging on the redhead's pj's and pulling her into her other side, "Morning Alexis."

Alexis was grinning from ear to ear, leaning into Kate's shoulder, happiness shining all over her face when she said, "Good morning Kate."

All three of them lifted their eyes to look at Castle who was standing at the end of the bed, breakfast tray in his hands, an expression of wonder on his face while he watched the three girls smiling up at him.

"What, Castle," Kate cocked her head, "cat caught your tongue?"

He stumbled forward, almost spilling the orange juice on the covers before he set the tray down more carefully, "We thought breakfast in bed was in order to start a lazy Saturday."

"Dad makes the best breakfasts," Alexis jumped in, big proud eyes directed at her dad.

"Is that so?" Kate shot him a look and Castle just shrugged. "Well in that case, how could I say no?"

* * *

After they all had breakfast in Kate's bed, which would need new sheets for sure judging by all the honey and jam stains Alexis and Jamie had left, they all got dressed and headed out to the beach. It was windy and cold, but wrapped up warm and waterproofed no one really cared.

They only came back in the afternoon and after a quick snack Castle suggested Kate should take a bath while he would entertain the still energetic kids.

"Somehow I have the feeling I'm on a spa trip while you do all the work," Kate admitted, chewing on her bottom lip, not sure she should really let him deal alone with the two whirlwinds.

Castle simply took her by the elbow, guiding her halfway up the stairs, "Kate," he spoke quietly, "I know you work hard and with Jamie and everything I'm sure you barely half a minute to yourself, so please take an hour and just enjoy it. Don't think I haven't noticed how much you love taking a bath, so take the opportunity while you can. The girls and I will be fine."

She still looked uncertain, so he gave her a gentle nudge, "Go. I've got this." He nodded his head into the direction of the two girls currently jumping on the couch.

"Okay," Kate finally gave in, but before Castle could turn and leave she caught his hand, giving it a light squeeze, "Thank you Castle."

His beamed up at her as she already was two steps up the stairs, those cute little crinkles forming around his blue eyes and she stood their mesmerized, unable to move as he seemed to be able to look right through her, "You deserve it," he shrugged, sounding shy all of a sudden.

She couldn't take her eyes off of him, could swear she felt his heart beat through their still joined hands as an invisible force seemed to pull her towards him.

"Castle, I -," she didn't know what to say and he wouldn't push her, feeling that whatever was happening between them right now was too overwhelming for her to handle. So giving her hand one last squeeze he stepped back, letting her go.

"We'll see you later," he smiled and then turned around to join the girls in the living room.

* * *

Kate came back down an hour later, heavenly relaxed and finding the living room transformed into a fort of blankets in dimensions she believed only Rick Castle could muster. Everywhere she looked she was met with blankets, strings and what looked like Christmas lights, but neither Castle nor the girls were in sight.

She huffed out a laugh, shaking her head. _That man, that sweet, nine-year-old-on-a-sugar-rush, adorable, caring man._

"I hope you left at least a set of sheets to replace mine," she made her presence known and could see movement in what seemed to be the centre of the fort. "I don't wanna sleep between honey and jam stains."

"But I thought we agreed sticky can be fun _and_ hot," she heard Castle's voice from somewhere, muffled by the blankets before a few seconds later his head emerged right in front of her, "But actually I already changed your sheets," he grinned up at her as the laughter broke out of Kate when she saw him and something that looked suspiciously like a turban on his head.

"What are you guys up to?" She asked, suspicious but still amused as she watched Castle crawling out of the fort and coming to stand in front her.

"We are currently stranded in the desert on our journey to an Arabic kingdom," he explained sounding so serious that she didn't have the heart to laugh at him. "And you are my princess," he proclaimed, already tugging on her arm to follow him.

"Your princess?" She raised one eyebrow at him. "In your dreams."

"I thought more along the lines of _One Thousand and One Nights _but in my dreams would work as well," he smirked, delighted when she rolled her eyes, following him nevertheless.

Castle guided her to the centre of his construction which was surrounded by the two big couches in his living room, the floor covered with pillows. Jamie and Alexis were waiting for them with what was obviously supposed to be their dinner sitting in front of them.

"Arabic food?" Kate gasped at him.

"An illusion is only as good as its details," he spoke mystically, signalling her to sit down on one of the cushions next to him.

She looked at him, suddenly very serious and all caution blown to the wind she said, "You're amazing."

"We aim to please, my princess," he nodded and there was not a trace of tease in his voice.

* * *

They spent the rest of the day in the fort, enjoying the great food while Castle was telling them story after story until it was time for the girls to go to bed, Jamie already half asleep on his arm as they made their way up the stairs.

They tucked the girls in and before Castle and Kate had left the room they were already fast asleep and of to Dreamland.

Castle and Kate found themselves alone in the quiet hallway, neither of them sure how to proceed and both overly aware of the shift in their relationship.

"So?" she said nervously, clutching her hands together because she didn't know what else to do with them.

"So," he replied a bit stupidly and just as nervously, "care to join me for a drink?"

"Okay," she agreed, following him down the stairs and into the kitchen to sit at the counter, watching him as he pulled out various items to prepare something that looked like a fancy cocktail.

"It was a great day Castle," she finally said when she couldn't take the silence anymore.

"Yeah?" He looked at her, so hopeful, so eager to please and it struck her again how much her opinion obviously mattered to him.

"Yeah, this whole weekend, it's like a dream." She admitted shyly.

"And it's not over yet," he smiled softly, handing her his cocktail creation.

"What is it?"

"A Castle," he stated and then adding with a smirk. "I thought you would like to taste a real Castle."

"Seriously?" She rolled her eyes, but he could tell she didn't mean it and actually enjoyed the banter they had going on as much as he did.

He watched her with curiosity while she took the first sip, memorizing every tiny movement of her face.

"Oh my God, Castle," she moaned, "This is fantastic."

He had a very dirty reply on the tip of his tongue, but swallowed it just in time. It was probably a bit too much to tell her to wait until she had tasted the real thing and _technically_ she already had. But to him it felt like it had been another lifetime and did nothing to soothe the butterflies in his stomach.

He just smiled, biting his tongue and taking a sip of his own drink, enjoying her company in silence for a while until he remembered that there had been a question on his mind for quite some time now.

"Kate, can I ask you something?"

"Mmh?" She looked at him, still engrossed in his drink.

"How did you do it?" He questioned.

"How did I do what?"

"I mean it must have been difficult for you and Jamie, even after you joined the academy. Life in Manhattan is expensive. I just wonder how you managed." He shrugged, suddenly feeling stupid for asking, she probably wouldn't want to tell him anyway.

But to his surprise she answered him without the slightest hint of hesitation, "It wasn't easy, but my mom left me some money. It was enough to keep us going before I started the academy and to pay for anything extra we needed even after that. It's actually how I can afford Cynthia. I wouldn't be able to pay her from my cop salary."

"Kate," he stuttered and she already knew what was about to come.

"I don't want your money, Castle." She cut him off before he could say anything.

He sighed heavily, this was a conversation he had dreaded for some time now, "I know Kate. But I'm her father and it's only fair I contribute. You have a right to -," she cut him off once more.

"I don't care Castle. I don't want and I don't need a monthly payment from you. I want you to be there for her," she pushed the drink away, looking desperate. "It was never about money."

Castle leant forward, sneaking her hand into his before she could pull away.

"Kate," he waited until she lifted her stubborn eyes to look at him, "I know that you're not after my money, okay? I know. And it's not like I would give my money to you. It's for Jamie."

She shook her head, but he didn't let her stop him.

"And if you don't want a monthly sum, how about you let me pay for things when she needs them or at least let me pay half of it."

"I don't want you to feel like you have to pay me to see your daughter," she got out and he clasped her hand so tightly it was almost painful.

"Kate," he breathed, rounding the counter to come to stand in front of her as he wanted to hug her so badly, but he had to set this straight first. "I won't. But we agreed to do this together, right?"

He waited for her to nod.

"Good, and that includes money. _We_ are her parents and it's only fair. You're not making me do anything I don't want to, okay?"

She took in a deep breath, "Okay."

"You don't have to do it alone anymore, Kate." He mumbled and finally pulled her into his arms, glad when she came willingly.

"Okay," she breathed again and then he pulled away, staring down at her, captured by her beautiful eyes which shimmered green and brown and there was nothing he wanted more in that moment than to kiss her.

So he leant towards her, studying her features and when she looked away he settled for a soft press of his lips against her forehead.

"So we're good on this?" He finally asked as she stepped back, retrieving her drink.

"Yeah, we're good." She nodded, "It's just. I'm not used to -," he stopped her before she could say more.

"I know, you have to get used to it. No need to apologize."

She offered him a grateful smile, before placing her empty glass on the counter.

"I'm tired. I'll go to bed," she announced, sounding a bit apologetic but Castle simply nodded with a smile.

"Until tomorrow, Kate."

"Night Castle."

* * *

Kate couldn't sleep, for the past two hours she had been staring at the ceiling, her thoughts running wild. He had wanted to kiss her back in the kitchen, she had seen it in his eyes, the way he had studied her and the way his eyes had kept glancing at her lips.

She groaned turning once more, burying her head into the pillow. She had wanted him to kiss her.

_But no_. They couldn't, they really couldn't take that path, because it was already complicated enough, everything still so new and there were a million other things they still had to work out. It would have been egoistic and self-centered to give into the attraction they felt for each other, when really Jamie and Alexis had to come first.

Another groan escaped her, because she really had wanted him to kiss her. She still wanted him to kiss her.

A thunder growled in the distance and seconds later her room was illuminated by lightning, the weather a funny resemblance to her inner turmoil.

She was pulled from her thoughts and startled when the door flew open and Alexis stood in the doorway, a crying Jamie in her arms.

"Can we stay with you?" Alexis got out on the verge of tears herself and Kate was already lifting the covers, waving the girls over, before taking Jamie from Alexis' arms so the redhead could crawl in next to her.

Kate settled Jamie on her chest, pulling Alexis into her side, letting her fingers run through the girls' hair to soothe them just as another thunder grumbled through the night. Both girls winced, pushing even closer to Kate.

"Shhh, it's just hot air," she mumbled.

"Dad always says the clouds are farting," Alexis whispered, "but it's still scary."

Kate chuckled, "It's scary alright, but really it's just loud noise, nothing to be afraid of."

"Can I still stay here with you and Jamie?" Alexis asked, lifting terrified eyes at Kate.

"Of course you can, Pumpkin," Kate reassured the girl, using Castle's term of endearment without even thinking of it. "As long as you want."

That's how Castle found them on his way to the girls' room, worried the thunderstorm would scare his daughters and wake them. He stopped in front of Kate's open bedroom door and in the pale light of the moon and the flickering lighting, he saw them all in bed together, Jamie and Alexis holding on to Kate for dear life.

"Come in," Kate invited him when he didn't move from the threshold.

"Is this the van Trapp family?" he asked, settling down at the end of the bed, reaching for Alexis' leg under the covers and giving it a squeeze. "You okay Pumpkin?"

His daughter nodded, "Jamie started to cry and I brought her over," she told him, not moving from Kate's side.

"That was absolutely the right thing to do," he told her, "I'm proud of you."

They all winced when the next thunder rattled and Castle looked at his other daughter, silently sobbing into her mother's chest.

"How's the Baby Bird?" he asked gently.

"Scared," Kate sighed.

Castle kept looking at them, his little family joined in the night and he suddenly got an idea.

"Now what did Fräulein Maria do when she got scared?" He asked, knowing Alexis would know the answer.

"She thought of her favorite things." His daughter immediately replied, "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens."

"Ah and Schnitzel with noodles." Castle joined in.

Kate laughed, "Of course you'd come up with food."

"It's me," he shrugged, before standing up and holding out his hand to Alexis, "Come on everybody. We will seek shelter in the Orient."

Even in the dim light he could see Kate's frown, probably trying to decide if whatever he had planned was worth getting out of bed.

"Trust me Beckett," he winked, letting Alexis climb on his back, so he could hold out his arms for Jamie as well. "Grab some blankets from my room as well," he instructed before carrying the girls out of the room and down the stairs.

Fifteen minutes later they were all settling into the blanket fort, the thunder instantly seeming to be further away, muffled by the walls of linen. They all snuggled into the extra pillows and blankets Kate had brought down for them, Alexis and Jamie lying in the middle, with Castle and Kate to either side of them.

They were all quiet, listening to the wind and the rain, beating against the big living room windows as they waited for the next thunder to growl down on them.

"So Castle, I take it sleeping in a blanket fort is one of your favorite things?" Kate looked amused, facing him, as their eyes met over their daughters heads who were already falling back to sleep. The light of an old-fashioned looking oil lamp, operate by batteries shining around them.

Mirroring her position, he shook his head, giving her one of those meaningful looks that told her he was about to reveal something important, "Spending time with my family, making sure they're safe and sound, that's one of my favorite things."

Kate didn't have words, so she just reached out, lacing her fingers with his, resting their joined hands over the sleeping forms of their daughters, before she finally fell into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

"You're up early," his deep voice startled her a bit as she was staring out the window at the wild and still steamy sea. The thunderstorm had passed, but the rain had yet to stop, the sky a collection of shades of gray and when she felt him coming up behind her, she wished she could just step back, let him pull her close, letting his warmth surround her.

But that's not who they were.

"I can hear you thinking," he spoke quietly and she allowed herself to turn around and take him in. His hair sticking up, ruffled from sleep, but his eyes wide and awake, attentive and focused on her.

Kate was nervous, there was no need in denying their connection and early in the morning, her defences still down she felt it even stronger. What he did to her. What he made her feel.

"Castle," she hadn't planned to let it sound like this. Too breathy, too needy when all she wanted to say was how great he had been last night.

"Do you know how extraordinary you are," his voice was soft, comforting as he stepped closer. Kate couldn't move, frozen in place she could only stare back at him.

"The way you are with Alexis, I have no idea how to ever thank you for making my girl so happy, making her feel so accepted."

"She's a great kid," Kate barely got out as Castle stepped even closer. "She's fun and smart and she's so amazing with Jamie ... ." She trailed off.

Castle nodded, wishing Alexis' mother would feel the same way, "I think she's falling in love with you."

Kate swallowed, before she stuttered, "I think I'm falling in love with her too." It was true, his daughter had won her over in a heartbeat.

He was standing directly in front of her now, looking down into her big eyes, a warm smile on his lips, "I'm glad the feelings are mutual," he whispered.

"Me too," she breathed out, eyes flickering to his lips and back up to meet his intense gaze. This time she didn't look away.

Castle's lips found hers, nothing more than a soft press against hers and for a moment everything went still. He lingered, hesitant, waiting for her to pull away, and when she didn't his lips started to move and Kate was eager to respond, her hands finding their way into his hair, while his arms sneaked around her back, pulling her closer, their bodies aligned as she fitted perfectly against him.

She moaned and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue inside of her mouth as she kissed him even harder, tasting him and she felt like she would never be able to stop again. She wanted to drown in his kiss, his smell and never come back up for air.

Her whole body was on fire, his hands roaming her back, leaving a trail of burning want. She gasped when he pushed one hand under her shirt touching the skin on the small of her back and she felt like she was going to explode if he didn't ...

"Mommy?"

They flew apart as if struck by lightning, both panting, cheeks red and Kate had to take deep calming breaths before she could answer.

"I'm coming Baby Bird," and even Castle was too stunned to comment on that.

X~~~X

**_AN: I did it. Now I'm off. Until next week._****_  
_**


	35. What now ?

X~~~~X

They didn't get a chance to talk about what had happened that day. After having breakfast, pulling down the blanket fort and one last extended walk on the beach once it had stopped raining it was already late in the afternoon and time to head back home to the city.

Castle had tried to catch her alone all day, but the opportunity just didn't present itself.

He desperately needed to know how she felt about the kiss, what it meant to her, because to him it sure had felt amazing and _he _knew what he wanted. He wanted her, he wanted to give them a chance.

She hadn't physically avoided him during their last hours in the Hamptons, but he could sense the hesitancy on her part, could see it in her eyes whenever she quickly glanced away so as not to have to look at him. He suspected she was already over-thinking the whole situation and he just wished he could talk to her, take that troubled expression from her face which told him she wasn't fine.

Now sitting next to him in the car, she kept stoically staring out the window, keeping her hands securely tucked away in her lap, avoiding his eyes while he wanted nothing more than to take her hands in his to reassure her that everything would be fine. They would work it out.

But with the kids in the backseat there was just no way of bringing up the topic right now. He would have to wait and hope she wouldn't have talk herself out of even giving them a chance before he could talk to her.

* * *

Jamie was fast asleep when Castle finally stopped the car in front of Kate's building and with Alexis by his side he carried the girl inside, while Kate followed them with the bags.

"Do you want me to put her straight to bed?" Castle whispered when Kate opened the door to her apartment, stepping aside to let them in.

"Yes," she whispered back, "Just put her down. I'll take care of the rest."

He nodded and went his way, not that he would have minded to change Jamie into her pj's but Alexis was tired as well and he needed to get her home and into bed as soon as possible.

Alexis had followed him, watching as he put her sister to bed, placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Night Baby Bird," he mumbled, pulling Alexis into his side, before picking her up with a groan.

"You're getting heavy," he huffed, as Alexis' head came to rest against his.

"Daddy?" she asked, her short arms sneaking around his neck, pulling herself closer, "Can we do this again?"

"What? Going out to the Hamptons with Jamie and Kate?"

Alexis nodded.

"Did you have fun?" Castle asked with a smile.

"I really like Kate," she mumbled as if she wasn't sure she could voice her feelings towards her sister's mother.

He sighed, placing a kiss against her hair before he started to speak, "I'm sure -," but he was cut off by Kate who was suddenly standing in the doorway, and had apparently overheard their conversation.

"I like you too, Alexis. Very much," Kate smiled gently at Castle's daughter. "You're a lot of fun to be around and so great with Jamie. She couldn't ask for a greater big sister."

"Really?" The girl's big blue eyes met Kate's and there was so much doubt swimming in them that it broke Kate's heart.

"Really," she confirmed, stepping closer to brush a strand of hair out of the girl's face. "And I'm sure we can work something out to go back to the Hamptons sometime in the future. Jamie and I had a great time and in the meanwhile we can do fun stuff here in the city."

"See," Castle nudged Alexis' head before meeting Kate's eyes who for the first time since their kiss met his gaze without hesitation, "All good."

With one last look at Jamie's sleeping form he turned for the door, "Come on Pumpkin, let's get you to bed as well, it's getting late."

Kate followed them back to her front door, nervously glancing from one Castle to the other, but Alexis, oblivious to the adults' conflict, just stretched her arms out to Kate, pulling her in for a hug, which brought Kate very close to Castle as Alexis was still on his arm.

"Bye Kate," she whispered.

"Bye Pumpkin, see you soon," Kate whispered back, kissing the girl on her forehead, before looking up at Castle.

"Night Castle," she smiled shyly, but at least she was still looking at him.

Castle smiled back, "Good Night Kate."

With a heavy sigh and one last look behind he stepped out of her door and into the elevator.

* * *

The next week sort of dragged along, while they fell into a new rhythm which presented Castle with much more Jamie time than before.

Yet the whole week Kate skilfully avoided being alone with him, knowing he wouldn't bring up their kiss with the kids or his mother around and for anyone else it seemed as if everything was fine. She dropped Jamie off or picked her up as agreed and even managed to spend some time with Alexis or have a quick chat with his mother.

Only when Castle would try to get her away from the others with a look that told her he wanted to talk she would shoot him a warning _Castle._

It was when she took his sample for the paternity test on Wednesday that he finally started to believe she just needed some time. Because it wasn't like she didn't talk to him at all, she just didn't talk about them.

By the end of the first week he made a decision, he would wait her out, let her come to him whenever she was ready, because if he'd learned one thing about Kate Beckett over the past months it was that she had to deal with things by herself first, pushing her wouldn't get him anywhere, he knew as much.

During the second week he was actually starting to be a bit proud of himself. For the past four days he had not once tried to get her to talk about the kiss and in return had watched her become more relaxed around him. He took it as a sign that he was on the right pass, she would come around, he was sure of that.

* * *

Castle was swinging the pans in the kitchen the next Saturday, glancing at the timer on the stove. Kate would be here any minute now and he was excited. She had agreed to come over and stay for dinner and he hoped she was finally ready to talk about what had happened between them in the Hamptons. Because he knew one thing for sure, he wouldn't let her get away again, he would fight for her, for them, knowing they could be great together. They _really_ could be great together and if he had to tell her that over and over again until she finally believed him, he would.

While Castle was preparing dinner Alexis and Jamie were upstairs with their grandmother doing God knows what and maybe it was better he didn't know, his mother probably rehearsing some big Thanksgiving play with them, with costumes and everything. Though that actually could be cute, he mused while almost burning the rice.

"Shit," he hissed, flicking off the stove and putting the rice into a bowl, burning his fingers while he did so. _Great_, this was certainly not his day in the kitchen.

But thankfully he was almost done now, one last look into the fridge to check the tiramisu and all he had to do was wait.

He considered calling his mother and the girls down but decided against it, maybe he would actually get Kate alone for a couple of minutes before the family craziness set in, not that he didn't love it, he loved every minute actually, but sometimes he had to admit that two girls could be a handful or two.

So instead of calling upstairs he looked at the table arrangements once more, making sure everything was perfect, before glancing at the clock. Quarter past six, she surely would be here any minute now.

Kate was assigned to Vice again, but she had called around noon to confirm she would be able to make it on time. He wasn't worried yet with her job you never knew. Just in case he put the bowls with the rice and chicken into the oven, so everything would still be hot once Kate arrived. Another glance at the clock, _six thirty_.

A quarter to seven his mother's head appeared at the top of the stairs, "Didn't Kate say she would be here around six?" she asked.

Castle looked up, "Something must have come up," he shrugged, "I'm sure she'll be here any minute."

Martha nodded, "We'll be up here."

"Okay," he stated, looking back at the door.

Quarter past seven he started to get worried. Kate would have surely called if she knew she would be over and hour late. He started pacing the living room, trying not to panic, but it was a lost cause. When the phone rang at half past seven he practically jumped for it.

"Kate?" He practically yelled into the receiver but was greeted with a male voice.

"Yo, Richard Castle?"

"Yes, yes, this is Richard Castle," he had a hard time keeping calm.

"This is Officer Javier Esposito, I worked with Beckett today," Castle could hear the uneasiness in the man's voice.

"What happened?" He breathed out, grabbing the back of the couch, his knuckles turning white as he braced himself for the worse.

"We are at Presbyterian Hospital downtown, she told me to call you," Esposito said.

"I'm on my way," Castle exclaimed before he hung up.

X~~~~X


	36. Fears

X~~~~X

Castle was running down the long white corridor leading to the ER section of the Presbyterian Hospital, hoping someone down there would be able to tell him where she was, while his heart was pounding so fast in his chest he feared he might just pass out, right here in the middle of the hospital.

Only once before had he felt the same kind of panic and agony, when Alexis had broken her arm three years ago falling from a jungle gym. But he had been with her the whole time back then and knew that apart from having to wear a cast for a couple of weeks his baby girl would be fine. Right now he knew nothing, nothing but that Kate was somewhere here in this hospital and he needed to see her.

Stopping in the waiting area he glanced around looking for a nurse or a doctor, his eyes landing on a Hispanic looking man, pacing in front of a door to his right. Something caught Castle's attention and glancing back it took him only a second to see the badge dangling from the man's neck. He was a cop.

Rushing over he caught the man's arm, causing him to spin around and nearly knocking Castle to the ground in the process.

"Whatcha doing, man?" The Hispanic growled at him, but Castle ignored his tone.

"Rick Castle," he got out, still breathing heavily from his run and the adrenaline, "did you call me about Kate?"

"Beckett?" the other man's whole demeanor changed in an instant. "Yeah that was me. Esposito," he held out his hand for Castle, who rather on instinct shook it. "I was working with her today on that Vice OP."

"What happened? How is she?" Castle asked, still glancing around to see if he could find a nurse, someone in charge, anyone.

"She's a bit shaken up, needed some stitches, hit her head but nothing too bad. She'll be just fine." Esposito summed it up. "But she was pretty insistent to get you here. You her boyfriend or something?"

Castle ignored the last question, but felt himself calm down a little with the new information. She would be okay, nothing too bad.

"Where is she?"

"They told me they would come and get me once they have settled her into a room," Kate's partner explained and only now Castle saw that he looked a bit battered himself.

"What happened?" He asked and saw the Hispanic tense at the question.

"Those guys we were supposed to be observing got the drop on us. Rookie mistake I guess," he tried to play it down but Castle could see the shame in the man's eyes. "I had to knock two other guys out before I could get to Beckett. That guy had a pretty tight hold on her. I mean Beckett - she's good, you know, really tough," Castle saw respect, maybe even admiration flashing over the man's face, "she's one of the best I've ever worked with, but that bastard was twice as big as her, heavy and he had a knife. She didn't stand a chance against him."

"But you helped her?" Castle's asked, surprisingly calm, looking at the man in front of him who seemed to struggle with his role in all of this. He seemed to be a bit older than Kate, maybe three, four years and something about him screamed _former military_, which meant he was used to being in control.

"Yeah, I got him off her. Just wished I had gotten there sooner," Esposito stated, looking down on the floor.

Just as Castle was about to say something in reply, the door to their right opened and a man, way too young and way too good looking to be a doctor in Castle's opinion, stepped through.

"Officer Esposito?" He asked looking up from his chart, his eyes meeting first Castle's then the ones of the guy he was looking for.

"Yo, that's me." Esposito stepped forward. "How is she?"

"Officer," the doctor nodded, "I'm Dr. Davidson," the doctor's eyes landed on Castle who had inched closer to them, "and you are?"

"Castle, Richard Castle," he rushed out, "I'm her -."

"He's her boyfriend," Esposito cut him off, shooting him a look that told him to just go along and so he did, not wanting to deal with hospital policies himself.

"Alright then," the doctor nodded, "why don't you come follow me. I'll show you to her room."

They set into motion, walking down the corridor behind the door Dr. Davidson had emerged from.

"So how is she?" Castle asked again, since the doctor hadn't answered Esposito's earlier question.

"The cut on her right forearm needed some stitches, but luckily we could just use steri-strips on the cut above her eye so that should heal in no time. Right now I'm waiting for the results of the CT scan, since Officer Beckett said she hit her head pretty bad," Castle winced, that didn't sound good, "but she's not showing any signs of a concussion, so if the scan comes up negative she doesn't necessarily has to stay the night for observation, something she wouldn't be quite keen of as she has informed me. But it would be good if she weren't alone, at least tonight, just in case." Dr. Davidson looked at Castle.

"Sure," he nodded, "that's not a problem."

"Good," the doctor seemed satisfied, stopping in front of a door to their right. "I'll come back as soon as I have the CT results. Until then you might want to keep her some company." He pointed at the door and left.

"Maybe it's best you go in alone," Esposito suggested.

"Are you sure?" Castle frowned.

"Yeah, I'll be right outside," Kate's partner nodded, already moving over to the bench on the other side of the hallway. "Tell her I said _hi_."

Castle nodded, before turning to knock on Kate's door.

"Come in," he heard her strong voice and instantly felt himself relax further. She really sounded okay.

Pushing the door open and stepping into the room, his eyes found hers, noticing she looked pale and tired, but aside from the bandage on her arm and the strips over her left brow, she looked unharmed.

"Castle," she breathed out in relief and it was all it took to let his feet carry him to her side, reaching for her hand.

"Kate, you got me really worried," he blurted out without thinking, feeling her hand squeeze his.

"I know," she mumbled, "I'm sorry."

He shook his head, "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she huffed, her eyes blinking furiously and he knew she was everything else but certainly not fine.

"Kate," he whispered, sitting down at the edge of the bed and she scooted over to give him more room as they both leant against the upright headrest, their hands still linked.

"I was really scared," she admitted quietly, clutching his left hand to her chest, while his other arm sneaked around her shoulders, pulling her close. "I should've ... he shouldn't have gotten the drop on me, that was stupid."

"Shhh," he tried to soothe her. "Esposito told me what happened, he said there was no way you could have taken that guy."

"But -," Castle shook his head, stopping her.

"No buts. It' over. You're okay."

"It has never been this close before," he heard her stutter and knew she tried hard to keep the tears at bay.

"I know," he sighed and didn't even want to think about what it would have meant if she hadn't made it home, if Esposito hadn't been there to save her. But she was a cop and this was her reality, it probably wouldn't be the last time she'd find herself in a hospital. "But you made it and you're here. It's not doing you any good thinking about the what ifs."

At that she pushed herself off of him, her eyes suddenly desperate yet determined, "But I have to Castle. We have to. What if I don't make it home one day?"

"You will," he sounded a bit desperate himself now, because anything else was just unthinkable.

"We both know there's no guarantee," she said and he knew she was right. Cop or no cop there was never a guarantee. Neither for him or her.

"I want - we need to have that all sorted out," she demanded. "Legally. I'm not sure a paternity test will be enough in case ... ," she trailed off, gathering her thoughts before she tried again. "If something happens to me, we have to make sure you're going to keep Jamie and that you won't have to go to court or anything like that."

"Kate," he tried to get to her, but she wouldn't let him.

"No Castle, I need to know that this is sorted out and if you have to file for shared custody to insure that then that's what we'll do. I -," he pulled her close, her head coming to rest under his chin, affectively shutting her up.

"I promise Kate, we'll work that all out, but not tonight, okay?" He waited for his words to sink in. "I'll get my lawyer to work on it and he can tell us what options we have and we'll take it from there. It's been fine for the past two years, it can wait a couple of days more."

He could feel her shoulders shaking and he pulled her closer, "We'll work something out." He mumbled, wondering what would happen to Jamie in a situation like this, if he hadn't found his way into their lives.

They were both silent for a while, Castle's hand running soothing patterns on her back, while she was nestled against his chest, letting his steady heartbeat soothe her. He had to admit he was a bit surprised that she let him in so willingly right now, after keeping him at arm's length for the past two weeks, but maybe she had needed just a little push towards him. Anyway he was happy she wanted him here with her.

"You know," she spoke after a while, "Your name is in my last will."

"Huh?" Castle raised his head slightly, trying to look at her.

"After Jamie was born, I included your name in my will in case I ...," she took a deep breath. "I guess I wanted for you two to have a chance. I wanted her to have someone if I wasn't there anymore. I don't know. It sounds stupid now when I think about the fact that I didn't tell you about her all this time."

"It's not stupid," he breathed, emotions swinging heavy in his word. "It's not stupid." And with her revelation some lingering ache around his heart eased away, because he knew. In this moment he knew she would have told him, she might not even know it herself, but one day she would have come to him to tell him about their daughter.

Their comfortable silence was disturbed by a knock on the door and after a few seconds Dr. Davidson entered her room, holding the CT scan of Kate's head in his hand, greeting both of them.

Reluctantly Castle let go of her, climbing out of the bed to stand next to her as he watched the doctor putting the scan up on the light box.

"It's all looking normal," Dr. Davidson explained quickly. "So as long as you promise me to stay with your boyfriend tonight, I have no reason to keep you here."

"Boyfriend?" Kate's brows shot up, her eyes darting to Castle who just shook his head, his eyes twice as big as hers.

"I'll make sure of that," he told the doctor instead of answering Kate's question, shaking the man's hand, "thank you."

"You're welcome," he smiled, moving over to shake Kate's hand as well. "A couple of days rest and you'll be as good as new."

"Thanks," she muttered, her eyes still staring at Castle as the doctor left the room with one last look at her. She knew he had been flirting with her, ever since he started to work on her stitches, but all she remembered was that he was currently doing his internship and wanted to become a heart surgeon, she hadn't listened to the rest.

"Boyfriend?" She asked again, but he noted she didn't seem to be too upset.

"Esposito said it," he defended himself nevertheless. "I didn't have anything to do with it."

"Okay," she nodded and could see his surprise for giving in so quickly, but she was just too tired and if she was honest it didn't matter anyway. "Just take me home." She sighed, already climbing out of bed, apparently unaware of her current state of clothing. The hospital gown she was wearing was not hiding much.

"Okay," he nodded, quickly turning away. "I'll just wait outside."

Castle left her alone and she got back into the clothes she had worn for the observation, thankfully she hadn't posed as a hooker this time and her outfit was usual street wear, dirty from her fight but it would be okay for now. She just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for a couple of hours.

* * *

As Castle stepped into the hallway he took a deep breath, glad that apart from a few stitches and bruises she was physically okay. What worried him a bit was her emotional state. He had never seen her so desperate and vulnerable before, not even on that night when she had come clean about the past. He made a promise to himself to talk to her about it, once she was rested and feeling better.

"Yo Castle," Esposito called from the end of the hallway where he was standing with another officer in uniform next to him. As the man looked up, Castle recognized Kate's training officer Royce.

"Great," Castle muttered to himself, before he made his way over.

"How is she?" Royce asked before he could even reach them.

"She's okay," Castle replied. "A couple of days rest and she will be fine the doctor said."

"Okay, good," the older man nodded and Castle could see the sincere relief washing over his face.

"I'll take her home and make sure, she gets some rest," Castle went on, not sure why he felt the need to fill Royce in on the details.

But to Castle's surprise Royce lifted his hand and patted him on the shoulder, "Jamie's with you as well?"

"Yes, my mother is home with the girls," he confirmed and received another nod from Royce.

"Good," he muttered.

Esposito was looking from one man to the other, confusion all over his face, "Girls? You guys have kids?"

"One," Castle nodded, feeling he owed the younger man something for getting Kate out of there alive, "the other is my daughter."

"Oh," was all Esposito could manage in reply, before his eyes met Kate's who had stepped out into the hallway looking for Castle.

"Hey Espo," she smiled, putting on a brave face for her colleagues before turning to Royce, surprised, "What are you doing here?"

"What I'm doing here?" He raised his voice, receiving a stern look for it from a nurse who was just passing by, "I hear over the radio that two officers have been attacked and that one of them happens to me my partner. What do you mean what I'm doing here? I was worried. I told you those Vice guys would get you into trouble."

Kate sighed, she really wasn't in the mood to have that argument again, "Royce, they got the drop on us, that's hardly Vice's fault."

"They sent two rookies without back-up to spy on one of New York's most powerful drug syndicates. They are using you guys as canon fodder and you let them. You're lucky you had Esposito with you, any other rookie and you both could have been dead."

She knew he was right and maybe tonight had been the wake-up call she needed to act upon that realisation but right now she just wanted to get out of here.

"Take her home," Royce muttered to Castle and then speaking to Kate he added, "Montgomery doesn't want to see you until Tuesday." And with that he disappeared down the corridor.

She turned to Esposito, deciding she would deal with Royce another time, "Thanks Espo, for having my back."

"Sure Beckett, anytime," he smiled back, before holding out his hand to Castle.

"Nice meeting you Castle, take care of her," and with one last nod to them he followed Royce.

They stood there for a while, before Castle grabbed her hand, pulling her with him.

"Let's get you home." He spoke softly and she followed willingly.

X~~~~X


	37. Okay

X~~~~X

It was almost midnight when they walked through the front door of Castle's loft and the second the door opened Martha was up from the couch and crossing the living room to wrap Kate into a tight embrace.

"Kate Darling, I'm so glad you're okay," Castle's mother muttered into the younger woman's hair, hugging her like only a mother could, with a fierceness that was almost a bit too much for Kate, because she could feel the honest worry behind it.

"Thank you Martha," she got out, fighting hard not to totally lose it in front of Castle and his mother and turn into a sobbing mess as she suddenly realized how much she had been missing a hug like this.

"You must be beyond tired," Martha observed as she pulled back, taking in Kate's pale features, the slump in her shoulders and Kate couldn't find the energy to deny it, something in the blue eyes of Castle's mother making it impossible to pretend she wasn't exhausted.

"I could use some sleep," she admitted with a weary smile.

"Then let's get you to bed," Martha stated firmly. "I already set up the guest room for you and I'm sure Richard can find you something to wear that will do for the night."

Shooting her son a pointed look, she linked her arm with Kate's and guided her towards the stairs.

"I'll just -," Castle pointed into the direction of his bedroom. "I'll be right up." He called after them before heading into the opposite direction.

"How are the girls?" Kate asked as they walked up the stairs side by side.

"I just told them something came up at work and Richard would bring you something to eat. I didn't want to worry them until we knew how you were doing. They're both fast asleep now."

"Thank you Martha," Kate sighed, relieved that at least Jamie and Alexis hadn't been scared by what had happened.

"Kate," Martha smiled reassuringly, squeezing Kate's arm, "That's what grandmothers are for. I'm more than happy to help."

Kate blinked against the sudden tears, knowing exactly that Martha's declaration did not only include Jamie and wondered what she had done to deserve this genuinely kindness, "I just want to check on her," she mumbled, pulling away from Martha who let her go and watched Kate cross the upper hallway towards the second guestroom that had now become Jamie's bedroom at the loft.

Kate quietly opened the door, slipping inside and walking over to Jamie's bed. The night light illuminating the room just enough to make out some of the changes Castle had made over the past two weeks. New wallpapers, a new bed, toys, bookshelves, curtains and Kate loved it, knew Jamie loved it as well.

Leaning over the bed, she brushed a strand of hair from her daughter's forehead before leaning down to give her a soft kiss. "I love you, Baby Bird." She whispered before retreating into the now empty hallway, Martha nowhere in sight.

The decision was made in an instant as she pushed open Alexis' door as well, sneaking in to watch over the girl's peaceful sleep for a moment, brushing away a strand of her, with the same tenderness she had showed towards her own daughter and with a reassured smile she stepped back out into the hallway, running directly into Castle.

"Hey," he said surprised, catching her at the elbow.

"I was just checking on her," Kate explained, feeling unsure if she even had a right to do so, but the smile on his face was answer enough.

"And?" He asked.

"Fast asleep, both of them," she smiled back.

"Good," he nodded placing his hand on the small of her back and guiding her down the hall towards the remaining guestroom. "Mother went home and instructed to call her tomorrow." He told her on the way.

Kate looked amused, "Instructed?"

"Ordered," he admitted with a shrug, "I got you a pair of my boxers and a shirt. I hope it'll do for tonight."

"I'm sure it will," she smiled gratefully. "Thank you Castle." She stopped him with one hand on his forearm. "For everything today, thank you."

"Always," he smiled back and the look in his eyes was so sincere, going right through all her defences and all she could do was to stare back at him, freezing when he leant down and placed the softest kiss against her lips and then pulling away so quickly, Kate wasn't even sure she hadn't just imagined it.

"Good night Kate. If you need anything, just call me," he pointed at the phone on the night stand and then he was already climbing down the stairs, leaving her alone, only she wasn't sure that's what she wanted.

* * *

Castle was staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep, his thoughts running wild, the day's events jumping around in his head. She had called for him. Even after two weeks of avoiding any serious conversation about _them_ she'd still wanted him to be there and he hoped it meant something good for them.

There was a knock on the door, pulling him out of his thoughts and he turned his head to see Kate standing in the doorway in his clothes that were way too big for her and made her look adorable.

"Hey," he sat up in bed, "What's wrong?"

"I can't sleep," she shrugged, shuffling from one foot to the other, not moving from her post at the door.

"Well then that makes two of us," he laughed, trying to lighten the mood, but the serious look remained on her face.

"Can we talk?" She asked obviously nervous.

"Of course," he nodded, sitting up even straighter, waiting for her, but when she still didn't move from the door, he patted the spot next to him.

"Come here," he gently prodded and she finally peeled herself off his doorframe, slowly making her way over to him.

She slipped under the covers, but was careful to keep enough space between them and again he waited her out, watched her kneading her hands on top of the covers as she tried to find the right words.

"What are we doing?" She finally asked, stoically refusing to look at him.

"What do you mean?" He frowned not wanting to jump to conclusions though of course he had a pretty good idea what this was about.

"This thing between us," she clarified, her hand coming up to wave in between of them.

Castle sighed, shifting in bed so he could face her, "Kate, I want to -," but he didn't get any further than that before she cut him off.

"Castle we can't," she stated firmly and kept staring at her hands, because she knew she only had so much willpower to do the right thing here and all of that willpower would be gone once she looked at him and got lost in his blue eyes that seemed to be able to ease all her troubles. And she wasn't stupid, she knew she was already way in too deep as it was when she remembered how she had insisted that Esposito got Castle to the hospital.

"Why?" She heard him ask too softly, as if he had been expecting her to go this way, to push him away and try to forget about it. She realized she didn't like that either. "Why can't we?"

Kate swallowed, this was harder than she'd expected, so much harder, because she couldn't deny that she wanted him, that she liked being around him and that he made her feel things she'd never felt before.

"It's not only us we have to think about," she managed to get out. "What about Jamie and Alexis? What if it doesn't work? We can't let them get hurt just because we feel attracted to each other." She sounded desperate, but maybe more desperate trying to convince herself to believe her own reasoning.

He couldn't help but letting escape that little sarcastic laugh inside of him, "Kate, I think we both know that whatever it is _we have_, is way more than being attracted to each other. Ever since I met you I couldn't get you out of my head and I know you feel it too." His eyes bored into her, but she still wasn't looking at him.

"I'm not saying I don't feel anything," she muttered defensively, pushing a bit further away from him on her side of his bed, "but that doesn't mean we can just act on it and pretend that it only concerns us."

"And I'm not saying we should," he tried hard to control the emotions in his voice, because he wanted this so much. He took a deep breath before he continued, "I know you're scared. Believe me, I'm scared too. And I know we can't just rush into things, pretending we will be the only ones to be affected by it. I know that there is a lot at stake here."

"Then why risk it?" she asked so quietly he almost didn't hear her and for the first time he had the feeling that maybe she wanted him to convince her, that she needed him to be the one to give them that final push.

"Because Kate," he started, before making a bold move by reaching out for her hand, cradling it in his, "I also know that we could be great together. I know we can turn this into something amazing if we just really give it a chance." His free hand ran over his face as he tried to phrase his next words without totally freaking her out, "What I feel for you isn't like anything I felt before and even though I can't promise you we won't crash and burn - what I _can_ promise is that if you give us a chance I'll do anything in my power to make you happy. You deserve to be happy Kate, all of us do. And I know we can make it happen."

For the first time ever since she had settled down next to his side she was looking at him, tears in her eyes when she choked out, "I have no idea how to do this."

Castle didn't hesitate to pull her into his side, relieved when she didn't fight him, "Kate, we don't have to rush anything. We can take this as slow as you want and if at any point you think we're going too fast we'll just take a step back."

"You make it sound so easy," she huffed out, leaning further against his shoulder, their hands still linked.

"It's not," he replied honestly. "It will be terrifying and heartbreaking sometimes, scary and all-consuming at others and at some point we both will want nothing more than to get out of it."

"Then why?" She whispered, clutching his hand so tightly it almost hurt.

"Because the heart wants what the heart wants," Castle shrugged with a soft smile playing around his lips," and for all the times when it will be amazing and wonderful, and the ones you think you will overflow with pure joy. All of the work will be worth it if it means I get to have you here with me, with us. You and Jamie."

"What about Alexis?" She asked. So much had changed already for the girl ever since the two Becketts had entered her life, she wasn't sure how much more changes she was willing to adapt to.

"Alexis loves you," Castle simply replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and as if that answer could brush away all her worries about what Alexis might think of _them_, "and I know you do too." Maybe it did, she thought.

He waited for her to say something, and when she didn't he added, "What Alexis and Jamie both need and want is a real family and we would be selfish if we didn't try to give it to them."

He could see her taking it all in, tossing and turning it in her head, his maybe slightly twisted reasoning, while she chewed on her bottom lip until she lifted her big green-brown eyes to meet his.

"Okay," she breathed and her heart was racing so fast and beating so loud, she was sure he could hear it as well.

"Okay?" His hopeful voice was barely a whisper.

"Okay, but we'll take it slow," she warned, yet already scooting closer, "because seriously Castle I've never done this before."

"Step by step," he confirmed, his arm sneaking further around her shoulder, his eyes boring into hers.

Her eyelids fluttered, her tongue darting out to wet her lips, "What's step one?" She whispered.

"A kiss," he murmured before his lips met hers. The kiss was soft as they moved slowly, her hands reaching up to cup his cheeks and from there moving to the back of his neck, fingers running through the short hair she found there. His arms were surrounding her, pulling her closer until she was flush against his chest and the kiss got deeper, more passionate as his tongue darted out, running over her bottom lip, his teeth nibbling lightly until she opened her mouth to him on a groan and he delved in.

And they both knew they were doomed, because nothing would ever be able to compare to this and there was simply no turning back now. They both were scared to mess it up, knew that it wouldn't be easy, but Castle had been right, the possibility of how great they could be together if they _could_ make it work was too good to let it just pass by.

When they finally parted, they were both panting heavily and her fingers reached out to dance over his swollen lips, still in awe that they were actually doing this.

"Wow," she breathed.

"It gets better every time," he agreed, darting forward one last time to place another quick kiss on her lips and then retreating to his side of the bed, before he would do something that would totally contradict the idea of taking it slow.

Kate still sat in the middle of his bed, neither of them having any idea how they had ended up there, the covers scrambled around their hips and they stared at each other, both unsure of what should come next.

"It's late," Castle finally pointed out the obvious, "and you need some sleep."

She nodded, but he could see there was something else on her mind.

"Kate?" He asked softly and she looked at him.

"Can I stay?" She asked tentatively, unsure which step sleeping in your - _boyfriend's?-_ bed was on the list. But she didn't want to be alone tonight, the day's events still heavy on her mind and aching around her heart. She had been doing this alone for so long, she just didn't want to anymore. Not when he was here, offering everything she was willing to take.

Castle simply scooted down, back under the covers, holding them up for her to do the same and once they were settled in facing each other he reached out for her hand that was tucked away under her pillow. He laced their fingers together, resting their joined hands between them.

"Good Night Kate." He whispered, a smile on his face as she smiled back before she scooted just a bit closer and closed her eyes, falling asleep immediately.

X~~~~X


	38. Ticklish

X~~~~X

When Castle woke up the next morning her side of the bed was empty and cold and his heart sank, memories of their first night together rushing back to him. She had been gone that morning as well and he had been left behind with an emptiness he wasn't able to explain until he had met her again. It was like that morning all over again, just worse. She had changed her mind, he was sure of that and was cursing himself for being so stupid. He knew she had been vulnerable last night, her defences low and they just shouldn't have discussed an important matter like the status of their relationship when she was still emotionally shaken from the day's events.

He growled into the empty room. Last night had just been too good to be true. When would he ever learn that what he had to offer was never enough? Didn't they always change their minds? Kyra, Meredith, Sophia, just every woman he had let close enough and yet he had thought Kate was different.

He heard laughter coming from the living room, distracting him momentarily from his dark downward spiral and grabbing a robe he stepped into his office to see what had his daughters up so early.

He found them sprawled on the living room floor, Alexis, Jamie _and_ Kate, giggling.

Putting on a fake smile he walked over to see what was so funny, "Hey what's up?" he asked as he stopped in front of them.

"Kate's ticklish," Alexis exclaimed, already rolling over to attack Kate again, who tried to squirm away with a shriek.

Castle saw Alexis going for Kate's bandaged arm and he stepped forward, grabbing his daughter's arm before she could hurt Kate, "Alexis," he barked out louder than he had intended and saw his daughter wince, "be careful."

The girl retrieved her arm, sitting down close to Kate, her lips quivering as her eyes already filled with tears, "Sorry," she sniffed.

"Hey," Kate pulled her into her arms, "it's alright. Nothing happened."

She glared up at Castle, "What was that?"

Guilt was written all over his face as he kneeled down in front of Alexis, holding out his arms for her.

"I'm sorry Pumpkin," he stuttered. "I didn't mean to scare you, it's just that Kate has stitches on her arm and you guys need to be careful."

Alexis was still clinging to Kate and it broke Castle's heart, he had always been Alexis' _go-to-guy _when she was sad and now all of a sudden he found himself on the dark side.

"I know," Alexis sniffed, "Kate told us that she fell and that it still hurt a bit and I _was_ careful all the time," she looked up at Kate for confirmation, "wasn't I?"

"Yes you were, Alexis," Kate confirmed, her voice soft while she shot another glare at Castle. She had never seen him like this. But the tortured look on his face told her he already felt miserable enough, so she gave Alexis a gentle nudge, "But I'm sure your dad didn't mean it."

"I'm sorry Pumpkin," he said again and this time Alexis went into his open arms, her small arms wrapping around his neck as he pulled her close.

"I didn't hurt Kate," she sobbed, the early Sunday morning drama being a little too much for the girl.

"I know," Castle whispered, cradling her against his chest, "I know. I was stupid. I'm sorry."

Jamie stumbled into her mother's side, studying her sister and her father, before looking up at Kate, "Lexi sad?" She asked worried, crawling into her mother's lap, grabbing for her hands.

"It's all good, Baby Bird," she muttered, kissing her on top of the head, "Daddy just scared her a little."

* * *

"What was that about?" Kate asked him, after she had followed him into the kitchen while Jamie and Alexis were yet again playing on the floor.

"I said I was sorry," he growled still mad with himself for losing it like this in front of his daughters. He scared them, both of them and even though he was hurt it was unacceptable.

"Hey," she reached for his hand, forcing him to turn around and look at her while at the same time stepping into his personal space, a move that surprised him. "What's wrong?" She asked, her thumb stroking softly over his knuckles, and her voice was so gentle that he suddenly feared he might have had it all wrong.

"You were gone this morning," he blurted out and was already feeling like an idiot.

"I was out here playing with the girls," she stated confused. "What ... ," and then it dawned on her as she murmured mainly to herself. "You thought I was _gone_."

He nodded.

"Castle no," she shook her head and then she pulled him with her towards the dining room table where the girls couldn't see them. She turned and he still looked so miserable that she saw only one option to make him believe that she wasn't running or regretting anything that had happened last night.

She reached out, cupping his cheeks and pulling him down for a kiss, her lips leaving his all too soon, but she didn't want the girls to see them like this, not yet, so she held on to his hands instead, her body shielding the gesture from the girls' view.

"I'm here, okay?" She whispered as she saw the light slowly returning to his eyes. Obviously she wasn't the only one with issues in this relationship or whatever they called what they had now.

"Okay," he sighed. "I'm sorry. I overreacted."

"I meant what I said last night," she added. "And yes, you overreacted, so you better think of something fun to do for all of us to make it up to Alexis."

She gave him a smile and he finally found his own again, "I will."

"Good and we should talk about how we want to handle this," she licked her lips, "_us_."

"Yeah," he pulled one hand free, letting it run through his hair, "Yeah, that would be good. We wouldn't want a repeat of," he sighed, "well of whatever possessed me this morning."

"No we don't." Kate shook her head.

"Okay," he grabbed both her hands again, "okay. How about we, I mean since we never made it to dinner yesterday, how about we do that tonight? And since you don't have to work tomorrow you and Jamie could stay over."

She shot him a look and he stopped his rambling for a second.

"In the guestroom," he hastily clarified. "So we could talk once the girls are in bed."

She looked at him, the nervous expression on his face, making him look boyish and younger and _yes_, she could admit it now, adorable, "That sounds good," she finally put him out of his misery.

He quickly glanced over her shoulder, making sure the girls were still occupied, before pulling her close and kissing her again, leaving her slightly dizzy when he let go of her and returned to the kitchen.

"I'll make pancakes," he announced loudly and the girls shrieked happily in the living, already moving over to tell him what toppings they wanted while Kate still tried to wipe that dreamy expression he had left her with off her face.

* * *

They drove over to Kate's apartment after breakfast so she could change out of her clothes from the day before and take a quick shower while Rick kept the girls occupied in the living room.

At least that was the plan until Kate stuck her head out of the bathroom door and called for him.

"Castle, could you come over here for a second?"

Castle got up making sure the girls would be fine for a minute and then made his way down the hall.

"What's up?" He asked stopping in front of the bathroom door, surprised when Kate opened the door to let him in.

"I need your help," she explained, holding out her bandaged arm and a plastic foil. "They gave me this waterproof stuff but I can't get it on myself."

"Okay," he swallowed nervously, because she was standing in front of him in only her underwear, "let me see."

He reached for her arm, his hands trembling as he wrapped the foil gently around her bandage.

"You have seen me in a bikini before," Kate stated amused.

"That - that was different," he stuttered, trying very hard to concentrate on his task. "There you go, all done."

"Thank you," Kate said, inspecting his work. "This will be a bit annoying for the next week."

"Mmh," he nodded, before looking at her with a question in his eyes, "So you fell?"

Kate sighed, "They don't need to know, okay? I don't want them to get scared, Jamie already has bad dreams I don't want it to get worse."

"Okay," he simply agreed, "You fell."

She reached for his hand, giving it a squeeze in a silent thank you, a gesture that started to become significant for them_._

"Stitches get out next Monday, right?" He asked, changing the subject and trying to distract himself from her very sexy body that was extremely close to him right now. Those toned long legs, her abs, the swell of her breasts in that dark blue silk bra, he swallowed and forced himself to look anywhere but at her.

"Yes, Dr. Davidson said it should be pretty much healed by then."

"Did he?" Castle said and the sarcastic tone in his voice didn't go unnoticed by her.

"What?" She looked at him. "He was nice."

"Sure he was," Castle huffed.

Kate laughed, "Castle, are you jealous?"

He just shrugged, surprised when she closed the distance between them.

"Well," she looked up at him, her arms sneaking around his waist, pulling herself closer, surprised how easy it seemed to be with him to be like this now, open, teasing and intimate, "he's not my type."

"No?" He pulled her even closer. "Who's your type?"

"Ruggedly-handsome single dads," she grinned.

"I'm not single anymore," he growled.

"Good," she breathed before closing the remaining distance between them and planting her lips against his. His hands roamed her naked back and he couldn't help but press his leg between hers, hearing her gasp and taking advantage of the situation, letting his tongue enter her mouth. She groaned, her hands suddenly in his hair, pulling him more fiercely towards her and Castle knew they needed to stop, because …

"Kate," he finally managed to get out, pulling away, "the girls."

She groaned, letting her head come to rest against his chest, "I know. I know." _Gosh_, they were horrible at taking it slow.

He gave her one last quick kiss before turning around and leaving her to take her shower.

When the door closed behind him, she leaned heavily against the sink, touching her flushed cheeks, shaking her head at herself, "Get some self control," she muttered to herself before finally getting out of her underwear and into the shower.

* * *

When she returned, Kate found him sprawled on the floor, Alexis sitting on his legs while Jamie was more or less trying to straddle his chest with her short legs.

"Stop, stop!" Castle choked out laughing, trying to free himself while his daughters were mercilessly tickling him.

"Kate!" He yelped when he saw her feet appear in the doorway, "Kate, help me!"

"Daddy, tickley," Jamie grinned up at her mom, the word _ticklish_ obviously still a bit too tricky to pronounce.

"I can see that," Kate smirked, walking over to them and picking Jamie up in a swift move to free Castle at least from one of the little terrors. "And so are you," she added as she playfully tossed Jamie on the couch and started to attack her tummy with raspberry kisses.

"Mommy," Jamie shrieked, trying to get away, while Castle started his counter attack on the floor, Alexis trying to get away but he caught her foot and pulled her back against him.

They were all laughing hysterically within the next five minutes until Castle finally pushed himself off the floor, pulling Alexis with him.

"Enough, enough," he declared breathlessly before letting himself fall onto the couch next to Jamie and Kate, Alexis bumping into his side.

He grinned over at Jamie and the girl struggled out of her mother's arms, climbing over Castle's lap to snuggle up with her sister, both girls still giggling.

"Too much for you, old man?" Kate laughed, patting his knee to soften the blow and he would have been offended if her thumb hadn't been stroking his thigh longer than strictly necessary.

"I'm not old," he pouted, "just _older _than you."

"Well you know what they say about older men and wine, right?" She smirked at him, her eyes sparkling and he couldn't believe she was teasing him like this in front of the kids.

"What do they say?" Alexis asked from her father's side and he could see Kate's face turn red like a lobster.

"Yeah Kate, what do they say?" He smirked at her and knew she would like nothing more than to strangle him right now, while she tried to find a PG rated answer to that question.

"They need to breathe," she finally got out and Castle chuckled at her poor attempt to get out of the hole she had been digging herself.

"But we all have to breathe," Alexis frowned and Castle had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing out loud.

"That we do," he confirmed and felt Kate's elbow jabbing his side.

"They need more air than others, okay?" she finally muttered, getting up from the couch, "Anyway what's the plan for today?"

Castle followed her into the kitchen, grinning from ear to ear, while Jamie and Alexis stayed on the couch in the living room watching a cartoon that Castle had put on for them.

"I thought we could go swimming if that's okay for you. I'm not sure about your arm," he said, taking the cup of coffee she was holding out to him. "But they had so much fun in the Hamptons I thought it might be a good way to make up for my outburst this morning." All lightness disappeared from his face as he recalled the drama he had caused.

"Hey," Kate stepped closer, leaving her own cup of coffee on the counter, "she's fine. She probably already forgot about the whole thing." Her hand came up to caress his arm, running down until she caught his fingers, giving them a squeeze before she let go of them again.

He sighed heavily and knowing that their daughters couldn't see them, he wrapped her in his arms, burying his face in her neck, "Thank you, Kate."

It was new for him to have someone else than his mother be there with him for the parenting part and if he was being honest even his mother had mainly stayed out of his _bringing-up-a-child-being-a-single-dad-methods. _But it helped that Kate was there to calm his worries, make him see what was probably true, that his daughter had already forgotten about the incident.

"You know what I think?" She asked, raising one eyebrow at him.

"What?" He frowned.

"You just want to see me in that bikini again," she studied him with amused suspicion on her face. "Don't think I didn't see you ogling me."

"If I recall correctly, I wasn't the only one _ogling_ that day," he challenged her right back and the blush appearing on her cheeks was a good enough answer for him.

"Touché," she mumbled, stepping back from him, biting her bottom lip. Everything seemed to be so easy between them, it almost scared her.

"Mine and Alexis' stuff is in the car so we could drive straight to the pool once you're ready," he told her, placing his now empty cup into the sink. "But only if you want to."

"I'll just bring a book and let you guys have all the fun in the water and I'll be careful, it will be fine," she reassured him. "And this is for Alexis anyway so give me ten," she said, rushing out of the kitchen to get Jamie's and her stuff together and Castle's eyes followed her with a grin, she sure was eager to get them into their swimsuits.

X~~~~X


	39. Swimmies

XOXOX

"Daddy faster," Jamie shrieked as Castle pulled her through the water. "Faster."

"I can't go any faster," he laughed.

"Faster Daddy," his daughter commanded nevertheless, unfazed by his words.

"Your sister is in need for speed," Castle huffed at Alexis who was sitting on the rim of the basin, watching them with sparkling eyes.

"Well, we could race each other," Alexis suggested jumping back into the water.

Castle stopped his spinning, feeling slightly dizzy as he tried to focus on a spot on the wall.

"Jamie could sit on your back," Alexis grinned, swimming over to them.

"Isn't that a bit unfair?" He pouted.

"But you're much bigger than I am," Alexis stated matter-of-factly and he had to admit she had a point, "Jamie, would you like to sit on Dad's back while he's racing me?" Alexis asked, knowing her sister would totally agree to it.

"Yeah," Jamie nodded eagerly, as expected.

"Alright, alright," Castle surrendered, "When you two are ganging up on me I don't stand a chance."

"You love it," Alexis grinned and yes, he did.

They met at the end of the pool, Jamie's small arms around Castle's neck, her legs around his torso as far as they could, while her swimmies stuck out to both sides of his head, making it appear as if he had giant ears.

"Kate," he called out, "you need to give the start signal."

She laughed, getting out of her chair and stood, waving her arms to make sure everyone was ready. When she received three head nods, she straightened a bit before calling, "Ready, set, go."

And they were off. Alexis won, easily.

The pool of the Manhattan Plaza Health Club was not big, but besides a couple making their rounds it was deserted, leaving Castle and the girls enough room to play without bothering anyone while Kate sat in one of the comfortable deck chairs, a book in her lap that she had hardly picked up since they got here, too engrossed in what was playing out in front of her.

She knew Castle had been disappointed when instead of the red bikini she had greeted him in a rather boring swim suit, but after the make-out session in her bathroom she thought it was best not to tempt him. Of course Castle was still very much topless and so she had spent most of the past hour appreciating his broad shoulders, his firm chest and muscular arms. And it didn't go unnoticed, judging by the hot looks Castle shot her way once in a while.

Kate knew there were good reasons why they had agreed on taking things slow, but the longer she thought about it the more she felt like they had been taking it slow for almost three years now. She had thought about them a lot not only since they had reunited, but also during the two years they had spent apart, and knowing that it had been the same for him was making a lot of things easier, knowing she wasn't the only one feeling their special connection. There was no use in denying it. If she didn't feel like he was right, that they could be good together she would have never agreed to give it a try. Hadn't they lost enough time already? Kate was surprised to realize that admitting she was indeed ready for _them_ wasn't as scary as she had feared it to be.

She returned her attention to Castle who was again swirling Jamie through the water, her daughter laughing and screaming, while the smile on Kate's face could probably lit up the whole universe. He was such a great dad. He made their daughter so incredible happy, it squeezed her heart tightly.

"Mommy," the little girl shrieked and Kate waved at her, her smile even widening.

"Your family is adorable," someone said to her right, startling Kate a little as she turned to find an elder lady smiling up at her.

She looked back at the three of them, could see Castle telling the girls something as they both sat on his hips now and then they all looked over to her and waved, goofy smiles on their faces and Kate laughed, a happy bubbling sound escaping her lips.

"Yes, yes they are," she admitted, waving back at them.

"It's not often you see true happiness like this nowadays," the woman went on, "most people give up way too soon, make sure you'll hold on to what you have."

Kate looked at her, stunned and for a moment unable to form a reply, but looking back at Castle, seeing the joy in his eyes and finding the same joy reflected in Jamie's and Alexis' she knew the woman was right and Castle had been as well. It might not always be easy, but it would be worth it for moments like these.

Kate turned back to where the woman had been standing, "I will," on her lips but the elder lady was already gone, leaving her with a warm and fuzzy feeling in her heart.

"Mommy?" Kate's attention was pulled back to her daughter, who was now clinging to the rim of the pool, Castle right behind her.

"You want to get out?" Kate asked, kneeling down and grabbing her under the arms.

"She's getting cold," Castle explained, "is it okay if Alexis and I stay in a bit longer?"

Kate stood up, placing Jamie at her hip and looking over to Alexis who was diving at the other end of the pool, "Sure," she smiled down at Castle, "take your time."

"Great," Castle smiled back and waved at Jamie one more time, before making his way over to Alexis.

Kate walked over to the deck chairs, pulling up a towel, before putting Jamie back on the ground and wrapping the towel around her.

"Are you cold, Jamie?" Kate asked, sitting down and placing her daughter in her lap, letting her snuggle up with her.

Jamie nodded and Kate wrapped the towel a bit tighter around her, letting her hands run up and down Jamie's arms.

"Did you have fun?" Kate questioned, watching Castle, throwing Alexis through the air, so she fell back into the water with a loud splash.

"Yes," Jamie grinned, "Lexi swims good."

"That she does," Kate agreed, "But you're pretty good yourself. You just have to wait a little and then you two will race each other."

Jamie lifted big eyes at her mother, "Yeah?"

Kate laughed, "Absolutely."

"Not in Daddy?"

"No," Kate chuckled, "no not on daddy's back."

Jamie grinned from ear to ear, "Cool."

* * *

"So is your mother coming?" Kate asked, when Castle returned to the kitchen where she was struggling with his coffee machine. "Shit," she hissed, burning her hand for the third time.

Castle chuckled, taking the coffee cup out from her hand, "Let me," he said, shoving her over to one of the barstools. "And to answer your question, yes she's coming over, actually she's already on her way but she insists on having an early dinner. Apparently she's going out on a date, with Stewart - again."

"You don't like him?" Kate raised one eyebrow, watching him handling the coffee machine like a pro.

"Actually I've never met Stewart, but it's the third date in a row so it might be best if I prepare myself to call him _Dad_," he groaned.

"Castle," Kate scolded him as the dish towel hit him square in the face, "you're horrible."

"What?" He gaped at her, "I'm talking form experience here."

Kate just shook her head, taking the coffee cup from him and studying him for a moment, there was something in his eyes, a sadness he tried to hide, she stored it away for later, "So dinner at five?" she suggested instead.

"Yeah, sounds good. Where are the girls?"

"Upstairs, I put Jamie to bed for an hour, she was pretty tired and Alexis wanted to work on her puzzle," she filled him in on what he had missed since he had disappeared into his office thirty minutes ago.

"Good and you? Are you feeling alright?" He reached out for her, letting his finger trace lightly over the butterfly strips on her forehead before cupping her cheek, she leant into his touch, couldn't help it, couldn't resist the call of his body whenever he was near, not anymore.

"I'm fine, Castle," she said, sounding only slightly annoyed and when her hand covered his, he knew he wasn't in any trouble for being too caring. "Really, don't worry."

"You seemed a bit out of it yesterday at the hospital," he gently approached the topic that had been on his mind all day.

For a second he thought she would just stand up and leave him sitting there at the kitchen counter, her features darkening, her hands dropping into her lap but she fought the urge to run, "That wasn't quite like me, I know," she finally started.

"Hey, it's okay. I get it. It was a lot to take in," he reassured her, sensing her discomfort, "I just want to make sure that whatever comes next is really what you want."

"It has never been that close before," she looked at him, "I mean I've had my share of bruises since I'm on the job, but yesterday was different."

"Because you ended up at the hospital?" he asked.

"Yes, no," Kate sighed, brushing her hair back out of her face, "I think I never had time to dwell on it, you know? I always had to get home and pretend everything was fine for Jamie's sake and even that didn't work out that well. But I couldn't allow myself to think about the ifs and whens, not coming home wasn't an option."

"It's still not an option," he stated firmly and she gave him a smile for that.

"I know, but a possibility," she huffed. "It has been and will always be a possibility."

"Kate," he took her hands back in his, "Don't -," but she stopped him.

"The point is," she took another deep breath, "Jamie didn't have anyone before, but now she does. She has you and Alexis and Martha and I want to make sure that in case I don't make it home it's all settled. I don't want you to have to go to court or whatever it will take to have her with you."

"So you're serious about the shared custody thing?" He asked, serious.

"If that's what it takes to make sure she's with you, yes. And it's what we agreed on anyway, right? Doing it together, shared custody would only make it legally official."

"Okay," he smiled. "I actually called my lawyer after I talked to my mother," Castle admitted, fearing he might have been too forward with that decision.

"On a Sunday?" Kate frowned.

"Well I'm paying him a lot of money," Castle shrugged.

"And?" She lifted expectant eyes to him.

"He will look through our options and wants to meet with us next week, but he said we need to clear the paternity test and birth certificate first." He told her what he had learned so far.

"Okay, I should get the results within the next days," Kate nodded, "I asked them to speed it up, since it's not crime related it would have probably taken months for them to get to it otherwise."

"You send it to your own lab?" He frowned.

Kate shrugged, "Seemed to be the fastest way to get the results and it hardly gets any more official than an certificate of the Medical Examiners Office of the State of New York."

"That sounds so morbid," he grinned, standing up from his barstool and stepping between her legs.

"You like that, huh?" She teased.

"I'm a mystery writer," he shrugged. "It's my job."

"Uh-huh," her fingers slipped into his belt loops, pulling him closer, before lifting her hands up to rest them on his chest, her face turning serious for a moment, "Thank you, Castle. I know I've been quite challenging for the past two months."

He shook his head amused, "Nah, piece of cake."

She smiled shyly, glancing away but he placed two fingers under her chin, making her look at him, "What matters is that we are here now."

He leant down, placing his lips softly against hers, feeling the warm brush of air escaping her mouth and he moved to deepen the kiss when …

"And where exactly is here?" A firm voice asked and Castle jumped back as if struck by lightening, trying to get as much distance between him and Kate as possible, seeing Kate's cheeks turn pink.

"Mother?" He yelped, "What are you doing here?"

Martha fixed him with a stern glare, "You invited me for dinner. That was merely half an hour ago, seriously Richard. Did you forget already?" She shook her head, "But I see you have been occupied."

"Mother it's not what you think," he stuttered, watching her cross the living room.

"Oh I hope it is exactly what I think it is," Martha smirked.

X~~~~X


	40. Mother!

X~~~~X

Castle stared at his mother, then back at Kate who stoically kept picking at a speck on the kitchen counter, refusing to look at any of them.

"Mother, it's not," he stuttered, stopped, "You shouldn't - I mean we didn't -," he was panicking, yes, panicking like a teenager who's been caught by his mother, "this is not - ," but he was a grown man and he shouldn't be intimidated by his own mother. Only he was. "I - we - ."

"You didn't what? I shouldn't what? Find out about it?" Martha asked, and he could see she was enjoying this, loved giving them a hard time, "I mean seriously, what was your plan? Hide in the closet?"

"No," he yelped, "but," he looked at Kate for support but she was still ignoring him. He was obviously on his own.

"Look," Castle took a deep breath, his hand running over his face before he continued, "this is rather new." He finally managed a sentence that actually made sense and his mother finally seemed to take mercy on him.

She crossed the living room to meet them in the kitchen, her features softening as she moved toward them, "I figured as much, though I'd like to point out, long overdue."

At this even Kate lifted her head to look at Martha, wide-eyed, her mouth opening, but now words came out.

"Oh come on," she shot them both a pointed look then waved a finger between the two of them, "you two were inevitable."

"Mother," Castle groaled at her, he didn't need her to spook Kate, he was so glad things were going so well today, that she really seemed to be in this but his mother made it sound as if they were going to get married tomorrow and that couldn't bode well with Kate.

"What?" Martha raised innocent eyes at him, "I'm just happy for you." And then she stepped forward, placing a soft kiss on her son's cheek, "Seriously, I'm very happy for both of you."

Martha moved to Kate's side and the younger woman lifted her eyes, surprised by the soft touch of the redhead's fingers around hers and managed to offer something like a smile in return. This was certainly not how she had planned to spring the news on Castle's mother. She had actually hoped they could sort things out between the two of them, settle into this new stage of their relationship before they had to tell anyone, but Martha seemed to be oblivious to the younger woman's worries.

"So, where are my lovely granddaughters," she asked, already turning and starting for the stairs.

"Castle," Kate gasped, her eyes widening with panic and he knew immediately what she meant.

"Mother," he called her back.

"Yes Richard?" she stepped back lifting her brows questioningly at her son.

"They don't know," he spoke firmly, leaving no doubt that he was dead serious about what was to come, "and we want to keep it that way for a while, until we're comfortable that things will work out between us."

Martha looked from Kate to her son, noticing how they had moved to stand next to each other to defend their point together and she had no doubt they would make an excellent team. That things _would _work out between them.

"We don't want them to get hurt," Kate added, "And I know you don't want that either."

Martha raised her hands in surrender, "Alright, alright. I get it."

"So you'll support us on this?" Castle asked, just wanting to make sure his mother really got the point.

"Richard," she scolded him, "of course I will. I just think your two girls would be thrilled, but I get it. My lips are sealed until you tell me otherwise."

"Thank you," he nodded relieved, reaching for Kate's hand to give it a squeeze, and she gave him a relieved smile in return, squeezing back.

Martha sighed heavily, "So do I have permission to go upstairs?"

"You do," Castle rolled his eyes, a gesture he seemed to have adopted from Kate, and then watched his mother bow dramatically and turn towards the stairs, calling over her shoulder once she reached the first step while her eyes sparkled with mischief, "You know I'd be more than happy to baby-sit if you two need some time alone to -."

"Mother!"

* * *

His mother had returned after barely fifteen minutes, Jamie and Alexis in tow and leaving Castle and Kate with no real time to talk about these new developments.

Three hours later Castle was climbing up the stairs to go and find Kate who had left him 30 minutes earlier to get the girls ready for bed. His mother had left right after dinner, kissing everyone goodbye and shooting him and Kate a pointed look. "The offer still holds," she had told them, making it sound like a big conspiracy, before letting the door fall shut behind her.

Castle, Kate and the girls had spent the rest of the evening playing board games, Rick teaming up with Jamie and Kate with Alexis and even though Jamie hadn't really understood what the games were about, she still had been having a ball rolling the dice and cheering along with her dad whenever they made a good move.

When it had been time for bed, Kate had offered to get the girls ready so Castle could finish up the kitchen.

Now that he was done and walking up the stairs to join his family for a goodnight story he realized how much he had longed for this, an everyday family life. Not that he and Alexis weren't a family, but it was different now with Jamie and Kate.

Sure he had gotten an idea how things could be when they were in the Hamptons but this, today was _more_ and not just because they were together now, after all what difference could a day make?

They had established a new rhythm when it came to working together as parents. He didn't feel the need to ask her permission about every little thing and Kate didn't seem to mind that he took the lead more often now and it had all started right after they had returned from the Hamptons. Because while she had refused to talk about their kiss and what it meant for them, she had never been so open before when it came to Jamie. And today, today had been a dream come true.

They had never had something like this, he and Alexis. Meredith had hardly ever spent a whole day with them like this, and even when she did, she made it clear that she would have preferred to do other things. Everything Castle and Alexis liked had been boring for her and while Castle loved being home with his daughter, spending time with her, his ex-wife rather wanted to show him off at parties and celebrity events.

But Kate - Kate wanted the same things as he and if it wasn't way too soon, _way_ too soon, he would ask her to move in with them right now so he could have this everyday. But that thought was insane, nothing good could come out of it, so he quickly pushed it away, knowing how carried away he could get. He didn't want to risk pushing her away because he wanted too much too soon. Step by step he had promised her and he would keep his promise. He had rushed into a relationship once before and it had left him and his daughter with broken hearts, he couldn't risk that again. He had to do it right this time.

He found them in Alexis' room, on top of the covers, Kate in the middle, Jamie tucked into her left side, Alexis into her right, all three beaming up at him as he entered the room.

"Daddy," the girls exclaimed simultaneously and he had to laugh at their excitement.

"Wow," he smirked, "Impatient?"

"What can I say Castle, your girls want their story," Kate smirked right back at him. It could have been an innocent remark about their daughters if she wasn't looking at him with this mischievous sparkle in her eyes. She knew exactly what she was doing. She was including herself as one of his girls and Castle had to swallow, had trouble believing that this was the same woman who only last night had sat on his bed, insecure and unsure if they should really give this a try.

"What's the matter Castle? Cat caught your tongue," she kept teasing him and he finally set into motion, letting himself plop down onto the end of the bed.

"Nope, I'm good," he found his voice, satisfied that he sounded unaffected by her words when nothing could have been further from the truth, "what story do you want to hear?"

Alexis handed him the book they had chosen, _The Little Prince_ and Castle made himself comfortable, lying on his back, holding the book up over his head and then started to read. His baritone voice filled the room and Kate closed her eyes, feeling the girls snuggled closer as they all got lost in the world he created for them.

Kate let her mind drift, the past 24 hours had been crazy, to say the least. Last night she had been a mess, sitting in his bed determined to tell him that they could not give in to the attraction between them and now she was spending the second night in a row in his home and she didn't even mind. Today had been, well if she was honest it had been a dream come true. Deep down inside she had always wanted this for Jamie and yes, maybe she had wanted it for herself as well. Yet she was afraid that everything was going _too_ smoothly and she wasn't used for things to be smooth. But there was no turning back now, she had told him she was in and she had to prove it.

She was pulled back to reality when Castle closed the book, looking at her, "They fell asleep," he whispered and only now Kate realized that the two bodies to her sides had turned limp.

Castle shuffled off the bed and took Jamie out of her arms so Kate could carefully make her way off the bed as well to tuck Alexis in, but the redhead opened her eyes once more not as fast asleep as they had thought.

"Thanks for the story Dad," she mumbled before looking at Kate, "Thanks for the great day Kate."

"You're welcome, Pumpkin," Kate smiled warmly at Alexis before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on top of her head. Yes, Castle's daughter had stolen her heart, there was no way to deny it, "Sleep tight." Kate mumbled before she stepped aside to allow Castle to say goodnight as well.

"Night, Pumpkin," he whispered, after kissing her just the way Kate had done only a minute agon before straightening again. Jamie had been in his arms all the while, but she didn't wake, just turned into her father's chest and kept on dreaming, while he carried her into the hallway.

They put Jamie to bed and made their way down the stairs and into the living room, finally alone and hopefully able to talk. Castle knew that the incident with his mother would be still on Kate's mind, but he hoped they could enjoy themselves for a moment before they had to get serious again.

"Wine?" Castle asked as he stepped into the kitchen, watching Kate slump down into his black leather couch.

Kate shook her head, "Thanks but I took a painkiller after dinner."

Immediately worried, Castle came rushing to her side, hovering over her, his eyes running up and down her body to assess the possible damage, "Are you okay?"

"I'm good," she reassured him, "the stitches just hurt a bit."

He could sense there was more, could see it in the way she chewed on her bottom lip and he had a pretty good idea what bothered her.

"Kate," he sat down next to her, reaching for her hand, "don't start to over-think everything. It has been a great day."

"I know," she sighed. "I know. I'm being stupid."

"No," he shook his head, "You're not being stupid. You're just trying to find a problem where there is none to find. Today has been great. Don't try to ruin it by questioning every second. Just relax and enjoy the rest of it. It will not always be like this."

He waited for her to look at him before he added with a smirk, "I promise."

That earned him a chuckle and a nudge to the ribs, but he was fine with that, as long as that troubled expression left her face.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised it's all going so well," she finally sighed, surrendering to the truth, "we've been good together before, if you'll ignore our more than rocky start."

He laughed, "See, that's my girl."

She quirked one eyebrow at him, "You heard that, huh?"

"You bet I did," he grinned, "and don't think I will forget about it."

"Well I hope you won't," she purred and he knew they were back on track, had successfully handled that little bump in the road.

"Well in that case, I will have you informed that I'm going to kiss my girl now," he moved closer, his hand sneaking around her waist.

"Stop talking, Castle."

Their lips met and Castle wasted no time, pushing her down into the cushions, covering her body with his and from the way she groaned into his mouth she wasn't objecting. And then he felt her hand tugging on his Button-down, pulling it out of his jeans and only seconds later her hands sneaked under it, moving up his back.

"Kate," he panted, kissing his way down her neck to trail his mouth along her collarbone and she arched into him and he could feel her breasts push against his chest and he was about to screw taking it slow, rather taking her, because the sounds she was making should be forbidden.

He started to unbutton her shirt and she hissed his name and for a moment he thought she wanted him to stop, but when he took his hands off her she pushed her hips up into his and moaned, "Don't stop Castle, don't stop."

He groaned, his hands flying back to work on her buttons and he had just revealed the peek of her silk bra, the swell of her breasts calling to him as he leant down, to let his mouth travel over the newly exposed skin when Jamie's cry sounded through the loft.

"Shit."

X~~~~X

_**AN: Sorry it took me so long. This one just didn't want to come out.**_


	41. Pajama Game

X~~~X

They both froze, staring first at each other and then towards the stairs, hoping against all hopes that if they kept very quiet Jamie would just fall asleep again. But of course she didn't and when the second cry echoed through the loft, followed by a tearful, "Mommy!" they were both up dashing towards the stairs.

"You know," Castle panted out between taking two steps at a time and tucking his shirt back into his jeans, "we are so gonna take my mother up on that babysitting offer."

Kate shot him a look that clearly told him to shut up, while she hastily re-buttoned her shirt as they stumbled into Jamie's room together. Their daughter's face was already red from crying, tears staining her cheeks as she tried to stumble out of bed and into her mother's arms.

"Mommy, Mommy," she cried, heavy sobs shaking her small body and Kate could do nothing more than to pull her close and mumble soothing words into her ear. She felt Castle sit down next to them, crowding, as one of his hands stroked Jamie's head, while the other drew soothing circles on Kate's back. If only he knew how much it helped.

"Did you have a bad dream?" Castle's calm voice washed over them and immediately seemed to soothe Jamie.

They could see her little head bop up and down and though the tears kept falling, her sobs at least seemed to ease.

"Was it about the bad men?" Kate gently prodded and again Jamie nodded.

Kate felt Castle shift even closer, his thigh pressing against hers as his fingers were now dancing over Jamie's cheeks, brushing the tears away, "Hey Baby Bird, what did I tell you about the bad men?" He asked softly.

Jamie took in a shuddering breath and then lifted her eyes to look at her dad, "Daddy protect us," she stuttered, surprising both her parents with the certainty that laced her words, the memory of her father's promise enough to finally make her stop crying.

Castle nodded, "That's right, Daddy will protect you," he confirmed and leant down to kiss her on top of the head.

"Do you think you can go back to sleep now?" Kate asked gently, leaning back so she could look at her daughter, but the girl furiously shook her head.

"Stay with Mommy," Jamie exclaimed, throwing her arms back around her mother's neck and Kate could tell her daughter was about to start crying again.

"It's alright, I'll stay with you tonight," Kate reassured her, shooting Castle an apologetic look, knowing they had both hoped for some _one-on-one_ time tonight, but Castle just smiled at her knowing that these were the small pleasures of being a parent.

"Why don't you take her to the guestroom?" he suggested, "It's more comfortable for you than squeezing into her tiny bed."

"Okay," Kate agreed, standing up, with Jamie clinging to her chest, but when she tried to step into the hallway and turn to her left to Castle's guestroom Jamie started snivelling again.

"Daddy too," she stated, reaching her hand out to tug on Castle's arm.

"You want both of us to stay with you?" Kate frowned and received a fierce nod in return.

She looked at Castle for help, but he just shrugged. Really, what could they do? They didn't have much of a choice if they wanted to get some sleep tonight and of course he didn't mind spending another night in the same bed as Kate, even if it was just sleeping.

"Okay, my bedroom it is." He simply stated and Kate shot him a pointed look, "What? My bed is bigger."

With that he turned toward the stairs, but stopped in front of Alexis' room to quickly peek inside and check on her, but his daughter was still fast asleep, seemingly unbothered by her sister's nightmare. Closing the door quietly he followed Kate and Jamie down the stairs.

They spent some time with Jamie on the couch to distract the girl from her nightmare until she started yawning and fell asleep in Castle's arms.

"Why don't you go and change first," Castle suggested, "I'll hand her over once you're in bed." And even though he tried hard, he couldn't hide the smirk appearing on his face when he thought about Kate in his bed.

"If I didn't know any better Rick Castle, I'd say you conspired with our daughter to get me back into your bed," she told him, shooting him a calculating look.

"Katherine Beckett, I'd never," he looked at her with mocked shock, the hand not holding Jamie securely in his lap, flying up to cover his heart. "Believe me if I had plotted any of this I would have made sure it would be just you and me in that bed."

He grinned and she rolled her eyes, before starting for the stairs.

"Where are you going?" He asked, irritated. "My bathroom is that way," he pointed toward his bedroom.

"But my stuff is," Kate's finger pointed toward the ceiling, "up there."

"Oh, right," the look on his face was so adorable that Kate couldn't help herself but turn back and give him a quick kiss.

"You have to behave yourself tonight," he muttered against her lips.

"Shut up," she growled back and turned for the stairs.

* * *

Half an hour later they were all tucked in, Jamie sleeping soundly between them as Castle reached for the lamp on his nightstand to turn off the light.

"You good?" He asked glancing over to Kate who was lying on her side, facing him.

"Yeah," she nodded and then shot him a grin, "though I'm sure the evening didn't turn out exactly the way you planned it."

Castle turned to look at her, leaving the bedside lamp untouched for the moment, "I didn't plan anything. I'm just happy to have you all here."

Kate sighed, why did he always knew exactly what to say, how to give her words that sent butterflies all throughout her body, making her tingle with anticipation and need. She was just reaching out for him, mindful not to disturb their sleeping daughter, when there was a knock on his open bedroom door.

"Daddy?" Alexis' small voice sounded through the room.

"Alexis?" Castle sat up, waving her over, "What's wrong?"

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" Alexis looked from one adult to the other, apparently unfazed by Kate's presence in her father's bed.

"Of course," Kate agreed easily and already moving over before Castle could even open his mouth, there was no way she was telling Alexis no when Jamie was already snuggled up between them.

"Come here Pumpkin," Castle gathered her up, helping her crawl over him and settle down next to her sister.

"You okay, Alexis?" Kate asked stroking her fingers through the girl's red hair.

"Yeah, I just don't want to be alone upstairs," she replied shyly, looking at Kate with those big blue eyes.

"That's alright," Kate reassured her, "we're all staying here tonight."

Hearing Kate's words Alexis relaxed, snuggling up with her father, before closing her eyes and falling back to sleep quickly.

When Kate looked up she found Castle's eyes directed at her, unbelieving and full of wonder while his lips turned up into a soft curl.

"What?" She frowned, not understanding the look in his eyes.

"You're wonderful," he blurted out and was starting to lean over when Alexis kicked him in her sleep.

He winced, putting his fist into his mouth and biting down to keep himself from cursing out loud before he gritted through clenched teeth, "We're so doomed. No more kissing, no more touching."

Kate chuckled, not taking her eyes off of him when she said, "We didn't even really got started Castle."

"Seriously, this is the best birth control you can get," he muttered, gesturing at the two small bodies wedged in between them and then froze. He had gotten her pregnant on the first and only night they had spent intimately together so far. So why on earth was he making jokes about birth control right now? When she didn't say anything he chanced a glance in her direction, preparing himself for the worst. Her body was shaking when his eyes found her and for a second he thought she might be crying but then the laugh she was trying to suppress escaped her mouth, only stifled by the hand she pressed against her mouth.

"Don't worry, Castle. I have it covered," she finally got out while still trying to catch her breath until she started laughing again and Castle suddenly feared she was having some sort of breakdown.

"Kate?" he asked tentatively, while she was pressing her face into the pillow so as not to wake their daughters.

She looked at him, sobering quickly before she spoke, "You know, I thought I _had_ it covered the first time." Suddenly it wasn't so funny anymore.

He sighed, understanding where her mind had went, "Yeah, me too."

For a moment they were both silent, lost in the memories of their first night together. Could she really laugh about what had happened? Or was she merely trying to cover her real emotions because she didn't want him to know how she really felt about it.

"Do you regret it?" He asked quietly, staring straight ahead, unsure if he could take the look in her eyes if her answer was not what he wanted it to be.

"Jamie?" She questioned to buy time, because she knew exactly what he wanted to know.

Castle knew too, but he nodded nevertheless.

"Never," she spoke softly. "I wished it had happened under different circumstances but I don't know where I would be without her Castle. I was in a very dark place back then and with Jamie the light came back. I don't know if I could have made it without her, if I would be where I am now."

His hand reached for hers over the sleeping forms of their daughters, trying to comfort her and she took it gratefully, cradling it between her palms and letting her thumb draw circles on the back of it.

"When we first met," she continued, all of a sudden wanting to tell him everything, "There was only one thing that mattered. I wanted to get the bastard who murdered my mom, nothing else. Nothing else was important, nothing else mattered not even myself."

"Kate," he chocked out, remembering all too well how he had found her in that bar, the way she had looked, the sadness in her eyes. He had known right from the start that there had been a story behind those beautiful eyes.

"All that mattered was getting into the Police Academy and making Detective as fast as I could," she sighed, "and then I found out about Jamie and everything changed. I had to set my priorities straight, Jamie had to come first and whenever I just even ran close to the risk to work myself into the ground because of a case, because I thought it would get me where I wanted to be, _she _made me come back from that place, because she needed me. So no, I could never regret having Jamie. She's everything."

He nodded slowly, knowing exactly what she meant, what she felt for her daughter, because he felt the same. There was no greater love than the love for your child, there was nothing you wouldn't do to keep them safe. And the words he knew he couldn't tell her yet, threatened to spill out of him, because in that moment he knew. He knew without a doubt that he was in love with her.

X~~~X


	42. Cocoa

X~~~~X

When Kate woke up the next morning, something was stretched across her face, poking at the strips covering the cut over her brow. Slowly opening her eyes, she blinked against the darkness that was still dusting Castle's bedroom in heavy shadows and found that the _something_ was Alexis's arm. The rest of the girl was sprawled half over Kate's stomach, her feet poking into her father's side, while Jamie's head rested on Alexis's back. Kate smiled at the sight, taking in a deep breath, content with the tangled mess of limbs around her and the quiet of the early morning that was only disturbed by Castle's light snoring. His daughters had crowded him toward the rim of the mattress and the position he was in couldn't be comfortable as his head was twisted in an awkward angle, his right arm seemingly trying to hold on to his pillow to keep himself from falling out of the bed. She glanced at the alarm clock on his side of the bed and sighed. It was still early, but she knew Alexis had to leave for school at half past seven. So she carefully untangled herself from under the redhead to climb out of bed to get breakfast started while she let the rest of the family sleep a little bit longer.

* * *

Alexis was the first to come out of the bedroom 20 minutes later, shuffling toward the kitchen and Kate who was currently filling a plate with freshly fried bacon.

"Hey there," Kate greeted when she spotted the girl, "did you sleep well?"

Alexis nodded, yawning as she made her way over to Kate.

"You made breakfast." She stated surprised when she spotted the scrambled eggs and pancakes on the kitchen counter which Kate had set out next to bowls filled with berries and granola.

"Mmh," Kate nodded, popping one of the blueberries into her mouth, "Are you hungry?"

"Starving," Alexis sighed dramatically, sounding very much like her grandmother and causing Kate to chuckle as she pulled the little girl into her side and placed a kiss on top of her head, a gesture that felt simply right and didn't seem to surprise Alexis in the least.

"Starving, huh? Well in that case I think it's alright if we start without the sleepyheads that are your father and sister."

Alexis grinned broadly, climbing on one of the barstools and watched Kate fill a plate with a little bit of everything for her, "Can I have chocolate syrup on my pancakes?" She asked tentatively.

"Sure," Kate replied, already grabbing the bottle from one of the cabinets, wondering when she had become so accustomed with Castle's kitchen. "What do you want to drink?" She asked placing the bottle in front of Alexis.

"Orange juice," the girl replied, chewing her bottom lip instead of the pancake and Kate knew there was more.

"Anything else?" Kate frowned, watching Castle's daughter carefully.

"No, orange juice is good," Alexis mumbled, concentrating on the pancake in front of her, but still not touching it.

"Alexis," Kate prodded, "It's alright to ask, you know. The answer might not always be yes, but how will you know if you don't give it a try?"

Alexis was still not looking at her, but Kate could tell from the frown on her face that the girl was contemplating her words and so she reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind Alexis' ear as she raised her eyebrows, "Mmh?"

Keeping her eyes sternly on her plate Alexis found her voice, "Would you make me hot cocoa?"

Kate laughed surprised, "That's it?" She let her hand run down Alexis' arm, "You can always get hot cocoa from me."

"Really?" Alexis lifted her big blue eyes at the woman who had become such an important and significant person in her life over the past few weeks.

"Of course," Kate nodded, "First, I don't have to use your dad's fancy coffee machine to make cocoa and second, I like it myself."

"Mommy never makes cocoa for me or breakfast at all," Alexis whispered and the smile dropped off Kate's face.

She had never met Meredith and after everything she had heard about the woman she didn't feel the urge to ever change that other than to give her a piece of her mind about how to treat your only daughter. Alexis was a sweet little girl who deserved better than a mother who forgot to call on her birthday after she couldn't be bothered to come over to see her in person. And if making the girl hot cocoa was all it took to put a smile on her face, well then Kate would gladly do that whenever possible.

"Alexis," she said gently, waiting for the girl to look at her before she continued, "I want you to know that you can always ask me, okay? No matter what, you can always come to me and ask when there's something you want or need. It may not always turn out your way - I may say _no_ sometimes but never hesitate to ask, alright?"

"Okay," Alexis nodded, a shy smile forming on her lips, "Thank you Kate."

"Anytime, Pumpkin," Kate smiled reassuringly, running her fingers tenderly through Alexis' hair before getting the milk from the fridge to get the cocoa started.

* * *

Something was poking him in the face. Castle wrinkled his nose, his hand shooting up as if to chase away a fly, but the poking didn't stop. He grunted, turning on his side and smashing his face into the pillow, still the poking didn't stop. Huffing, he scrunched his nose again, before he buried his face deeper into the soft cotton under his head.

"Le'me sleep," he mumbled and heard someone giggle.

The poking stopped for a minute, before something tickled his side and he finally had to open his eyes, turning his head to look at his grinning daughter.

"Daddy," she laughed. "Up."

"No," he whined, "it's too early."

Jamie shook her head, crawling on his back and snuggling into him.

"Daddy," she said again, starting to sound impatient, "Hungry."

"Alright, alright," Castle grunted. "I'm up."

He carefully turned around so as not to accidentally kick Jamie off his back and out of the bed and the minute she landed safely at his side, his strong arms grabbed her, holding her up into the air. Jamie shrieking happily, her legs kicking out as Castle flung her up and caught her again.

"Daddy," she exclaimed, giggling, "higher!"

Castle did as he was told, throwing her higher into the air and catching her without trouble when she came back down until his arms got tired and he gently placed her on his chest.

Jamie pushed herself up on her small arms, grinning widely at her father, before leaning down to give him a smacking kiss on the lips.

"Love you, Daddy," she mumbled against his cheek and Castle's heart stopped for a minute, he would never get enough of hearing her say those words.

"I love you too, Baby Bird," he replied, his voice shaking slightly.

Jamie grinned at him and with a quick move that she didn't see coming he flipped her onto her back next to him, starting to blow raspberry kisses all over her tummy.

She was laughing so hard that Castle was sure Kate would come in any second to see what was going on, but then he remembered that Jamie had said she was hungry and stopped.

"Okay Jamie, let's get something into that cute little tummy of yours," he said and got out of bed, catching her as she jumped into his arms. "Ready for breakfast?"

"Yeah," she nodded eagerly and pointed toward the door.

* * *

"I smell pancakes," Castle announced as he stepped into the living room with Jamie sitting on his hip.

Alexis turned, grinning at them like a Cheshire Cat, "Kate made breakfast and cocoa," she told them before aiming her smile at the woman sitting next to her.

"That looks delicious," Castle mumbled as he stepped closer, eyeing everything Kate had lined up on the kitchen counter before kissing Alexis good morning on top of her head and then, without thinking, doing the same with Kate, who shot him a wide-eyed look.

_Ooops. _He grinned stupidly at her, but neither Jamie nor Alexis seemed to have noticed the way too familiar gesture between their parents, so Kate decided to let him off the hook with one last scolding look.

Castle sighed, relieved that his faux pas apparently remained without consequences and so he took the barstool next to Alexis', placing Jamie in his lap and started to fill a plate for the two of them.

"Do you want me to get her highchair?" Kate offered, but Castle waved her off.

"Thanks, but I think we'll manage, right Jamie?" He tilted his head to have a better look at his daughter, who gave him the thumbs up.

Kate laughed, "Alright, if you think so."

"We do," Castle stated and started cutting the pancake in front of him.

* * *

When they finished breakfast everyone got ready to face the day, Kate retreating to the upstairs bathroom with Jamie, even so Castle kept insisting they could use his, but they were running late and this was just the quickest way to get everyone out the door in time to walk Alexis to school.

They dropped her off just in time and promised to pick her up again in the afternoon and since Kate didn't have to go into work today they strolled through the city, enjoying the beautiful day unfolding in front of them.

Fall had a tight grip on New York City but the sun was shining and the leaves were gleaming in shades of red and yellow around them, making it impossible not to spend the day outside. The winter would be long enough, November just waiting around the corner.

They ended up at a playground in Central Park, Jamie happily gliding down the slide again and again, while her parents chanced longing glances at each other whenever they thought Jamie wasn't looking. Castle even managed to sneak in the one or other touch throughout the morning with his hand at the small of Kate's back, his fingers squeezing hers or a seemingly accidentally bump of their shoulders. None of it caught Jamie's attention.

On their way to lunch he was walking much closer to her than strictly necessary and when they stopped at a traffic light at Times Square, Jamie thoroughly distracted by the Ferris wheel at _Toys'R'Us_, Castle leant in and stole a quick kiss from Kate's lips. She slapped him on the chest for it, but the sparkle in her eyes gave her away, she didn't really mind.

Crossing the intersection Castle glanced back at the toy store, which had opened just about a year ago and had quickly become one of his favorites. Christmas wasn't far away and he was looking forward to wander through the aisles in search of the perfect presents. Especially since there was so much more shopping to do for him this year. He was sure it wouldn't be hard to find the right presents for the girls but Kate was an entirely different matter. So far he had no idea what to get for her and though he knew there was still time he started to worry he might not find the right thing.

They had lunch at _Junior's,_ Jamie wanting cheesecake for dessert and the restaurant being on their way and then decided to pay the precinct a visit, figuring Royce would like to know how Kate was doing and maybe just a little because Kate wanted to see what Montgomery had to say to her latest _escapade_.

* * *

They walked into the buzzing bullpen, Jamie immediately letting go of her parents' hands and running toward Royce, the man who usually provided cookies.

"Hey Jamie," Kate's partner laughed and got up from behind his desk to scoop the girl up into his arms.

"Cookies," Jamie demanded immediately, skipping all pleasantries and pointing toward the break room.

"Jamie," Kate's voice was firm, leaving no doubt that she wasn't pleased with her daughter's behavior, "is this how you ask for cookies?"

Jamie looked down, her eyes immediately filling with tears as she shook her head, "Sorry."

"It's alright," Royce said, lifting her chin up to make the girl look at him, "we can go and see if we have some left later, okay?"

The girl nodded, still looking ashamed when she struggled out of Royce's arms to get into her father's.

"Next time you ask nicely, alright?" Castle mumbled into her ear and received a nod in return, while Jamie buried her face in his neck.

"How are you doing Beckett?" Royce turned his attention to the girl's mother. "You're looking good." He observed, shooting Castle a look.

"I am," she confirmed with a small smile and the slightest blush.

"Good," Royce nodded, satisfied to see she was doing so well, more than well as a matter of fact judged by the new glow that seemed to surround her.

"Did you talk to Montgomery?" Kate asked, unsure she actually wanted to hear what her Captain had to say about the latest events.

"Mmh," Royce nodded again but not offering any more information.

"And?" Kate looked at him with expectant eyes.

"No more Vice assignments for you, that's for sure," Royce told her, knowing what Beckett's reaction to this information would be. "And I agree with him."

"No, why?" She stuttered. She needed those assignments, Royce knew that better than anyone, "He can't do that."

"I think you should talk to the Captain about it, but he's not in today." Royce told her, watching Castle wander off and looking around the bullpen with Jamie, while Kate stared at him, obviously expecting more from her partner.

"He's good for you," Royce stated after a moment, changing the topic, "for both of you."

Kate's eyes followed Royce's, catching sight of Castle and Jamie talking to Officer Miller across the room, Castle saying something that made Jamie and Miller laugh, "Yes he is," she confirmed, seeing no use in denying it, since it was kind of obvious.

"I'm happy for you, Kate," her partner smiled, "He seems to be a good guy."

She was about to say something, since Royce's statement sounded way too much as if he thought they were a couple, which technically they were, sort of, but he didn't – couldn't know that, when someone called her name across the bullpen.

"Yo, Beckett."

Kate turned to find Officer Esposito coming her way, a friendly smile on his face.

"Hey," he waved, "I'd hoped to catch you."

"Esposito, what are you doing here," she smiled shaking the man's hand who had saved her life two days ago.

"We dropped off a witness and I thought I stop by and see how you're doing before we head back to the 54th," he explained. "Looks like I got lucky, you're not working today?"

"No, the Captain gave me the day off," she told him and Esposito seemed pleased about that.

"Good," he nodded, "that was quite a lot to take in."

"Yeah," Kate agreed, realizing that Royce had wandered off to join Castle and Jamie. "Listen Esposito," she started, before guiding them into a quieter corner of the bullpen, "I didn't get a chance to properly thank you the other day."

He waved her off, "You did thank me enough Beckett. No need to worry."

"Still," she shook her head, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he smiled, looking a bit embarrassed and seemingly relieved when he saw Castle coming their way, "Hey Castle man," he greeted the writer as the men shook hands. "And who is this lovely little lady?" He asked, looking at the girl on Castle's arm.

"That's our daughter Jamie," Kate said and the pride in her voice and the way she stepped closer to him made Castle's heart quicken with joy.

"Hey Jamie, I'm Javi," Esposito introduced himself, smiling warmly at the girl, "Nice to meet you."

Jamie hid her face in her father's neck, for now choosing to ignore the stranger.

"Smart girl, never let a stranger sweet-talk you," Esposito laughed.

"Javi works with me," Kate explained, tugging on Jamie's coat to make her look at them.

"Like Royce?" Jamie asked, tentatively looking at her mother.

"Like Royce, yes," Kate nodded, "but Javi is working at a different precinct."

Jamie studied the man in front of her, with his big brown eyes, the short black hair and the friendly smile on his face, she decided he looked nice.

"Hi," Jamie offered shyly and Esposito beamed back at her like a Christmas tree.

"We'll be friends in no time." He stated and then turned back to Kate, "Listen, I gotta go, but maybe we can meet for drinks after work sometime?" He looked at Castle to make sure that his offer didn't sound like a clumsy put on but like the friendly suggestion that it was supposed to be.

Kate was torn. She liked the guy and she felt like she owed him much more than a couple of drinks for saving her life, but with Jamie it was difficult to head out after work.

"Hey, don't sweat it," Esposito quickly jumped in, sensing her hesitation, "if you guys don't have time I totally understand."

"No," Kate shook her head, "that's not the problem. It's just difficult with Jamie, you know?"

"I get it," Espo waved her off, but Kate had an idea.

"How about dinner at my place instead?" She asked.

"Beckett you really don't have to -," she cut him off.

"It's the least I can do," she reassured him and then looked at Castle, "You can bring Alexis if Martha can't watch her."

"Or," he threw in, "we could do it at my place. That way we don't have to worry about a babysitter or getting the kids to bed in time at all."

"Okay," Kate agreed hesitantly, not sure if giving joined dinner parties should be the next step for them.

"It's just dinner," Castle looked at her, knowing exactly where her mind had went.

"Okay," she said again, this time with more conviction and then turned her attention back to Esposito. "So dinner it is?"

"Fine with me," he smiled, glancing over his shoulder at his partner from the 54th who was waiting impatiently at the door.

"I'll give you a call," Kate told him, before he quickly bid his goodbyes and hurried toward the door.

"He seems to be a nice guy," Castle stated. "I like him."

"Me too," Kate agreed with a sigh, "So dinner?"

"Just dinner," he smiled at her reassuringly. "And he deserves it."

"Right, you're right."

"I could get used to the sound of that," Castle smirked and could see Kate rolling her eyes as she turned to head for the break room where she suspected Royce with the cookies, knowing Castle would follow her.

X~~~~X


	43. Homicide

X~~~~X

Beckett was back at work on Tuesday and found herself in Montgomery's office for over an hour as she tried to convince her Captain to let her work for Vice again, but Montgomery didn't budge. He had enough of his people being used as canon fodder and though he understood Beckett's motivation he wouldn't put her on the line again.

"There are other options coming your way," he told her without elaborating what exactly that meant before she was dismissed.

As a result of her talk with the Captain she was in a grumpy mood all day, working overtime to catch up with the piling paperwork on her desk and glad that Jamie was staying with Castle tonight, so she didn't need to worry about getting home. She called Castle when she was still at the precinct, hearing Alexis and Jamie giggle in the background and suddenly she found it hard to breathe.

"Hey Kate," Castle laughed into the phone, obviously part of the fun that was going on around him.

"Hey," Kate replied tiredly, pinching the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger, "what are you guys doing?"

"Just a little pillow fight," he told her, followed by a, "Gotcha!" That wasn't directed at her.

"Isn't it time for bed?" She asked, glancing at the clock on the wall across from her.

"Yeah," Castle agreed, "we were just waiting for you to call to say goodnight. Wait, I'll put you on speaker."

She wished the girls and Castle a goodnight and confirmed she would come and pick Jamie up the next day after work, before she went back to the pile of paperwork in front of her.

* * *

On Wednesday the results of the paternity test arrived, hand-delivered to the precinct by the new intern at the M.E.'s office, a young Afro-American woman about Kate's age.

Lanie Parish had been assigned to assist Perlmutter, one of the most disliked M.E's due to his consistently horrible mood and rude behavior and Kate couldn't help but feel bad for the new intern.

"I guess we'll see each other around," Lanie smiled, taking back the signed delivery papers, "Perlmutter said he's working a lot of your cases."

"Yeah, the guys up in Homicide can't get enough of him," Kate joked and rolled her eyes.

"Who knew," Lanie laughed. "He seems to be like such a nice guy," she smirked. "Anyway I better get back to his dungeon. Nice meeting you, Kate."

"You too," Kate smiled back, watching Lanie saunter away, followed by almost every pair of male eyes in the bullpen.

When the clock stroke four Kate was out the doors and on her way to the loft, eager to tell Castle they could finally put Castle down as Jamie's father on the birth certificate and apply for shared custody.

He had barely opened the door when she stormed past him, glancing around the living room in search of Jamie and Alexis.

"Where are the girls?" She asked, slightly out of breath as her eyes met his across the room.

"Upstairs, why?" He frowned and then found himself pulled into his office. "What's going on?"

Kate held out a piece of paper to him, which he took from her without looking at it, keeping his eyes on her instead, waiting for an explanation.

"It's the paternity test," she finally got out, a tentative smile on her face as she tried to tone down her excitement. Castle's mouth lifted up into a beaming smile, before he threw the papers on his desk and pulled her against him. His lips landed firmly on hers and they shared their first real kiss since Sunday and she quickly opened her mouth to him, inviting his tongue, knowing they might get interrupted any second.

When they finally pulled away, panting heavily, Kate's eyes fell onto the papers on his desk, "Don't you want to look at them?"

"No," He shook his head, "there's nothing in it I don't know already."

She kissed him again for that.

* * *

On Thursday Kate learnt what exactly Montgomery had meant when he had told her there "were other options" coming her way_. _

Homicide was under-staffed and had requested extra uniforms to help with on-going investigations and Kate was the number one on their list. So with weak knees she stepped out of Montgomery's office and straight into the homicide bullpen and not taking the elevator back down to the first floor.

"Beckett?" Detective Clasterfield, a big guy, with white hair and a white mustache, looking straight out of an 80's cop show, called out for her from across the bullpen, "I got a job for you."

She quickly crossed the bullpen and stopped in front of Clasterfield, "What do you want me to do?" she asked, already glancing on the stack of photos he was holding in his right hand.

"I need you to go through this crime scene photos and look for anything unusual," he told her handing the pictures over.

"Unusual?" Beckett looked up at Clasterfield, not sure what to make out of that assignment.

"That's right, unusual," he smirked, pointing at a small desk that had obviously seen better days, "you can use that one for the time being."

He turned to leave and Kate started for her new desk when he turned once more, "And Beckett?"

"Yes?" she looked back at him.

"Welcome to Homicide," Clasterfield gave her a real smile, which told Kate he meant it.

"Thank you," she smiled back.

"Call me when you find something, Cramer and I are heading out to knock on some doors," he told her and then headed for the elevator, leaving Beckett to her task.

Two hours later it was Clasterfield who called Beckett, asking her to come to a crime scene, most likely related to their first victim. At 6pm she was still in the alley in which they had found the two bodies, marking victim number two and three. It was raining and windy, but at least unlike her Vice assignments, Kate was dressed properly for the weather and simply pulled her collar up a bit higher when she approached Cramer, Clasterfield's partner.

"Found something Beckett?" He asked when he saw her approaching him.

"Nothing yet," she shook her head.

"Okay, keep looking," he instructed and was about to turn, when she stopped him.

"How much longer do you think we'll be here?" She asked hesitantly.

"Looks like an all-nighter to me," Cramer shrugged. "Is that a problem?"

"No, no problem." She shook her head, already grabbing for the phone in her pocket, she had to call Castle.

"It's really no problem Kate," Castle told her a few minutes later while she had stepped out of the alley for some privacy, "I'll go over to your place and take over from Cynthia and you'll go and catch the bad guys."

"Thank you Castle," she sighed. "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't such a great opportunity.

"Kate, I get it and you know I love to have Jamie here, so really don't worry. We'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay," she said and heard someone call her name, "I gotta go."

"Be careful," Castle got in before the line went dead.

* * *

Kate had finally fallen asleep on the couch in the break room at four in the morning, thoroughly exhausted after spending hours in the rain, canvassing every dumpster crossing her way but in the end she had found the purse of one of the victims which led them to the killer.

Right now the man was waiting in holding while Cramer and Clasterfield prepared their interrogation. They had promised to wake Beckett so she could watch from the tech room and they kept their promise, rousing her at quarter past seven.

Castle called around noon, asking if they were still on for the appointment with his lawyer which he had set up on Wednesday after the paternity test arrived and while Kate was beyond tired, she didn't want to put it off.

"Yes, can you pick me up at my place?" She asked, wanting to get a proper shower and a change of clothes before meeting with his guy.

"You got it," he told her. "I'll pick you up at four."

* * *

Kate leant heavily against Castle's shoulder as their driver dodged the evening traffic in Midtown, quickly changing lanes and keeping her from falling asleep right here in the backseat of the town car.

"Hey," Castle gently nudged her when she had been quiet for way too long for his liking, "You okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded, but he didn't believe her.

"Kate," he turned in his seat to have a better look at her, "If you don't want …," he was stopped by her finger on his lips.

"No, that's not it," she sighed. "I just didn't expect we would have go to court to testify."

He moved closer to her, he hadn't expected that part either. After discussing their current situation with Cooper Anderson, the lawyer had told them that their best option was indeed to apply for shared custody. There were other options but none of them could guarantee that Castle wouldn't have to face legal hurdles when it came to Jamie's custody should something happen to Kate and so with one last look at each other they had asked Cooper to make the necessary arrangements.

"Hey, you heard Coop. He said it's just a formality, nothing to worry about," he tried to reassure her, even though he didn't like the idea of having to discuss their private life in a courtroom any better than Kate.

"I know," she sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder, "It doesn't seem right to have to defend it."

He knew what she meant but kept silent, putting his arm around her shoulders instead.

"We should tell them," Kate suddenly said, catching him by surprise.

"What?"

"We should tell Jamie and Alexis what's going on," she elaborated.

"About applying for shared custody?" He frowned.

"That too, but also about us," she clarified. "We can't do this without them knowing where we stand."

"Okay," he nodded slowly.

"Jamie won't understand the legal part and it's not important, she knows you're her dad that's all that matters but she will understand about us."

"Do you want to tell them tonight?" He asked, but Kate shook her head.

"No not tonight, I'm too tired to have that conversation right now," she yawned. "I just want to grab Jamie and head home and then go straight to bed."

"Tell you what," Castle said, placing a soft kiss on top of her head. "You'll go straight to bed at the loft. I'll keep the girls entertained for a while longer and then tomorrow we'll tell them. You have the weekend off, right?"

"Mmh," she mumbled, snuggling closer to him, right now she would agree to everything.

* * *

They stumbled out of the elevator, Kate attached at Castle's shoulder as they made their way to his front door and he was about to put his key into the lock, when she suddenly grabbed him by the lapels of his shirt, pulling him against her.

"Ka- ," he didn't get any further as her lips slammed down on his, all tiredness suddenly gone.

"I missed you," she breathed against his neck, tasting his skin and making him groan.

"Kate," he got out, grinding his hips against hers, his hands opening her coat, seeking skin, wandering under her shirt as the elevator doors dinged and they quickly stepped away from each other.

They nodded at Mr. Simmons from next door, waiting for his front door to close before Castle leant his forehead against hers.

"We need to be alone," he groaned.

"I agree," she sighed, her fingers caressing his face.

"Okay," he said, his voice firm as he took a step back to look at her, "enough. Tomorrow night. You and I will go on a date. No kids, no interruptions. My mother can stay with the girls."

Kate chuckled, "Did you ask her?"

"Well she offered, right?"

"She did, yes," Kate agreed quietly.

"So?" He asked.

"Let's wait to see how things go with the girls tomorrow, okay?" she looked at him.

"Okay, but if that goes well?"

He looked so hopeful that Kate couldn't possibly say no, "Then you can take me out Castle."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, but nothing fancy."

"Alright," he grinned from ear to ear before claiming her lips once more in a passionate kiss.

X~~~~X


	44. Telling the kids

X~~~~X

Castle had found his way into the guestroom way after midnight, after finishing a whole chapter for the latest Derrick Storm adventure. He had contemplated sleeping in his own bed, but had quickly given up the idea. There was no way he would get any sleep knowing Kate was upstairs.

He sneaked in as quietly as he could and slipped under the covers, hoping not to wake Kate and she only stirred slightly, scooting closer to him without really waking up or opening her eyes. Castle aligned his body next to hers, mesmerized by the way they fitted together as if they were meant for each other and took in a deep breath. She smelled fresh, exotic and like cherries and his arm sneaked around her waist, pulling her flush against his chest so he could bury his nose in her hair. He sighed deeply and followed her into dreamland.

* * *

He felt her lips on his forehead and hummed in response, feeling her warm fingers dancing through his hair, massaging his skull.

"It's still early," she mumbled, "go back to sleep."

He grunted and snuggled back into the pillows, hearing her leave the room before sleep took him under once more. It didn't last long though, staying in bed without her was becoming less appealing by the minute and so he finally pushed back the covers to go and look for her.

He found her in the kitchen, struggling with his coffee machine _again,_ and heard her swear quietly. He heard her hiss, her fingers flying to her mouth trying to soothe the pain she apparently had inflicted on herself.

"Need some help?" He asked, approaching her with a grin and watched her startle slightly before her features relaxed again when she saw it was him.

"God, please," she sighed, already holding out her cup to him, which he took from her hand, giving her a kiss in return before shoving her gently out of the way to get the coffee going.

"What is it with you and this coffee machine," Castle asked with a big smirk on his face, his eyes dancing with mischief.

"Don't ask me," Kate retorted, leaning against the kitchen counter, pointing her index finger at Castle's expensive espresso machine, "it hates me."

He chuckled, holding out the now filled and steaming cup to her, "I don't think it's possible to hate you," he said, his smile softening as he settled against the counter next to her, their shoulders touching.

"Castle," she sighed, a slight warning evident in her voice, but he didn't care, it was the truth after all.

They enjoyed the quiet morning in content silence for a while, drinking their coffees and both lost in their own thoughts until Castle finally broke the spell surrounding them.

"So we tell them over breakfast?" He asked, glancing up from his coffee cup to see her nod.

"I'm nervous," she admitted quietly after a moment and Castle put his coffee down to wrap his right arm around her shoulders, effectively pulling her into his side.

"No need to," he told her softly, "they will be thrilled."

"That's what makes me nervous," she said and then had to laugh at herself, feeling stupid, because really why would that be a bad thing?

"It's okay to be nervous," Castle reassured her, "it's a big step, but it will be fine. Trust me."

"I do," she breathed, pushing up on her toes to place a soft kiss on his cheek.

Castle reached for the cup still clutched between her hands and placed it on the counter next to his, before his arms circled her waist. He pulled her close, his lips finding hers without hesitation, as if this intimacy they shared wasn't still quite new to them. Kate deepened the kiss as his hands sneaked under her shirt, travelling up and down her bare back, while hers ran through his hair. She pulled him closer and before Kate knew it she found herself pressed against his fridge, the cold steel at her back in stark contrast to his hot body crowding her front.

"God, Castle," she moaned when he pressed his knee between her thighs and she knew they had to stop before they totally lost control of the situation.

It took all her willpower to push him away, panting heavily as she rested her head against his chest. When she finally found her voice, her words were firm and steady, "Call your mother."

"Huh?" he looked adorably confused, still trying to get a hold of the arousal singing through his body and evident at his lower parts.

"You and I are going out tonight," she told him, leaving no room for any arguments, as if he would challenge Kate on her decision.

Castle grinned like an idiot, "Yeah?"

"Yes," she stated.

* * *

An hour later they all sat at the dining room table, Alexis and Jamie between their parents, oblivious to the nervous glances that passed between the adults. Neither Kate nor Castle knew how to begin.

"Uhm," Castle finally took the lead, wanting to get it over with, "Jamie, Alexis?" He waited for his daughters to look at him and was momentarily distracted from his task when he saw Jamie's face smeared with peanut butter, "There's something we need to tell you." He finally got out, his voice unsteady.

Alexis immediately looked worried while Jamie just kept looking at him, blinking with her big blue eyes.

Castle reached for Kate's hands, needing something to hold on to and taking strength from the soft squeeze she offered him.

"Daddy?" Alexis' worried eyes met his, "is everything alright?"

"Yes Pumpkin," he quickly got out to reassure her, "everything is fine."

He looked at Kate, but she looked about as helpless as him. Why was this so complicated?

"It's – What we want to say is – Kate and I -," he stuttered. "We are … ." He sighed, this was not going well.

"You and Kate are dating?" Alexis frowned, since her dad didn't make any sense to her.

"Yes," a rush of air left his lungs and again he glanced at Kate who was now leaning forward across the table.

"Is that," Kate took a deep breath, "is that okay for you?" She asked, looking from Alexis to Jamie, the younger one of the sisters looking as if she wasn't completely sure what was going on.

"Will you move in?" Alexis asked, eyeing the two adults across the table with a hopeful expression.

"Uhm," Kate looked at Castle, she had expected a lot of questions but this hadn't been one of them, "Alexis, I don't ...," Kate didn't know how to answer her question. She couldn't, it was way too early in their relationship to even think about moving in together, but she couldn't just throw that back at Alexis.

"Not right now, Pumpkin, but Kate and Jamie will probably spend more time at the loft with us from now on," he glanced at Kate to see if she was okay with this, glad to see a tentative smile on her face telling him she was.

"Yay!" Alexis exclaimed, grinning brightly.

"I think she is okay with it," Castle chuckled, bumping his shoulder into Kate's.

"Jamie, Baby Bird, do you understand was this means?" Kate addressed her daughter who was grinning but evidently had no idea why. "Do you know what it means that Mommy and Daddy are together?"

The girl cocked her head, looking from one parent to the other, "Kissy?" she asked and the seriousness and thoughtfulness on her face made Castle chuckle.

"Our kids are too smart for us," he laughed and nodded at his younger daughter. "Yes Jamie. Kissy, kissy like Mama Bear and Papa Bear."

His answer seemed to satisfy her as she returned her attention back to her peanut butter sandwich. Alexis was already occupied with her pancake as well, both children obviously not very impressed with their parents' revelation.

Kate and Castle looked a bit dumbstruck as they watched the girls ignoring them.

"Is it just me or was this way too easy?" Castle whispered.

"I think they have been onto us," Kate shrugged, her lips lifting into a smile.

"Yeah," Alexis got out with her mouth full of pancake and after swallowing down she stated matter of factly, "you guys were kind of obvious, especially you Dad."

Kate blushed in various shades of red while Castle's mouth opened and closed several times without releasing any words.

"And you think you're so cool," Alexis smirked at him.

Indeed, their kids were too smart for them.

* * *

Castle was nervous, _very _nervous. He kept pacing through his living room, causing his mother to roll her eyes.

"Richard!" She called out to him, "Would you please sit down. You are giving me a headache."

"Shouldn't she be here by now?" He asked, ignoring his mother's request, looking at his daughter instead.

"Dad, she still has 15 minutes," Alexis rolled her eyes, looking like a mini version of Kate.

He let his fingers run through his hair again which had taken him thirty minutes to get them just right and glanced at his watch. Alexis was right, with a sigh he dropped down between his girls on the couch.

He knew he shouldn't have let her out of his sight. But Kate had insisted to go back to her apartment to change and since their daughters wanted to see them both all dressed up, they had agreed for Kate to come back to the loft and pick him up.

While Kate was at her place Castle had made reservations at a small Italian restaurant not far from his place. He had listened when Kate had requested nothing fancy and while he wouldn't let her pay for anything tonight he knew she didn't feel comfortable with his wealth. So he thought it would be a good idea to go to a place she might be able to afford herself. After all tonight wasn't about showing off his money, that was not the reason she was with him. Tonight was about them. Finally just about them, without any interruptions.

When he heard the knock he was up from the couch and at the door in record time, swinging it open with the biggest smile on his face.

There she was, standing on his doorstep with a shy smile on her lips, her curls pinned up on top of her head, eyes sparkling and the open front of her winter coat revealing a simple but yet stunning, skin-tight midnight blue dress. She looked radiant.

"Wow," he breathed unable to form any coherent thought.

"Hey," she greeted him, stepping closer.

"Wow," he said again.

"Richard!" His mother's scolding voice rang out from inside the apartment, "Where are your manners? Don't let the girl stand there, invite her in."

"Uh, yeah," he stuttered. "Come in, sorry."

She stepped past him, walking over to Martha and the girls on the couch. They all lifted big eyes at her.

"Kate, Darling," Martha sighed, clasping her hands, "You look simply stunning."

"Thank you Martha," Kate replied, blushing slightly.

"You're so beautiful," Alexis said in awe, "Isn't she Dad?"

She turned to find Castle still staring at her and all he usually managed to hide from her was there in his eyes, the extent of his feelings for her. Kate's heart started beating so fast and so loud, she was sure everyone in the room was able to hear it.

"Yes, she is Alexis," he spoke softly. "She is."

"Mommy, pretty," Jamie grinned up at her mother, redirecting her attention, "Daddy too."

"Yes," Kate agreed, sitting down between Jamie and Alexis where Castle had sat just minutes ago, "Daddy looks pretty good himself."

Castle and Kate looked at each other from across the room, the energy between them palpable and Martha had enough.

"Okay you two," she sighed, "stop making goo-goo eyes at each other and get out of here."

They made their round of kissing everyone goodbye, before Castle held out his arm for Kate.

"Shall we?" he asked, his eyes dancing with happiness and excitement.

She placed her arm in his, letting him guide her to the door and with one last wave at their family they stepped out into the hallway and were finally – alone.

X~~~~X

**_AN: I'm going on vacation on the weekend for a week and a half, yes I know -again-so I'm not sure when I'll be able to post the next chapter. But I will have some time to write so you won't have to wait until I'm back. _**


	45. Date Night

X~~~X

They stepped into the elevator, a respectable distance separating them and while the car was bringing them down, they kept stealing glances at each other, their hearts beating fast and feeling like two teenagers on their first date. When the door opened on the ground floor Castle reached for Kate's hand, unable to fight his longing for her anymore and he didn't let go as they walked through the foyer and out into the street.

The chilly November air greeted them, surrounded them, causing Kate to step closer into the warm shielding that Castle's body provided while they waited for the cab the doorman had called for them.

"You look gorgeous," he whispered into her ear, leaning in to catch a hint of her perfume, "and you smell delicious."

Kate just leant closer, humming into his ear, letting her free hand run over his chest when she asked, "How long is your mother staying tonight?"

She leant her head against his shoulder, hoping that Castle wouldn't tell her they needed to be back at midnight, because she wasn't ready for that, not at all.

"She is sleeping in the guestroom," Castle replied, putting his arm around her waist, "So we have all night if we want to."

Kate turned her head to look at him, raising one eyebrow, "Someone's planning on getting lucky tonight, huh?"

Castle's head shot around, looking at her with big, panicked eyes, "What?"

"Giving away my room?" She asked and felt him tense beside her. "Where are you planning for me to sleep tonight?"

"No, no," he shook his head, "that's not - I didn't - I mean," he stopped when he heard her laugh.

"I'm just messing with you, Castle."

"Not funny," he pouted, standing a bit straighter, when he felt her fingers at his collar tugging him down.

"I think we've waited long enough," she breathed seductively, her lips so very close to his, "I'll kiss your wounded ego better tonight," she grinned against his mouth, feeling him respond to her closeness and when Castle thought she would finally stop talking and kiss him, Kate pulled away, "but first you'll need to feed me."

He growled, tightening his grip on her, wanting to get back at her for teasing him but he had to let go when the cab pulled up beside them. _Later, _he promised himself.

* * *

She sat close to him in the backseat, not wanting to let go, fearing she might wake up and realize it was all a dream. It had been so long since she'd been out on a date, or out on the town at all for that matter. She didn't need to worry about Jamie, didn't need to hurry back home to release the babysitter. The only thing she had to do was to enjoy her night out with the gorgeous man at her side.

She sighed, turning her head to look at Castle who was currently staring out the window, giving her the chance to study his handsome features without getting caught staring. He was good looking, there was no doubt about that and his body was … she shivered thinking about his broad chest, his strong arms and that gorgeous ass of his. Gosh, she was already turning into a nervous bundle of need and desire and they weren't even at the restaurant yet. She needed to stop. Besides his good looks were not what had made her - she stuttered in the middle of her train of thoughts – was she falling in love with him? Or was it already too late for that?

She tried to take a deep breath to calm her nerves, but it was no use so instead she tightened her hold on him to get his attention, there was something she wanted to tell him.

When his blue eyes met hers she leant in to press a kiss against his jaw, "Thank you, Castle." She mumbled against his cheek before sitting back into her seat.

"For what?" He frowned surprised.

"For being you," she shrugged, "for pushing me when I needed it. I know that you are the one who got us here."

"Kate," he moved closer to her, "We both got us here. I could have pushed all I wanted but if you hadn't let me push you we wouldn't be anywhere."

"I don't know," she looked down at her hands. She hadn't planned to turn the matter into a big discussion, especially not tonight but apparently it was too late for that, she knew he would try to convince her otherwise.

"But I do," Castle told her, his voice firm as his right hand cupped her cheek to make her look at him, "and I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm proud of you."

She tried to turn her head, but he wouldn't let her, "Kate you are still so young and I know it must have been hard for you doing it all on your own," she tried to object, wanting to tell him it was her own stupid choice to do it alone for so long, but Castle stopped her with a finger on her lips, "You've been through a lot, through more than anyone should be and I think you have every right to be careful and not give you heart easily. I'm glad you let me in though." He smiled at her, his fingers caressing her cheek. "I've waited a long time for you to come around Kate. You are the one I've been looking for."

He heard her sigh and hoped it was a good sign, tonight was supposed to be fun, not about dwelling over the past and the what ifs. He hoped it was the start of an amazing future for them.

He got his answer when her lips met his, her arms sneaking around his neck to pull herself closer to him as she seemed to have forgotten they were still in the backseat of a taxi with not much privacy.

Her tongue was eager to enter his mouth and he gladly granted her access, pushing her back into the seat, his hand on her knee, slowly travelling up, before she pushed it away and leant back.

"Stop Castle," she panted. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes a shade darker than before.

"Food first, I know, I know," he nodded, sitting back into his seat, trying to calm his racing heart and other parts of his body. He just wanted her so much, dinner would be pure torture, for sure.

"Where are we going anyway?" Kate asked, looking out of her side of the window to see where they were.

"Actually, we are already there," Castle pointed out of his window at a place that looked like an Italian restaurant, "Tony serves the best spaghetti with meatballs in the whole city," he continued, while he paid the cabby and helped Kate out into the street.

"Spaghetti with meatballs?" Kate frowned, looking at the restaurant that didn't look at all like a place she would have pictured Castle choosing for their first date.

"Trust me, it's Alexis' and my favorite restaurant," he told her before his hand at the small of her back guided her forward toward the entrance.

* * *

"Ricky, you son of a gun," an elder, bulky and obviously Italian guy greeted him effusively, "Where have you been? I haven't seen you and Alexis in ages."

"Ah, I've been kind of busy Tony, but I promise we'll come around more often from now on," Castle told Tony, who was apparently the owner of the restaurant.

"And who is the lovely lady at your side?" Tony asked directing his attention to Kate.

"This is my friend Kate Beckett," Castle introduced her with a big smile, not sure if Kate would have liked to be introduced as his girlfriend in public just yet. "Kate this is Tony."

"Buonasera signorina," Tony smiled at her, kissing the knuckles of her hand, before leaning back into Castle's personal space. "I can see why you have been busy." He winked at them, before taking the lead, guiding them into a more secluded area of the restaurant.

"Your favorite table, as requested," Tony told Castle, before leaving them alone with the menus and taking their coats with him.

Castle pulled out the chair for Kate, letting his hands linger on her shoulders before taking his seat on the opposite side of the table.

"Your favorite?" She asked and Castle detected just a slight note of uncertainty in her voice.

"Mine and Alexis, yes," he nodded and saw her relax.

"Oh," Kate sighed, feeling ridiculous all of a sudden. She knew he wasn't the man the press liked to make him appear to be and he had never given her a reason to doubt him not once in the past three months.

"I've only ever been here with Alexis and mother," he added, "You're the first besides them that I take here."

"Why?" She asked, feeling pitiful in her need for reassurance.

Castle just shrugged, reaching over the table to hold her hand, "You're family."

Her smile lightened her whole face as she gave his hand a soft squeeze. How did he always know what to say? And why wasn't he getting tired to reassure her all the time? She sure would have given up on herself by now.

When Castle was sure she was fine, he reached for the menu, "Of course you can choose anything you like but I really recommend the meatballs," he told her, his eyes never leaving her. "You would really miss something."

"Okay," Kate nodded with a grin. "Bring it on Castle."

* * *

Castle had been right, the spaghetti and the meatballs were to die for, plus the whole evening clearly showed that he had been listening to her when she had asked for something simple and not too fancy. Surprisingly she realized that she could have afforded this restaurant on her own and she didn't have to feel out of place among New York's high society. The food was one of the best she'd ever tasted, the wine lulling her into a very comfortable state of mind, loosening her body and easing her insecurities.

They both looked a bit stupid with their napkins tucked into the collars of his button down and her dress and it made her giggle to see Castle's face smeared with tomato sauce, reminding her of their daughter.

"What?" He asked, seeing her happy eyes dance across his face.

Kate shook her, "You have tomato sauce all over you."

"Oh," he grinned sheepishly, before wiping his mouth clean with his napkin. "Better?"

Kate shook her head, leaning over the table and signalling him with her finger to do the same.

She gave him a quick kiss, her tongue teasing the corner of his mouth before leaning back into her seat, "Better."

He grinned like an idiot, his hand finding hers again and then he felt her bare foot at his calf.

"Let's forget about dessert and get out of here," she breathed and this self-confident, demanding version of Kate Beckett turned him on like nothing else ever had.

He was out of his chair in no time, leaving a generous tip on the table, before heading to the front of the restaurant to get their coats.

* * *

They more or less stumbled into the backseat of the first cab that had stopped in front of them, Castle's hands reaching for her, wanting to have her close, unable to stop touching her, "Broome Street -," he started to tell the driver but was stopped by Kate who gave the cabby her own address.

Castle frowned at her, honestly he hadn't thought about going to her place or had she changed her mind?

"All night without possible interruptions," she mumbled into his neck, "I'm not sharing you tonight Castle, not even with our daughters."

He growled, attacking her neck, oblivious to the driver who kept throwing them interested glances through the rearview mirror.

He felt her nibble at his earlobe and he needed to take deep calming breaths so he wouldn't rip her clothes off right here and now. Only ten more minutes he told himself over and over again.

* * *

They almost fell through her front door, their hands trying to take each other's coats off at rapid speed, while their lips tasted and licked their ways over the barely exposed skin.

Castle pushed her up against the wall in her hallway, eliciting a sweet moan from her mouth as his thigh pressed between her legs right where she wanted him the most and Kate thought she was going to explode from an overdose of emotions and feelings. He was just everywhere and it had been so long since she had done this, she hadn't been with anyone since him and she just couldn't wait any longer.

"Forget the foreplay," she groaned, "Bedroom. Now."

He picked her up, Kate's legs coming around his waist and he carried her toward the bedroom, his lips never leaving hers while her hands cupped his face to keep him close, their tongues exploring each other's mouths.

"Kate," he panted, resting his head against her chest, feeling the swell of her breasts under his forehead as he stopped in front of her bed. He wasn't sure what to do next, well he did but …

"I need you," she whispered into his ear and it was all it took to get him moving again.

With a growl he put her down on the bed, studying her from above, amazed that they were really doing this again after all this time. In some ways it truly felt like this was their first time together.

"Stop staring," Kate told him, sitting up and reaching for the zipper of her dress and he quickly sat down next to her to help her get out of it.

Kate stood, letting the dress pool around her ankles and stepping out of it, shedding her high heels on the way to stand in front of him in only her underwear. Black lace, Castle swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry.

Sure he had seen her naked before, as a matter of fact had seen her in just a bikini only weeks ago and yet this time it was different. Everything felt brand new.

Kate stood there, worrying her bottom lip and staring at a spot on the floor. It has been so long since she slept with a man, since she slept with _him_ and while she knew she was what a lot of people called attractive, knew it from the way men's eyes followed her frequently, she suddenly felt insecure. Her body had changed over the past three years and she wasn't sure she could live up to his memories, to his expectations.

"God, you're beautiful," Castle breathed unaware of her inner turmoil and pulled her close, pressing his lips against her flat, toned abdomen, his tongue coming out to taste her skin, "So gorgeous."

His fingertips trailed over her bare skin, eliciting goose bumps in their wake and Kate shivered, her hands running through his hair as she pressed his face against her middle, needing more, wanting him to be closer, wanting everything.

"Your skin is so soft," he stated amazed and unable to let go of her, his fingers running up and down her body.

"And you're overdressed," she mumbled and reached for the buttons of his shirt.

"Kate," he breathed, taking her hands into his, "I wanna do this right."

He sounded more insecure than she had ever heard him and it helped to know she wasn't alone in this, it gave her the strength to be the one taking the lead for once.

She straddled his lap, running her hips in slow circles over his, feeling him respond to her every move and then she pushed him back into the covers, unbuttoning his shirt to kiss her way down his torso.

"I love your chest," she mumbled against his skin, leaving a hot trail of kisses around his belly button before going for his belt.

"God, Kate," Castle groaned, having no idea when he had ever been so turned on, probably never. She was every dream come true and he couldn't believe they were finally here.

He turned them, covering her body with his and slowly worked down the straps of her bra to reveal more delicious skin before kissing his way down her body, shedding his shirt on the way. There was no doubt in his mind, she was the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid eyes on, her body toned and strong, yet soft and curvy where he liked it.

It didn't take them much longer and they were both naked and panting heavily as they completed each other in a way neither of them had experienced before. Their first night together almost three years ago had been fantastic but this, tonight, it was more, it was everything. They mumbled words of tenderness into each other's ear before their lips met in their very own dance that was still in rhythm with their moving bodies as they took each other higher and higher, away from everything and everyone, leaving only them.

* * *

After their third round he finally collapsed on top of her, totally spent and fulfilled and turning onto his back, he pulled her with her, letting her rest on his chest.

"Wow," he breathed, still not able to form a coherent thought.

"Yeah," she whispered, content, snuggling deeper into his embrace, her right hand running circles over his chest, playing with the soft hair she found there.

"That was amazing," he sighed, pulling the covers up over their sweaty and heated bodies, both way too tired to even think about taking a shower.

"Yes," she agreed, placing a kiss over his heart, "it was."

"You okay?" He asked tentatively, not wanting her to regret anything that happened tonight.

"Never been better," she sighed happily, closing her eyes, "but tired."

"Then sleep Kate," he told her, placing a soft kiss on top of her head. "Just sleep."

Her right arm sneaked around his waist, pulling herself closer, her right leg hooking over his as she draped herself half over his body and with one last happy sigh she was gone.

When he was sure she was asleep he closed his eyes, trying to treasure everything about this moment. She would be here in the morning, they were done running and if he did it right she would be here for the rest of his life.

"I love you," he mumbled against her hair, thinking she was asleep, but feeling her hold on him tightening. She didn't stir though, so with one last deep breath he followed her into dreamland.

Kate's heart was beating fast as she tried to lay stock still. He loved her. And while she wasn't ready to say it back yet or acknowledge his confession, she suddenly realized with a certainty she had never experienced before, he was the one. He was the one for her and this was it.

X~~~~X

**_AN: I know it took me longer than expected. But the weather was so lovely._**

**_ I want to thank you guys for your ongoing support of this story, every review, every new follower feels amazing! THANK YOU!_**


	46. Protection?

X~~~~X

Castle woke up, a warm weight pressing him down into the mattress, a mattress that wasn't his own. He sighed deeply, feeling content and happy and as the memories of the previous night returned his eyes slid open.

There she was, curled half on top of him, her face hidden by a curtain of brown curls and he gently brushed them aside to see her peaceful face and what looked like a small smile on her lips. Stunning, she was simply stunning.

"Stop staring Castle. It's creepy," he heard her mumble into his chest and then felt her soft lips pressing a kiss over his heart.

"Morning," he smiled down at her, watching her open her eyes and looking into the gorgeous seas of green sparkling with flecks of brown that focused on him.

"Morning," she grinned back and pushed herself off his chest to close the distance between their mouths, not caring about morning breath in the least. Their kiss was slow and tender, his hands wandering down her glorious naked back before cupping her ass and giving it a squeeze.

"And what a great morning it is," he smirked against her lips and received a slap to his chest for it.

"What? You disagree?" He raised his brows at her.

Kate captured her bottom lip between her teeth as she shook her head, her eyes beaming with happiness. _Nope,_ she couldn't deny it was a great morning.

He made a fist pump before capturing her lips again, more passionate this time, but she pushed him away.

"I need to pee," she said, pushing herself off him to get out of bed. "I'll be right back."

"And I'll be waiting right here," he told her naked backside, noticing that she was walking a bit funny.

"Smart ass," she called over her shoulder, before disappearing into the hallway.

"Cute ass," he mumbled to himself before falling back into the pillow.

Standing in front of her bathroom mirror, she let her fingers run through her messy hair and grinned at her own reflection, remembering all the delicious things Castle did to her last night. She also looked tired which wasn't any wonder considering they barely got any sleep last night. But what did surprise her was the new glow in her eyes and on her face that hadn't been there before. _Wow, that's what amazing sex could do, huh?_

She brushed her teeth quickly and after she was finished in the bathroom she returned to the gorgeous man in her bed.

"You walk funny," Castle told her the second she reappeared and watched her blush.

"Uhm," she gulped and then said, "I have to admit, I'm a bit sore," her eyes avoided his and Castle was immediately concerned.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked sitting up in bed and reaching out for her as she crawled back under the covers with him.

"No," she said hastily, her hand flying to his cheek, "No, it's just, it has been a while since I …," she left the rest hanging in the air.

"How long?" he blurted out before he could stop himself and cursed himself for his stupidity. "Sorry, I didn't mean … you don't have to answer that."

Her eyes met his hesitantly and there was something in them that made him gasp as it became clear to him what she meant, "Since us?"

Kate just nodded, retrieving her hand and resting it with the other in her lap while she moved back onto her side of the bed.

"Wow," was all he could manage to get out and it didn't sound any smarter than his previous questions.

"I didn't know," he mumbled as an afterthought. He knew Kate had told him once that it had always been just her and Jamie, that there had been no man in her life, but he hadn't thought that no man in her life had meant no manin her bed as well. Suddenly he wished he could tell her the same, that there hadn't been anyone since her, but it would be a lie and she would know it. There had been Meredith and a few other women he barely remembered and he suddenly felt cheap, as if he had cheated on her.

"Why?" he heard himself ask, his head turning to look at her.

She shrugged, "I was a single mom, just starting out at the academy, there wasn't anytime for one-night stands."

"I'm sorry," he sighed and his words made her finally meet his eyes, a small amused smile on her face.

"What? For me not having any one-night stands?

He shook his head, "No," he took her hand into his, watching how their fingers laced together perfectly, "for not being able to tell you the same."

She let out a laugh, pulling his hand against her chest, "Castle, don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not being ridiculous," he protested.

"Yes, you are and it's sweet. But really there's no need to feel guilty about the fact that you had sex over the past three years. I'd say good for you."

The shocked looked on his face made her burst out with laughter, "Oh Castle, come on. I certainly didn't expect you to have lived like a monk."

He sulked and there was only one thing she could do to make it better, so she leant in, pressed her lips against his and made him forget.

It didn't take long for him to catch up and soon she found herself pressed into the mattress, his strong arms holding himself up so as not to crush her, while his lips travelled down her body.

"Castle," she breathed or maybe more hissed and he suddenly remembered what she had told him just minutes ago.

He stopped his descent down her body and looked up at her, "Are you sure you're up for a round four?"

Kate beckoned him back up her body, a sulky grin on her lips until she could lean up and whisper into his ear, "Just be gentle."

He shivered when her teeth pulled at his earlobe and then she let him go so he could continue what he'd started.

He was almost where she wanted him when his lips left her skin again and his head shot up to look at her.

"Castle," she whined, her eyes still closed.

"Kate," he gasped and the panic in his voice made her open her eyes.

"What?" She frowned.

"We didn't," stuttered, "I mean I'm clean but we didn't use anything," he rambled on, "and I know we make beautiful babies but maybe the next one should be planned and not - I mean," he looked at her, confused by the amused expression on her face.

"The next one?" she raised her eyebrow at him and he gulped.

"Ah, I didn't," his head dropped to her stomach, "help me out here, please."

"Castle," her voice was soft, but her amusement still evident as her fingers ran through his hair, "Calm down. I'm clean and I'm on the pill."

"But you have been on the pill when we -," she stopped him with a finger on his lips.

"Yes, I was but I might not have been as responsible with taking it as I am now. I don't know," she sighed, "I was in a bad place back then, unsteady and I might have forgotten to take it more often than I like to admit."

He looked at her, taking it all in.

"But if you want to eliminate the last 2 percent then I hope you have a condom with you because I don't have any," she told him, looking a bit nervous.

"Do I look like I have a condom _on _me," he wriggled his eyebrows and Kate rolled her eyes at him.

"Okay, I'm sorry," he said, sobering and pushing himself up on his arms. "I just - I'm sorry I didn't think about it yesterday. I shouldn't have put this on you and I'm more than good with the two percent chance."

"You sure?" Kate questioned, studying him closely.

"I'm sure. I trust you."

"Okay," Kate nodded slowly, before a small smile appeared on her lips. "I trust you too."

"Okay, good," he beamed back at her, pushing up to place a soft kiss on her lips and then continued where he had left off before, making sure to be very gentle.

XOXOX

"Castle," she hissed an hour later, "get up."

"But I'd much rather watch you running around naked," he smirked, watching her go through her closet in search of her underwear, while he lay naked on his stomach, his chin propped up on his hands.

"If you don't get under the shower now, we'll be late for brunch with the girls and your mother," she told him, before letting out a triumphant, "yes!"

"What?" Castle asked eagerly, still enjoying her naked backside. He had no idea why they were leaving her bed at all. He could easily stay naked with her all day.

"I found the bra I was looking for," Kate said, turning around, still gloriously naked.

"Yeah? Show me," Castle said and to her surprise his eyes were steady on hers.

She looked at him, a sexy smile appearing on her face as she sauntered over to him.

"You would like that, huh?" she purred and leant down at his side and just as he wondered what she was going to do he felt her hand smack his backside.

"Ouch," he yelped, shooting off her bed, his hand pressed to the red mark on his ass. "What?!" He shrieked like a girl.

Kate laughed, "God, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

"Yeah?" he asked, his expression changing immediately as he crossed the room, one hand reaching out for her, the other still pressed to the burning sensation on his cheek. "Wanna do it again?"

"Nope," she shook her head and then pushed him back with her hands on his chest. "I want you to get under the shower and dressed."

"Party pooper," he muttered, but finally shuffled out of her bedroom to get under her shower.

XOXOX

They were late. Martha was already seated at a table in the back of _Louis,_ a lovely little French place that served a delicious brunch and was very kid-friendly.

"It's your fault," Kate hissed as they quickly crossed the room to greet Martha and their daughters.

"How is it my fault?" He protested, trying to keep up with her purposeful stride.

"You need longer in the bathroom than any girl I know," she shot back before any further discussion was interrupted by Castle's mother.

"Finally," the actress sighed dramatically, "I was worried you two wouldn't get out of bed at all today."

"Mother," Castle growled at her, seeing Kate blush at his side.

"What? We are all adults, we know how this works," she shrugged.

"But there are children around," he muttered and then grinned at his daughters who were occupied with a coloring book.

But Martha waved him off, "They are not even looking."

Castle shot her one last scolding look before walking over to his daughters, while Martha linked her arm through Kate's.

"So, did you two have a good time?" the older woman asked conspiratorially. "I hope my son behaved."

"We had a wonderful time," Kate smiled, "thanks for taking care of the girls."

"Anytime Kate," Martha squeezed her arm, "I mean it, if you two need time alone just tell me. I love spending time with the two whirlwinds."

"Thank you, Martha."

XOXOX

Over brunch Jamie and Alexis told their parents about the fun evening they had spent with their grandmother and how eager they were to repeat it. Apparently the girls hadn't missed their parents at all.

They spent all day with Martha and the girls, strolling the city and having dinner at Tony's before heading back to the loft to watch a Disney movie.

Martha left half way through the movie, having a hard time to disentangle herself from the little arms that tried to hold onto her.

"We'll see each other soon," Martha promised kissing her granddaughters goodnight and giving each their parents a kiss on the cheek before waltzing out of the door.

Kate hadn't planned for her and Jamie to stay over at the loft but when she found her daughter asleep in her sister's lap after the movie ended she didn't have the heart to wake her and take her home if she had a perfect room upstairs. She would have dropped her of at Castle's in the morning anyway.

They put the girls to bed and cleaned up the living room together when Castle's put his hands on Kate's shoulders.

"Why don't you take a bath?" He suggested, assuming she would stay.

"Maybe I should head home," Kate sighed, leaning into his touch, "I have to work tomorrow."

"You can go to work from here," Castle said, leaning in to kiss her neck. "Come on, take a bath and crawl into bed with me."

"Okay, okay," she surrendered and let him push her into the direction of his bedroom.

"I'll finish the rest," he told her, "You'll find anything you need in the cabinets."

He saw her nod and turned back to the sink to clean their wine glasses and then walked into his study to look through the mail.

XOXOX

Kate heard a knock on the door fifteen minutes later and had to grin, such a gentleman, "Come in." She called and watched Castle stepping through the door and into the bathroom where she lay in his tub enjoying a heavenly bubble bath.

"You okay?" He asked, slowly walking over to her.

"Absolutely," she sighed happily and watched him sit down next to the tub letting his fingers trail over her arm that rested on the rim. "I love bubble baths."

Castle chuckled, "Who would have thought."

Kate splashed some water into his direction making him squeal.

"Shut up," she scolded and sank further into the water.

"Have you thought about a date for inviting Esposito," he asked, watching the raise and fall of her chest under the foam.

"Yeah," she nodded with closed eyes, "I have to work next weekend, but I have Wednesday and Thursday off so I thought we could ask him to come on Wednesday. If that is okay with you," she opened her eyes to look at him.

"Sounds good," Castle nodded and struggled to get up again from the floor.

"Where are you going?" She asked, reaching for his hand.

"Leave you to relax," he shrugged, watching her hand on his arm.

"What if I'd rather want you to come into the tub with me?" She questioned.

"Huh?" he looked surprised, which was adorable.

"Get out off your clothes and get in here Castle," she ordered and watched him hastily stepping out of his pants.

It only took him thirty seconds to climb in behind her and feel her back settle against his front.

"That's better," she sighed as his arms encircled her waist. "Much better."

Castle pressed a kiss into her hair, he couldn't agree more.

X~~~~X

_**AN: Thanks to all of you for the amazing feedback on the last chapter!**_


	47. Co-Hosting

X~~~~X

Castle was busy in the kitchen when Kate came rushing through the open front door, which he had left unlocked twenty minutes ago when she had told him she was finally on her way over.

"Sorry, sorry," she exclaimed, while crossing through the living room and putting the full shopping bags on the kitchen counter, "I know I'm late. Cramer needed me to get something from the M.E.'s office and it took longer than I expected." She came to a stop in front of him, to place a quick kiss on his jaw, "Sorry I kept you waiting."

"Calm down," he laughed, his arms sneaking around her waist to pull her in for a real kiss, "We still have more than enough time."

"Okay good," Kate looked around, "what do you want me to do?"

"You could chop the vegetables," he said, letting go of her and pushing over the carrots, celery and cabbage followed by the chopping board and a knife.

"The girls?" She asked, while starting to work on the carrots.

"Upstairs with Mother, she's getting them ready for bed, so we can finish dinner without their little, greedy hands getting in the way." He told her with a smirk while checking on the roast beef in the oven.

"Great, did you get the beer?"

"Yep, in the fridge." He nodded without looking up from his task.

"Thank you," Kate leant down to place another kiss on top of his head while he was still kneeling on front of the oven. "I didn't mean to let you do it all alone." She apologized, knowing she had promised to be home in time to help getting dinner ready.

"It's okay," he shrugged, closing the oven and getting back to his sauce on the stove, "So what exactly took longer than expected?"

"Lanie," Kate said as if that explained everything.

"The intern who delivered the paternity test results?" Castle questioned, adding more curry to the sauce.

"Yep," Kate nodded, stepping around him, her hand trailing around his waist as her other reached for a bowl.

"So did she have big news on the case for you?" He questioned, but Kate shook her head, biting down on her bottom lip.

"Ahh," it dawned on him what had really kept her so long, "girls talk?"

"We forgot about the time," she looked up at him, "sorry."

Castle laughed, "It's fine, Kate. I'm happy you made a new friend."

"Still, this is my thank-you dinner for Esposito and I let you do all the work," she looked genuinely concerned and Castle left his sauce for a moment to pull her close.

"It's _our_ thank-you dinner," he told her sincerely, "and there's still more than enough for you to do. And on that note," his right hand moved down to smack Kate on her ass, "get going."

She yelped, jumping out of his embrace to look into his smirking face as she grabbed the knife and started to chop the vegetables with a big smile on her face. It was fun, preparing dinner with him for someone that didn't preferred pizza or pasta.

* * *

When Javier Esposito knocked on the front door of Castle's apartment he had no idea what was about to hit him. He had wanted to be on time and ended up being at Castle's place early

and if he had known what awaited him behind the door, he might have come back 15 minutes later.

The door swung open and to his surprise there was no one behind it to greet him.

"Who are you?" A small voice reached him and he looked down to find two girls staring up at him. One of them, he knew, was Castle and Beckett's daughter Jamie and the redhead was probably Castle's older daughter Alexis.

"Hey," he grinned, kneeling down in front of them, "I'm Javi. Do you remember me Jamie?"

The little girl gave him a serious look and then nodded as her eyes lit up, "Work with Mommy," she told him proudly and Esposito nodded.

"That's right, I work with your mom," his gaze wandered to the other girl, standing protectively behind her younger sister, "and you must be Alexis. Beckett told me a lot about you."

Alexis eyes lit up, "Yeah?"

"Uh-hu," he nodded eagerly, "She told me what a great big sister you are and that you always look out for Jamie."

Alexis smile widened and Kate and Castle who were watching the scene from the kitchen exchanged a knowing look. Esposito would win both girls over in no time.

"And why are you here?" Alexis asked, giving the man in front of her a curious look.

"I was invited for dinner," he told them with a chuckle and was surprised when Alexis' small hand reached out for his to pull him inside, while Jamie hurried in front of them toward the kitchen.

"Do you like pizza?" Alexis asked.

"I do," he told her.

"Too bad, they didn't make pizza tonight," Alexis told him, looking as if she felt sorry for him.

"Jamie love pasta," the smaller one of the girls told him, almost stumbling over a stuffed bunny that was lying on the floor.

"How long are you staying?" Alexis continued her interrogation and Castle had to grin, his girl had surely gotten more self-confident over the past weeks and he knew exactly who he had to thank for this development.

"Uhm, I don't know yet," Espo told the girl who was still dragging him over toward Castle and Kate who seemed to be amused by what was going on.

"Is that the greeting all your guests receive?" He asked when they finally reached the kitchen counter and Alexis released his hand.

"No that was just for you," Castle grinned, before he held out his hand to greet their guest personally.

"Hey Espo," Kate smiled, giving him a quick hug. "They were supposed to be in bed already but they wanted to say hi to you."

Esposito grinned like a Cheshire Cat, "Well that's nice."

"Yeah," Kate nodded, "but not that they have done that," she turned her attention to Jamie and Alexis who were looking at the adults with merely hidden curiosity, "girls, time for bed. Your grandma is waiting upstairs."

"Actually she's already downstairs, looking for the little monsters who escaped their poor grandmother with an act that, under different circumstances, would've made her proud," Martha stated dramatically as she joined them in the kitchen.

She held out her hand to the young Hispanic standing with her son and Kate, "I'm Martha Rodgers, the mother of this horrible host who didn't even offer you a drink as far as I can see," she said, giving Castle a scolding look, "Richard, really I taught you better."

"Right," her son nodded, "Beer okay?"

Esposito nodded, "Beer would be great, thank you."

"So," Martha linked her arm with the younger man, guiding him toward the couch, "I had no idea Kate had such good looking colleagues."

"Mother," Castle warned her from the kitchen.

"What?" She shot him a look, before turning her attention back to the man at her side. "So Javier, tell me how come you're working with our lovely Kate?"

Kate and Castle looked at each other a little bit helpless until Kate gathered the girls and shoved them toward the stairs, "I'll get them to bed and you take care of the drinks and your mother," she told him with a grin before she disappeared upstairs.

* * *

"Castle man, this is not an apartment this is a palace," Javier Esposito gasped ten minutes later as he stood in the middle of the living room, his eyes wide as he took everything in for the first time since he arrived and Martha had left. His bachelor pad would fit three times into Castle's living room.

"Ah well," Castle shrugged, he didn't like to show off his wealth, especially not in front of people who had potential to become his friends.

"It's great, man," the Hispanic nodded, before turning his eyes toward the stairs where Kate had reappeared. When she arrived at their sides Castle handed her a beer and clinked bottles with them, before they all set down.

"So how is life in Homicide?" Espo asked, settling against the kitchen counter.

"Lots of foot work and running errands I'm afraid," she laughed, "but it's great. They let me observe and I feel like I'm learning a lot."

"Cool," Esposito grinned. "Don't forget about me while you're climbing up the ladder though."

She waved him off, "It's nothing. I'll be back in the squad room in no time," but to her surprise Esposito shook his head.

"That's not what rumors say," he said cryptically to her.

"What _do_ rumors say?" Castle chipped in, suddenly very, very interested in what Esposito had to tell them.

"That Beckett is on the short list to be permanently transferred to Homicide," Espo winked.

"And what could that mean?" Castle questioned further, unsure what exactly that could mean for Kate's career.

"Becoming Detective," Esposito stated as if it was a given fact, "sooner rather than later," he added, shooting Kate a knowing look.

"You don't know that," Kate said, looking rather uncomfortable. She didn't like people talking behind her back, good or bad.

"Hey," Espo raised his hands, "just telling you what the word is."

"Anyway it's hardly possible they'll make me Detective anytime soon, I haven't even take the test yet," Kate objected, but Esposito just shrugged as if he wanted to say_; Say what you want but I know better_.

Looking over at Castle she found his eyes directed at her and she was surprised by what she saw in them. Pride shined in them and she had to swallow hard, couldn't remember when it had been the last time someone had looked at her like this.

"Okay," she cleared her throat against the emotions boiling up inside of her, "Hungry?"

* * *

Conversation flowed easily between the three of them, Esposito telling them about his time in Special Forces and how he had decided to join the NYPD after leaving the Army. Kate and he shared some of their undercover and Vice experiences which led to Castle furiously scribbling down story ideas for his new Derrick Storm novel, telling them to hold it every five minutes so he could keep up.

"We should do this once a week," he exclaimed excitedly, "you gave me ideas for at least three new books."

"Wait until Beckett is the star of Homicide," Esposito grinned at Kate who just rolled her eyes. "That will make real good stuff for your books."

Castle's eyes grew wide, "Or even better, I create a new character, a female, sassy Detective working New York's weirdest murders."

"I like that," Esposito held out his fist for Castle to bump.

"You will not write a book about me," Kate protested as she stood up to clean their plates.

"Who said the book was about you?" Castle smirked at her, but she just stared back at him.

"We both know that's exactly what you've been saying," she challenged him, "And need I remind you I'm wearing a gun?" with that she swirled on her feet and moved into the kitchen.

"She's got you, bro," Esposito smirked at Castle, who was still staring at Kate's back as she loaded the dishwasher.

"Yeah," he nodded absent-mindedly, "she's got me."

Esposito's eyes narrowed as he looked from Beckett in the kitchen to Castle who had a very dreamy expression on his face. When Kate returned, sitting down next to Castle, much closer than strictly necessary he couldn't take it any longer.

"Okay I gotta ask. You two, are you a couple or not? Because at the hospital you said no, but seeing you now ...," he trailed off, suddenly fearing he might have overstepped a line. After all they have only known each other for two weeks.

"Uhm," Kate blushed and then admitted, "this is rather new."

"Ah," the Hispanic nodded and an uncomfortable silence evolved around them.

Esposito felt there was more to the story, after all they had a two-year-old daughter together and yet

he had no doubt that it was the truth that they only recently had started to date. But he figured they might tell him at some point, so for now he wouldn't ask any further questions.

"And you, Javier?" Castle chipped in, "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No, no," he shook his head with a chuckle, "it's hard to find the right one for a guy like me. Hey, but do you know the new intern down at the morgue?" He turned to Kate who tried to hide a grin, biting down on her lip.

"Lanie Parish?"

"Yes her." Esposito nodded eagerly, "do you know if she's single?"

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Kate raised challenging eyebrows at him.

This time it was Esposito's turn to blush, "Well, you know," he stuttered, "I don't get the chance to go down there that often and I thought you might - I mean you girls have a different connection ...," he trailed off.

"Uh-huh," Kate nodded, not believing a word he said, "but enough time to check her out?"

"I didn't," he protested and looked over at Castle, "help me out here, please?"

But Castle just raised his hands with a laugh and said, "You're on your own. I'm not getting into this."

"Just go down there and ask her. A guy like you, I'm sure you'll manage." Kate mocked him before getting up to get the dessert, while Castle helped Esposito and himself to another round of beer.

* * *

Javier Esposito really was a nice guy, tough on the outside but she could tell there was a warm, loving and loyal core to find underneath his armor. She was glad she had the chance to meet him and hoped they would get to work together again.

"Are we boring you, Beckett?" Esposito pulled her out of her thoughts, but Kate shook her head with a smile.

"I'll go check on the girls," she told him. "You two keep going."

She passed behind Castle, letting her hands run over his shoulders and he caught her fingers, turning to look at her, before pressing his lips against her finger tips.

She left the men to their discussion and climbed up the stairs to the second floor, the smile lingering on her face and she realized she hadn't laughed and smiled this much ever since her mother died until Castle re-entered her life. He was like a force of nature that had turned everything upside down and even though she had doubted in the beginning that it could work out between them in any way, she was overwhelmed by how much better hers and Jamie's lives had become with Castle and Alexis in it.

She had given up on childhood dreams of a perfect family a long time ago, accepting that these and other wishes were illusions that couldn't withstand the cruelty of reality. But now? Not that she was anywhere close to thinking about marriage and all that came with it, but Castle had planted the seed of possibility in her heart, maybe after all it was still out there for her to find.

Maybe it was strange that these thoughts came to her on a night like this, but it felt so natural, so normal to be doing this with him that it was almost scary.

* * *

When Kate came back downstairs she found both men in Castle's study in front of his PlayStation.

"Kate," Castle waved her over when he saw her standing in the doorway, "come on in."

"And here I was thinking the kids where upstairs in bed," she joked but coming to sit with them nevertheless.

"I had to show Javi my newest game," he explained. "It's not even on the market yet."

"Mmh," Kate replied unimpressed. "I see." And then she stifled a yawn. "Hey I'm heading to bed, but why don't you guys play a bit longer?" She suggested.

"You sure?" Esposito raised one questioning eyebrow at her. "I can leave, it's getting late."

She placed one hand on his shoulder and shook her head, "No, you guys enjoy your game as long as you want to, but I'm just beat."

"Okay, if you're sure," Esposito looked unconvinced.

"Don't worry," Kate reassured him, "it was great having you over, we should do it again sometime soon."

"Absolutely, thanks for the great dinner, it was amazing," he told her getting to his feet to tell her goodnight, before she left the men to their game and Castle telling her he wouldn't be too long.

* * *

"That was faster than I expected," Kate grinned when she felt the mattress dip on his side.

"What did you expect?" He asked. "You're in my bed. You didn't really think I would stay away for long."

Kate turned so she could look at him, "What did Esposito say?"

"I think he detected my slight restlessness," Castle shrugged unashamed, "but I guess he had a great time. I did for sure."

"Me too," Kate agreed, "we should really do it again."

"We will," he mumbled, already dipping his head down to nibble at her neck.

"Mmm," she hummed in return, "no more Espo talk for now."

"I can live with that," he growled before capturing her mouth in a passionate kiss.

X~~~~X


	48. Fake-Flirting

X~~~~X

Kate woke the next morning with Castle's head resting on her stomach and she grinned at the adorable sight in front of her, his hair tussled, his face slack and _ewww_, he was drooling on her.

Okay, maybe this was not so adorable after all, she thought trying to untangle herself from his arms which only caused him to hold on to her more tightly.

"Don't get up yet," he slurred, his eyes still closed as he nuzzled his cheek against her skin, "stay in bed."

"Castle," her fingers ran through his hair and he hummed with pleasure, "you're drooling on me."

"Huh?" his eyes opened with a start and he pushed himself off of her to inspect what she meant, "Uhh gross," he scrunched his nose and wiped his hand over her bare skin. "Sorry."

Kate patted his cheek with a soft smile, pushing the covers back to crawl out of bed, but he stopped her, "Hey," he pulled her back into his side, "where do you think you're going? It's your day off."

She laughed, "Yes, but Alexis has to go to school and you have a meeting at Black Pawn at 8:30, so we both should get moving."

"Five minutes," he pouted, his fingers dancing up and down her bare back and the thought crossed his mind that they should be more careful with sleeping naked when the kids were in the house. It could lead to some embarrassing explaining on their side.

"And what are you planning to accomplish in five minutes?" She raised a flirty brow at him, her eyes sparkling with mischief and excitement about what she knew was to come.

"Oh, you'd be surprised what I can do in five minutes," he growled, burying her beneath him.

* * *

He hadn't lied, he could do excellent work under pressure Kate had to admit and she was still grinning from ear to ear on the way over to her apartment when she remembered their early morning encounter.

She had decided Jamie and she would walk home after dropping Alexis off at school rather than taking the subway to get some fresh air and she was already regretting her decision. A light November rain had been falling down on them for the past five minutes and she had picked Jamie up so they could move faster to get home.

She needed to do some grocery shopping on the way as well, unsure what was left in the fridge and she realized once more how much time they were spending at the loft with the Castles. She wasn't sure how she felt about this, about giving up her independence so willingly. She worried that it might bite her in the ass at some point, but right now with Jamie babbling on her hip about her shopping trip with Alexis and Martha the day before she couldn't care less. Instead of worrying if things might move too fast between her and Castle she felt a warmth spread through her that easily chased away the chill the cold autumn air and her thoughts created around them. Right now she was happy, truly happy.

"Mommy?" Jamie asked, pulling at her mother's coat.

"Yes?" Kate smiled at her daughter, trying to shield her a bit from the rain. "What`s up?"

"I want pasta," she declared and Kate chuckled.

"Is that so?" She questioned, amused. "Mmmh, I will think about it."

"Pasta Mommy," Jamie pouted and somehow she reminded Kate very much of Castle right then.

"Okay," she relented, "I'll make pasta for the two of us."

"Alexis and Daddy?" Jamie asked with wide eyes.

"It's just you and me today, Baby Bird," told her. "Is that okay?"

"Just Jamie and Mommy," the girl nodded and then nodded with a smile, obviously happy to have her mom all to herself today.

Castle would be busy all morning and almost all afternoon with meetings at Black Pawn about his new book and so Kate and Jamie could enjoy their first real mother-daughter day in weeks. Not that Kate minded spending so much time with Castle and Alexis, on the contrary, she loved it, knew Jamie did too, but it was nice to have her daughter to herself again.

They weather prevented any outdoor activities and so Kate decided they would just hang out at home, maybe read a book or just play with Jamie's toys and when her daughter would fall asleep after lunch Kate could see to some overdue paperwork that had pilled up over the past weeks. And maybe later tonight Castle and Alexis could come over for pizza. _Yes,_ that sounded like a good plan to her.

* * *

Castle didn't listen to what was going on around him, instead he stared out the window thinking how happy he was. Things with Kate had been going great so far and much less complicated than he had expected, although that might be the one thing that actually worried him. The way she had given into everything, how easy she had adapted to the new situation, from what he knew about Kate he had expected more complications, more worries and more concerns from her side. One step forward, two steps back. But she seemed to be content with the direction their relationship had taken and with the speed they had established and yet he wondered if that moment of recognition was still about to come, the moment she would recoil from him. He hoped it wouldn't and yet he found himself preparing for the worst.

"Richard!" Paula's sharp voice reached him, made his ears ache.

"Mmmh?" he looked at her, not even pretending to know what was going on.

"The book tour?" her impatient eyes glared at him, clearly pissed with his lack of involvement in this matter.

Castle sighed, he'd hoped that this topic was done, "I've been telling you for weeks I _can't_ and I won't go on an extended book tour." He tried to sound calm, but there was an edge to his voice he couldn't hide.

"But what you have failed to tell us is why?" She hissed. "And don't tell me it's about Alexis, you've made it work before so why is it such an impossibility this time."

"I have my reasons," he said so quietly that he hoped his agent would take the hint but of course she didn't.

"Enlighten us, Ricky," she said so sweetly that he could be fooled if he didn't know her so well.

"That's private," he simply replied and startled when Paula's hands landed hard on top of the table.

"Damn it Rick Castle, I've had enough of this," she barked, "you need to do this book tour. Don't you care about your career anymore?"

This actually made him laugh, "What's wrong with my career? Book sales of the latest Derrick Storm novel have been through the roof. I don't think Black Pawn or I have to be concerned about my career right now."

He shot a look into Gina's direction who had been surprisingly quiet this whole time. She couldn't deny that what he said was true. Black Pawn was more than satisfied with the latest figures, they were actually working on a new offer for the bestselling author across the table, eager to tie him to Black Pawn for the next five years.

Paula growled, "I don't know what to do with you. Are you dying or something?"

"That's not funny," he growled, his eyes dark with anger at her impertinence.

"No, it's not but your behavior isn't either," Paula sat back into her chair, trying to calm her temper but kept her eyes trained on Castle as if she could force him to reveal his secret by pure will power.

"I've got nothing else to say," he shrugged and watched Paula gather her things in return.

"You know what? Fine, suit yourself I have other clients to attend to who are more willing to cooperate than you are. Who actually take an interest in their careers and appreciate what I do for them."

She stormed out the door before Castle even had a chance to reply, leaving him and Gina alone in the conference room. To his surprise Gina didn't seem to be unfazed by his behavior in the least as she directed a warm, open smile at him and suddenly he felt nervous, all the coolness he had felt when defending his cause now gone.

"Rick," she purred in this tone that meant trouble. "Why don't I take you out for lunch, mmh? You still owe me one and I think Black Pawn as an offer for you you can't refuse."

"Shouldn't you talk to Paula about that?" He frowned, after all that was her job.

Gina shook her head, looking at him like he was a stupid, little boy, "I think it's best you hear it from me first, we can still discuss the details with Paula later."

Castle gulped, feeling trapped. He couldn't simply say no, not when she made it sound like she was taking him out on a business lunch.

"I could eat," he finally got out and the excitement about the victory he saw in Gina's eyes made his heart beat wild with fear. Oh boy, how was he going to survive this.

* * *

"So Rick, with you being so cryptic about your reasons why you won't go on that book tour I can't help but wonder if there might be a woman in your life that keeps you from going," Gina made it sound like a simple observation, but he knew exactly what was going on and yet Castle had no idea how to respond. He had no idea if he was allowed to tell his publisher that he was madly in love with the mother of his second child. As a matter of fact he was quite sure Kate wouldn't like it.

"Uhm, no," he shook his head, "that's not the case. I'm free as a bird," he laughed nervously and knew he had to do much better to convince Gina. He had to take control back over the situation and there was only one thing he could think of that would do the trick. He needed to flirt with her and after this was over he would make sure he wouldn't have to meet with her again until it was absolutely necessary.

So he put on his most charming playboy smile, leant over the table and asked, "How about you Gina? Is there someone special in your life right now?"

The effect was immediate, her eyes lightening up as her breath quickened and she closed the distance between them a bit further, "Why are you asking Rick?"

* * *

Kate was surprised he hadn't called or texted her till noon, figuring he would be so bored at his meetings that he would take any opportunity he could get to annoy her, but nothing. It was already two in the afternoon and she hadn't heard a peep from him.

Jamie was sitting next to her on the living room floor playing with her stuffed animals, while Kate sorted through the pile of bills on her coffee table.

Maybe he was back home already? Maybe he had started to write and forgot about time? She picked up the phone dialling his familiar number and waited. Nothing. With a shrug she put the phone back down, he would call her when he had the chance she, was sure about that.

* * *

It was two hours later when Rick finally stepped out of the restaurant and felt like taking his first real breath for hours. He was tired from pretending that everything Gina said was fascinating. Sure she was a smart woman, but there was only so much fake-flirting a man could do, even a man like Richard Castle. They had departed on the half promise to go out for drinks sometime, a promise Castle was determined to break. In fact he wouldn't call her at all, if he could prevent it, but he started to realize that his plan of fake-flirting hadn't been the smartest one.

Black Pawn's new offer though had been more than interesting and he would make sure Paula would see to it.

Hailing a cab to finally escape his publisher he gave the driver the address of Alexis' school, thinking he could still make it in time to pick her up and spent some father-daughter time with her.

* * *

It was almost five when her phone finally rang and sent her sprinting down the hall to answer it.

"Beckett."

"Hey, it's me," his warm voice came over the line, "I just came home with Alexis. We had a science class emergency and had to make a few extra stops on our way home."

She chuckled, sinking down into her couch and feeling ridiculous for how much she loved hearing his voice. "So what's the emergency?"

"A volcano," he sighed, "due tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Kate gasped.

"Yeah," Castle confirmed, "she forgot about it and of course I had to dry a lot of tears until she was convinced we could still finish it until tomorrow. Unfortunately I couldn't convince her to accept that it's okay to forget some things once in a while."

"Ah poor Alexis," Kate sighed, she knew how serious the girl was about school. "I'm sure this is not easy for her."

"No, it isn't but I promised her we would finish it tonight and that I would even put in a nightshift if necessary," he continued but Kate sensed there was more and he didn't wait to fill her in, "Look I know we talked about having dinner tonight but I think we need all the time we can get, is it okay if we take a rain check?"

"Of course," Kate smiled, though she had to admit she was disappointed she wouldn't get to see him tonight, but she understood. Alexis had to be his priority tonight. "Don't worry about it."

"Thanks Kate," he sounded genuinely relieved and she wondered if he had somehow expected her to turn this into a big drama. They were both silent for a moment, both lost in their thoughts until Kate spoke again.

"Hey Castle, no need to thank me. I get it," she told him gently, "but you might want to tell Jamie goodnight before we hang up."

"Of course, but there's something I need to tell you," he started and then she heard him move around, "Cooper called. He put everything together for court and if we don't have any further question he will file for shared custody tomorrow." He told her.

"That sounds good," she told him, relieved that they were finally moving forward on that matter.

"So I'll call him and give him the heads up?" Castle asked just to be sure.

"Yes," she told him firmly. "I want it to be done this year."

"Okay, good," he grinned from ear to ear.

They hung up twenty minutes later, after Castle had talked to Jamie and had heard all about her day as well and when he walked into the living room to join Alexis, he thought how much easier things would be if Jamie and Kate just moved in with them. With a sigh he let that thought go, knowing she would never agree to it.

"Can we start Dad?" Alexis asked, looking up to him from the hardwood floor where she had spread out everything they would need to build a volcano.

"Absolutely Pumpkin, let's get started," he smiled and joined his daughter on the floor. They could all have dinner tomorrow. He would survive one evening without Jamie and Kate around.

* * *

Kate sat at Jamie's bed, reading from the book her daughter had bought with Castle. It seemed so long ago, another lifetime. So much had changed since then.

Jamie sat at her side looking at the pictures and whenever Papa Bear appeared she would put her finger to the picture.

"Like Daddy," she grinned up at her mother.

"Yes," Kate smiled. "Like your Daddy."

"I love Daddy," Jamie told her, when she finally snuggled under the covers. "And I love Mommy."

"And we love you too, Baby Bird. Now sleep tight." Kate told her, placing a soft kiss on top of her head.

"Mommy?" Jamie caught her mother's attention before she left the room.

"Tomorrow I go to Daddy?"

"Yes," Kate nodded. "I'll drop you off in the morning."

"Cool," Jamie stated satisfied, "Night Mommy."

"Good Night," Kate replied, closing the door behind her.

X~~~~X


	49. The first cut is the deepest

X~~~X

Kate climbed out of the Crown Vic that Cramer had parked in front of a brownstone down in the Village. They had been called in for a triple homicide just when Kate had arrived at the precinct after dropping Jamie off at the loft and Kate didn't even get the chance to get to the small desk she had been assigned before Cramer and Clasterfield had told her to follow them.

A neighbor had called the police an hour ago after she had heard gunshots coming from the house next door and the uniforms arriving first on the scene had found three dead bodies up in the attic making it an official Homicide investigation.

To Kate's surprise the detectives didn't tell her to canvas the area nor assigned her to any other of her usual ground work.

Instead Cramer told her to stay close when they passed the uniform guarding the front door and entered the house.

Beckett didn't question his request, just followed them inside and up the stairs, passing a CSU team member who looked shocked and pale. The woman nodded at the trio, something sad in her eyes and Beckett wondered what they would find upstairs.

They reached the second floor from where a narrow staircase led them up to the attic, passing a line of pictures showing a little girl and a woman who Kate suspected was her mother. How could something as horrible as a murder take place in a house that seemed to be such a lovely home, she wondered.

"Beckett?" she heard a familiar voice calling out to her when she reached the top of the stairs and turned to find Lanie standing to her right.

"Hey," Kate turned, realizing that Lanie, just as the woman from ICU, looked shaken. "What do we have?"

Lanie shook her head, stepping over to the trio and glancing in the direction of Perlmutter who was working on a body. "Three victims," she told them, "multiple gunshot wounds to the chest and head." She swallowed, blinking down at her notes, "one of the victims is a five to six-year-old girl."

"Shit," Cramer got out between clenched teeth, while Kate swallowed hard.

"A kid?" She asked, her voice trembling and Lanie gave her a sad nod. "The one from the pictures downstairs?"

Lanie nodded again, "Perlmutter might be able to tell you more about TOD. If you'll excuse me, I have to get something from the van," she nodded at them and climbed down the stairs in desperate need of fresh air.

On shaky legs Beckett followed the two detectives further in the room, spotting first the two dead bodies that the M.E. was currently examining.

"What have we got?" Cramer asked, crouching down next to the M.E. to have a closer look at the two dead men.

Perlmutter filled him in on what little he had established since he'd arrived but Kate wasn't listening, her gaze locked on the white sheet that covered a much smaller body in the furthest corner of the room. She made her way over, kneeling down and then with shaky hands drew back the sheet.

She gulped, tears springing to her eyes which she furiously tried to wipe away. The little girl looked almost peaceful as if she was only sleeping and would wake any minute, her golden curls framing her beautiful face, her body still warm.

"Her mother is here," Lanie informed them coming back up the stairs and into the room and Clasterfield and Cramer exchanged a worried look. Talking to the victims' families was never easy but it was always the hardest when children were involved.

"I'll go talk to her," Kate stated into the silence, not really sure where her courage came from, but she felt like she owed it to the little girl.

"Beckett you've never done that before," Clasterfield shook his head. "You shouldn't."

She stepped closer, determination shining in her eyes, "I'm a mother and I know what it feels like to lose someone you love, I can do this."

Clasterfield looked at her, his expression unreadable. He knew about her mother's case, most of the detectives and officers at the 12th did and she had a point.

"What do you think?" he looked at his partner.

Cramer studied Beckett for a moment, "You sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay," he nodded. "Go talk to her."

Lanie handed her two Polaroid shots of the two dead men in the attic and then led Beckett and Detective Cramer down the stairs to bring them to the girl's mother.

* * *

"Mrs. Turner, I am Officer Kate Beckett," Kate sat down next to the shaking woman, while Cramer took a seat in the corner of the living room to observe and step in if needed.

"What happened here? Where is my baby? Why isn't she at the daycare center," the woman sobbed, grabbing one of Kate's hands.

"I'm very sorry Mrs. Turner," Kate started, moving closer to the woman, knowing that nothing she would say or do could take away the pain the woman at her side would feel for the rest of her life.

"Oh God no!" Mrs. Turner's cry sounded through the living room, like a stab to the hearts of everyone who could hear it, "God not Ella. Please no. What happened?"

"I'm sorry," Kate mumbled and held onto the woman's hand as she sobbed at her side.

Kate could make out some _whys_ and _whos_ in between and she wished she could give the woman the answers and the closure she deserved.

"I promise you we will find whoever did this to Ella." Kate said after a moment, her voice soft and steady. "Is there anyone we can call for you? Your husband?"

Mrs. Turner shook her head, "It's just me and Ella."

"A friend?" Kate suggested and Mrs. Turner nodded as she slowly calmed down, though Kate knew it was only the calm before the storm, the mind denying the truth to prevent the body from shutting down completely. _Survival Mode_ Kate had called it after her mother died.

"My friend Georgia," she said and pulled out her phone, but Kate took it from her.

"Detective Cramer will call her for you," she said gently and Cramer took the phone without objection.

Kate didn't feel the desire to press Mrs. Turner for more answers, but she knew it was necessary, the longer they waited the colder any possible lead would get, so she pulled out the two Polaroid shots Lanie had handed her.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Turner, but I have to ask you, do you know any of these men?" Another gasp escaped the woman's lungs and she pointed at one of the pictures.

"Mitch," she exclaimed, a sob following the name.

"Who is Mitch?" Kate asked gently, putting the pictures away.

"My brother."

Kate managed to get all the answers they would need to get started before Mrs. Turner's friend Georgia appeared and sat with her in the living room, holding the grieving woman in her arms.

Kate had established that Mrs. Turner had dropped Ella off at the daycare center in the morning, so one of their first moves would be to establish who had picked Ella up and brought her here, although Beckett had a very good idea who that person might have been. The big question was why?

Before she left, Kate squeezed Mrs. Turner's shoulder, "We'll find who did this, I promise," she said and then turned to join Cramer and Clasterfield, knowing there was nothing else for her to do here. Nothing to ease the pain, nothing would ever be okay again in this woman's world.

"That was good, Beckett," Cramer patted her awkwardly on the shoulder as she exited the living room, "but never promise them you'll find the bastards."

"_I _will," she told him with determination, before excusing herself and rushing past him out of the house.

* * *

She made it into the next alley, leaning heavyly against the brick wall before slowly sliding down and letting the tears fall. She cried, for the little girl up there in the attic who would never get to grow up and see all the wonderful things this world held in store, cried for the girl's mother who would never hear her little girl laugh again, would never see her grow up, graduate, fall in love and she cried for the loss of her own mother.

"Hey girl," Lanie's soft voice reached her and she felt her slide down next to her, "it's hard, isn't it?"

Kate could hear the tears in Lanie's voice and simply nodded and so they sat there for a while, neither talking, just crying in silence until it was time to return.

Lanie stood up first, holding out her hand and pulling Kate up to her feet, "You okay?" she asked.

Kate shook her head and Lanie smiled weakly at her, "Me neither."

They looked at each other and then moved into each others' arms, holding on tight for a moment, giving each other the strength they needed to go back and do their jobs.

* * *

The weekend went by with Jamie staying with Castle and Alexis while Beckett worked night and day to keep her promise and find whoever took Ella's life. It gnawed on her, didn't let her sleep when she got the chance to lay down for a couple of hours in the precinct's break room. She kept staring at the ceiling unwilling to bring those dark thoughts home to an empty apartment or worse to the loft where her daughter was safe and sound with Castle.

Kate longed for a good night's rest, wanted to wrap her daughter in her arms, never let go and just forget about that small, cold little body they had found in the attic with no clue how Ella, her uncle and the second man that they had identified as Chris Everton, a local drug dealer, had ended up there. But she couldn't, she couldn't go home before this was over or she would break. She knew she couldn't face Jamie, Alexis or Castle without losing the last bit of stamina that kept her going. She had made a promise. She needed to keep it.

Of course Castle sensed that something was wrong, he could tell by the way she tried to keep their talks over the phone short and Kate knew he was worried. She just hoped he wouldn't show up to check on her, she wasn't sure she would be able to handle it.

* * *

Monday morning she found him sitting in the bullpen two coffees in his hands and if she wasn't so damn tired and her defences way too low to deal with his thoughtfulness she would have kissed him, because she really could use that coffee.

"Castle, what are you doing here?" She asked instead, sounding more clipped than she had intended to.

"I wanted to see you," he said getting up from the chair he had been sitting in, "We haven't seen you in days and I just wanted to make sure you're alright and ask how the case is going. You didn't tell me anything about it." He sounded disappointed.

"I'm fine," she muttered, totally ignoring his question about the case, she couldn't talk about with him. Not now.

One look at her told him though that she was lying, the dark circles under her eyes, the paleness of her skin, she looked anything but fine, as a matter of fact she looked like shit.

"You're not fine," he protested, stepping closer to her, but she held up a hand to stop him.

"Don't Castle, I can't do this right now," she warned him.

"The girls miss you," he told her nevertheless, "I miss you. When will you be home? It's been days."

She had to swallow down the lump in her throat, she missed them too, God how she missed all three of them, but she couldn't go home, not with the killer of that little girl still on the loose, because she knew she might not come back and that was not acceptable. The little girl down in the morgue needed her.

"I can't come home right now, they need me here," she told him.

He didn't come here to start an argument and he did understand how important this was but …

"Jamie needs you too. She's never been without you for so long," he said, his voice firm and he swallowed down the need to tell her he might need her just as much. He really missed her.

"I know that," she replied defensively.

"Then why don't you come home for a couple of hours. Kate, you look exhausted," his voice softened.

"I can't, I just can't."

"Kate," he tried again, but she shook her head and he resigned, letting his head hang down, "okay whatever," he mumbled and she knew he was disappointed, maybe even a bit angry and she couldn't blame him, "at least take the coffee," he said, holding it out for her to take.

She reached out, taking the offered beverage from his hand and their fingers brushed lightly, but she bit down the emotions that welled up in her. _Later_, she told herself. She could deal with him later when this was over.

He gave her a tight nod, "Come home when you can," he said and turned to leave, was already a few feet away when her voice called out to him, making him stop, "Castle!"

He turned, hopeful eyes finding hers, "Thanks for the coffee," she told him just loud enough so he could hear it.

"Always," he told her sincerely, his gaze holding hers before he turned and left her to finish what she had to, so she could come home to them.

* * *

Castle woke in the middle of the night, needing a second to realize what had interrupted his sleep. When he heard Jamie cry he was out of bed and sprinting up the stairs.

"Hey, hey," he soothed before he had even reached her bedside. "Daddy's here."

"Mommy," Jamie cried, flinging her small arms around her father's neck. "I want Mommy."

"Baby Bird, I know," Castle sighed, pulling his daughter into his lap. "I know."

"I want Mommy," Jamie sobbed again and Castle had no idea what to do.

"Mommy has to work, Baby," he tried to reason with her, "She can't come home right now."

"Mommy," Jamie sobbed again, her tears soaking through his shirt.

"Hey," he let his fingers run through her curls, "you want to come down and stay with me tonight?"

He felt her nod against his neck and stood up with Jamie in his arms, "Okay, then let's go. It's way too late for you to be up."

Stepping out into the hallway he ran straight into Alexis who was rubbing her eyes and then blinking up at her dad and sister.

"Daddy? What's going on?" she asked, casting a worried look at her still sobbing sister.

"Did we wake you? Jamie can't sleep," he tried to play it down, knowing Alexis missed Kate as well, but he wasn't sure he could handle another sobbing child right now, "She's staying with me tonight."

"Oh," Alexis nodded and was about to return to her room, when Castle reached for her arm.

"You wanna come too?" He asked. Alexis face lit up and she quickly slipped her hand into her Dad's as he started for the stairs.

Castle had them settled in ten minutes later, Jamie to his right, Alexis to his left and kissing them both good night for the second time, he hoped that they all would be able to sleep without any further interruptions. He also knew he had to talk to Kate again, she needed to come home at least for a couple of hours. She couldn't just disappear on them for days and this needed to stop before it became a habit. He would talk to her tomorrow and this time he wouldn't take no for an answer.

* * *

They were getting nowhere, another day of dead ends and no new leads in sight and it was frustrating.

Kate had been staring at the murder board for the better part of an hour but nothing had popped so far. They had to be missing something, she was sure about that. One tiny piece they overlooked and she practically was willing the murder board to give that piece of information away, yet it kept annoyingly silent.

She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose as she tried to gather her thoughts. Cramer and Clasterfield had gone home twenty minutes ago, urging her to do the same. But she couldn't, she felt like everyone else was starting to give up and she couldn't let that happen.

"Beckett," she looked up to see Castle walking toward her, without coffee but with an angry look on his face. He had tried to call her three times and while she had always answered, she had kept telling him it wasn't a good time. And he'd had enough, old wounds reopened as her absence reminded him of Meredith's failures as a mother. He knew Kate wasn't like Meredith and there was a part of him that was aware of the fact that Kate had just hit a wall she didn't know how to climb. That neglecting her daughter was not something she did on purpose. Objectively he also knew she wasn't neglecting them, she was simply doing her job and they both knew that her job required long nights from time to time. But she had forgotten that everyone needed a break once in a while. And even though rationally he knew all this, he couldn't reel his anger in. Couldn't make himself take a deep breath and approach with caution.

"Hey," she said, pushing herself off the desk she was leaning on and walking toward him. "Something wrong?"

The laugh he let out was anything but friendly, hitting her straight in the face.

"What's wrong?" He asked sarcastically, "Your daughter cried her eyes out last night because you weren't there and I didn't know what to say or what to tell her. That's what's wrong."

"Castle, I told you I would come home as soon as I could," she said, pulling him into the break room and closing the door behind them.

"And you know what Kate? That's not enough. The girls need you and I know I have no right to ask you to come home for Alexis' sake, but for Jamie's."

His words hit her square in the heart and she stumbled backward as she looked into his angry eyes, "That's not fair," she gulped with tears in her eyes, "you know I love Alexis."

"Then come home," he pressed on, "at least for tonight."

"I can't," she mumbled.

"What you can't do is leave Jamie alone for days," he barked back, totally losing his temper.

"I'm not leaving her alone," she objected, "she's with you."

"She needs her mother. Would you have left her alone with Cynthia for days?" He challenged though he knew the answer.

"No, of course not," Kate replied and didn't know if the statement worked for or against her.

He huffed out a laugh, "Well who would have thought."

"Castle I told you I can't - ," but he didn't let her finish.

"You keep saying that Kate, but I can't see what's more important than your daughter. You can't just disappear on us whenever you have a tough case. Is this how it's going to be from now on?"

"I - ," she didn't know what to say.

"That's what I figured," he turned opening the door to let it shut with a loud bang behind him.

Kate stayed behind in the empty break room, the silence deafening and she slowly sank against the kitchen counter, trying to breathe, her eyes closed when she heard the door open again.

"Ca -," Kate's head shot up, hoping to see Castle instead Lanie was standing in front of her.

"Hey girl," Lanie greeted her with a scrutinizing look, "was that your boyfriend who just stormed past me?"

Kate simply nodded.

"Trouble?"

Another nod.

"Hey, you wanna talk about it?" Lanie asked gently, settling against the kitchen counter next to Kate.

Kate sighed, normally she wouldn't discuss her private problems with someone she hardly knew, no matter what kind of bond they had established over the past days. But maybe an unbiased opinion would help her sort out the mess she had created, because deep down she knew Castle was right, "He wants me to come home."

"Well I'd say he's dead-on," Lanie stated dryly.

"I can't," Kate shook her head.

"Kate, I know you made a promise and I respect that you are trying to do everything to keep it, but you are exhausted. You're not helping anyone if you run yourself into the ground. Look at the others. They all go home to their families, recharge their batteries and enjoy a couple of hours without thinking about murder and dead children and then they come back with a fresh mind and get back on it. So go home, kiss your girl goodnight and cuddle with your boyfriend and tomorrow after a good breakfast at home come back and start anew."

"I'm not sure I can handle it," Kate admitted.

"I know what you're afraid of, but believe me it will be good to be home. It won't pull you down like you fear, _this_, what you're doing right now that's what's pulling you down and once you get out of here you'll see it yourself. So go home."

"You think?" Kate asked hesitantly, although she already knew the answer, knew exactly where she wanted to be.

"Girl, don't make me drag you home myself. Just go."

"Okay," Kate nodded and started for the door before looking back at her new friend with a smile, "Thank you, Lanie."

X~~~X


	50. Coming Home

X~~~~X

His mother had just left and the girls where both in bed when he heard the knock on the door and he considered ignoring it. His mother had a key and he was not in the mood for company. He was really angry with Kate, couldn't understand why she didn't see that she was needed here as well. There was still a tiny part of him that hoped she would show up. He knew how she ticked by now. He had cornered her and that usually didn't lead to her giving in. At least not immediately, but she would think about it and she had come around in the past, he had hoped it would be the same right now.

With an annoyed sigh he crossed his living room, whoever was at his front door was persistent and pulling it open, he found a nervous and guilty-looking Kate standing in front of him.

"Kate," he gasped, surprised and somehow it wounded her that he had obviously given up on her showing up, though she knew it was her own fault. With every foot she had put between herself and the precinct it became clearer to her how poorly she had treated the whole situation over the past days. She felt like she was coming out of a foggy forest and suddenly her actions didn't seem so reasonable anymore. She had truly believed that her actions had been in the best interest of everyone, keeping the case away from home, trying to work her way through all of this on her own, her reasons seemed ridiculous all of a sudden and she knew she owed Castle and the girls more than a heartfelt apology.

"Can I come in?" She asked when Castle made no move to invite her in.

"Yes, yes," he nodded, stepping aside to allow her to pass him, "of course, sorry."

She stopped in the middle of his living room, turning toward him, "Castle I'm -," he cut her off, not ready to hear her apology right now.

"I just tucked the girls in, if you go upstairs right now they'll probably still be awake," he told her and she gave him a nod, understanding that he needed to calm himself down before they could even think of talking about what happened.

"Okay," she said and moved toward the stairs.

"Kate," he called after her making her stop in her tracks, "have you eaten?"

She thought about lying, but she figured he was already upset enough with her, so she simply shook her head, even though she wasn't hungry.

"I'll have something ready when you come back down," he told her and moved into the kitchen, while Kate continued up the stairs.

She quietly opened Jamie's bedroom door to sneak inside, but the minute she stood at her daughter's bedside the girl opened her eyes.

"Daddy?" She asked sleepily, blinking her eyes open as Kate sat down next to her.

"No," she shook her head, "Mommy is here."

"Mommy?" Jamie frowned and then struggled up and into her mother's arms to snuggle into her chest, "Missed you," she told her mother, apparently not as angry as her father about her mother's absence. Just happy she was back.

"I missed you too, Baby Bird," Kate mumbled into her daughter's hair, breathing in her familiar scent and she felt something ease in her chest. Lanie had been right, being home was good and she wondered how she could have been so stupid. Thankfully Castle was just as thick-headed as she was, because even though she needed Lanie to give her the final push, she knew she would have come home anyway tonight, she just might have needed an hour longer to figure it out herself.

"Kate?" A small voice reached her from the doorstep and she looked up to find Alexis watching them.

"Hey Pumpkin," Kate smiled, holding out her hand, "come here."

Alexis rushed into her side, Kate's free arm pulling her close as Alexis' arms sneaked around Kate's waist while she sat down next to her.

"I'm glad you're home," Alexis whispered and held on a little tighter.

"Me too, Pumpkin, me too and I'm sorry I didn't come home sooner," Kate apologized, because no matter if the girls could understand what was going on or not, they deserved an apology just as much as Castle. She kissed both girls on the top of their heads, cuddling with them for a while, beyond happy to know they were both safe.

"Story Mommy?" Jamie asked after a few minutes, playing with her mother's hair and Kate couldn't have possibly said no. She settled them both down into Jamie's bed, took the book she found on Jamie's nightstand and started to read.

* * *

She came back down twenty minutes later, both girls tucked in and fast asleep and she found Castle in the kitchen, a sandwich on the kitchen counter which she assumed was for her.

"Hey," she caught his attention and watched him turn his grim face toward her, obviously he was still angry.

"I made you a sandwich," he said, his voice cold and she couldn't take it, not tonight even though she knew she deserved it. She needed him and she knew she had done a poor job of showing that over the past couple of days, but now, being home, she couldn't deny it. She had made a mistake and she felt miserable about it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, tears springing to her eyes and even though Castle had been determined not to make it easy for her, that a simple apology wouldn't be enough, when he saw her crumble in front of him there was only one thing he could do.

Rushing toward her, he wrapped his large frame around her and let her sob into his shirt, while his hands ran soothing circles on her back.

"Hey, hey," he tried to calm her down, felt her fist clenching his shirt.

"I'm sorry," she said again, pulling herself together and stepping out of his embrace, because she thought it wasn't fair to him to be such a needing mess after all she had done.

"Tell you what," Castle said, his voice softer, "you sit down and eat the sandwich I prepared for you and I'll run you a bath in the meantime and then you tell me about the case."

She nodded weakly, holding on to his hand until she had to let go so he could go and prepare her bath. She knew there needed to be a discussion about the past days, but she was grateful he'd let her off the hook for a moment longer to get herself together again.

She met him in the bathroom ten minutes later, where she found him running bath oils into the tub and she couldn't believe how sweet he was after all.

"Will you come in with me?" She asked hopeful, knowing it might be too much to ask of him right now, "Please."

He seemed hesitant and she was about to tell him it was okay, when he started to unbutton his shirt, watching her. He knew he shouldn't but no matter how angry he was with her, he had also missed her and being close to her again was just too tempting.

She followed his example shrugging off her shirt and stepping out of her jeans. She let the rest of her clothes follow and then waited for him to enter the tub before she climbed in to settle in the V of his legs.

She leant against his broad chest, his arms sneaking around her waist and it felt so right that she had no idea why she had denied herself any of this for the past days.

"I should have come home," she admitted, letting her fingers dance over his forearms and it didn't went unnoticed how often over the past few days both of them had referred to the loft as being their home. But now was not the time to talk about it.

"Why didn't you?" He asked.

She closed her eyes, knowing that the only thing that could bring her some kind of redemption was honesty. So with a deep breath she told him everything, about the case, the little girl, her promise and why she had feared coming home would break her. In the end she was a sobbing mess in his arms and he had to more or less drag her out of the water, helping her to dry off before she grabbed one of his shirts to slip it on.

He followed her into the bedroom, slipping into a pair of boxers before joining her in bed and the second he settled in, she migrated toward him, her back to his front as he pulled her into his chest, spooning her.

She was asleep within seconds and Castle was glad because she looked like she needed it. He knew he needed to talk to her again, make sure she really had learned that staying away wasn't an option neither for her nor for the rest of the family. But it could wait until the case was over, she had been honest with him tonight and he had a better understanding why she had acted the way she did. She had lost herself in the case and he remembered when she had told him what kind of person she would be if it hadn't been for Jamie. They had caught a glimpse of that person now and they needed to make sure it wouldn't happen again, but what mattered most was that she was here now, so with a content sigh he closed his eyes and followed her into dreamland.

* * *

Kate was still fast asleep in his arms when Castle woke up the next morning. He figured letting her sleep half an hour longer wouldn't hurt anyone and so he carefully untangled himself from her body and pulled the covers up over her slim body so she wouldn't get cold.

Autumn was slowly turning into winter and the mornings were already quite chilly and he realized as he stepped into the living room that he should turn the heating up.

He patted slowly into the kitchen yawning and stretching as he made his way over to get breakfast started, all the while something nagging at the back of his mind. Something about what Kate had told him about the case.

So the girl's uncle had picked Ella up at the daycare center without informing her mother, but since he had been on her list of emergency contacts the staff at the center had let him take the girl. He had then brought her home, but the question was why? Had it been an act to ensure the girl's trust? Her mother had stated that Ella and her uncle weren't very close, maybe the girl would have been suspicious if he had taken her anywhere else?

Another thing they had established throughout the investigation was that the uncle had been deep into gambling debts, which eventually explained the presence of the second dead man in the attic. Chris Everton, a small fish in the pond of drug dealers that operated in New York, who also played the role of a debt collector for some of the illegal gambling clubs in Chinatown.

Castle doubted the man had pulled any strings in the scheme, there had to be a bigger fish out there who had called the shots. So while most of the scenario made sense, the uncle being unable to pay his debts and having to pay for it with his life, what didn't make sense was why his six-year-old niece had to die as well, or why he had taken her to the meeting in the first place.

And that's when it hit him, dropping the box of cereals he had been pulling out of one of the cabinets he rushed into his office, searching frantically through a stack of old magazines until he found what he was looking for.

He let out a triumphant, "Ha!" that rang louder through the room than he had intended to and flipped open the page with the article he had been looking for.

"What's going on?" Kate asked, standing in the doorway, looking more tired than ever.

"Read this," he told her eagerly.

"Castle," she sighed, she wasn't in the mood to read anything. Not even one of his books, not even a preview of his new Derrick Storm novel.

"No, read this," he insisted, shoving the magazine into her chest as she reluctantly moved over to his desk and started to scan the article. When she realized what she was looking at, she lifted wide eyes at him.

"Castle, this could be -," she looked back down, leaving the sentence unfinished.

"Mitch Turner couldn't pay his debts," he started to fill her in on his theory, "and he knew that whomever he owed the money would kill him for it."

"But then he heard that some of the Mexican drug lords were expanding their businesses and getting into child smuggling," Kate went on, summing up what she had read in the article.

"Yeah, they kidnap Mexican kids, bring them over the border and sell them to rich American couples," Castle continued, moving closer to her.

"And Mitch figured, how much more worth would be an American kid, right? So he offered Everton a deal," Kate looked at Castle her eyes sparkling as a picture formed in her mind as to what had happened. It was just an idea, but it was the best one ever since they had started investigating the case.

"But whomever he offered the deal didn't like it," Castle finished.

"So Everton must have been the middleman who sat up the meeting between Mitch Turner and whomever he wanted to make the deal with," Kate mused.

"Didn't you check phone records?" Castle asked with a frown, thinking that something should have popped on those.

"We did, but we weren't looking for a child smuggling ring," she smiled up at him and Castle grinned right back, "I have to go."

His smile faltered, "Okay."

"I'll be home tonight," she assured him, reaching for his hand. "I learned my lesson, I promise."

"Okay," he said again, this time accompanied with a smile. "Go and catch the bad guy."

* * *

They caught the bastard in the early afternoon, fished him right out of an illegal gambling club in Chinatown.

After Kate had arrived at the precinct and they'd started to look at Chris Everton's phone records and background check again they soon found the trail that led them to one of his employers.

Rodriguez Suarez, who had only been another middleman for one of the bigger syndicates in Mexico.

When Mitch Turner had presented him with the girl instead of the 40.000 dollars he owed him, things had gotten out of control. It was one thing to kidnap Mexican children and smuggle them into the US, but an American child was too high a risk for anyone to take. Especially a kid Ella's age who knew exactly who her mother was. There was no market for kids like her.

And since Mitch had been so stupid to bring the child to the meeting, Suarez' only option had been to kill all witnesses.

Kate had watched through the double mirror from the tech room, tears in her eyes as she listened to the cold delivery of Suarez' statement. They had found the murder weapon in his apartment and she was sure they would find more evidence that would prove his connection to Everton.

But while Suarez was cooperative, knowing there was no way out for him, the way he delivered his confession shocked Kate.

He wasn't even feeling sorry for the girl, no sign of regret, no word of apology. It disgusted her and she hoped he would rot in hell for what he had done. Child murderers did have a hard time in prison and she found herself hoping he would get what he deserved.

"Beckett?" she turned to find LT standing in the doorway, one of her fellow officers in Homicide, a nice but very quiet guy who kept mainly to himself. "The girl's mother is here."

"I'm coming, thank you," she nodded at the tall man and with a deep breath and one last look at the man sitting in the box opposite Cramer and Clasterfield she left the room.

Mrs. Turner looked horrible and Kate knew that even though she had been able to keep her promise, the truth would hurt. It would not make anything easier for the woman sitting in front of her, on the contrary it would make things worse, knowing that her own brother was responsible for her daughter's death.

With a heavy sigh, Kate sat down next to the woman, reaching for her hand before she told her why her daughter had died.

* * *

Kate stood in the middle of the bullpen, watching Mrs. Turner leave accompanied by LT who had offered to drive her to her friend's place where she was staying at the moment

"Was that the mother?" Her Captain's voice startled her and she turned to find him standing in the doorway of his office.

"Yes," she nodded, her eyes watching the elevator doors shut.

They were both silent for a while, nothing left to say, no words to explain why an innocent child had to die like this.

"Cramer was very impressed with you," Montgomery eventually broke the silence and Kate turned her head again to look at him. "He said you did a great job with the mother and breaking the case wide open with your child smuggling theory."

"Thank you, Sir." She nodded, a small proud smile playing around her lips. "but actually it was Castle."

"Castle?" Montgomery frowned.

She nodded, "Yeah, he was the one who pointed me toward the child smuggle."

"Mmh," Montgomery's eyes sparkled with some secret amusement.

"What?" She asked, curious.

He shrugged, "You guys remind me of that TV show from the late 70's with Stefanie Powers and Robert Wagner."

"Hart to Hart?" She frowned.

"That's the one. You know with them sitting in the bathtub and solving murders – my wife loves that show," he shrugged, not knowing how close he had come to the truth with his statement as he turned to go back into his office and leaving Kate with a puzzled expression on her face. "Oh and Beckett?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"Go home. I don't want to see you here until Monday," he told her with a smile and closed the door to his office behind him.

"Yes, Sir," she said into the empty air, a little stunned, before glancing at the clock on the wall. There was still enough time to stop on her way to the loft and still be home before Castle started dinner if she hurried. So she grabbed her coat, nodded at her colleagues and did what she had been told to do, go home.

* * *

She came rushing through the front door thirty minutes later, grinning broadly at Castle who was standing at the door, bags of take-out containers dangling from her arm.

"Hey," he greeted her, leaning in to steal a kiss from her lips.

"Hey," she replied breathless. "I brought dinner."

"Chinese?" He asked sniffing at one of the bags.

"Yeah for us, and pasta for the girls," she told him, handing him over the bags so she could get out of her shoes, while Castle placed the content of the bags on the dinner table.

"Alexis! Jamie! Dinner is here," he called upstairs and soon enough heard little feet running over the hardwood floor on the second floor.

"So you caught him?" He asked while the kids were still out of earshot.

Kate nodded, placing another kiss on his jaw, "I'll tell you about it later."

"Mommy," Jamie shrieked happily, struggling out of the arms of her sister who had helped her down the stairs, wrapping her arms around her mother's leg instead.

"Hey there," Kate laughed, picking her up and pulling Alexis close as well. "How have you two been?"

They all sat around the table, Jamie and Alexis digging into their pasta while Kate and Castle shared the Chinese food she had brought from his favorite place and for the first time in days everything felt right again. He knew they still needed to talk, but he couldn't bring himself to address it tonight, not when everything felt so good and right at the moment.

* * *

"So actually it was me who solved the case," he concluded as they lay in bed together, after Kate had told him what had happened today.

She rolled her eyes, "You helped," she gave in and turned around, so that she was lying on top of him.

"I can live with that," he grinned, his arms circling her waist to hold her in place, "do I get a reward?"

She bit her bottom lip, letting her fingers play with the small amount of hair on his chest, "Maybe," she said coyly. "What do you have in mind?"

"I think you know exactly what I have in mind," he wriggled his eyebrows at her, making her chuckle.

"I think," she started and then pressed her hips against his, "I think I can feel it too."

"Uh-huh," he rocked up into her and was delighted to see her close her eyes in pleasure, groaning as he did it again "Question is, are you planning to do something about it?"

* * *

"God Castle," she gulped for air, still clinging to him, because the world around her was still spinning like a Ferris wheel, "that was -."

"Amazing, I know," he finished for her and turned on his side, causing Kate to slip down from him. "Wow."

"Yeah," she chuckled and then leant into him, capturing his lips once more, gentle and tender this time in stark contrast to the heated battle their mouths had fought just minutes ago.

"So you have to go back to work tomorrow?" he asked as they parted and finally caught their breaths, but was surprised to see her shake her head.

"I'm off duty until Monday. Captain's order," she told him, settling down into the pillows, her hand splayed over his stomach.

"Great," he beamed at her, "Because I have something special planed for the weekend."

She looked at him, eyes sparkling with curiosity, "What?"

"Oh no, Kate Beckett," he shook his head. "I'm not going to give away your birthday surprise."

X~~~~X


	51. Actions speak louder

X~~~~X

On Thursday morning Kate and Jamie left Castle to get some writing done, since Gina had already left three messages asking for the next chapter. Apparently his efforts during lunch didn't lead to any extra time to finish his latest chapter, but she hadn't mentioned having drinks so he really couldn't complain.

Kate and Jamie used the opportunity to stroll through the city, buying Jamie a new coat and a hat, and they only made a quick stop at Kate's apartment when they were frozen stiff.

Kate wanted to make up for her absence over the past days and not only with Jamie but with Castle and Alexis too. Castle's words that had implied she didn't care about Alexis still stung deeply and she was determined to prove him wrong.

So she pulled out her duffle bag and packed enough clothes for herself to stay at the loft until Monday, grabbing some extra stuff for Jamie as well before they headed out the door again.

* * *

Castle opened the door for them, a curious look on his face when he saw the bag over Kate's shoulder, but his attention was being pulled away by his daughter who flung herself into his arms.

"Hi Daddy," she grinned from ear to ear, "Look, new coat."

"Hey there," Castle kissed her on the forehead and then stepped back to admire her new attire. "Wow look at you, looking all grown-up." He winked at Kate but Jamie didn't get the joke and looked down at herself.

"Yes?" She asked, looking a bit confused and Castle picked her up shaking his head.

"Nah, you still look like my little princess and I hope you'll stay like this for as long as possible," he glanced at Kate, who looked like she knew exactly what he meant.

"Hey," Kate grinned and then stepped toward him to place a soft kiss on his lips, while Jamie was still sitting on his hip, but was struggling to get down.

"What's the bag for?" he asked, curious and stepping back to let Jamie go.

"I thought we could stay here until Monday, if that's okay with you. You told me you need me here on Saturday anyway for that mysterious birthday surprise, though my birthday is on Sunday," she pointed out, "but I figured -," the rest of her sentence was lost in his kiss as he pulled her close again her bag hitting the floor and Jamie staring at her parents who had seemed to have forgotten she was right there.

"Hello?" she protested, putting one of her tiny feet on the ground with emphasize, causing Kate and Castle to break apart, slightly embarrassed.

"Whoops," Castle smiled sheepishly, "got carried away."

Kate chuckled, her cheeks pink as she leant down to tug on her daughter's coat, "Hey, do you want to come with me and pick Lexi up from school?"

"No," Jamie shook her head, "it's cold." She clattered her teeth together as if she was still outside and not currently standing in Castle's very well heated living room in her new winter coat.

"You're staying with Daddy then?" Kate asked and Jamie nodded, her little fingers fumbling with the zipper of her coat and Kate quickly knelt down, helping her out of it and her shoes. As soon as Jamie was done she skittered away in search of her toys, leaving her parents at the door.

"You don't have to," he told her slowly, "the car service can pick Alexis up."

"But I want to," she told him sincerely and he suddenly had an idea where this was coming from.

"Kate, if this is about what I said -," she silenced him with her index finger on his lips.

"I _want_ to pick Alexis up," she told him again and then with one last quick kiss on his lips she opened the door and left him standing a little stunned in his living room.

* * *

"Alexis!" Kate called out and waved when the girl looked her way, her blue, bright eyes beaming as she ran over to Kate.

"Hey," Alexis greeted her happily and Kate pulled her close, placing a kiss on top of her head as if it was the most natural thing in the world, "Where's Dad?"

"Oh, it's just me today," Kate shrugged, "Your Dad and Jamie stayed home."

Alexis gave her shy, hesitant look, "Just you and me?"

Kate nodded, suddenly worrying that Alexis might not be as delighted about the situation as she had hoped.

But Alexis quickly took her worries away, as she grinned from ear to ear and put her small hand into Kate's as they started to walk down the street.

"So how was school today?" Kate asked, interested to hear what Alexis had learned and the girl didn't waste a minute to tell her all about it. She had gotten an A in her math test and proudly showed it to Kate who suggested they'd celebrate it with ice cream.

"That's what Dad always says. Actually it's one of his rules," Alexis giggled, "but you know what?"

"No, what?" Kate asked eagerly.

"I think he just made that rule up so he could eat more ice cream," Alexis told her conspiratorial, making Kate chuckle.

"That's sounds just like your father," she nodded.

"But we can't tell him that we know," Alexis went on, looking dead serious and Kate gave her a tight nod in return.

"It's our secret," she confirmed and noted that Alexis accepted this with a proud smile.

"How did things with your volcano work out last week?" Kate asked, remembering the special night shift Castle had to put in and gauging Alexis' reaction carefully.

"Great," Alexis told her, "Dad made the coolest volcano ever, with lava and everything. It looked really cool," she told Kate, but then her face fell. "I just wished I hadn't forgotten. Dad worked on it all night and I know he wanted to have dinner with you and Jamie."

"Alexis," Kate stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, leaning down so she could look into the girl's eyes, "It's just dinner, there will be plenty of other opportunities for us to have dinner together. Don't worry about it. We all forget stuff from time to time. I do too."

"Really?" Alexis looked up at her with slightly teary eyes.

"Sure," Kate nodded, "just last week I forgot that I had promised your dad to be home in time to help him prepare dinner. It happens," she told Alexis sincerely, she hadn't intended for her question to make Alexis feel miserable or guilty, "and it's nothing to be ashamed of or to worry your cute little head about, okay? You and Jamie will always come first."

To Kate's surprise Alexis wrapped her arms around her neck, jumping up into her arms and Kate quickly slid hers around the girl, lifting her up. Alexis legs coming around Kate's waist as they stood in the middle of the sidewalk hugging each other, oblivious to the world around them.

"I love you, Kate," Alexis whispered and Kate's grip tightened, a lump forming in her throat.

"I love you too, Pumpkin," she whispered back, "very much," and then she set her back down, taking her hand again into her own, "Come on, let's go home and have some ice cream."

* * *

"I know I screwed up," Kate told him later that day when they sat on the couch with a glass of wine, "but I promise it won't happen again."

She wasn't looking at him, kept staring at the red liquid in her glass and he thought she would leave it at that because she had told him most about her reasons the night she came home and they had sat in the bath tub together, but to his surprise she lifted her eyes to meet his and went on.

"I thought I couldn't bring all of what happened, all the dark feelings and emotions home with me to you and the girls," she sighed and he noticed again how often during the last week she had called the loft _their_ home, not just his and Alexis'. And he had to control himself not to act on it.

"I thought I couldn't take it. I feared that once I'd see Jamie and Alexis," she fiddled with the hem of his shirt, "that I wouldn't be able to go back. But I was wrong." She smiled at him shyly, "being home helped, gave me new strength. It made it easier to go back and face the darkness."

Castle reached for her hand, pulling her into him, "I told you you don't have to do it alone anymore."

She nodded and then went on, "It was unfair," she stopped, started again, "_I_ was unfair and you were right even if it would have broken me, even if it would have made things harder, I can't just stay away because you are there now. It's not fair to you."

"No, it isn't," he confirmed.

"And Castle," she looked at him, "you were right I wouldn't have left her with Cynthia. But you're not her babysitter or just someone I left her with," she sighed, fearing she didn't make any sense. "Left is not the right word. I didn't leave her with you, I could never leave her with you."

Castle looked at her confused, even a little hurt.

"No, that's not what I mean," she shook her head, reaching out for him, "I can leave her with Cynthia but not with you, you're her dad, she belongs here with you just as much as with me," she growled frustrated, "I'm not making any sense."

Castle moved closer to her, "I think I know what you mean. It's like me going on a book tour. I wouldn't _leave_ Jamie and Alexis with you like I would leave them with my mother. I just wouldn't be home for a couple of days, right?"

"Right, only I could have come home but didn't which is simply neglect," she stated, ashamed.

"Hey," he made her look at him, "we all make mistakes. It was your first real case, right? The first were you didn't simply observe and you lost your way for a while, it happens. What's important is that we learn from our mistakes. Don't think I always make the right decisions when it comes to Alexis. I always try, but I know I fail sometimes."

Kate nodded, accepting what he said.

"Plus I know there will be times were you can't make it home because you're working a lead or something else comes up and I want you to know that I totally understand and you can always count on me to hold up the fort on those nights. I just don't want you to hide from us because you think you have to do it on your own."

"Thank you Castle," she whispered, leaning into him to wrap her arms around his neck, "I know I don't really deserve this, you should be furious."

He shook his head, "I was angry, yes. But it wouldn't get us anywhere if I wasn't willing to listen and forgive you."

"Am I forgiven?" she asked quietly.

"You're forgiven," he mumbled into her neck. "Just remember doing the same for me when I screw up."

"I will," she promised and then she gasped as she felt his lips sucking her pulse point. He took the glass out of her hand placing it on the coffee table. He had enough with all the serious talking.

"Castle," she shrieked as he scooped her up into his arms.

"As much as I would love to do naughty things to you right here, I thinks it's safer we move things to the bedroom," he told her with a wicked grin, loved how they could go from serious to playful.

"What if _I_ want to do naughty things to _you_, Castle?" She challenged him and the look in her eyes made him swallow hard.

"You'll get your turn," he finally stuttered and almost ran them into the door frame as one of her hands sneaked under his shirt, pinching his nipple.

"Then get moving," she told him before her teeth caught his earlobe.

"Stop distracting me," he whined, finally maneuvering them through the door.

"I thought that was the whole point of taking things to the bedroom," she teased him, her mouth travelling down his throat.

"Kate," he growled.

"No one asked you to pick me up and carry me," she told him while slowly unbuttoning his shirt to expose more of his skin.

"If that's so then you surely won't mind -," he let go of her and with a shriek she landed on top of his bed and before she could come up with a witty remark he was all over her.

X~~~X

**_AN: I needed a little filler to give Castle some time for birthday preperations ;-) I hope you enjoyed it anyway.  
_**


	52. Happy Birthday

X~~~~X

Kate looked at her reflection in the mirror Saturday evening and couldn't believe it. He had bought her a dress and it was simply stunning, the most beautiful one she had ever seen. The dark blue silk hugged her in all the right places, making her feel desirable in a way she had never experienced before. She had put her hair up into a knot and despite having had some difficulties taming her curls, she was satisfied as she applied some extra touches to her make-up. She had always feared she wouldn't fit into the glamorous world that she knew Castle had to be a part of from time to time, the one she had seen in the tabloids over the years but looking at herself right now she thought she might after all.

"Kate!" She heard him call out for her, "We really need to go or we'll be late."

"I'm coming," she called back, still not knowing what he had planned for her, his lips had been sealed for the past two days, no matter how persuasive she had been in her attempts to get him to talk. So with one last look at herself she finally left Castle's bedroom to join him and the rest of the family in the living room.

"Wow," was all Castle could manage when he saw her, his eyes travelling up the full length of her gorgeous body. He had known that the dress would look wonderful on her, but the reality in front of him rendered him speechless.

Kate looked likewise pleased with his appearance as she stared at him across the room - he looked simply delicious in his tux. "You don't look too bad yourself, Castle." She grinned at him, a slight blush creeping up her cheeks and she feared she would totally embarrass herself in front of their family if she didn't manage to draw her eyes off him.

"Kate, darling you look like a movie star," Martha exclaimed, adverting Kate's focus as Castle's mother clapped her hands together while getting off the couch. "And I mean from the time when Hollywood still was Hollywood, not in the cheap way that seems to be in fashion nowadays," the actress rolled her eyes dramatically before pursing her lips to give Kate a more careful look.

"There's something missing," she finally said and held one finger up in the air as she reached into her purse to pull out a box.

Richard had shown her the dress a couple of days ago and she owned just the necklace to go with it.

"Martha," Kate gasped as she saw the beautiful piece of jewellery in the older woman's hand, "I can't."

"Nonsense, of course you can," Martha shook her head, stepping behind Kate to place the sparkling stones around her neck. "There, perfect," she stated as she eyed Kate once more.

"It's beautiful," Kate sighed, letting her fingers dance over the necklace, before looking at Martha, "Thank you."

Martha just waved her off, sitting back down with the girls on the couch.

"Mommy beautiful," Jamie said in awe since she had never seen her mother like this, dressed up and ready to go out on a big night and Kate leant down to give her daughter a kiss.

"Thank you Baby Bird," she mumbled before she kissed her sister goodnight as well, "be good to your grandma you two okay?"

The girls nodded and Kate stood, looking at Castle whose eyes were still fixed on her, "Shall we?" she asked tentatively.

His smile broadened and he stepped toward her, "Yes, yes we shall."

Castle held out her coat for her and Kate gracefully slipped it on, closing her eyes when he gently pulled her hair out from under her collar, his fingers tracing the sensitive skin on her neck and she thanked him with a shy smile as he offered her his arm.

"Have fun you two," Martha called after them as the girls waved their parents goodbye, "And don't do anything I wouldn't do," she smirked.

"Mother!" Castle scolded her, "Not in front of the kids."

* * *

"Castle, where are we going?" Kate asked in the backseat of the town car he had ordered for them for tonight but he just gave her a secretive smile in return, shaking his head. He wouldn't tell her and ruin the surprise, not after he had put so much thought into everything.

"You will see soon enough." He told her, enjoying the pout on her face.

Eventually she sighed, giving up and snuggling into his side instead as his arm came around her shoulder to pull her close. He couldn't believe how far they had come, when only a few months ago they had trouble to have a normal conversation. And now, three months later, she was here, in his arms and they were doing a lot more than just talking.

"I know you don't like it too fancy," Castle said after a while, sounding a bit nervous, "but I figured I could make an exception for your birthday."

"It's not even my birthday yet," she told him and hoped he hadn't gone too overboard.

"No, but in a few hours it will be," he smirked, "let's call this foreplay."

The look he gave her made her blush from her face to her toes and she feared he might devour her right there in the backseat of the car, but two could play this game and so she moved closer to him to breathe into his ear, "I certainly hope that this is just foreplay."

She felt him shudder at her side as her teeth caught his earlobe and pulled gently on it and she quickly pressed a kiss against his jaw, before leaning back into the seat, satisfied with his reaction.

The car finally stopped right on Times Square and after Castle got out first he held out his hand for Kate to follow him.

"Broadway?" she asked and still had no clue what Castle had come up with for her. "Castle?"

"Almost there," he smiled, taking her hand and guiding them toward 42nd street.

The minute they rounded the corner Kate's eyes fell onto the bright yellow lion head illuminating the front of the _New Amsterdam Theatre _and Kate's heart skipped a beat.

"The Lion King?" she gasped. She had wanted to see it ever since it opened on Broadway in 1997, had planed to see it with her mom, but somehow they had never found the time before she had moved to Stanford and when she came back, well things had changed.

"I thought you might like to see it," Castle interrupted her depressing thoughts, "I saw the CD at your place and I know Jamie is a fan too and I figured - do you like it?"

And suddenly he sounded so insecure and nervous that it made her heart beat faster. She couldn't believe how much this meant to him, how much making her happy meant to him.

She pressed a passionate kiss against his lips right there on the sidewalk on 42nd street and held onto him for dear life, "I love it," she finally got out as she pulled away, the biggest most beautiful smile on her face. "I've always wanted to see it."

He beamed back at her, so very happy to please her, before he took her hand back into his, "Then let's go."

* * *

They had a box all to themselves and Kate couldn't help but feel a bit like Julia Roberts in _Pretty Woman _when Richard Gere took her to see _La Traviata _at the Opera. The difference being the man at Kate's side wasn't just a character in a movie, he was real and she felt overwhelmed by how wonderful he made her feel, how special.

"Do you like it?" Castle whispered halfway through the first act, and was met with her sparkling eyes that told him more than a thousand words.

The costumes, the music, everything was just perfect and Kate enjoyed every minute of it. She had loved the movie so much when she was younger, it had stirred her desire to visit Africa one day and _The Lion King _had been the first passion she had shared with Jamie. She looked over at Castle again. He seemed to be more focused on her and her reaction than on what happened on the stage and her hand reached for his, pulling it into her lap, her thumb caressing his skin, while she returned her attention back on the stage.

In the end she had tears in her eyes when the final curtain fell, overwhelmed as so often when confronted with the story that reminded her so much of her own.

She turned to find him watching her, his soft eyes carefully gauging her mood, because of course he had sensed what was going on. She gave him a reassuring smile to tell him she was okay and yet again reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together as she tugged him out of the box.

When they stepped out into the dark and cold November night Castle sneaked his arm protectively around Kate's waist and she leant into his body, hiding from the chilly wind that blew through the streets.

"Thank you Castle," she said after a moment of comfortable silence, "that was a great birthday present."

She heard him chuckle and looked up to see his sparkling eyes directed at her, "That wasn't your birthday present."

"What?" Her eyes widened, "Castle?"

"We're just getting started," he told her as the town car stopped right in front of them, "I hope you're hungry."

She didn't even try to get him to tell her where they were headed next, knowing he wouldn't tell her anyway and so she just leant into him and watched the city pass by as they made their way back downtown.

They stopped in front of a small Lebanese restaurant called Békaa and Kate looked at Castle with a frown. She had suspected they would go to Tony's again, but apparently Castle had other plans.

"Trust me their food is to die for," he told her with a wink as they walked toward the front door.

The minute they stepped inside, Kate felt as if she had been transferred into another world, a dream of _A Thousand and One Nights _unfolding in front of eyes as her view roamed over the colourful fabrics which created the illusion of being in a big tent in the Sahara rather than a restaurant in Tribeca and it reminded her of the blanket fort Castle had built in the Hamptons.

"Wow," she exhaled, taking it all in, feeling Castle at her back helping her out of her coat. The restaurant was packed with people, a steady buzz of voices filling the room, accompanied by oriental music and Kate could feel her own blood thrumming with it, making her heart race with excitement. She hadn't felt this adventurous in a long time and she couldn't wait to taste the delicious looking food she saw on the tables.

"Rick," they were greeted by a black-haired woman, in her mid-fifties, dressed in a traditional Lebanese robe, "how are you?"

She kissed him on the cheek and held out her hand to Kate, "I'm Soraya," she introduced herself and Kate immediately liked the older woman, who smiled warmly at both of them.

"Soraya and her husband Jibril run the restaurant together," Castle explained to Kate and they followed Soraya to a more secluded area of the restaurant.

"Yes, he's very busy in the kitchen tonight, but I'm sure he'll have some time for you later," Soraya replied, stopping in front of an alcove, that was separating them from the rest of the guests. "I think this is what you had in mind, right?"

"Perfect, thank you Soraya," Castle smiled at their host and kicked of his shoes, signalling Kate to do the same before he sat down in the mountain of pillows, pulling Kate down with him.

"Do you like it?" He asked, studying her carefully, but he didn't need to worry.

"It's fantastic," she replied, looking around in their little hideout, noticing the small table in the middle, the candles hanging from the ceiling, "I love it."

And then she had to laugh as she looked at him sitting on the ground in his tux, herself in that beautiful dress, "Maybe a bit overdressed." She grinned, but she didn't really care.

* * *

It was way past their bedtime, but they had been having such a wonderful time that Martha didn't have the heart to send them to bed earlier, but now both girls were fast asleep against her sides and she was the only one still watching _The Lady and the Tramp_.

With a sigh Martha turned off the TV and stood up, leaning down over Alexis to wake her.

"Alexis Darling," she mumbled, letting her fingers run through the girl's ginger hair until she blinked her eyes open to look at her grandmother, "time for bed."

Alexis yawned but shuffled off the couch without any protest, while Martha picked Jamie up and they all made their way upstairs. Fortunately the girls were already in their pj's and had brushed their teeth earlier in the night, so she just had to tuck them in and kiss them goodnight before she made her way back downstairs to clean up the slight mess they had made over the past hours.

With a smile, she put away the popcorn and chocolate, cleaned the kitchen and put away the toys that lay all around the living room.

Fifteen minutes later she sank down into her son's comfortable leather couch, a glass of wine in her hand and wondered what her son and Kate were up to right now.

* * *

"How's your Baab ash-scham?" Castle asked, glancing up from his own plate to see Kate's enchanted face as she bit down on saffron prawn which were served with sautéed arugula and orange dressing.

"It's to die for," she told him and Castle sighed happily.

Everything had been going great so far, Kate had loved the musical and apparently dinner was a success as well and still he was nervous, because there was one more thing he had prepared for her and he knew it had the potential to ruin everything. He had to approach very careful.

After they finished their main course Castle kept glancing at his watch while it ticked closer to midnight and Kate watched him with an amused expression on her face until he lifted his eyes to finally meet hers as the clock stroke midnight and rang in November 17th.

"Happy 23rd birthday Kate," he beamed at her across the table, before leaning in to kiss her softly.

"Thank you Castle," she sighed against his lips, her fingers caressing his cheek, "and thank you for the wonderful evening, it was amazing."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she kissed him again.

"Not too fancy?" He just had to make sure.

"No," she shook her head, "not too fancy. Just perfect."

He sighed, relieved she liked it and kissing her once more before he remembered that there was still something waiting in his pocket for her.

His heart was beating so fast he thought it might explode as he reached for his jacket with his right hand, while his left held onto hers. He just hoped it wouldn't ruin everything and she wouldn't feel pressured.

"It's not what it looks like," he stammered when he saw her wide-eyed panicked look and pushed the small velvet box across the table toward her, suddenly thinking his idea to use a ring box had been beyond stupid.

He could see she was still nervous when she reached for the box and Castle suddenly wished he had come up with something different, no matter how great he thought his prepared speech sounded.

He had to control the urge to rip the box from her hands and tell her to forget about it but that would look even worse. He had thought a symbolic gift would mean more to her than anything he could have bought, but now ...

The box opened with a soft click and Kate's eyes lingered for a moment on the silver object that was placed inside before she lifted terrified eyes to look at him.

"Kate," he started, trying to reassure her, but his voice was pitched too high to hide any of his own nervousness.

"A key?" She frowned, pulling it out of the box, her hand shaking.

"To the loft," he sighed, shaking his head, "It's stupid. I shouldn't have ... ."

"Giving me the key to your loft is stupid?" She questioned, her expression changing from scared to confused.

"No! That's not. It's not just -," he stopped, his hand running over his face, "it's not just the key. I thought - I wanted," he sighed, struggling to find the right words, "I don't think it's the right time so maybe we should just forget about it. We had such a wonderful time tonight I don't want to ruin it."

"Castle," she reached out tugging on his hand to make him look at her, but he stubbornly kept staring at the small table between them, "Rick," she tried again, "please talk to me." She wouldn't let this indeed wonderful night be ruined just because he was afraid of her reaction to whatever was on his mind.

"I want you and Jamie to move in with us," he blurred out still not looking at her, but quick to continue, "but I know it's too early. I know you're not ready for that yet. So I thought I'd give you the key, because beside obvious practical reasons, it would also symbolize that I want you to feel at home at the loft, that I want you to come by whenever you feel like it, whether I'm there or not until you _are_ ready. I want it to be our home and I thought the key could remind you that it was there for you to take whenever the time is right."

She looked at him with so much love, he thought it would break his heart and then her lips were on his, while her right hand clutched the key to her chest, as she tried to put everything she couldn't say just yet into the kiss.

"Thank you Castle," she finally mumbled against his lips and he reluctantly let go of her as she sat back a bit to look at him.

"You like it?" He asked, hesitantly, unbelieving that maybe everything was just fine after all.

"Yes," she nodded, pressing another kiss to his lips, "and you're right it's too early but I hear you," she smiled, giving him a knowing look. "I hear you."

He couldn't help the hopeful smile gracing his lips, "Soon?" He asked tentatively.

"Soon," she nodded, because she had been thinking about it as well. How good it felt to come home to the loft, how much easier it would make a lot of things and how right it felt. But she didn't want to rush into things, there was too much at stake and they had only been dating for a couple of weeks. There was time.

* * *

After enjoying a heavenly dessert, they decided to walk home instead of using the car and as they walked side by side in comfortable silence Kate couldn't remember when it had been the last time she had felt so light-hearted and carefree.

"Castle," she softly called for his attention, while they moved along the still busy sidewalks of Tribeca, "I had a wonderful night, thank you for everything. I haven't felt like this in a long time." She said honestly.

He nodded, a shy smile playing along his lips and she knew there was something else on his mind.

"Do you miss your dad?" He suddenly asked out of nowhere, causing her to falter and stop in the middle of the sidewalk.

"I -," she didn't know how to answer that question and he really didn't give her a chance as he went on.

"You know I never met my dad and usually that's fine, I learned to live with that missing piece of my life, but on special days like Christmas or birthdays I do miss him. I wished he was here, telling me he's proud of me. I wish he could see his granddaughters and I wish I knew he's okay."

Kate stared at him, swallowing heavily. He had never shared anything about his father with her and somehow she felt like she now owed him the same. If she couldn't talk to Castle about her fears who else was left?

"I do miss my dad," she admitted quietly, tears springing to her eyes, "but I don't miss the man he's become."

Castle nodded in understanding, "Would you give him another chance?"

Kate worried her bottom lip, she had asked herself the same question many times before and she wasn't sure what her answer was or should be, "I don't know." She sighed and it was the truth.

"I'm sorry," Castle sighed. "I shouldn't have brought it up, not tonight. I didn't mean to pull you down."

Kate shook her head, wrapping her arms around him, "It's okay. I'm fine."

"Okay," he nodded unconvinced.

"Take me home Castle," she muttered against his neck, "and you can make up for it, by making me forget."

Her eyes sparkled mischievously when she looked at him and Castle was glad he hadn't managed to kill the mood completely.

* * *

"Shhhhh," Castle tried to tame his giggling daughters as they made their way into the bedroom, more or less quietly. He was carrying a tray full of breakfast treats, while Alexis held a bouquet of flowers and Jamie had a gift certificate tucked against her belly.

Castle had let Kate sleep in after they had celebrated way into the early hours of the morning until they had been truly spent and satisfied. He had gotten up early and prepared breakfast while his mother had entertained his girls a bit longer and now the three of them were sneaking around the bed, Martha already gone since she had a rehearsal in the morning. She would meet them later in the afternoon.

Kate felt the mattress dip at her side and blinked one eye open to find Castle looking at her.

"Hey," she smiled broadly up at him and he leant down, placing a kiss way too decent for her taste on her lips, but then she felt the mattress dip on her other side as well and turned to see Alexis and Jamie grinning at her.

"Happy Birthday," they exclaimed together and Castle quickly grabbed the flowers from his daughter's hands while trying not to drop the tray he was balancing in his lap, as the girls flung themselves into Kate's arms.

She laughed, catching them and found herself pampered with kisses from the girls.

"Thank you," she chuckled, kissing them back in return and then settled them at her sides.

"We made breakfast for you," Castle told her proudly, his eyes shining in the brightest blue and he looked like a little boy on Christmas morning.

"Wow," Kate looked at the treats that he spread out in front of them, before he climbed in next to them. "You thought of everything."

He grinned happily at her, his hair still ruffled from sleep and he looked simply adorable. Leaning over Alexis who was sitting in between them, she kissed him and then nuzzled her nose in his neck mumbling, "Now I know why you were so determined to put our clothes back on last night."

He chuckled, "Didn't want to embarrass you on your birthday," he whispered, placing another kiss on her lips. "Happy Birthday."

"Thank you," she smiled and then turned her attention back to Jamie and Alexis, "Are you guys hungry?"

"Yes!" both of the girls exclaimed loudly and Kate covered her ears.

"Okay then let's eat," she instructed as she reached for the first pancake.

An hour later they were sill all lounging in Castle's bed, too lazy to get up, Kate's fingers running circles on Jamie's and Alexis' backs, while Castle's kept running through her hair.

"Kate?" Alexis asked into the quiet.

"Mmm?" Kate hummed.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-three," she replied easily, not seeing the frown on Alexis' face.

"Wow, that's old," she finally stated.

And while Kate gasped in mock shock, Castle laughed so hard he almost fell out of the bed.

"Shut up old man," Kate warned him before a pillow hit him straight in the face.

X~~~~X


	53. Stones in the road

X~~~X

Castle sat at his desk, musing about a new story line when he heard a persistent knock on his front door. With a frown he got up, he wasn't expecting anyone. Alexis and Jamie were playing upstairs, his mother was out with Stewart and Kate was still at work, plus she wouldn't knock - she had a key.

The thought made him smile, since he had given it to her about two weeks ago she had let herself in countless times and it always made his heart skip a beat when he heard her key turn in the lock.

He pulled open the door still thinking of Kate, but the smile quickly fell from his lips when he saw who actually was on the other side.

"Gina?" He gasped, shocked, watching his publisher brush past him into the living room. "What are you doing here?"

"What is this?" She asked, sounding pissed and not answering his question, instead pushing the _New York Ledger_ into his chest.

He took the paper and stared at it before looking back up at Gina not sure what she expected from him.

"Page Six," she instructed, when he didn't move to open the paper, keeping her eyes on him while she sat down on one of the barstools at the kitchen counter.

With a shaky breath and the growing clarity that nothing on Page Six could mean anything good for him, Castle opened it_._

What he saw was worse than he'd expected.

_**One of New York's most eligible bachelors off the market?**_

The article not only dealt with musings about his current relationship status but also with the possible love triangle between him, his publisher Gina Cowell and Kate Beckett, a NYPD officer who also seemed to be the mother of his - so far - unknown second child.

What made things even worse was the fact that the whole article was peppered with pictures - pictures of him, Kate, Jamie and Alexis and of him and Gina having lunch, looking very intimate as he leant across the table to whisper something in her ear.

His wide, shocked eyes lifted from the article and met Gina's across the room.

"It's tomorrow's _Ledger_," she informed him. "I have a friend who's working in the editorial department and she gave me the heads up. Is this true? Is the girl your daughter?"

He stared at Gina, his heart hammering in his chest and he didn't know what else to tell her but the truth. There was no other way, not anymore.

"Kate," he started, letting the newspaper drop on the coffee table and sitting down on the couch, looking very much in distress, "She's – I'm the father of her daughter and we're together, yes."

"And you're filing for shared custody for the girl?" Gina asked, a fact that had also been discussed in the article.

"Jamie, her name is Jamie and yes, we are." He said with a sigh, trying to figure out how someone could have found out. They had a court appointment in two weeks and hoped to have everything settled before Christmas but his lawyer had told them that it wouldn't be made public.

"We?" Gina raised her eyebrows, moving closer to him. "Her mother is okay with it?"

"I just told you we're together," he said agitated, not understanding why Gina was questioning Kate's approval or commitment in this, or why she felt she had the right to ask at all.

"That you did," she said quietly, eying him carefully for a moment. "How long have you known?"

"We ran into each other in August," he told her, "I hadn't seen Kate in over two years and there she was with that little girl who looked so much like me. We had a rocky start but -," he paused, a small smile playing around his lips, "she's great you know."

"You're serious about her, aren't you?" Gina asked surprised. She had to admit she had never pictured Castle to be the one-and-done type. Not after the failed marriage with Meredith.

"Yes," he affirmed, "I am."

"I see," she nodded slowly and moved off the barstool to sit down on the couch opposite him. "Then why all the flirting when we had lunch?"

"I," he sighed. He knew that one was on him, "I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't sure I could tell you about me and Kate and I thought flirting with you would throw you off course." He admitted, suddenly very much ashamed of his behavior.

A small smile played around Gina's lips as she looked at him, "I knew something was up."

"You did?" Castle asked surprise, his eyebrows shooting up.

"You were way too eager," she chuckled. "I knew you didn't mean it."

"I'm sorry Gina," he apologized, "it wasn't right to treat you like that."

"You know, you could have just told me you're not interested," she said with a shrug, staring nervously at her hands, folded in her lap, "despite what you might think of me, I'm not a bitch."

"I don't think that," he immediately shot back, but knew it was exactly what he had been thinking back then. Now, he wasn't so sure anymore, "You're a bit intimidating." He admitted carefully.

"Good to know," Gina laughed and then stared at him for a moment before she asked, "What do you want to do now?"

Castle let his hand run over his face, "I have to talk to Kate. We haven't really discussed going public and I have to admit I wasn't prepared for this." He pointed at Page Six. "And I should have."

"I called Paula," Gina said carefully, knowing Castle wouldn't be thrilled about it, "because one thing is sure, we have to do something. This story doesn't look good for any of us."

"She's on her way?" Castle asked. The last thing he wanted to deal with right now was Paula. He needed to talk to Kate first. He couldn't make any decisions without her.

But it was already too late, because the sharp, hysteric knock on the door could only belong to his agent.

* * *

Kate opened the door to the loft, half expecting to run into the girls and Castle transforming the living room into a space ship or whatever they had come up with this time, but instead she was met with an unusual silence. The living room looked deserted and she wondered if Castle and the girls were not home at all. She was about to call out for them when her eyes caught sight of the open newspaper on the coffee table.

The familiar looking faces caught her attention and when she stepped closer, she realized who she was looking at and reached for the paper with shaking hands.

Her heart stopped when she saw the pictures of herself and Jamie, of Castle and Alexis and the ones of Castle and a blond woman she hadn't seen before but whom Castle seemed to be very familiar with. It was Gina Cowell, his publisher.

The picture was taken earlier this month and Kate suddenly had a dark apprehension. It had been taken on the day Castle had had a business meeting and hadn't called her all day. He had never mentioned that he had dinner with his publisher. A beautiful, blond woman that looked so much more sophisticated than herself. Looking like a woman that belonged on the side of a bestselling author.

Her heart fell and her hand which was still holding the newspaper sank down to her side. She noticed Castle's closed office door through which she could hear muffled voices, one of them without any doubt belonging to Castle, the other to a woman.

"Rick, I always warned you that this would happen one day," the woman said.

"It's not like that," she heard Castle's angry reply.

"Rick don't be stupid, open your eyes," the woman tried to convince him.

Kate stared at the closed door and then she saw it swing open, Castle rushing out, Gina Cowell on his toes.

"Kate," Castle stopped dead in his track staring at her while she was still holding page six in her hands.

Kate was looking from Castle to Gina and back, the paper slipping out of her fingers as she turned on her heels and stormed out the door.

"Kate!" Castle called after her, sprinting toward his front door and down the hall, before he remembered that he couldn't leave Alexis and Jamie alone. He turned back, rushing back into his living room, "Paula, you have to stay with the girls for a moment."

He didn't wait for his agent to answer, knowing she would object and just hurried out the door again and toward the stairs, but when he hit the pavement Kate was gone. He looked left and right, but she was nowhere to be found. He pulled out his phone, trying to call her but she didn't answer.

Defeated he returned to his apartment with his head hanging down only to be met with Paula's shrill voice. At least it seemed as if the girls hadn't noticed anything.

"Rick, what do you want to do about that article?" Paula asked impatiently, not caring in the least what happened to the woman Castle had gone after. For all she knew, that Kate was simply a gold-digger.

"I have to talk to Kate first," he growled, grabbing for the phone to call his mother.

"So you've been telling me for the past fifteen minutes, but she just stormed out the door and we are running out of time here. If we want to have a statement out by tomorrow I gotta get on it now," she told him.

He just ignored her while he waited for his mother to pick up the phone, praying she was home.

"Hello," she greeted him a few seconds later.

"Mother I need you to come over and watch Alexis and Jamie for me," he more or less barked into the phone.

"Richard? What's going on?" Martha asked, immediately concerned by her son's tone.

"It's an emergency, Kate -," he stopped, "I have no time for this right now. Can you just come over asap."

Sensing her son's distress Martha decided it was best to just tell him what he needed to hear. There was time for explanations later, "I'm on my way."

"Thank you," he sighed, relieved before hanging up and starting to pace the room as he dialled Kate's mobile phone again. This time it went straight to voice mail.

"Rick," Paula tried to get his attention again, but he kept ignoring her. He couldn't deal with her right now. He knew in her own special way she was only looking out for him, but he needed Kate.

"Paula," Gina stepped in, touching the other woman's shoulder, "Let him sort this out and then he can call you. Tell you what he wants to do."

Paula swirled around, "Shouldn't you have an interest in getting this story out of the papers as soon as possible as well?"

"I do," Gina agreed, "but there's nothing we can do to stop this. The _Ledger _will print it tomorrow, no matter if we have a statement ready or not."

Paula was still foaming but she had to realize that Gina was right, "Okay, but you call me tonight Rick. Do you hear me?"

He nodded, sending her a scolding look. He couldn't care less about the _Ledger, _all he wanted was to find Kate and talk to her.

Paula grabbed her purse and headed out the door without as much as a goodbye to either Rick or Gina and the last thing they heard was the door shutting behind her with a loud bang.

Gina grabbed her coat from the back of the couch as well, approaching Castle who was still pacing the living room like a caged animal, only stopping when her hand came to rest on his arm.

"Good luck, Rick," she said, leaning up and placing a soft kiss on his cheek. "I'm sure you'll work it out."

He swallowed, knowing he owed Gina an apology, but he didn't know what to say. She had every right to be angry with him.

"It's okay," she let him off the hook. "I'm a big girl. No hard feelings."

"Thank you," he sighed.

She nodded and with one last squeeze of his arm she headed for the door.

* * *

Castle was still pacing the living room, having tried to call Kate numerous times but only reaching her voice mail, when his mother came rushing through the front door.

His head shot up, their eyes meeting across the room as Castle came toward her.

"What on earth happened, Richard?" Martha demanded to know and Castle wordlessly grabbed for tomorrow's paper, handing it over to her.

"Did Kate read this?" She asked after skipping through the article and the tortured look on her son's face was answer enough. "Richard what happened between you and your publisher?"

"Nothing!" He exclaimed, frustrated that his mother would even ask, "It was just lunch."

"This doesn't look like _just _lunch," she said tapping the picture of him and Gina, sitting very close, laughing about something and looking very intimate.

He ran a hand over his frustrated face, he knew what it looked like, "It's not like that. Look I need to talk to Kate first, I don't have time for this right now."

"Where is she now?" Martha asked, putting the paper down, having seen enough.

"I don't know," he growled. "She ran out, I ran after her but she was already gone. I just need to explain everything to her. And then we have to decide how we want to deal with this shit."

"Do you think it will be this easy?" Martha frowned, but he didn't get to answer.

"Daddy?" Both adults shot around when they heard Alexis' small voice, finding her watching them from the top of the stairs. "Is Kate gone?"

"No, Pumpkin," Castle vehemently shook his head, knowing what kind of memories the situation must bring back to her, "No, everything is fine. I promise."

He could see she didn't believe him, her eyes filling with tears and Martha quickly made her way up the stairs to gather the girl in her arms.

"Let's go back upstairs and see what your sister is up to, come on." Martha shot her son a look that told him he'd better fix this fast and the minute Martha and Alexis disappeared upstairs he grabbed his coat and was out of the door.

X~~~X

_**AN: Thought it was time to shake things up a bit. Don't want you to get bored.**_


	54. Swings

X~~~~X

Castle had been knocking on her door for minutes but didn't get an answer. He finally pulled out his own key, the one Kate had given to him two days after her birthday and opened the door to let himself in.

Her apartment looked deserted, no signs of her being here in the past hour at all and he started to worry. If she wasn't home, where did she go? He knew with every passing minute there was the chance Kate would pull further away from him, making it so much harder to get her to listen if she retreated back to the shell he had coaxed her out of over the past months.

He looked through every room just to make sure and then left a note on her kitchen counter, begging her to call him when she got home before stepping out and back on the street again.

He called the precinct, Cynthia and even Esposito and Lanie but none of them had heard from her or knew where she might have gone.

He hadn't wanted to get them involved but he just didn't know what else to do. In the end he was left with no other choice but to go back home and hope she would show up, hopefully sooner than later.

He passed the courtyard with the small playground they had been to so many times in the beginning, when Jamie and he had started to build their relationship and in the fading daylight he almost missed the lonely figure sitting on one of the swings.

"Kate," he breathed, when he recognized her silhouette and stopped in his tracks, before turning on his heels and entering the courtyard.

Castle crossed the playground, careful not to startle Kate when he sat down on the swing next to her.

"Kate?" He said quietly, but she didn't move, nor did she acknowledge his presence in any other way, she simply kept staring at the ground in front of her.

"Kate, please. Let me explain." He said gently, "It's not what it looks like. I swear."

This time she did look at him and he could see she had been crying, her eyes red, her cheeks tear-stained and it broke his heart. She had been disappointed often enough in her life, he didn't want to add to it.

"Gina and I had lunch," he started, when she kept silent, "after the meeting I had at Black Pawn a couple of weeks ago. I knew she was interested in me and I would have declined, but she said she wanted to talk about a new offer from Black Pawn, a new contract. I didn't know how to say no when she made it sound like a business lunch."

Castle knew none of this actually explained what could be seen on the pictures so he quickly went on, he didn't want to give her the chance to retreat from him in any way. At least not any further than she might already have.

"She wanted to know why I was so determined not to go on that book tour Paula wanted to set up and she suspected I might have met someone."

"And what? You couldn't simply confirm her suspicion without going into detail?" Kate interrupted him, her voice bitter and he quickly shook his head.

"Well it sounds quite simple now I know," he agreed with her, "But Kate we had never talked about it and you always seemed so determined not to go public. I didn't know if I was allowed to simply tell her that; Yes, I have found someone, someone who on top is the mother of my youngest daughter. And I didn't know if she would leave it at that, if she wouldn't start to pry. I just didn't know what to do," he sighed. "I panicked."

"And your answer to panic was to flirt with her?" Kate's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes and believe me I know how stupid it sounds now. But right in that moment I didn't come up with a better plan to throw her off. You know how I get when I feel cornered, I do stupid things."

A small smile played around her lips. She knew how he could get when he didn't know what to do. They were both very good at taking impulsive actions.

"Apparently I didn't do a good job though," he went on, hoping to lighten the mood a bit further after seeing Kate softening.

"How so?" Kate asked and for the first time her tone didn't sound defensive.

"Gina saw right through it. She said I was way too eager for her to believe I was really into her. She saw right through my fake-flirting." He glanced over at Kate, hoping she would believe him.

"Why was she at the loft?" Kate asked still wary, but at least she seemed to be willing to sort things out.

"A friend gave her the tip that the story would be in tomorrow's _Ledger_. Gina wanted to know if it was true and what we wanted to do about it. That's why Paula was there as well," Castle told her honestly.

"Wait, Paula was at the loft?"

"Yes," he nodded. "She was still in my office when you stormed out."

"Oh," Kate breathed, surprised, "And this will be in tomorrow's paper, it's not from today?"

Castle nodded.

"I see," Kate mumbled.

"Kate," Castle spoke soft, "there's nothing between me and Gina. She's not even my type."

"Isn't she?" Kate furrowed her eyebrows, "because you used to date a lot of women just like her."

"And?" Castle frowned.

"You seemed to have enjoyed yourself quite a lot back then, whenever I saw you in the tabloids and I just can't help but wonder if this will be enough for you," she vaguely gestured at herself, before she let her hands drop back into her lap, "You and Gina you seem to make so much more sense on paper," she swallowed.

"Kate," Castle sighed, "you know me. Do you really think I'm the guy you've seen in the tabloids?"

"No," she shook her head without hesitation. "But -," he cut her off.

"No buts. That's not who I am. Most of these dates were arranged by Paula and she thought that the blonde type would look good next to me on the red carpet," he stood up, the swing shaking violently behind him as he kept talking, "You have no idea how many times I've sneaked out of these events and headed home to watch Alexis sleep. It's part of the job, putting on a show for the press, for the book sales and I did enjoy myself from time to time, yes. But I would never trade it for what we have. I would never give up a single day with you, Jamie and Alexis for it, never."

She kept silent, clearly affected by his words and it was Castle who finally started talking again as he retrieved his seat next to her on the swings.

"Paula wants to prepare a statement, but I told her I had to discuss it with you first." He spoke softly.

Kate studied him, his eyes content and sincere on hers and she knew he had meant every word he said, "Okay," she finally breathed. "Okay."

Neither of them moved, the night falling around them and the air getting chillier with every passing minute.

"What now?" Kate finally asked, still a bit wary. Somewhere deep down she had known he wouldn't betray her but still, it had hurt to see him like this with another woman, a woman that was so different from her and she couldn't yet let go off those dark emotions that had been stirred inside her.

And then there were the pictures of them, pictures that by tomorrow would be seen by millions of New Yorkers and she didn't think she was ready for that.

"How about we go home, put the girls to bed and then we sit down and talk about what we want to do?" He suggested, not wanting to pressure her, but thinking they needed to get out of the cold.

"Who's with the girls?" Kate asked, knowing Castle wouldn't leave them on their own.

"Mother came over," he reassured her.

"What do you think we should do?" Kate asked after another moment of silence, changing the topic again while getting up from the swing, her bones stiff from sitting in the cold for too long. "About the article I mean."

"I think," he started slowly, "I think we should come clean. Paula could prepare a statement in which we confirm our relationship and my fatherhood to Jamie. Hopefully that will be boring enough for the press to drop the story," he said, while falling into step beside her.

"There's no way to stop this, right?" She looked at him, watching him shake his head.

"I wouldn't know how and Kate at one point we would have had to make it official anyway," he said, suddenly fearing there was much more at stake than he had thought so far.

"You're right, you're right," she shook her head, but she didn't seem to be convinced, "it's just a lot to take in."

"I know and I'm sorry," he said.

"I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have stormed out," she sighed. "I just saw Gina and - ,"she shook her head, "I don't know, it feels so natural to run away rather than to listen to an answer I might not be prepared to hear. It was just -," she left the sentence unfinished.

"Too much," he ended it for her.

"Yes," Kate nodded, "I would have come back tough. You know that, right? I would have come back if you hadn't found me first."

"I tried to call you," he said, because it still stung that she didn't answer and watched her lift her phone so he could see the display, which was pitch black.

"The battery died when I left your place," she shrugged, "I would have answered. I would have probably yelled at you, but I would have answered."

"Good," he grinned and watched her reach for his hand, her fingers circling around his, "Let's go home, Castle."

* * *

They walked back into the loft together, the living room once again deserted and dark as Castle called out for his mother.

The actress appeared on top of the stairs, a broad smile on her lips when she saw both of them and she hurried down to meet them.

"Alexis and Jamie are in bed," she informed while leading Kate and Castle over to the kitchen counter. "Jamie is fine, already fast asleep. I'm not even sure she noticed something was up but I think you need to talk to Alexis."

Castle who was already pushing off the counter at his mother's words, was stopped by her hand on his shoulder, "Not you," her eyes landed on the woman beside him, "Kate."

"Mother," he warned her, but Martha just ignored him.

"No," she shook her head, "this needs to be said." She stated firmly, determined to speak her mind.

"Now - this is not about who's wrong or right here. Both of you are experts when it comes to making things messy." Martha could see her son glaring at her, but she simply went on, "You two are the grown-ups in this household and it's not acceptable that my granddaughter has been crying in her room for the past two hours because you have a habit of running away when things seem to get complicated." Martha gave Kate a pointed look and the younger woman hung her head.

"I know you're young and I know you've been through more than anyone should have to at your age, or any age for that matter," Martha's tone gentled, "and I'm sure your mother would be very proud of the woman you've become, but my girl up there needs to know you're not leaving her. I know you love her and you have no idea how grateful I am that she has you in her life. But Alexis needs to know she can count on you no matter how things stand between you and Richard, because you're a part of this family now and you'll always be. So you better get up there and fix this."

To Castle's surprise Kate stepped into his mother's open arms, holding on tightly for a moment before she backed away and started for the stairs, "I'll go talk to her," she swallowed, whipping a tear from her cheek.

Castle's eyes followed her up the stairs, watching her disappear around the corner before they flew back to his mother.

"That was -," he stuttered.

"Nothing she didn't already know Kiddo," Martha patted his arm affectionately. "I just wanted to make sure that you two know I have an eye on you."

He sat down heavily on one of the barstools, a deep sigh escaping his lungs as he felt exhaustion hitting him, "Thank you," he said after a moment and then smiled up at his mother.

"You're a good man, Richard. A great son, the best father your daughters could ask for and Kate knows that. And while you sometimes might think you're only making tiny steps forward, you have to keep in mind for Kate they are giant leaps. Look how far you have come already. You two have something very special, just promise me you'll never give up on it."

Martha smiled at him and then found herself wrapped up in his strong arms.

"Thank you, Mother," he whispered into her ear, while hugging her tightly.

"Anytime Kiddo," Martha squeezed back, "I'll leave you two alone now. By the way, Gina and Paula called, Gina just wanted to know if you had found Kate, she will call you tomorrow," Martha stated, "and Paula wants you to call her ASAP, of course." She rolled her eyes, she never had liked her son's agent much.

"Okay," he nodded, with a grin before helping Martha into her coat and guiding her to the door.

* * *

Kate knocked on Alexis' door, poking her head around it to find the girl curled up in her bed.

"Can I come in?" She asked softly.

"Go away," Alexis sniffed and it was all it took for Kate to cross the room and sit down at the girl's side, totally ignoring her request.

"Alexis," she said, her hand gently tugging on the girl's shoulder.

"You're going to leave anyway just like Mommy," Kate heard her sob and it broke her heart.

"Alexis, I'm sorry," she whispered. "I left without thinking that it might worry you and that wasn't okay, but I got scared and when we get scared we sometimes do stupid things. I never meant to hurt you."

"You and Dad are fighting," Alexis mumbled, still turned away from Kate, "Mom and Dad were fighting too and then Mommy left and didn't come back."

Kate's fingers ran through the girl's hair as she slowly started to understand what her actions truly did to Alexis.

"Oh, Alexis," Kate sighed, a single tear falling down her face as she pulled Alexis into her lap and the girl threw her arms around Kate's neck, holding on tight.

"I love you Pumpkin, and I wish I could promise that your Dad and I will never fight and that we will always be together, but I can't do that. I can't make a promise I might not be able keep because no one can say where life will take us."

She felt Alexis' grip tighten.

"But you'll always be Jamie's sister, that is a bond no one can take from you and I promise I will always be there for you and I will always love you, no matter what. Can you understand that?"

She felt Alexis nod into her neck.

"Okay, good. But there's something else I need you to understand. I was scared and I left but I would have come back. I wasn't leaving you or Jamie or your dad, I just needed some time alone to clear my head to think straight again, but I would have come back. I will always come back."

She felt Alexis calm down in her arms, her grip losing a bit, "Why are you scared Kate?"

Kate huffed, leave it to the kid to ask the tough questions.

"You know how I told you about my mom?" She asked, repositioning Alexis in her lap so that they could look at each other.

The girl nodded, "Yes, she's gone too."

"Yeah," Kate smiled sadly, "and when I lost her I changed, you know? I wasn't the same person I was before she was gone and then my dad changed as well and everything fell apart."

"Was he mean?" Alexis asked and Kate held onto her a bit tighter.

"Yes, in some ways he was very mean," Kate tried to breathe against the lump in her throat, "he hurt me just like your mom hurt you by leaving and now I'm afraid to get hurt again and just like you I'm scared that people I love will leave me."

"I will never hurt you and Dad is never mean," Alexis told her and the dam broke. Kate let the tears fall freely, hugging Castle's daughter to her chest.

"I know Pumpkin," she whispered, "I know."

"Can you stay?" Alexis mumbled into Kate's chest after a while.

"Jamie and I are staying the night, yes," Kate managed to get out, while she tried to get her emotions back under control.

"No, I mean can you and Jamie stay every night, like a real family?" the girl asked, playing with Kate's curls. "I already wrote to Santa Claus and told him that all I want for Christmas is you and Jamie being here all the time."

Kate took a deep breath, "Well if anyone can grant a wish, it's Santa Claus, right?"

They held onto each other for a while longer until Kate could feel Alexis falling asleep against her. She gently lowered her down, pulling the covers up over her and kissed her on the forehead.

"Good night Alexis," she mumbled, before she switched off the night lamp and turned to find Castle standing in the doorway, watching her.

She was wrapped in his arms within seconds, breathing him in, glad he did come after her and made her listen, glad that they both had made it back here together without permanent damage.

"Go call Paula," she said after a while and he looked down at her confused, "Tell her what you think is the right thing to do."

"Are you sure?" Castle questioned.

"I trust you," she nodded with a smile. "I'll check on Jamie and then will meet you downstairs."

* * *

Kate found him in his office, still on the phone, his gaze intent on her when she entered the room.

"Okay, thanks Paula. I really appreciate it," he said, his eyes never leaving Kate's. "Yes she's here," he smiled. "I will. Goodnight Paula."

He hung up and Kate walked over to him, leaning against his desk, "What did Paula say?"

"She talked to the editor. They agreed to garble Jamie's and Alexis' faces in the pictures and they won't mention your name if they get the exclusives to the real story." He saw the slightly panicked expression on her face, "Don't worry, we won't be involved. I told Paula the key notes and she will put something together."

"Okay," she sighed, letting him pull her into his lap.

"It's gonna be alright," he reassured her. "In a week no one will talk about it anymore if someone cares at all. We will do the court appointment, get the custody thing settled and then we will enjoy Christmas."

His eyes beamed when he said the last part.

"You're very excited about that, huh?" Kate asked, her fingers playing with the first button on his shirt.

"Wait till you see my decorations," he smirked, but Kate was already kissing it right off his face.

* * *

They crawled into bed an hour later, Kate moving toward Castle the minute he joined her and he gladly pulled her close.

"I would never cheat on you, Kate," he suddenly said, pulling her back to reality when she had already been dozing off.

"I never thought you were _cheating_ on me, Castle," she said pushing herself up a little so she could look at him, but Castle kept staring at the ceiling.

"Meredith did," he said quietly.

"What?" Kate gasped, her hand landing on his chest, where it started to draw soothing circles.

"I came home early one day and found her in our bed getting it on with her director," he kept going. "It's not like I was still in love with her, but it hurt to be treated like that, to have her throw our family away like this. I could never put someone else through that."

"I'm sorry Castle," Kate whispered, placing a kiss against his jaw, another against the corner of his mouth. "I'm so sorry."

"You know I always wanted this, a family and someone to share it with. But most women only want the fame and the money. Not the single dad who wants to go home to watch a Disney movie with his daughter rather than partying the night away. I've not been a saint but I always played fair and all along I hoped I would find someone like you, someone real, who was in it for me - not my money."

"And Meredith? How does she fit in?" Kate asked, stunned by this new side. Here she was thinking she was the only one with trust issues, only to realize that Castle was fighting his own demons.

"We were young and in love and suddenly she was pregnant and I just tried to do the right thing. We were happy for a while, until Meredith decided that our life together wasn't enough anymore. She stayed out all night, flew to L.A. for castings and stayed there for weeks. I realized pretty soon into our marriage we weren't meant to last but I wanted it to work, for Alexis. I wanted for her to grow up in a real family, the one I never had," Castle ended with a sigh, Kate's grip on him tightening.

They both kept staring at the ceiling for a while longer, before Castle huffed out a laugh.

"We are quite the team, huh?"

"Loaded with issues and baggage and doing stupid things on impulse you mean?" She asked, "I clearly win that competition."

He placed a kiss on top of her head, "How about we make a deal?"

"I'm listening." She pushed herself up on one elbow, staring down at him.

"I promise not to make impulsive plans and to think things through from now on – twice," he emphasized, "and you promise that when you get the feeling that everything gets too much, you take a deep breath, count to ten and if you still feel the need to get away, you tell me and I hold down the fort for as long as you need me to if you promise to come back and talk things out."

"Okay," she nodded after a moment, "deal."

"Oh and no more fake-flirting, of course," he added, receiving a major eye roll in return. "Too soon?"

She punched him in the side, but hooked her leg around his at the same time, "I hate this," she sighed against his neck, where she had settled her head.

"What?" He asked, his fingers dancing over the small of her back.

"Being such a mess," she mumbled.

"Hey, hey," he sounded alarmed, "You're not a mess. Don't say that, especially not because of what happened today. I screwed up first."

"Still, your mother is right. We are the adults and no matter what's going on between us -," she stopped. "I hurt Alexis, Castle."

"Well if her mother hadn't abandoned her, she wouldn't think the worst every time someone shuts the door behind them," he stated, sounding bitter. "But that's not your fault."

"But it's certainly not Alexis fault either," Kate sat up, watching Castle follow her movements as he did the same.

"Castle I don't want to mess this up and I've been thinking maybe I should talk to someone? Someone professional. I don't want my past to dominate my future, _our_ future."

Castle nodded slowly, "You mean a therapist?"

Kate shrugged.

"Did you see one after your mother died?" Castle asked, suddenly curious.

"A couple of times, but when things went down with my dad, I stopped," she admitted.

"Did it help?"

"It was an outlet for all the anger," Kate said quietly.

"Kate, that's your decision to make, but whatever you decided I'm right here," he pulled her close and placed a kiss on top of her head. "I'll support you, no matter what."

"I never want to see that hurt look on Alexis' face again," Kate said in her way of an answer.

"God, I love you Kate," the words were rushing out of his mouth before he could stop them and then her lips were on his, leaving no more room for thoughts.

X~~~~X


End file.
